y'all have seen the article so here's my story:
This is gonna be a tldr sry bout that đ« cw: abuse mentions/sa/drugging
------How it all started:
I decided to meet a guy at a bar that I had been chatting with online about hypnosis because I was curious. It led to me being sucked into an insanely abusive situation. He met the other girls the same way and some of them like me were also creators/very experienced in kink outside of hypno. Some of them were also experienced in kink & hypno and even with their knowledge on safety got sucked into the same situation.
At the time my life was pretty stressful and I was looking for new ways to unwind. I had been interested in mindfulness for years/used to teach classes on meditation & things and I was curious about hypnosis. I didn't think hypnosis actually worked or that it was real at the time. While we were getting drinks he offered to show me what a vanilla session felt like and took me back to his office after hours to hypnotize me. I didn't take any extra precautions/wasn't nervous because I truly didn't think hypnosis would work and really just wanted to confirm that it was placebo or social pressure that got people to do things. I also felt pretty confident that I had control over my mind after years of meditating daily and wasn't too worried someone could fuck with my head in any malicious way. Surprisingly the hypnosis worked, unsurprisingly the session didn't stay vanilla and he took advantage of me that first night after trancing me for hours and never taking me out of trance to have any distinct check in before starting to make things sexual...and he ofc used manipulation and gaslighting and hypnosis to convince me I wanted it/initiated what happened.
I wasn't upset when I got home later and I was excited to listen to the audio file he gave me to assist with sleep (ofc I found out later it wasn't for that/he gave it to a few girls after first meet for same reasons.) I was also excited to try doing another session with him again and having him turn my mind off again because I truly hadn't felt so relaxed in yearsss even when meditating. The fact I had 0 intention of playing with this person that night/that I wasn't physically attracted to him/that he didn't stop to ask me about my limits or safe words before initiating sexual play etc didn't even cross my mind or concern me and it wasn't until sometime later that I would realize why I felt that way or why what he did wasn't okay or normal or acceptable.
Fast forward 2 years he gathered 6+ other girls in a similar way and was essentially turning us into his "dolls" using hypnosis, gaslighting, threats, general manipulation and physical/mental abuse. Some peeps didn't have as bad an experience as I did but for people who were physically living close to him he acted the most reckless. I had moments of clarity a lot and would disagree or challenge my tist when he wanted myself or others to do something unsafe and that was reflected in how he treated me. There were times something in my life unrelated to the files would make me recall something he did with the clarity of what actually happened (and not what he manipulated me to believe) and I would get super upset and confront him about things...the first time I met him was a huge issue that came up and I didn't realize his offers to come over to talk about things that day were malicious. He also constantly bugged me about meeting my friends and wanting me to recruit them. He never met any of them because I just stopped seeing them/hanging out and talking to everyone for like 2 years...at the time it was the only thing that I thought I could do to prevent him from meeting them and it's left me very isolated/I lost a lot of connections.
About his sadism...it was rly bad. One thing he loved to do surrounding the first time I met him was to regress me back to that night or the day after. He would make me forget who he was but he would make me remember what he did. Then he liked to watch my reactions. He would make it so I couldn't scream/throw things when an apparent stranger who I remember sexually assaulting me as if it were the night before was in my house/on my bed. I would literally be tied up or unable to move/legitimately terrified for my life thinking and he would make me recall what happened and would slowly use hypnosis/gaslighting/manipulation to calm me down and make me get turned on by what he did until I eventually wasn't upset and I admitted I was thankful for what happened/happy he did what he did. The last time I remember he somehow got me to reconcile that I was aware that he did assault me and it was fucked up for him to do that but that it was what I needed and that I was happy to be so brainwashed that now I am thankful it all happened. One of the times he did this, he did it with another girl assisting him (and no pretalk or negotiations about any of this with either of us) and she was obvi uncomfortable because she was being used to assist him in assaulting me in a scene neither of us were rly prepared for intensity wise. I don't blame her at all because we all at times were being used by him to assist in hurting or punishing each other etc and she was also tranced before that session by him. He essentially seemed to get off on me vividly reliving experiences with him that involved him violating my consent. It was fucked and he also used aspects of these types of "lessons" to make me stay when I wanted to leave.
I tried to leave 3 or so times before I finally got out and he always managed using some combo of coercion, gaslighting, manipulation, threats, or hypno to convince me to stay/make me think I was wrong or overreacting/remembering stuff wrong about whatever thing. He also always offered to fix it with hypno and it always ofc made it worse. I was afraid to ask for help at the time cuz of how much control he had over me in various ways and I didn't think anyone would believe me as he often told me to post about how much I loved my experiences/how great he was etc and I did it cuz I was afraid of upsetting him. The social reinforcement was also very strong. After I left he tried to get the other girls to stay by telling them I was brainwashing them not to like him and that I just had a different viewpoint on what happened than him...which wasn't the case. He would deny he did something to my face even if the girl sitting next to me was in the room when it happened and tried to manipulate the other girls into staying by either trauma dumping, bringing up his depression, love bombing...you name it. Thankfully everyone left.
