Strike of the Ballerinas
Nicolaas Van Der Waay

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Strike of the Ballerinas
Nicolaas Van Der Waay
ââŠTaking up a glowing cinder with the tongs and lighting with it the long cherry-wood pipe which was wont to replace his clay when he was in a disputatious rather than a meditative moodâŠâ (The Adventure of the Copper Beeches)
a short list of things iâve learned in 20 years of life.
Iâm so thankful to have been alive for 20 years. not just living, but alive. laughing, feeling, loving, and thriving. I have been hurt so many times, and itâs in the darkness that the light shines the brightest, and teaches you the most.Â
1. loving people from a distance is the best thing you can do for yourself. hate will turn your heart cold. you deserve more than that.
2. never stop thanking God for what you experience everyday. blessings come in disguise more often than you think. often, it takes time to reveal the true blessing of things that once broke you.
3. never, ever, ever, act out of emotion. if youâre a huge ass feeler like myself, acting when your emotions are swirling around at an uncontainable capacity may be the worst thing u can possibly do. love yourself enough temporarily walk away from things that need to settle before you discuss them. the people that love you will understand this.
4. learn to love the sound of your feet walking away from something that is hurting you. (not an easy one)
5. assert yourself, with love. even the bluntest conversations can come from a place of love.
6. listen to your mom. your best friends. strangers. the people in your life know you better than you think, and you will save yourself a lot of heartbreak if you do. my mom can sense a bad guy from miles away.
7. if he is giving you mixed signals, do yourself a favor and take that as a no.
8. people cannot fix people. time fixes people. love fixes people. Jesus fixes people. if you enter a relationship with the sole intention to âfix someoneâ stop. you will leave so broken. you have to protect yourself.
9. loving fearlessly and watching out for toxic situations can happen simultaneously.Â
10. become addicted to growth. and bettering yourself.
11. Jesus doesnât ever leave you. you leave him. seek and you will find, and never project your anger to him. he knows your heart and your strengths.
12. the man of your dreams is extremely possible. when you settle, youâre eliminating him. you want to marry Harry styles? there could be a harry 2.0 out there for you, but you settled on chad from sig pi who only texts you after 10 pm.
13. if he only texts you after 10 pm⊠need I say more?
14. people say things they donât mean all the time. fall for actions, not words. people can be pussies.
15. I donât think people really change. deep down, theyâll always be somewhat the same. if someone has hurt you in the past, itâs safe to assume they will again.Â
16. if you find yourself checking a manâs snapscore, consult your therapist.
17. sometimes people are meant to meet each other, but not meant to be together. donât overlook qualities you dislike in someone because youâre holding on to hope that theyâll change. they wonât.Â
18. always be open to new adventures and challenges. you donât know what is in store tomorrow. tomorrow could be the start of a completely new journey.
19. itâs okay to cry, and scream, and feel. feelings are good.
20. we are so lucky to feel. to hurt, to live, to be alive. there are people who donât get that chance, and donât get to live lives like we do. embrace each day, no matter how tough it gets. thereâs such a distinct purpose to your life. know that.Â
peace out
Singinâ In The Rain (1952) dir. Stanley Donen and Gene Kelly
Joan of Arc illustrated by Angela Barrett 1998
âthe role of the artist is to ask questions, not answer them.â
â anton chekhov
âI used heroin for ten years. Â It wasnât a very good life, as youâd expect. Â I had my son taken from me. I lost my job at the Fiat factory. Â I spent all my time trying to find money, find dealers, and stay away from police. Â I hated myself. Â I couldnât face anyone. Â Then one day my friendâs dog had puppies. Â Iâd never had a dog before, but I always liked animals, so I told him to give me the smallest and ugliest one he had. Â The one nobody else wanted. Â And thatâs how I got Joe. Â Joe was the angel of my life. Â We understood each other. Â There was no need for words. Â He followed me around all the time. Â He slept next to me on the street. Â The moment I opened my eyes in the morning he would lick my face. Â He gave me self-esteem. Â I was a complete loser but at least I could take care of Joe. Â I could bring him to the park. Â I could bring him to the vet. Â I could raise enough money to get his medication. Â Heâs the reason I was finally able to quit heroin. Â Because if something happened to me, what would happen to him? Â So I got clean. Â It was hard but I got clean. Â Joe lived for another thirteen years. Â He got a tumor in 2012 and held on a few more months. Â I barely survived it. Â I was able to stay off drugs, but I promised myself that Iâd never get another dog. Â Itâs just too painful. Â But two years ago I found Leica beneath a mobile home. Â She was all skin and bones. Â Sheâd been abandoned. Â I didnât have a choice. Â For the first few months I called her Joe. Â But I had to stop. Â Because Joeâs gone. Â And the name doesnât really matter, anyway. Â It just matters that I love her.â (Rome, Italy)
hi i made a thing because i wanted to
Iâve been wanting to make a Tumblr for play/script/theatre/film recommendations + sort of a blog for my college life/experience as i exist at ccm, so I did.
itâs https://thingswearereading.tumblr.com/
check it out if you want!
