Harley Piper was born at 15:01 on 06/07/2017 weighing 6lb 9oz and 49cm long. Here is my (very long) story of that day. Just because I want to write it down somewhere. So I don't forget any part of it. It started on Wednesday 5th July 2017. My stepmom came over and we spent the (scorching hot) afternoon gardening! I was 39 weeks 4 days pregnant here. I was pulling weeds and building our garden furniture (silly really) for three hours. I felt exhausted afterwards (obviously) so I took a shower and a nap (about 4:30pm) and then proceeded to cook dinner (tuna steaks yum) at 7pm. At about 7:30pm I felt a contraction (but I just thought it was BH and it would pass as they all had so far) and it was mildly painful - like an achey period pain that lasted maybe 20 seconds. Ross instantly thought I was going into labour. I had another contraction eating dinner about 8pm and then a couple more. By 9pm they were coming fast - maybe every 4 minutes. But still random. So I started timing them. Ross kept saying to phone the hospital but I kept thinking it would pass (as I hadn't lost my mucus plug, no waters, no pain or aches before this). The app told me to go to hospital maybe 5 times (lol). The contractions were lasting a varying amount of time - some 20 seconds, some 50. They were coming every couple of minutes though. Some 4 or 5, others 1-2 minutes apart. I finaly called the hospital at 12ish and they said to relax and have a bath and get some sleep. I took a shower and we laid down in bed about 1am. The contractions were all in my back and reminded me of sickly tight pulling, tightening and period pains. We couldn't get to sleep. Suddenly I felt I had to stand up (I was naked but a towel) and we heard a big 'pop' noise and I felt what I thought was a kick. As I stood up my waters broke! It was a stream of fluid and it was not clear. I instantly saw this and panicked. It was like a light brown colour that kept getting darker. It was a continuous stream of fluid (not a huge gush or anything). We gathered ourselves and I called the hospital and explained and they told me to come in. I put on some leggings and a top and pulled my hair up, got my hospital notes and we fed the cat, checked the house over and had a kiss and a cuddle (this was it!) I was contracting in the car but luckily at that time (1am) the roads were clear. We arrived at our birthing centre (where I planned to birth and have a pain relief free water birth) and the (male) midwife checked my pad I was wearing and said that we would need to go to the labour ward because there was Meconium in my waters (baby has done a poop). I knew this but didn't realise it meant I couldn't go in the water - it meant we had to be strapped to a bed being monitored the entire time. As we got to the labour ward the midwife on duty explained it all and checked me and I was 3cm dilated. We put my diffuser on with lavender oil (bliss) and got hooked to a monitor. I changed into my nightie and started to cry. I wanted my perfect birth and I couldn't stay mobile and move and walk and labour in water. I spent the whole early hours contracting every couple of minutes (they were sharp and intense and short) and they really bloody hurt. The monitor showed baby was totally fine. I laboured standing up against the bed rocking my hips and ross was in charge of digging his knuckles and hands into the sides of my back every contraction to take the pain away (it helped). We got checked at about 4am I think and I was 4 or 5 cm. we then got checked again 4 hours later, and I was about 6 or 7 I think - I can't remember the exact numbers or timings. We tried the TENS machine which I was excited about. It turns out that was a flipping waste of time! It was so much hassle trying to fumble with the machine as I was having a contraction and having to 'boost' it and at one point ross tried to help and ended up turning it off mid contraction! I was very angry, lol. And sometimes he'd be across the room as I was contracting (he was always shocked how quick they came back) and I would scream at him to get over here! So the sun was coming up and I was done- I'd been labouring for ages and I was so upset and sad that my labour wasn't how I wanted, I just gave up my idea of 'no pain relief' cause these contractions were unexplainable. They were so intense and sharp and made me silent and somehow lose my breathe at the same time. So we tried gas and air! And that was horrible too - it took me a long time to actually use it, it tasted vile and I would bite down on it so hard and rip it out of my mouth and scream because by this time they were so sickly and intense. So we tried that for a while but around, maybe 7am (I honestly don't know timings) I asked for the Diamorphine injection. We had that and it worked in about 30 minutes and it was bliss because I could sleep! I got maybe an hour or two of sleep through the contractions! And it made me feel super high and airy and just out of it! Apparently I was having a very sleepy conversation with another midwife about her scubadiving! I was also so sleepy I was falling asleep between contractions once i woke up! They kept getting worse and around late morning, maybe 10-11(?)am the injection was wearing off and I wasn't allowed anymore for hours! I was given 2 sickness tablets too throughout this period (didn't work). I wanted the epidural. Well, I didn't. I was so defeated and so tired and in so much pain! I was exhausted not having slept since Tuesday night! The midwife tried to persuade me not to have it (well she was checking with me) and ross didn't say anything but I was just so upset I couldn't have a water birth and I'd already had pain relief and I just wanted her out of me now I couldn't cope. So once I decided I wanted the epidural it took about an hour (!) for them to get it in me! I had to sit so still and that was almost impossible, using my gas and air to steady myself but it tasted so awful it made me a bit nauseous! So once it was in it eventually worked! It worked better on one side, my left side. My right side wasn't too numb. They kept checking what I could and couldn't feel. I managed to sleep again! I got maybe two hours (?)