Sometimes, amidst the hardship of life and all the ugliness we're forced to endure, there are moments of beauty.
It's when you look out of your window at skies dappled in color and obstructed by tree tops and roofs, and for a brief moment, things are still. No longer moving too fast.
It's when your feet touch wet sand and waves lap at your toes, and you can marvel at the joys of being able to feel the cold and the sharp rocks, at the humanity in feeling small next to the open ocean.
It's when your aches bleed into the work you do. When the loaf of bread is extra soft from the kneading hands of a heartbroken and angry baker, when the paint drips from the canvas of an artist engrossed in their thoughts becomes an entirely new artwork of its own.
It's when you find a warm hand in the dark, and those fingers close around yours tightly and with purpose, like only their grasp is able to hold together the essence of what makes you you.
In those moments, we feel more human than our pain could ever curate. And while they're rarely enough to overpower the trauma we endure or allow us content in our suffering, it's those little moments where you stop and think: that maybe, just maybe, things might be worth it.
And that right there is what keeps us going. Those little pleasures, those tiny, brief, seemingly inconsequential sights and feelings that, however small in the face of darkness, make you question how ugly the world must truly be.
Because if that ease can exist in the small places and quiet moments, who's to say they can't also exist largely and loudly?
pro PSA: don’t date a writer if you’re uncomfortable with written communication or are easily overwhelmed by things like letters :) that ain’t never gonna work, I fear
One of these days, I’m only going to think of you once every hour.
And after that, only once every few.
At some point, I’m going to crawl into bed at the end of the day and realize I had forgotten all about you. Maybe it will hurt in the moment, but I’ll sleep easy knowing your hold on me is loosening.
The days I don’t think of you will become more frequent.
Turning from one to two, two to four, and eventually I’ll have gone a whole week and you wouldn’t have come up even once.
And I’ll rejoice, knowing that my life is my own again.
In the quiet moments I can find you waiting.
Ready to remind me of the good, bad, and neutral.
Ready to remind me that you existed, that we existed, even if I’d rather forget.
Maybe there is beauty in that.
Maybe, some day, when I’ve gone a week without thinking of you, our memories will be nothing more than observational.
I’ll remember, I’ll smile or frown, and as quickly as you came? You’ll be gone.
One of these days, you’ll be nothing more than stories I can share in laughter or hurt without it pulling me down.
I’ll have to fight to remember your embrace, your warmth, your eyes. But I won’t have to work to forget the anger, the confusion, the guilt, the hurt.
In that balance I can find peace.
And in that knowledge I can persist, knowing that eventually it will be easier.
its funny seeing people debate who has what worse. It is a futile, never ending battle of people fighting to be heard instead of settling down to understand and be understood
it’s almost like being alive is hard and painful and sad and lonely; and it sucks. It sucks for all of us.
that’s why we find ways to make it a little bit better – we find the joy and love and hope and use that to keep us going until being alive sucks just a little bit less
argument only begets more suffering.
empathy fosters joy, even in the most unlikely places
me when I forget to bring my water bottle to school: darn that sucks, guess I’ll be thirsty today
me when I forget to bring food to school: unfortunate, but I’ll just eat when I get home
me when I forget to bring my textbooks/homework to school: that’s alright, I can look at them later
me when I forget to bring my headphones to school: O UNCARING UNIVERS, WHAT HAS THIS LIFE COME TO?? WHAT HAVE I DONE TO INCUR YOUR MERCILESS WRATH? I CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT MY MUSIC, I FEAR I SHALL PERISH. CRUEL AND UNJUST WORLD, HOW COULD YOU PUNISH ME SO??
I have a whole note dedicated to random quotes I think of, and it's existed for around 3 years now, so it's pretty long.
Every once in a while I'll go through and read them, just out of curiosity, or sometimes to see if there's something in there I can use for a piece I'm working on.
And some of the quotes in there? Are so... sad. I don't know what else to say, other than that they're just sad. It's wild to see what I was feeling and thinking only a couple of years ago.
