Burnt to the Core ♨ Chapter 13 | reader(f) x Firelord Zuko
synopsis: you are firelord zuko's direct attendant. zuko has long reformed the fire nation after ozai's takedown and zuko's assuming of power. but now you had a challenge of your own: your feelings for the firelord. what was just a simple crush turned out to be more trouble than you would have imagined. but it may have been worth it. word count: 4193 warnings: no spoilers of the movie (besides using this gif here + how gaang now looks as adults). WARNING: [M] [TW] SA, violence, sexual topics (i.e, intercourse), cursing, mental/physical disorders (depression/depressive acts) + MDNI authors note: ya'll i am so sorry this part took so long. my life kinda got turned around for a sec, but here's the next chapter <3 ty for your patience and understanding :) also happy avatar movie release!! TAGLIST CLOSED ***ONLY PUBLISHED ON TUMBLR***
It took a lot in Zuko to stay away from you.
But he managed it, and in such a shameless manner. He asked– no, demanded that you take a few weeks to rest. His worry was engraved in every word of his request, and you were too weak to even muster a feeble protest. You let him go, not unscathed but with an out.
But even he could not dismiss the embarrassment that loomed over him. It followed him around like his own shadow, attached at his very outline. But who could really control themselves in a situation like that? The very idea of taking your hand in marriage burned him up. If he remained in your room minutes longer, he likely would have proposed.
But he had to consider everything, especially if it may do you harm to marry someone like him.
Rather than forwardly rejecting you, he opted into just offering you permanent residency and secure life here at the Palace. You need not worry about the rest of your life, as you will be safe and sound under his watchful eye. And there was no need to exchange anything– no need to exert your feelings.
He was satisfied with just you being here, in his vicinity. Zuko could once again triumph through these quiet corridors, knowing that you were awake and recuperating safely. It was enough, he convinced himself, as he forced down the latter of his true feelings.
But hiding this was not simple, especially from his friends. Toph was the first to really grill him, considering her habit of perusing around. She’d always find him in the throne room, ‘working’ away through scrolls. But despite her blindness, she could always hear the silence before her arrival in the room. That was when he’d pick up his quill and begin scribbling away.
Even during meals, she never failed to ask him how you were doing. He’d try to play it off, guessing you were well as he has not gone to visit. But, she was familiar with the pace of his stride, which would always sound in your corridor around the afternoon time every day. She never quite hits it on the nail, as Zuko had already been stressed as is. His behaviors were sufficient for her to conclude an answer.
Sokka was the same, now that Zuko has been a bit more relaxed. He’s joined many training sessions with him and Aang, wanting an excuse away from work duties to just be with his friends and stretch his muscles. ‘How’s the beau?’ Sokka is always teasing, albeit his panting and lack of breath.
Zuko would either ignore him, or respond with, ‘y/n is fine.’ But Sokka was astute, seeing as he was now in a different reactive state. Now that you were fine, Zuko was less stressed but not quite happy. He would press on too, but like Toph, Sokka did not want to add more to his plate.
Aang was in the same dojo, except he took a more direct approach. As they both talk frequently about their future plans to make a centralized hub for all four nations, Aang couldn’t help but notice his friend's shift in feelings. What, with how Zuko would touch his hand frequently, as if he’d developed some sort of anxious tendency. “Is everything okay with you and y/n?” The Avatar would always ask, stepping just barely at the shore of treacherous waters.
Zuko would always smile curtly and nod, not providing any additional details. It was almost like he wanted to avoid you whole, even in conversation. It was such a strange 360, considering how Zuko was acting just days prior. But even Aang knew better than to go any further, considering how things have been with him lately.
Katara was truly the one to sail such dangerous waves.
It has been 2 weeks since he had seen you. The Waiting Ladies would give him updates when he asked, always smiling teasingly in their heads at the way the Firelord worried about you. He tried to be discreet and straight-faced, but his tone always gave him away, whether he knew it or not.
That night, and as always, Zuko arrived first to the dining room. He long changed into his night attire, his robe loosely tied. The linens were practically hanging off him, his collarbones shiny and exposed after having taken a bath.
