The Drawing Board

This is where it all begins.

[ramblingsoftherainbow]

Metamorphosis

You are more than this place.

The sun rises,

And it sets somewhere else

And yet we never question

How it travels.

You are many places.

The moon phases,

The tides follow,

And with this we make the changes

That are necessary

To keep living.

Do not fear the letting go.

You will change,

Your colors will turn,

And with this

The world around you grows.

At first,

Change will always feel like a funeral.

You will lower it into the earth -

That part of yourself,

That phase of life,

That place.

But you, my friend, are many places

And it will be reborn.

Something will happen

That will hang the sun back in its place,

Set the moon back on its mantle

And you will know

That even though you are not the same,

You are in exactly the right place.

[ramblingsoftherainbow]

Where I Must Go

When I come down from this mountain,

I promise I will be different.

Please,

Please don't let me go.

Every storm has left me

Curled up in my tattered clothing

Afraid like a child who's lost everything.

I just don't want to lose any more

Of myself.

I've given up so much

For the sake of others.

To make them more comfortable

With who I am

When I'm standing in their presence.

So for this one, I need to go up here alone

But please,

Please be here when I come down.

If I come down again

And you are no longer there,

I don't know that I'll be able to stop the break

When my hands let go

Of everything I held dear in you

And in me.

I've resisted trusting you,

Because I've always believed this moment

Was inevitable.

It's happened so much,

That I've come to believe

That my destiny is to be alone.

Please,

Please be the arms I can call home.

[ramblingsoftherainbow]

A Wild and Distant Hope

Soft earth

Cold winds

And the determination

Of small but valiant green colors

Practically bursting with desperation

To be free.

This is the quietly violent turning of spring.

A single bud

Buried beneath the surface

For far too long

Heaves its struggle weary body

Above the ground,

And begins to grow.

I can feel it -

Somewhere between the marrow

of my bones

And the blood beneath my skin

Lies a promise.

"To the days to come,

And the days behind the footprints of my feet:

With every beating of the heart

That courses courage through my veins

And every loud, unruly thought

Beating the drum of distant dreams -

I will always set my hands to work

At the things that free my soul,

And will ever heed the whispering

Of a wild and distant hope."

[ramblingsoftherainbow]

Seeing your breath

This room of pain is one I have been lost in.

There was nothing beyond this,

Or so I thought.

Breathe in deep,

And feel the cold rush into your bones.

Lay here.

This is all there is.

In this moment, all you can do

Is exhale the pain

That once wrapped itself around

The very marrow of your being.

Once, I say.

For though you may hold it now,

This will not be the only thing

That defines you.

So drink it in, child.

Let yourself be

Exactly as you are.

Tomorrow, you will get up,

And fight.

Though all you can see right now

Is this room of pain,

This wide open space of crashing waves

And shredding morals,

Tomorrow, you will feel less.

That terrifies you.

But the less of this you feel,

The more you lift your head

To see the sunrise

And feel the light

Melt the ice

From your frosted body.

[ramblingsoftherainbow]

Dust

You

You are like a perfect diamond,

Crushed into the light

And spread throughout the best places

In my mind.

Glints of sunlight

That dance across memories

I'm still waiting to find.

Cool sand,

Soft waters,

And a type of heaven

That makes the world long

For the balance it provides.

All that I can do,

Is walk slowly on bare feet

Look into your eyes,

And appreciate you

For all the deepest things you are

And the electric ocean blue

That is your heart.

[ramblingsoftherainbow]

Willow

Tonight, I stood under my favorite Willow

I felt her hair brush my skin

Gazed upon her shape

As we both stood under the moon.

I felt our breath synchronize

And our bodies sway in time

By the glow of street lights.

Cool air and smoke filled my lungs

And rushed between the tendrels

Of her grace.

She sang me the most beautiful music

And called me deeper with her eyes

That move and disappear

All around her.

When she sings, the world listens

And even though she seems asleep,

We hear her.

She is golden,

Soft,

And sacred.

Thank you, my dear.

May you always know

The importance

Of the shelter you provide to souls.

[ramblingsoftherainbow]

Shatter

I still remember the day I sat with my potential.

I gazed at her, wondering at the beautiful creature she was.

Those curls

Those eyes

That creativity.

That thin piece of glass separating us

Was all I had to get through.

Why did it feel so disheartening?

It's not like we had to be separate.

All I had to do

Was pick up that rock,

And tap by tap,

Watch the hairline cracks

Begin to grow.

She was begging me to.

I had to.

I had to respond to the beckoning of her eyes.

So today, I donned my finest colors in her honor,

Picked up that rock,

And began the first crack

In the glass of self caging.

[ramblingsoftherainbow]

Self Love

They told me to love myself,

So I did.

But you see,

The directions they gave me

Were a bit skewed.

Somewhere along the line,

I got lost in the Forest of Fears.

I cut myself in the Brambles

Of Comparison.

For a while I thought I would never be there.

But when I brushed myself off,

Calmed my weeping anxieties

For a moment,

And listened to the Voice of Direction

Like a calm old farmer -

There, I heard it.

"Go three turns past Self Doubt,

And turn left at the intersection

Of Radical Confidence

And Letting Go of Hatred.

When you get there,

Sit calmly at the end of the driveway

And gather yourself for just a minute.

Then, in a moment of childlike clarity,

You run yourself up to that house

Like the whole world is on fire,

Burst into the kitchen of Mother Spirit,

And there, sitting in the warm sunlight

Will you find a small child

Who bears your own name.