I don't want to share them since I'll probably still use them at some point in time, but it's crazy how much can change, and I feel so bad for younger me, who wrote these sad, heartbreaking things without even blinking.
I hear so many creepy things at night living in a semi-residential area/on a main road. From the quiet skittering of critters, to whispers and giggles from people I can’t see.
I’ve seen coyotes run the length of my street many times, and have listened to their howls as the pack that lives nearby closes in on prey.
I’ve watched people walk down the street bathed in darkness, whistling or singing to themselves anywhere between the hours of midnight and 5am.
I’ve heard conversations that should have never left the safety of home, and the occasional terrifying shriek in the distance that sounds a little too real to be anything good, but is gone after the first cry.
I’ve heard guttural sounds I don’t even like to entertain because I have NO idea who or what they might belong to, and all the lovely spooks and shivers that come with the things that go bump in the night.
Its honestly quite interesting, if not a little creepy at times. I’m not super afraid of the dark and for the most part nighttime is quite silent. But as a late-night dweller, I’ve had my fair share of experiences with everything that comes down the main roads, and I love getting to recount all the oddities ive seen :p
(some more specific and random things I’ve seen or heard and wanted to include: I once watched two teens drag a street sign + pole down the side walk, i’ve seen bikes and cars drive up the grass hill across from my window, I’ve accidentally caught couples doing the nasty in their cars, and ive witnessed a drug deal at least once)
if you don’t like to tip, you shouldn’t utilize services that expect, require, or even suggest tipping.
Yes, tipping expectations have gone way up recently, and sometimes get out of hand. Yes, the responsibility of giving the employees enough money to live off of shouldn’t be placed on the customer. But the unfortunate reality is that minimum wage, even those way above it, don’t cut it for the costs of living, and there is more importance placed on the wealth of a select few than on the well-being of the many.
I personally do not love to tip all the time, and I will admit that. I don’t have a ton of money to spare, so the idea of giving a little extra off the top “just because” hurts my soul a little bit. But I still always tip.
Do you know how I get around it? By not utilizing the services that require me to tip. I want some food, but it’ll cost me a lot extra to get it delivered? I’ll pick it up myself, or I’ll just make it at home.
The services that require us to tip, are not services we are required to use.
I think thats where a lot of the confusion comes into play. There’s a sense of entitlement that comes with using these services that leads people to not want to tip.
“I already paid for my food, why should I have to pay extra?”
Because you’re using an extra service. You’re using someone’s time, energy, brain power, kindness - you name it. And that deserves proper payment.
In an ideal world, servers, delivery drivers, and caterers (those who most definitely should be tipped every single time) would be paid enough money to where a tip is negligible, and just a little bonus off the top, like it was intended. But that’s not the world we live in.
In the case of servers at restaurants, they are paid hourly, but that hourly rate is often reduced because of the expectation that they will also be earning tips (same with bartenders). Meaning, quite literally, that most of their wages are made up of tips, and they rely on the goodness of people’s hearts to bring home the same amount of money as someone paid the standard minimum wage.
In the case of delivery drivers, oftentimes they’re not even paid at an hourly rate, only by the deliveries they take and, brace for it, tips! For localized delivery drivers (like for specific chains - think a domino’s delivery driver) this is not the case as far as I know, though I don’t know the idiosyncrasies of how their job works. But for delivery through the major apps (GrubHub, DoorDash, etc), this is how many of them work. You can get an hourly rate, but only if you block out a specific time you want to work well in advance. The blocks open up at a certain time of week, and all drivers block out the times they want at that moment. There are limited slots, and the longer you’ve been driving for them, the more preferential treatment you get (early access, etc). It doesn’t truly matter if you get it, you can still work whenever you want, it’s more insurance than anything. In the case that you don’t get any deliveries while on the clock, blocking out your time helps you get paid for the time you were waiting around. Not blocking it out means that even if you spent an hour waiting, you don’t get paid. But there’s a catch - the hourly is only meant to make up for missed wages, it’s not a base pay. I can’t remember the exact amount it makes up for, but I believe it is based on the minimum wage in that area. So say you deliver for 1 hour, and the min. wage in your area is $15/hr. Say you get one delivery, and earn $7. The company helps get you up to $15, but nothing more, as in, you don’t get $22 for working the hour and making that $7 delivery. If you didn’t get to block out a slot? Tough luck, $7 it is (and for the record, that is a lot for one delivery. Typical deliveries earn you around $5 or less).