The Ladies in Waiting quickly face him and bow, to which he immediately asks them not to. “No need to stop and do that,” Zuko softly insists as he walks up to the table. “It’s just me,” he says quietly, grabbing the small stack of places to distribute.
“Firelord Zuko, you do not need to do this,” Lady Kira hums, quickly rushing to take the plates from him.
But he pulls them away from her grasp, not quickly but enough that she cannot reach for them, “I want to help.”
The ladies shuffle in their place, appreciating their leader but still not convinced. “...are you sure, Firelord Zuko?” Lady Kira spoke for them, her voice hesitant. “We do not want to bother you.”
“You ladies have never been a bother,” Zuko hums as he distributes the plates. “In fact, you all do so much for me that I think this is below the bare minimum that I can do for you all.”
They all look at one another, their faces suddenly flush from his compliment. “Th-thank you, Firelord Zuko,” they say in unison before quickly getting back to work and distributing the remaining utensils and cups needed.
As that task gets finished, the majority of the ladies rush off to check on the dinner. Lady Kira always lagged back, knowing Zuko would likely want to ask her about you. And she was right, as she slowly sauntered to the exit, Zuko called back out to her.
“Lady Kira,” Zuko hummed her name, the rasp and anticipated question becoming familiar to her. She turns to face him, curtly bowing.
She offers him a sweet smile, “she’s doing very well. She’s eating more solid food and no longer needs assistance in the bath.” Her answer must have been satisfactory, as Zuko smiled widely before nodding her off.
“Thank you,” he rasps quietly, letting her go. She quickly makes her leave, only to pause and bow to another entering dignitary: Katara. Lady Kira is scarce, leaving the two on their own.
“You should pay her a visit when you can,” Katara’s entering words, immediately making the air a little more dense. Zuko says nothing as he meanders to his seat. He reaches over to the chair beside him, pulling it out just a bit for her to sit. But, she saunters to his other side and takes that seat instead. “Considering how much you pestered me to let you see her.”
She had her hair entirely in this long, delicately done braid. She has changed out to another robe of the many, opting into this fully ruby-red robe with pale red accents. It was quite contrasting her those blue orbs of hers, but the distinction made her look a bit more fierce.
“I will when the time is right,” Zuko responds, pushing in the chair he had initially pulled out for her. “But, she needs rest and I’d rather not interrupt the recovery process.”
Katara stared at him deadpanned, “Zuko, she’s basically completely recovered. She intends to return to your aid tomorrow.”
Zuko remains stone-cold, forcing down every mixed emotion that’s threatening to erupt. He was excited and scared to see you again, considering how he had left things. “I’m glad to hear it,” he struggled out, a hitch catching his throat.
Katara couldn’t be more dumbfounded by Zuko. She knew how stubborn he was, but she did not realize just how far it was willing to go. “Be honest with me here, Zuko,” Katara begins, placing her hands on the table. “Are you scared to see her because she confessed to you?”
Curve it. “Katara, she just woke up from being unconscious for a week,” Zuko says calmly. Under the table, he was rubbing his hands, an anxiety crawling at his bones. “People are easily excitable, especially after situations like this.”
“It’s been two weeks and she still feels this way,” Katara claps back, “she is fully capable of sane and conscious thoughts. What will you reduce that to now?”
He looks away from her for a moment, remaining silent. He was never good with interrogations, especially when it came to things he was mostly foreign to. He swallows before coming up with another excuse, “I am no hero, but perhaps my actions made her view me as such. Gratitude and love are entirely different things.”
“You saved me from Azula all that time ago,” Katara spews, unwilling to take his point, “and if you weren’t aware, I am getting married to Aang.”
“Katara, the Avatar has saved you numerous times before we even met,” Zuko points out, staring at her dead on. Good, she thought. She had finally dented into his feelings just a bit.
“But in your argument of excitability, wouldn’t I have had the same reaction?” Katara points out defiantly. “You can’t keep up with this act, Zuko. I will not accept it.”
“What act?” Zuko questions, his skin suddenly going cold. He could feel his palms become clammy, unable to fight off the feeling of being both hot and cold.
