don't mind me, i'm rambling...

an attempt at encapsulating my mind, brain, and consciousness <3 https://www.pinterest.com/rah_nji/

[dreamstars]

[rahsrambling]

on nuclear proliferation...

i wonder if the usa's policing of other countries' nuclear divisions has not been because we "got their backs" or the threat of nuclear fallout, but rather because more countries research on nuclear energy and its tangible uses to humans, the more they abandon on the depends of oil, coal, gas energies that america and some other strong hegemonial powers advocate (as a favor to their donors, the companies)

just a thought...

[rahsrambling]

so today is the day of the days to come!

while on my deathbed, suffering from my body's internal battle to cleanse me (i was sick n fight that off, while pmsing to my next period...i was pissed and in pain)

i had to do some thinking because I reflect best when I'm with my family, when I am depressed and down. they lift me up fr. when I'm back on campus, especially after being bedridden and frail, the worry of the school escaped, me...i just wanted to be around love while i was at a bad moment in life. def healed me :) But now I'm back at school, and I must deal with the realities of assignments and academic duties, and i usually am always on top of that during small breaks >: but wtv.

i gotta lock in, i gotta get back to physical fitness...life goes on, ive healed emotionally, now its times time to recover physically...bc, this is the final stretch and things have been well so far, so we will pick back up the momentum ;) but yep, ate good, moved good, and had good conversations from loved ones, its time to pick back up the stride.

from now (and into the night because i have made catch up and homework to do still...) and tomorrow, i cannot walk with a weak mindset anymore, its done. im in beast mode because we owe it to ourselves and everyone who believes in you. >:)

to anyone who is reading, i write more "tactfully" on www.speakeasyyyyyyyy.com and substack (again soon) under the same name...because idk, if i am to be known best, it would be through writing and conversation.

[rahsrambling]

bruh maybe i just decided to get on tumblr bc my lana playlist is playing...girl bye, shut up LMAO

[rahsrambling]

honestly, im prolly gonna abandon my other socials and fully migrate back to tumblr soon...

i dont care for many eyes on me anymore, nor do i think people care much about my life either. the only thing holding me back is i do have some ppl im plotting on on there...ill probably just check on them once a week or something LOL.

[rahsrambling]

i feel like people forget about me sometimes, but i can never forget about them. it always me reaching out, me inviting, me checking up, me noticing things...idk, i think im reaching that point of personal seclusion. im kinda done overextending myself to make sure others are accommodated and well adjusted, no one gives me that same grace in return, so why must i?

my absolute language is just a display of my current emo-ness. some people do extend that same grace to me in the ways that they can, i appreciate and love them, ill keep giving them my undying care. but the rest, idk, you will have to catch me when you can, because frankly, im over it. you can't say you miss me or "we don't ever see each other" when i have been making countless efforts to bridge that gap, and you just send superficial remarks of appreciation.

its cool anyways, im graduating soon, leaving this country soon. whoever sticks around, sticks around.

[emceeglamor]

guys!! my full makeup routine is posted on youtube! i put my whole pussy into editing this video and lost half of my clitoris so i really hope u guys enjoy!!! im rly proud of this one😊

[rahsrambling]

ive been waiting...

i don't quite know what for, but i feel like something is coming. and i thought that i was comfortable with the wait, but as time keeps passing and days come and go, i find myself living for the wait, and frankly, its consumed me. the ability to stay positive is a great skill, but its an overall numbing one. constantly having to tell yourself that "it'll get better" or "it's out of my control" and constantly changing your perspective because you can't change your surroundings is so incredibly healing but not at the same time. what if i just want to stop convincing myself of a spiritual awakening coming and just have one now. i mean, my awakenings have never been predictable and when they came i wasn't open to their forthcomingness, but i accepted them eventually. how come they happened when i wasn't okay with waiting, but rather terrified of time slipping away, so i filled my days up with the terrible comfort of routine. nowadays, my routine doesn't satisfy me, but i can't do anything about it, so i wait for my environment to change because im tired of having to change. must every year feel like a marathon to the next? i hope not.

but alas, i still can't do anything but wait. i guess i could live, relish in my discomfort without masking it as positivity in disguise. i could cry more, i don't know why i feel like i can't. i should cry more, i should be alone more, i should say no more, i should get angry more, i should smile less, i should allow myself to want more, i should stop waiting and just live. lmao, this is still me coping, but thats all i can do until i get awakened into a greater feeling and state than before. ive done it then, and it'll happen again. i'll wait, but i won't look at the clock anymore.