Now I hope it’s a little more clear why tips are especially crucial for delivery drivers. They hop all over the city picking up and dropping off food for barely any money, and rely on tips to make up for their time, gas, and effort. They aren’t even truly paid for the job they do.
Before anyone hops to my comments or messages saying some bs about getting different jobs...
Take a moment to consider that maybe this is the other job. Maybe they have an inflexible schedule (student, parent, or have another job that can’t make ends meet) and do deliveries when they have time. Maybe they’re young, or have no prior job experience that could land them a “better paying” job. Maybe they’re an ex-con trying to get their life back together, someone trying to get out of a tough situation, or just generally trying to make ends meet by doing literally whatever job they can (and there are a lot of people like that out there).
And take another moment to consider what it would be like if everyone up and dropped these jobs you consider beneath you, that are apparently so worthless you can’t even tip a couple of bucks. Would you be able to sit back and get food delivered to your doorstep? Would you be able to enjoy a nice evening at a restaurant, waited on hand and foot?
I think you know the answer.
So, to bring it all back around full circle - just tip when you go out. Or, if you really don’t want to, or can’t afford it, simply don’t go out. Pretty easy. Until the system is fixed, and decent, hardworking people don’t rely on other decent hardworking people to allow them to live, tipping is going to be expected.
Me, marching around my house searching for my package which I think is stolen after a long day at work, a long drive home, no food, and just generally on a short string: Are you fucking kidding me?! Fuck!! Fucking fuck! Are you fucking serious? FUUUUCK!
Me after finding said package on the counter inside: Oh, nvm hehe >.<
I bought myself a decorative license plate holder for my car, one with some white daisies on it. Very minimalist and super cute - but very obviously feminine.
I just had an hour long convo with my family about the potential dangers of it. The dangers of a license plate holder. Cause I’m a woman, and women are already targets, and it’s no good to make myself even more obvious to predators.
Do you know how much that sucks? To second guess everything all the time, and not even be able to enjoy something as simple as a floral license plate holder for fear of the dangers it could bring to me?
I’m still unsure as to whether I will keep or return it, it’s gonna take more time and deliberation on my part. I just wanted to share the realities of being a woman :/
warnings: swearing as per usual, a bit suggestive and there’s some nudity (but nothing overtly sexual!), skinnydipping. Reader is a hater towards Atsumu lol. There’s not a ton to mention for this chapter, but like the rest of the story it can be a bit heavy, so always have that in mind.
a/n: didya think I abandoned this? Didya??? Surprise surprise! Welcome to a new era of Split Apart, one where it actually gets finished. How can I say this with such certainty, you ask? Well because I have pretty much every chapter completed already lol. I’m giving you this chapter wayyy early as a little gift before I spam post the rest of them, since this is basically the only one that doesn’t require me to map out and plan between multiple chapters. It’s been literally impossible to find time to write between classes and life, who knew being an adult was so difficult? Whatever, it’s summer now and I finally have time to write, which means I’m finishing this and then working on my novel which isn’t related to fanfics or other media at all! Yipee! Enjoy lovies, I’ll be back in a couple months with the rest of the series <3
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Over 1 Year Ago
How unlucky does a girl have to be to be paired with the worst possible student in class?
You could barely hide the disdain on your face as Ms.Yuma, your professor, called out your name and the person you would be paired with for the rest of the year. You really weren’t sure whose bright idea it was to not only create a year-long project that was worth more than half of your grade, but to have the partner pairings be assigned on top of it.
At first it had been a blessing. Only 2 weeks in and you had still hardly befriended anyone. Names rattled in your head like pinballs and you had no idea where they came from or to whom they belonged.
If there was one person you did remember, however - it was Atsumu Miya.