“This whole pretending that you don’t know that she likes you,” Katara glares at Zuko. “How dare you try and reduce her feelings to your proclaimed ‘incapable mind?’”
It’s heavy. Her words were too heavy. “Katara, I don’t want to talk about this right now,” he quickly tries to evade, covering his face with one hand. He didn’t want her to see his face, his expression full of shame. He knew he was in the wrong, but this was no time to get into his feelings that, in his mind, have no say in this conversation.
Katara stands up from her seat, her hands firmly pressed down on the table. “You know what– maybe it’s a good thing you’ve kept from visiting,” Katara says slowly, “because all that girl has done is cry over you.”
Admittedly, that one hurt. The last thing Zuko ever wanted to do was make you cry, especially over breaking your heart. It was not his intention to dismiss your feelings. Truth be told, his desires were opposed to his actions. But, even so…
“Katara, please cut it out already,” Zuko hums quietly. The anxiety was wedged in his throat, threatening to tip him over and completely lose the composure he’s built up. “I beg you…”
“No,” she immediately refused, leaning in to get in his face. “You’re being a coward, and my friend is not a damn coward.”
She finally made him crack. He rose to his feet as well, his shadow taking over her own. His honey eyes burned, and for a moment, all she could see was his teenage self. That familiar cold rage momentarily returned to its throne in the very center of his eyes. “Katara, what the fuck do you want me to say?” He spat, his patience thrown completely out the Palace.
“Tell me you like her, too!” Katara matches his level, her voice rising with his.
“It’s not about me, Katara!” Zuko hissed back, “I’m not doing this for me! This is all for her!”
Katara rolls her eyes, “not being honest and breaking her heart is for her? For her sake? Or let me guess– it’s because you’re the Firelord, and you do not think she can handle that?”
Zuko stood there, his feelings welled up and ready to pour out. His fingertips press down on the table, wanting nothing more than to burn it to ash. “If it did not work out with Mai, it will never work out with anyone!” His words escaped in a gritted-teeth whisper. “How could it work out with y/n?”
His chest heaved, not quite from anger but the surprised relief. Zuko was not happy by any means, but to finally say this gripe out loud made him feel a twinge lighter. It does not change his regrets with Mai, but it does make his chest feel lighter.
She pauses, realizing Zuko is finally being vulnerable. She can’t act like this was not her intention, but she wasn’t a fan of forcing his confession either. Taking her hands off the table, her expression immediately becomes somber. “Zuko…” she begins slowly, treading on the very ice she conjured, “I didn’t know this is how you felt.”
“Yeah, well,” he stubbornly huffs, returning back to his seat. He slumps, looking away to try and conceal his flushed face. “I loved Mai too much to keep her trapped in this life with me. I thought that maybe our paths would intercept without another interruption when I became Firelord. Instead we just… crashed.”
Katara returns to her seat as well, a sympathetic hand finding his forearm, “‘m sorry, Zuko. I know how hard it was after you both had ended the engagement. But…” she almost bit the tip of her tongue, being conscious of her words. “You should not compare y/n to Mai.”
Zuko shrugs, still unable to join her glance. He twitches under her touch, his mind now clouded. He will always trust his friend, even if she triggers these reactions from him. He knows Katara does not mean harm, and would never do anything to harm him. But still, it did not make the situation easier.
“Regardless,” Zuko quickly starts up again, his stress levels attempting to lower. But his chest still heaved, unable to truly stop his heart from racing. “You are partially right… I do not want y/n to live the life I live.” He looked down at the table, knowing his hands underneath were desperately keeping themselves from trembling too hard. “There is no freedom in power when people expect everything from you.”
Katara’s eyes were fixed onto his troubled gaze. It was like he was trying to sort his feelings in real time, right in front of her. “Zuko, don’t you think she has considered that?” Katara suggests softly. “To ask to be courted by the Firelord means she understands she will be marrying the ruler of the Fire Nation, and join you in such a position.”
Zuko stills himself, just for the moment. He needed to regather himself after Katara had messed up his footing. He was able to hold it all in until now, and he needed to get it all bottled in again. He meets Katara’s eyes and gives her a stoic look, “it doesn’t matter. This is not what I want for her. My feelings are not allowed in this matter.”
