reverie

i knew to love would be to lose my mind

[rainnychka]

Vie. Anomaly. 06.04.26

[rainnychka]

Vie. Desolate world. 1.21.26

[rainnychka]

Vie. Reverie, my daughter. 1.20.26

[rainnychka]

Vie. Excerpt from my journal. 1.15.26

[rainnychka]

I lost the privilege of hearing him disgustingly yap about his nerdy interest and that is my defeat.

[fromhersoul]

you relapsed on yearning again didn’t you

[rainnychka]

I always beat myself up for being me, and i asked someone special if i was truly hard to love, he then said maybe yes—my heart dropped as if i never thought of myself that way, i know me better than anyone else that i am hard to love, i don't even love myself. Yet hearing that from someone who "loves" me dearly feels so disheartening. Not that i don't know the cause but i was hoping, maybe, just maybe for once i am wrong about myself—that I'm actually not hard to love, that I'm not unlovable as i think i am. It wasn't his fault—i showed him a side of me that is undoubtedly unlovable.

Vie. Excerpt from my journal

[wedarkacademia]

“Humans are like isolated islands, floating in the sea of fate. Human encounters are like the collision of these lonely islands, and once they touch, there would be an effect. Sometimes, the islands would stick together, in the name of ‘interest’, ‘kinship’, ‘friendship’, ‘love’ and ‘hate’. But eventually, they would separate, walking towards the path of destruction. This is the truth behind life.” ― Gu Zhen Re, Reverend Insanity

[rainnychka]

My fav chapter in RI

[rainnychka]

Tell me—will you fight for this love,

Even as the silence of our separate worlds tries to keep us apart? Would your words be as trustworthy as the compass that led us to our destination? I am no longer a believer yet you came into my life as if god had finally answered my prayers.

[rainnychka]

If I ever stare at you too long… it means I’ve written poems about you in my head already

[rainnychka]

I feel like I will always yearn for something that I can never truly obtain. This longing is intertwined with my rotten body of mine, and it feels impossible to rid myself of it. This longing is deeply connected to my feelings of ugliness and the internal struggles that I have tried to run away from. I am linked to everything and everyone for which I have ever yearned and longed for. This endless yearning seems to be for someone who may not even exist–someone who could understand and embrace the rottenness and ugliness that I perceive within myself. It's a profound longing for something that could heal the memories that continue to haunt me. In essence, it feels like a yearning for love I never had.

[rainnychka]

I can not stand the thought of someone reading my poems for you—not when you haven't even read them yourself.

[rainnychka]

One day I can read ravishing—excruciating poems without reminding them of your presence that I still longed for.

[rainnychka]

I'll gladly fill your the void in you—I'll give you all my life, my love just don't ever let go of me.

[rainnychka]

Devour me, deafen me, break my bones, crush me—make me feel worthless and I'll still be homesick for your presence; just don't leave.

[rainnychka]

There was not a single paragraph I couldn't bring myself to tell you because I'm afraid I'll live through the guilt of not taking my chances to tell you.

[rainnychka]

If I cut off my claws, broke my fangs, acquit oneself with a tamed dog—i'm not unlovable anymore, am i?