You would be hard pressed to forget after your first encounter alone, but he’d made a point of always being in your face and in your business. His smug smile and sleazy stare were forever burned into your brain, no number of smacks to the forehead were enough to jarr the image out.
So when Ms.Yuma’s voice rattled out “L/n” followed by “Miya”, it was understandable when chills ran down your spine. And just your luck, too, that of all the students in the room - some of whom would probably kill to be in your shoes - you’d get paired with Miya freaking-
“Which one?” A drawling voice echoed from the back.
Ms.Yuma peered over her spectacles, before glancing back down at the sheet.
“My apologies,” her finger tapped at the paper impatiently. “Still not used to the whole… twin thing. Miya Osamu.”
Twins?
You glanced to the side as heavy footsteps crossed the room and came to a halt beside you, a tangle of long limbs flopping into the open chair. Ms.Yuma’s voice fell into monotonous background noise as she continued to list the rest of the student pairings.
If you didn’t know any better, you would have thought this was Miya Atsumu. They shared all the same features - down to the shape of their eyebrows and the arch of their noses. Of course, this boy had grey hair, but who were you to know or understand the hair-dyeing habits of a complete stranger?
You must’ve been staring too long, because he turned to look at you, eyebrows lifted.
“Somethin’ on my face?”
“I didn’t realize Atsumu had a twin.” The words came out before you had a moment to process exactly what you were saying.
His face twitched a little, but he quickly brushed off the comment. “Ouch. Guess he really is the more popular one if yer already fawnin’ over ‘im too.”
Your nose crinkled involuntarily. “Fawning? Over Atsumu? Who do you take me for?” You folded your arms over your chest, slouching back in your seat.
“No?” You didn’t appreciate his condescending tone. “What, then? Obsessin’? Lovin’ from afar?”
“I think uninterested is more accurate. Closer to disgusted.”
The boy blinked a little, a bit of the tension melting from his features. “Hm.” He hummed, pensive. His head cocked to the side in a manner that much too closely resembled his brother, but from him, it felt much less imposing. “Nice ta meet ya, I’m the shadow twin. Name’s Osamu.”
“That sounds dumb.” You rolled your eyes, finding it hard to just let his attitude roll off your shoulders. “But whatever. I’m L/n… Y/n, I guess. If I’m calling you by your given name, you can call me by mine.”
Ms.Yuma stood at the front, writing down a few key points to the year project on the blackboard, though almost nobody paid her any mind. You leaned forward in your seat, taking the time to jot them down on the closest piece of paper.
“How generous.” What a great start to a long-term partnership. Your luck might yet be as rotten as you’d initially thought. “Y/n then. New girl, right? Haven’t stopped hearin’ bout ya for the last coupla weeks - must be quite the celebrity by now.”
“Maybe.” You muttered, shrugging. “Lonely existence though. I still hardly know anybody.”
“That’s not surprisin’.” You whipped back to face him, brows furrowed. Osamu didn’t even seem fazed, picking at a stain on his jeans.
Gross.
“Would you care to elaborate? Or…?”
“Well, cause everybody already has their friends, y’know?” He gestured around the classroom emphatically. “Yer more like a zoo animal than a person to ‘em.”
“A zoo animal?”
Seriously?
He winced. “That sounds bad, sorry. I mean that uh… they find ya interestin’, they wanna spectate and uh, figure ya out. But when it comes to more human matters, like friendships and really gettin’ ta know someone, they have no interest in ya.”
“You really don’t have a way with words.” You leaned back in your seat again, tapping the pencil against the paper. The similarity between the brothers was astounding.
Osamu shrugged, seemingly unbothered by his crass choice of comparison. “Good thing I don’t really need them.”
You really were the unluckiest girl in the world.
“On the bright side though-” you glared daggers at him through your peripherals, hoping they stung as much as you intended. “Not everyone is so rigid that they don’t wanna make new friends.” He turned a lopsided grin in your direction. “Ya jus’ gotta find the right people.”
Your cold anger melted a little bit, understanding taking its place.
“Well… we are stuck together for the next year, so um, might as well make the most of it.”