[zegalba]

In The Mood For Love (2000)

[rahsrambling]

i became an absurdist the day i became a feminist....

for men are the most absurd thing. their emphasis that is. their emphasis is emphasized onto me, encroaching my being, forcing a meaning to my life. i don't know life but im supposed to know life. i dont know love but im supposed to know that love will come from man, in a form of a relationship, a creation with him to make child. a man is all i need to live. their emphasis is my meaning. without man, i have no meaning...

without man, i have no meaning...no man, no meaning. how scary it sounds. a life with no meaning; what is life then? what is love then? how do i peel apart the layers of this stinging onion of a question when every peel wells me with a sorrowing feeling of ripping myself open to my very core. no one has seen it, my core that is, including me...and i don't wish to see it, for i would have cried too much before "she" ever shows herself. this search for meaning, with man and without man, its painful. must i suffer eternally to keep finding this meaning?

we constantly desire rationality to our beings, an explanation for us. we are forced to look out to look in. for women a man is the explanation of us. why we love, why we create, why we are beautiful, why we ache, why we break free, why we revolt. a man's being is for women to take on their own, whether as socialized or as radicalized. i argue that when we strip this need for self identification and meaning through the superficial things disposed at our senses, we find that meaning is one to be felt not discovered. men don't have meaning, they don't have emphasis to be pushed onto a woman's being. women don't have meaning, there's no emphasis being forced upon us, so we all, as humans, just are and just do. i don't find that scary...to just be. be what you ask? be me? who is me? i am me, and thats enough. i am not an onion to be peeled and have my core exposed, whether self-inflicted or not. i do not need my core to be seen to feel, for it's felt through the layers of my being. we aren't meant to be discovered or meant to discover, we are here to feel, feel, feel. feel in the midst of this strange unknown, not think, but simply let our core's shine through the complicated nature of our beings.

without man i have no meaning. what a beautiful way to start to live.

[rahsrambling]

i still, i still love you! i still, i still love you! i still, i still love this song!

my high school coworker played this song during closing and i got reminded just how magical of a duo steve lacy and fousheé are!

like their love (romantic or platonic) just radiates off each other and creates some of the best music on earth!

makes me think about how my fine shyt gets me feeling

[rahsrambling]

its 2025, and people are still using the r slur...like im sorry but how ignorant and uneducated do you have to be to still use that word.

you are literally using a slur, directed or not, its a slur.

there are soooo many other words you could use, your really choosing the one thats a slur...telling

also, even if it not directed, you could be saying it around someone with an intellectual disability and they could get offended by it.

and if you are still using it whilst knowing all of this, then shittt

[deathstaaar]

Sade

[inthetwilightzone]

[culthorrorfilms]

The Twilight Zone “The Obsolete Man”

[rahsrambling]

literally love the twilight zone down! it was truly either ahead of it's time or the same shit just keeps happening...

[existennialmemes]

Listen, if a Bad President can come in and take away our rights and we're dependent on a Good President replacing them in four years to give us back our rights, then we do not have any rights.

If politicians can take or distribute them, then they're not "inalienable" and they're not "rights."

We don't have inalienable rights we have conditional privileges, divvied out according to the whims of whoever currently holds the reins.

And if we want to have actual rights, then we must build a system in which no one has the power to take them away to begin with.

[shopping4images]

[nudityandnerdery]

Remember: the more difficult you make it for them to realize a report is false, the more useless you make the portal.

[alicewhimzy]

GO FORTH AND SEW THE SEEDS OF CHAOS! FLY MY PRETTIES! FLY! 🤡😈