Real rajons women

Life hacks on how to become the ultimate real rajons women and other shenanigans

[rajon-women]

Is it Christmas yet?

Today one of real rajon women had a discovery of the century. 1st of December is the 1st day of Winter, but not really first Winter day. BOOM! “Thank God, you discovered this in your 27 years of existence” said the other, smart real rajons woman.

And why is that? If you live in Eastern or Northern or even  Eastern-Northern European country you know that in reality winter lasts here for 5-6 months. It’s supposed to be December - January - February. But no, here it lasts from November up to March. Maybe this is why all the shops are full with Christmas shit by middle of November.. Or is it just commercialized celebration time?

Going to Maxima (popular rajons shop in Baltic countries) is like entering the void of pre-Christmas madness.. What if we don’t celebrate Christmas? Nope. If you want to buy bread and sasyskas you need to pass by all the Christmas crap they put right in front of the entrance.

Let’s stop for a moment to acknowledge that real rajons women is not better than rest of you guys and still fell for the discount of cheap Christmas lights (3,49eur) + batteries for the lights (1,89eur). And why you might ask.. “To feel the rajons Christmas spirit”

Once putting the lights around our kitchen window we keep wondering how to put timer for lights as it says that on the box.. “There is no instructions in the box” says one of real rajons women, while other just says “We don’t need instructions, we make the instructions”

Manual was never found. In rajons you need to make up your own instructions and survive in the wild. Just like Tarzan. Does Tarzan finds Jane or Jane finds him? We don’t know. We are real rajons women and we are in search of Christmas gifts. Will keep you updated on the search of the century.

[rajon-women]

Rajons Motherhood

This post consists of 3 separate conversations between rajons women in the past 2 weeks. So. listen you guys - we aint no mamas, but we are pretty sure we can set example for real rajons women. This post includes advice on pretty important topics that mothers are struggling with.

Conversation no.1. How to keep your kids quite?

*Back story - walking home, after gorgeous trip to Maxima. Somewhere in the distance there is a baby crying.*

Real Rajons Woman 1 (RRW1): Do you hear that?

Real Rajons Woman 2 (RRW2): What?

RRW1: Your future calling!

RRW2: When I have kids, I hope they would be quite... Otherwise I would give them drugs.. RRW1: .. Or rub whiskey on their gums.

Conversation no.2. How to make kids respect animals?

RRW1: You know what I have seen today, from balkons?

RRW2: What?

RRW1: Small kid (Read-small brat) pulling up leash of a tiny doggy. And it looked like it’s choking the poor doggy. There was a sister of this little kid that yelled at her brother,but If I would be the mother of this kid I would choke the kid instead. See how he likes it.

RRW2: Yup, you are ready to be a mother!

Conversation no.3. How to have your house work done?

*Backstory - we are struggling to contain our beautiful rajons apartment clean and tidy due to being lazy and not having a mini slave. And yet, we go home from somewhere with a bus. Bus is full with annoying little kids. Conversation starts while we notice 6 year old spoiled brats with Iphones*

RRW1: I would not give my kid such fancy phone. What they will do with it.

RRW2: Exactly, they need to earn it.

RRW2: Yeah, they need to work for it.

RRW1: Imagine, 10 years from now you would be calling me - and asking - hey what’s up?! and I would tell you - remember how we always wanted a mini slave? Now I got it. It’s my kid.

RRW2: Yeah, forever. And they should be happy we feed them and give them roof over their heads. Don’t clean the house - no electricity for you.

RRW1: Motherhood strikes again!

[rajon-women]

How to eat healthy

Step 1: Be smart and plan ahead for the weekend. Go to shop on Thursday.

Step 2. Buy frozen pizzas, tomatoes,sasyskas, cola and pain killers.

Step 3. Go home and put those pizzas in the freezer.

Step 4. Be smart again and remember that you are planing to eat healthy on the weekend. DO NOT eat pizzas. Since it is Thursday, eat those sasyskas you just bought. Boil them, fry them whatever (Sasyskas recipes to follow later.. or google it yourself) .

Step 5. Have a Friday. Don’t be smart and don’t eat dinner. Go drink beer. if you think it is enough, drink more.

Step 6. It’s Saturday. You made it. Have a massive hangover. Be extremely hungry, because last time you ate was more than 24h. Probably.

Step 7. Love your past self, because that rajon women bought frozen pizzas.

Step 8. Warm up that pizza like your life depends on it.

Step 9. Drink cola, because you need sugar. Helps with hangover too.

Step 10. Feeling bad, because it is not healthy? Put tomato on pizza.

Additional tip. Drink pain killers also, it will kill the hangover headache and life will be beautiful again.

[rajon-women]

Cigaretka scheme

Step 1: Want cigaretkas past shop working hours (exactly at 23:20).

Step 2: Find out that other rajons women that you live with just had salary that day.

Step 3: Convince other rajons women to go search rajons for cigaretkas.

Step 4: Go to closest nočņikas (you know, where you buy alkoholik drinks after everything else closes).

Step 4,5: Realize that nočņikas does not sell cigaretkas.

Step 5: Complain, blyat

Step 6: Go to nearest gas station

Step 7: Realize gas station closed 45,3555 min ago

Step 8: Complain more, blyat

Step 9: Go home and open that overpriced cider that you got in nočņikas.

Step 10: Love your other rajons women flatmate that came home 10min after this and had cigaretkas.

Step 11: Smoke cigaretkas

Step 12: Create a blog, because real rajons women wisdom has to be known to the world.