“I knew we’d come to an understandin’.” Osamu slapped the desk, splaying the papers across it haphazardly. “I mean, I gotta make the most of who is quite possibly the only person in the school who is not madly in love with my brother.”
“It’s really not a difficult feat.”
Osamu snorted, pulling his chair closer to the desk. “Ya’d be surprised…”
⠀
“Mom? I’m home!”
Nerves shot to pieces, you toyed with the strap of your shoulder bag, fingers trembling each time they plucked at the frayed edges. You watched as Osamu crossed the threshold into his home, pulling off his shoes and tossing them to the side without any respect for the clean space.
“Um, are you sure it’s okay for me to come over without asking first?” You asked, teeth worrying into your bottom lip. You lingered in the doorway, fearful of looking too far into the house without a proper invitation.
Osamu glanced back at you.
“It’s fine, my mom isn’t a stickler.”
You nodded a little bit, but still couldn’t muster the courage to fully step inside.
As if on cue, soft footsteps came rushing down the hall.
“Which’a my boys is it?” Around the corner came a pretty middle aged woman, her long brown hair done in a loose braid, flyaways framing her face. She had on an apron, and her hands were still glistening with what you hoped was fresh, clean water. Excitement shone through her smile as if it had been days since she’d last seen her son.
“It’s me, mom.” You weren’t sure why he actually answered the question, because his mother was embracing him as he spoke. Of course she knew which one it was.
Right? Or do mothers also get confused by their twins?
“Mom?” His mother pulled back from the hug, head tipped upwards as she inspected his face. “What happened ta Mama? Don’t tell me ya went and grown up already.”
You’d have lavished in the mortified expression that flushed over Osamu’s face, had you not been equally as embarrassed as he was.
Osamu glanced away, hoping to salvage some of his dignity and hide the crimson of his cheeks and ears.
Suspicious, his mom glanced towards the still open doorway, her eyes widening. “Oh!” She let go of Osamu quickly, rushing to greet you. “I’m so sorry dear, I didn’t notice ya.”
“It’s okay, Miya-san. I’m L/n Y/n, it's nice to meet you. I’m sorry to come over so unexpectedly.”
She clicked her tongue a little, giggling. “No need ta be so formal sweetheart. Call me Reika.” She ushered you inside, closing the door behind you. “Osamu! Ya didn’t warn me we’d have company, I woulda made snacks.”
“That’s exactly why I didn’t tell ya…” Osamu mumbled, earning a sharp glare from his mother.
Reika turned back towards you, smiling warmly as she brushed some of your hair from your face. “What a pretty girl ya are. Ya know, little Osa doesn’t usually have guests over.”
You flushed, mouth parting slightly, though no words came.
“We’re just workin’ on a project, Mama.” Osamu said quickly. “Nothin’ more.”
She hummed. “I didn’t suggest anything.” The twinkle in her eye made you think otherwise, but you were still too stunned to form many coherent sentences. “I’ll go fix up some snacks for you two, Osamu?” She stared directly in her son’s eyes, a sudden intensity pricking the air that startled you. “Ya better not pull any funny business.”
Osamu’s blush returned with a vengeance. “Course not, mama…”
“Good.” Reika spun on her heels, and at that moment you realized she was barefoot. She took off again down the hallway, leaving you and Osamu silent and flustered in the entry.
“Let’s go.” He huffed, shuffling down an adjacent hall to the living room.
“Your mom is quite… friendly.” You managed as you settled down at the coffee table, glancing over your shoulder at the sound of a pan falling and a string of very unique and colorful curses following right behind.
Osamu snorted a bit, flopping onto the couch. “Thas one way ta put it...”
You glanced back towards him, a cheeky grin on your face. “So… ‘mama’?”
Osamu flushed yet again - you were really beginning to enjoy this.
“Shut up.” He hissed, burying himself in the pages and notebooks dedicated to your project, including the paper with your half-finished project proposal. “Atsumu calls her mommy, so if yer gonna poke fun, do it at him.”
You had to stifle your shocked laugh, hand pressing against your mouth firmly.
“No wonder he ran off so quick when he found out I was coming over tonight.” You snickered.