“And her feelings?” Katara says softly, her voice just hush enough.
Zuko only stays silent, unable to keep up with the conversation any longer. He folded briefly, and could not allow that again. The weight of his troubles only grew bigger, and he needed to prioritize being the Firelord, not a lover boy.
Little did he know the tea-loving man who hid outside the dining room, listening to every word.
✦ . ⁺ . ✦ . ⁺ . ✦✦ . ⁺ . ✦ . ⁺ . ✦✦ . ⁺ . ✦ . ⁺ . ✦
What good was love if it was met with rejection?
Since Zuko had completely dismissed your feelings, you could only remain in your room, recuperating and rotting. Your enthusiasm to heal was at an all time low, and you could care less to start walking again. If it weren’t for Katara and your fellow Ladies in Waiting, you’d be weak, immobile and starved.
But you knew you were beyond bold to even confess in such a way. To explicitly give him permission to court you were not light words, and should not be taken lightly in any regard. Perhaps you should have been a little less at the point, but these were your honest, pure feelings.
You love Zuko.
You knew you did. You knew you loved that he trusted you so much that he would come to your room like a little kid waiting to get his hair done for the day. You loved how considerate he was to you and the Ladies of the Palace, always ensuring they were not overworked. You loved how he always let out a content sigh after his first sip of your tea.
You loved the way the sun kissed his skin at dawn. You loved how intently he would listen to your rambles about herbs and certain flowers. You loved how much he loved what he did, and the people he served. You loved to be part of what made Zuko a phenomenal Firelord.
And, despite how intimidating it sounds, you loved him just that much to join him in doing such a scary job. You have never led a town– what qualifications could you argue that justifies you leading a nation? You did not know, but you were not opposed to learning.
You’ve gotten this far– you can only get further.
As you sat with this prominent pit of sadness in your stomach, you heard a quiet knock against your door. You quickly sit up, your hands immediately finding itself on your head to fix your hair. As you flatten the waves in your sheets, you quickly stammer out, “y-yes?”
“May I come in?” A low, elder voice sounded behind the door. You immediately give him the greenlight, waiting as the door opens. Master Iroh makes himself seen in the doorway, the most heartwarming smile immediately coming your way. “Nothing makes me happier than seeing you well, Lady Sai.”
You quickly bow on your bed, “Master Iroh, good evening!”
He makes his way to the nearby chair (the one Katara is more than familiar with), and takes a large breath out when he sits. He looked at the kettle that sat on your bedside table and gave it a curious eye, “any tea left in there?”
You nod, “absolutely.” You reach over, and prepare a cup for him. He lets you, despite not wanting to force yourself. From the first look at you, he knew better than to push you any further down the ditch you’ve dug yourself in.
Your eyes were sunken and swollen somehow, a shade of pink unrelenting around your eyes. Your face was bloated even due to how many tears you’ve shed. And even the glow in your eyes had dulled.
You reach out, offering the tea cup to him, “for you, Master Iroh.”
“I thank you kindly,” he replies back, taking a happy whiff of the steam. He holds it for the time being, allowing the tea to cool. “How are you feeling?”
You nod weakly, your words (mostly) honest, “‘m well. I’m looking forward to getting back to serving the Firelord tomorrow.”
His eyes widened with surprise, seeing as you were still a bit bedridden, “are you sure? You know you can take all the rest you need.”
You shake your head slowly, a bit of your hesitance showing in your motion, “I should not be out of service for so long. I work for the Firelord, and he needs all his attendants.”
Master Iroh lifts one eyebrow, giving you a good, curious look, “has my nephew reprimanded you for taking these days of rest?”
Shaking your head quickly, you shake your hands in the air, “n-no! In fact, he was the one who allowed me to take such time… he was quite insistent, I promise you.”
Master Iroh had to keep himself from chuckling. Seeing young people dancing around reciprocated feelings was always a guilty pleasure of it. It was particularly satisfying when one of those people was his very own nephew.
And it was more fitting that Zuko was dishonest when it came to your confession. He always had trouble being able to follow his heart and express himself, considering the family dynamic he was given. Even so, Master Iroh figured he’d grow out of it after his time with his friends and becoming the Firelord.