Hypno on its own can be effective but paired with other forms of control and abuse and being surrounded by people that are reinforcing it because they are also being hurt and either don't see what's wrong or are afraid to bring up a problem because they don't want to be punished/made into an example just makes everything soooo much worse. Again tho hypno was just that...a tool. He would have been abusive even without the hypno and he often abused us out of trance. Blaming hypno or just the files is wrong and I don't want people to use what happened to us to demonize the kink.
Before anyone accuses me of making any of this up there are multiple girls who witnessed the abuse irl/people in other countries who messaged myself n others when we were in it seeing what was going on/being concerned and I have years worth of screenshots, photos of injuries, videos of me clearly not in the state to consent etc to back up everything I have said.
------Where does Bambi come into all of this:
I didn't even know hypno files were really a thing when I was started on the bambi files as my first set of files. My tist mentioned they were for bimbo stuff and would help me turn my mind off but I thought it was more of a sometimes for fun thing and I def didn't know they could cause problems until it had already started working. In the very beginning I enjoyed the files and thought they were a fun way to turn my mind off and he very much at the start made sessions focused on my pleasure. It was until later on that everything became focused on him and it happened so slowly that I didn't notice that change as it was happening. Over time tho I started running into problems with being forgetful, unmotivated, easily distracted, I became too agreeable and it scared me when I noticed it etc. He consistently misled me about issues I was having and anytime I brought up a concern from something I saw online he acted like the poster had no idea what they are talking about/that the files are safe.
Since I left that dynamic I've added tons of info to an unofficial faq I started about the files that contains triggers not listed by the creator on the official FAQ, full transcripts of the files and a list of safety issues for harm reduction. I've also worked with other mods who have the same view I do about harm reduction and safety and we decided to ban the creator from the discord because we aren't okay with how they hide behind anonymity and intentionally mislead people about the files they create. you can find the unofficial FAQ/transcripts (wip) here:
Being involved is nice because I feel like I'm using my horrible experience to possibly help someone else avoid going through the same thing with the harm reduction resources like transcripts that I'm creating. It's also challenging because of emotional and other types of flashbacks certain language/trigger words or imagery give me but I feel like I was kind of put on a pedestal as an idol of sorts while I was in the cult because of my Bambi transformation process and because of that I think I'm in a good position/have the experience/motivation to try to talk about the safety issues.
------Would you ever recommend someone listen to the Bambi files?
That's a deeply personal decision and I feel like it's invasive to inject my own limits, experiences and feelings about the files into someone else's sex life. I would however mention that before they decide to listen they should check out the info I've been compiling first because informed listening is important and the files have programming that can cause massive safety issues irl especially around consent. I've written things about this in the unofficial FAQ I've been working on.
------Why haven't you reported this person to the police?
This is a huge case that would effect everyone that was hurt in different ways and if I reported they would by proxy get sucked into my investigation. I want to give everyone the time they need to heal. I've gotten free legal advice that's avail for victims of assault and this likely would be a federal sex trafficking case because at times he crossed state lines and at times, he did things that would be considered sex trafficking...other abuse not even considered. It's a big deal to report, it would be a big case, reporting doesn't always end up with the victims getting justice and it's traumatic af for everyone who was involved that was hurt. I'm not at a place I can invest time in that and still maintain my sanity. I might report someday, but not rn. If someone else reports him I'll stand by them and help in any way I can.
------Where did this happen:
The general Boston Ma area for the most part tho some stuff happened to other girls out of state.
It's been almost a year since I left and I still love hypno, I still love making hypno/bimbo content despite my experience. I also still love making content for bimbo because the community is fun af and the people who listen always get really excited about new files and it makes me excited to make them. I'm rly thankful my experience hasn't tarnished hypno for me. I also appreciate everyone who has been understanding of my hiatus from a lot of things last year. I'm finally back to making things regularly again but it was hard for awhile.
Also idk where y'all got the idea that being arrested for prostitution was a concern all of us have but that's not the case. He never paid me money to see him. Even then I talked to a lawyer and that's not an issue. Someone individually may have that concern but legally it's not mine and I don't like being grouped into that assumption.
Also all the girls that I know that lived closest had no problem with their housing. We were concerned that he knew where we lived and had keys to some of our houses but none of us ever lived with him. No idea where that came from but yea.