“Maybe he didn’t want you to be mistaken for his guest.” Osamu tilted his head to the side, eyes twinkling mischievously. There was a lot of family resemblance.
“Rude. Your mom obviously loves me already.”
Osamu rolled his eyes, though couldn’t formulate a good comeback.
“Besides, I’m doing you a favor.” You pressed on, leaning over the coffee table that sat between you two, elbows folded on the clean surface. “You never have anyone over, maybe now your mom won’t think you have zero game.”
Osamu’s glare was heated. “As if!” He too leaned forward, closing the space between you. “I’m jus’ smarter than my brother.” He tapped the side of his head to emphasize his point. “Ma doesn’t see my guests.”
It took a moment, but the realization had you over-exaggerating a gagging sound.
“You’re as disgusting as your brother.”
“Runs in tha family.”
⠀
Present Day
When all is said and done, where does that leave you?
When everything is gone, and nothing remains?
A step, a jump, a leap - back into the unknown, headfirst into reality - crashing and burning on the other side.
Your chest squeezed at the thought alone.
How much easier it is to sit and wait at the edge of calamity, silent, letting the minutes drag into evening as the sun slowly travels the length of the sky, and descends down to the edge of everything.
The bounds of perception, the realm of being, the connections that trap you in a web of existence.
When all is said and done, what becomes of the fragments of everything scattered around you?
The distant canopy rustled with the breeze, your feet digging a little further into the pebbles of the shore as they crunched in protest. Gaze fixated on the lake, you watched the ripples that came with the shifting winds, water’s surface shining as if it held the essence of the sun itself, as if the secrets of everything were trapped within.
A future lost, a past cut in flesh, the old forgotten and the new unsung.
What was everything to you now?
Soft, controlled breaths sounded at your side from where Kita still sat, his figure statuesque in the dimming light. He too stared off into nothing, into everything, careful not to betray the silent bubble the two of you had managed to create.
It was a miracle someone hadn’t come along to break it already, though perhaps the rest of the group was trying just as hard to avoid an imminent reality.
Kita’s gentle sigh was sudden, but with that one heavy breath, you felt your quiet realm pop, and with it came the oppressive silence of existence too long ignored.
You too let out a sigh, subconsciously mimicking his behavior, expelling the pressure that was steadily building in your chest.
“I wish we could be stagnant.” You murmured, toes wiggling and disrupting the pebbles once more.
You couldn’t see him, but you felt Kita’s body shift with the movements of a nod at your side. He didn’t say anything, still lost in an augmented reality he had allowed himself to relax within, one where wasting time on the shore of a lake didn’t mean the difference between survival and death.
Deep blue sky chased after the golden light of the sun as it fell behind the forest, rays streaming between trees, almost murky in appearance. You lifted your hands to the sky, fingers forming the shape of a fake camera as you positioned it right in front of the picturesque scene - and with a little click between your teeth, you pushed down on the imaginary photo button, and took the forever image.
“But reality calls.” You finished.
Kita glanced towards you, gaze flickering as he studied your features. “Are ya ready to take it on?”
And you knew you had to be truthful. A lie in a place like this was condemnation to a fate worse than death.
So you shook your head, and gave another deep, shuddering sigh. “No, not really. I’m not left with many alternatives.” You turned towards him with a tiny smile. “But.. it feels a little better. Having you with me.”
You make me feel unbreakable.
Kita’s eyes crinkled warmly.
You glanced back over the water, inspecting the backs of your hands, observing the grease, dirt, and blood that had become like a second layer of skin caked onto them. You looked down at the soiled bandages that coiled down the length of your arm, disappearing beneath bunched up sleeves.
Hand placed on the shore, you pushed yourself to your feet, staring out over the lake and the eerie stillness that clung to the Earth. Kita watched on quietly.
“I was thinking about it before,” you commented, hands finding their way to the hem of your sweatshirt. “About how everything has changed. Um, about how the things that mean the world to me have changed.”
“Well uh, what means the world to you now?”
You were quiet, fingers tracing over the fabric in your grasp for a heartbeat too long, and then yet another past that.