A city of stone. Edinburgh, Scotland.
»signs of the times« by anatol knotek
homepage | tumblr | instagram | twitter
Davide Carovana
âI want to be a musical theater actor. Â I have six auditions tomorrow. Â Five the next day. Â Everyone says this, but you really do hear ânoâ everyday. Â Itâs not even a âno,â actually. Â Itâs just silence. Â They never tell you that you didnât get a part. Â You just hear nothing at all. Â Thereâs a website called Audition Update where people post if theyâve gotten a job offer or callback. Â Itâs a way to let everyone else know that they havenât been chosen. Â I used to be on the site all the time. Â I kept refreshing the page for each of my auditions, waiting for someone to post about a callback. Â Then Iâd check my email to see if Iâd gotten one. Â All I ever wanted was to finally be the person who was able to post. Â It was pretty toxic. Â It made me feel inept. Â I could actually see the people who were getting all the jobs I wanted, and rejection became this tangible thing. Â Iâve stopped going on the site. Â Iâm trying to focus more on the process and less on the outcome. Â Iâm taking all the energy that I put into my phone, and putting it into my journal instead. Â I write things that I love about myself. Â I write everything I can remember about each audition: who was in the room, what was said, things I did well, things I could have done differently. Â But once itâs on the paper, I let go of it. Â It helps me stay in the moment. Â And it helps remind me that the whole reason Iâm acting is because I love it.â
âThe world only exists in your eyes. You can make it as big or as small as you want.â
â F. Scott Fitzgerald / The Crack-Up
today my prof said to my class âyou donât truly love someone until theyâve hurt you and you still think of them as the greatest person in the world. Love is the most violent act.â ok ok ok
I live for girls realizing their worth, demanding the respect they deserve and cutting off anything that brings negativity into their lives.
STORY TIME:
I work in a decent sized, local, indie bookstore. Itâs a great job 99% of the time and a lot of our customers are pretty neat people. Any who, middle of the day this little old lady comes up. Sheâs lovably kooky. She effuses how much she loves the store and how she wishes she could spend more time in it but her husband is waiting in the car (OH! I BETTER BUY HIM SOME CHOCOLATE!), she piles a bunch of art supplies on the counter and then stops and tells me how my bangs are beautiful and remind her of the ocean (âWoooooshâ she says, making a wave gesture with her hand)
Ok. I think to myself. Awesomely happy, weird little old ladies are my favorite kind of customer. Theyâre thrilled about everything and theyâre comfortably bananas. I can have a good time with this one. So we chat and itâs nice.
Then this kid, whoâs been up my counter a few times to gather his school textbooks, comes up in line behind her (weâre connected to a major university in the city so we have a lot of harried students pass through). She turns around to him and, out of nowhere, demands that he put his textbooks on the counter. Heâs confused but she explains that sheâs going to buy his textbooks.
He goes sheetrock white. He refuses and adamantly insists that she canât do that. Itâs like, $400 worth of textbooks. She, this tiny old woman, bodily takes them out of her hands, throws them on the counter and turns to me with a intense stare and tells me to put them on her bill. The kid at this point is practically in tears. Heâs confused and shocked and grateful. Then she turns to him and says âyou need chocolate.â She starts grabbing handfuls of chocolates and putting them in her pile.
He keeps asking her âwhy are you doing this?â She responds âDo you like Harry Potter?â and throws a copy of the new Cursed Child on the pile too.
Finally sheâs done and I ring her up for a crazy amount of money. She pays and asks me to please give the kid a few bags for his stuff. While Iâm bagging up her merchandise the kid hugs her. Weâre both telling her how amazing she is and what an awesome thing sheâs done. She turns to both of us and says probably one of the most profound, unscripted things Iâve ever had someone say:
âItâs important to be kind. You canât know all the times that youâve hurt people in tiny, significant ways. Itâs easy to be cruel without meaning to be. Thereâs nothing you can do about that. But you can choose to be kind. Be kind.â
The kid thanks her again and leaves. I tell her again how awesome she is. Sheâs staring out the door after him and says to me: âMy son is a homeless meth addict. I donât know what I did. I see that boy and I see the man my son could have been if someone had chosen to be kind to him at just the right time.â
Iâve bagged up all her stuff and at this point am super awkward and feel like I should say something but I donât know what. Then she turns to me and says: I wish I could have bangs like that but my darn hair is just too curly.â And leaves.
And that is the story of the best customer Iâve ever had. Be kind to somebody today.
F L O R H A L M I S T