! It was bliss to have the sleep! But the midwives woke me up about 12:30 to check me and hallelujah I was 10 cm dilated! To be honest I'm not sure I was that bothered! I just wanted her out of me. They wanted to leave me another hour to get baby down more as I couldn't feel much. So I think I just waited. Then around 1pm came and it was time to push! We tried pushing on the bed but I hated it. I asked if I could get on my hands and knees and with (great, numb, jelly like, and lots of assistance) help from everyone I managed it! I pushed in that position for maybe an hour but it felt like less time. I couldn't eat anything. The midwives weren't really happy with how things were going and had my get on my back again. I pushed so, so hard for the next hour (two hours pushing). The midwife was so lovely and encouraging, saying that she could feel her head but nothing was moving down. I really was pushing so hard down into my bottom like they say. As I was pushing I started to feel nauseous, and I asked for a bowl. I threw up 4 times whilst pushing. A combination of the gas and air, the injection and the epidural as well as pushing so hard, perhaps?! But the sick was awful it was so painful, coming out of my nose and going everywhere and I hadn't eaten anything since a cereal bar as we got to the hospital. It was all water and stomach acid. I even threw up on Ross at one point. The midwives got a special sickness drip put on me ASAP and it did calm things down. So I was pushing for over two hours and they said that they needed to get the doctor. My epidural was wearing off now and I could feel the contractions and the pushing down below. No crowning or burning though. They got my feet up in stirrups. Now this really upset me - the one thing I explicitly didn't want was to be pushing on my back on a bed as it's the worst position! I wanted to be upright and walking and in the water. I just felt so defeated and out of control. This huge male doctor came in and said we needed to help me. He would use forceps. He also said he needed to make a cut. I just felt so utterly anxious and just done with this labour I wanted my baby out I didn't want to be here anymore. The room was so bright (it was about 2:50pm at this time and there were more people in the room - someone ready to resuscitate Harley if she needed it (!). At my next contraction he put the forceps in and around my baby. It felt so odd, quite invasive and metallic and I felt it. I could hear them snap against each other. Then with my next contraction I pushed with all my heart. Ross was sort of to my side at this point - I had to hold some handles and I honestly forgot about him. I felt her head come out. Oh I felt it all. The epidural wasn't working and it felt like a giant 'pop' and it felt like my bones had split in two. It felt so hard and full and I felt so stuck and so painful. Apparently I was in so much pain I was writhing and arching my back and I know I screamed a few times. I had my eyes shut - from the moment the forceps went in. I didn't open them again until she was on my chest. The next contraction came soon after - it felt like 10 minutes later but I'm sure it was seconds! Another large pop and lots of tugging and pulling and this hard, wet, tiny human was pulled out of me. 3:01pm. She was so warm and so wet and covered in my blood and she smelt so different and she felt so soft and she was placed on my chest instantly and I started crying and I looked at ross and he looked in so much shock and anxiety I think his hands were up to his head and he was crying and smiling. The first thing I said was 'is she okay?' And she was perfect - screaming her heart out for the next 20 minutes or so. I undid my nightie and wrapped her up inside it. I felt such a rush of relief and love and pain and anxiety and protection and awe - I couldn't believe this really is my daughter - I really had a live human baby. So as she was on my chest - the doctor was stitching me up - which I felt and that HURT a lot. I also lost quite a lot of blood - just over 1100 ml. I could feel him shoving towels and wadding inside me to stop the bleeding - at one point he said he had 10 inside and needed more. They gave me two injections - one for the placenta - which came out practically instantly and just felt like tugging a rather dry thing out of me. (I wanted a natural placenta delivery!) and another injection to stop some bleeding. The doctor was massaging my tummy. Eventually the bleeding stopped. I had to be put on a hormone drip for the next 4-5 hours as the blood loss. I wanted ross to cut her cord - and I wanted delayed cord clamping so badly but we couldn't. I'm trying to accept it and be okay with how things went for us - she is here and safe and happy and now (3 weeks postpartum) I am healing and am feeling much better. We spent the night at the hospital - Harley had to be monitored every 2 hours and So did I. I didn't get any sleep at all. And we went home (finaly) at 1pm on Friday 7th July. I was extremely sore and numb and swollen and achey from the epidural and the stitches and the first week at home was incredibly painful I couldn't sit or lie anywhere comfortably. But now Harley is nearly 4 weeks old and she's perfect (Loud and exhausting) but she's a beautiful little baby - our daughter.
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