Embrace her.

She's been waiting for you."

[ramblingsoftherainbow]

Family Values

This world is so fleeting.

You think you have something,

And then it's gone.

But you know what I'm grateful for?

My family taught me

To dive into what's happening right now,

Regardless of whether it fades.

And I am so thankful for that.

Really, doesn't everything fade

In the end?

All we can do

Is value the beauty that we have

Right now

And hope for a better tomorrow.

We can trust that the God of wonders

Built us the stars

For a reason.

The heavens point to Magnificence,

And I refuse to stop looking up.

My family taught me that.

[ramblingsoftherainbow]

Here's Looking at you, 26.

I am 26.

I am tired.

Sometimes, I am stupid.

Sometimes I am angry.

Sometimes I shine brighter than the sun.

Sometimes I go for drives

To remind me

Of just who the hell I am.

Sometimes I end up on top of a hill,

Others wandering in frustrating circles.

At all times, I am the little one.

Sometimes a mountaineer,

And in the right times, I hope, a friend.

Sometimes I am a selfish person

Other times, a martyr.

I am the Rainbow.

I am the ground beneath my own two feet.

I am the Joshua Tree.

[ramblingsoftherainbow]

The Night of May 3rd, 2017

Tonight I took the most beautiful drive. I don't know if I've ever seen a better place. Everything the light touched was perfect. I ended up on a street that I didn't know was someone's driveway, and saw the most strange and wonderful house. As I wound back around the circle driveway, I was trying a bit awkwardly to leave without making a scene. I was embarrassed that I had gotten so caught up that I didn't realize where I was. As I was leaving, a man in blue jeans and an old t-shirt and baseball cap saw me and smiled with what I can only describe as one of the kindest smiles that I have ever seen. He waved at me and I waved back, still sheepish about the recent driveway incident. I was so amazed by this house, and this man. He just looked like the sort of person who had worked really hard for what he has, but didn't gloat about it.

I don't know this person. But somehow, that moment did my heart a whole world of good.

... And that, my friends, is the story of how nothing was ever an accident.

[ramblingsoftherainbow]

Spray Paint

Gemini.

Constantly caught between a free heart and a rational mind.

The Idealist: I believe I will see the world change for the better in my lifetime.

The Realist: I know that this may not happen.

The Heart: I will go anyway.

The Mind: I will suffer.

The Overwhelming Truth of It All:

It will be worth it.

[ramblingsoftherainbow]

One Warm Night In June, You'll Know.

Do you ever feel like it's empty outside?

So still.

You try to enjoy it,

But all that noise in your head

Just drowns out the landscape.

Do you ever feel like that?

I should be enjoying everything,

But even coming outside wasn't enough escape today.

I just want to drive to a new state,

And meet a moment that makes me feel alive.

Please, just shake me.

I don't care if you're screaming in my face

Just please say something.

I can't stand not hearing anything.

And so I will choose to stand up,

Come outside myself,

And do something extraordinary.

Sometimes that looks like just taking the first step,

Kicking your fucking shoes off,

And feeling everything.

The good,

The bad,

And the temporary.

Sometimes you have to dance on the ground

While the earth is still shaking.

[ramblingsoftherainbow]

To my Father.

Tonight, I am reminded of my father.

My father has hazel eyes.

He has a voice that can cut through even the strongest of barriers.

He has a wisdom that few possess.

When I was young, he would take me for drives.

Those were my favorite times.

Not doing anything, just driving

And talking.

Talking about life,

God,

And politics.

All the things

That no one else wants to talk about.

We would laugh

About the little things

That made no sense to us.

We would sit

In a dark car,

And not feel afraid.

It was the best

And most formative time

Of my life.

Thank you, Dad,

For always being there

Even when words don't come as easily.

I just want you to know,

That I remember when you were there.

And I know that you still are.

[ramblingsoftherainbow]

Protest

I'm sitting at a traffic light in town Next to a bunch of picketers holding signs "Abortion is murder." Long skirts and expressions I wonder if they feel proud of themselves Like they've accomplished something. Is this what it looks like To love someone? I understand speaking your truth. We have to, Or we'd simply implode. But is that really what it looks like To "reach people" For a cause? So lofty and untouchable - Is that what love looks like? I have to keep on So I will love you on the ground Right here and right now, Whatever choice you make. Messy, imperfect love Is all that I have to give. Maybe the less perfect we are, The more perfect love can shine through That clearly isn't our own. Isn't that what it looks like?

[ramblingsoftherainbow]

December 24, 2014

I had a drink with God tonight. I raised a glass and said "Cheers, God." And He didn’t look down on me, He didn’t hate me, He didn’t tell me I looked like hell. He already knew that. He simply wiped my tears, Raised His glass too And told me cheers. Because even just for the night, Even though nothing was in its right place, I knew I would be alright. Just not tonight.

[ramblingsoftherainbow]

Wallflower Petals

What do you do for a man who doesn’t Realize he deserves the world? You see, you’re like the servant Who didn’t know he was a king. And so you walk around giving to people, And to me. And for that, the world around you grows And changes Because of a single touch from you. A gardener of people; A Wallflower. Everything that is good and true Is evident in you. And so on days when you can’t see the sun, Remember that no one you’ve touched Will ever be the same And let the garden you’ve planted Bring you life again.