But as he watches your flushed face and stoic eyes, Master Iroh realizes that he could not leave Zuko alone. He was never going to, but he never thought he’d have to interfere in his more intimate feelings. That forced his laughter out, earning a confused head tilt from you.
He waves at you, calming your potential qualm, “just remembering something, please do not mind me.” A gentle, worn hand reaches for his tea, and he gives it an appreciative whiff before taking a sip. “y/n, I would like to ask you something, if you are comfortable and willing to answer.”
The air suddenly becomes serious, you could feel it. The tension made it so dense, you thought your lungs would go dry. But, you trusted Master Iroh. You could not imagine that he would interrogate you or get upset at any answer you give, even if it is not his preferred response.
“Ask me anything, Master Iroh,” you say quietly, your voice teetering hesitation. You force down a swallow, “I will answer the best I can.”
He offers you a small smile, “I appreciate that.” Putting the cup down, he leans in a little bit closer to you. Your eyes follow his hands, and the way he goes to hide them quietly in his large sleeves. “What are your feelings for my nephew?”
You’re immediately taken aback by his ask. The first thought was to lie and say the usual thing any attendant would say about the Firelord. But, after Master Iroh allows you a few minutes to be pensive, you realize something; he already knows.
You squint your eyes at him, unsure what he was trying to play at. But, considering your very fresh rejection from the Firelord, there was no use or benefit to lying. You also did not need to be so forward, “why do you ask, Master Iroh?”
The older man looks amused at your question, as you knew where he was getting at. “Well,” he huffs, adjusting his sitting, “it has come to my attention that you have offered your hand in courtship to him.”
You don’t meet his eyes. Rather, they dull and find themselves fixed on the ripples of your pooled sheets. It wasn’t so much embarrassment, albeit the red hue blurred on your cheeks. It was just the reminder that your own boldness was rewarded with rejection rather than reciprocation.
“That… is correct, Master Iroh,” you hum quietly, your fingers anxiously twiddling with one another. “I apologize… it is disrespectful to the Royal Family.”
“Disrespectful?” Master Iroh’s eyes lift up completely, appalled by your words. Your breath hitched, hoping you did not add more fuel to the fire. “Sweet girl, I could not be more overjoyed that you have such feelings reserved for my nephew.”
“Huh?” You tilt your head again, confused like a mutt being offered food.
“I suppose it’s my turn to apologize to you,” Master Iroh begins, his voice lifted and much softer than before.
This was the moment that Master Iroh admitted to scouting you for another reason besides getting Zuko a personal attendant. When he had gone in search of a personal attendant, he was really keeping in mind a good woman for his nephew to court. But, he knew it could not be any woman.
“To enjoy tea means to be patient,” Master Iroh continues, his hand once again occupied by the warm cup of tea you served him. “Any woman can be beautiful, kind, and loyal but for my nephew, she needs to be extremely patient.”
You finally speak, though your voice was as low as a mouse, “but why? Zuko is… really easy to love.” You admitted it directly. You love him. Even your heart hastened from the confession, though it knew to go steady as the man you had feelings for was not before you.
Master Iroh smiled, his heart giddy from your warm words, “my nephew has become an incredible man, despite his upbringing. He has grown, but he is not perfect.”
“That’s okay,” you add slowly, “nobody is perfect in this world.”
“I agree,” Master Iroh concurs, his eyes filled with admiration towards you. “But, Zuko still has quite a way with sorting his own feelings. Especially if he is so willing to reject you to conceal them.”
You blink a few times before questioning his words, “do you mean to say that he…?”
Master Iroh looks at your perplexed face and begins to laugh. It was so hardy, you were sure his lungs would pop out. He offers you his free hand, with you carefully putting yours on it. “You’ve done the hard part,” Master Iroh praises, his grip just barely holding you, “let me do the rest for you.”
You had no idea what Master Iroh was plotting. But, you knew even less about how he’s already enacted his scheme. And it began with a few letters already leaving the Palace.
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chapter 14 is coming along nicely. hopefully you can all read it soon when its done!