“I don’t know yet.”
You yanked your sweatshirt from your frame, taking the tank top beneath with it. You heard a little grunt, and glanced behind you. Kita was flushed and turned away, a hand shielding his gaze.
“The hell are ya doin’?”
You only grinned, stripping off your bra, pants, underwear, and shoes until you were standing, bare, on that rocky shore - your body laced with bandages, cuts, and bruises; evidence of everything broken and swallowed.
In the morning, the world waited for you. In the morning, you returned to the cold, unforgiving Earth and lost the world you and Kita had created.
So for the night, for one last night, you let yourself melt into the cloudy haze of your mind, and let your heart reign.
A toe in the water told you it was much colder than you had been anticipating - nothing like a summer skinny dip, where the water was just as or warmer than the nighttime air. Ripples extended from where your foot slipped in, goosebumps running up the length of your body, nipples pebbling in the cold air.
“Y/n, seriously.” Kita’s face was as red as a tomato as he fought to look anywhere other than in your general direction. “Stop messin’ around, put yer clothes back on.”
“What?” You hummed, wading in a little further and letting the water lap at your ankles. “I deserve a bath, don’t you think?”
The water was now up to your thighs as you pressed onwards, cold stinging your skin, sharp against all spots ripped and torn. The bandages loosened as they came in contact with the water, falling from your frame, and you tore them off, tossing them back to shore.
Kita had taken to placing both hands over his eyes now, tucked into himself as a means of avoiding looking at you. You couldn’t help but giggle a little, unsure if his actions were born from respect or self-preservation, and spread your arms out wide to the forest beyond the edge of the lake.
“Why live by the rules of a world that no longer exists?”
You let yourself plunge the rest of the way into the water.
It should have been unpleasant at best. As soon as your head hit the water, you should have been clawing for the surface again, searching for a way to get out and avoid the inevitable brain freeze.
But it felt so good.
The liquid flowed around you, cutting across your body as you became altogether weightless - suspended and dreamlike in a bubble within the whole. Floating, every inch of you touched by the water, yet you yourself remained solid.
It felt like ages before you finally resurfaced, water running down your face and from your hair, carrying with it the sediment of weeks passed.
Kita stood at the edge of the water now, his fingers pulling at one another. Your hair flowed around you, taken with the whims of water, caressing your collarbones and shoulders.
“Well, are you gonna join me?”
“Shit, don’t scare me like that Y/n.” Kita grumbled, running a hand through dirty hair. “You were under fer way too long.”
“Feels nice,” you hummed, placing a finger to your lips as you lowered your voice a little, indicating that he do the same. “Come and enjoy it while you still can.”
Kita stalled at the shore, foot tapping pensively. “I don’t know,” His hushed words came out rough and strangled, as if it was taking his all to use common sense rather than rush in head first by your side. “It doesn’t seem like such a good idea.”
As he spoke, you pushed back a little, the bottom of the lake dropping out from beneath you as you began to tread, heading into deeper waters. You dipped under the surface, pulling in a mouthful of water, before lifting up and spitting it out again, tongue and teeth left cold in its wake.
You watched him for a few moments as he lingered at the water's edge, teetering on his toes. Water clung to your lashes, and cooled your warm cheeks. You didn’t say anything, silent as you waited for him to make his decision.
But still he waited, so you continued to swim, deeper and deeper, the water the color of pitch around you.
“Fuck,” his voice hissed from shore. “Okay fine, fine, I’m comin’ in, but ya gotta get closer ta shore. Don’t go so far out, and turn around!”
You smiled to yourself, kicking languidly back to where your toes just barely scraped the bottom, and spinning to face the trees and the missing sun. Cloth rustled as pants and a shirt were tossed to the shore, and the water splashed with the presence of another person.
Your heart thumped loudly in your chest.
You let your head bob in the water as a distraction from the quickly approaching man, the water sloshing around you, waves and ripples flowing past your face. You tipped your head backwards slightly, cold seeping into your scalp, and washing away the remnants of what had easily been the most terrible period of your life.
And yet, the most transformative.
The splashing stopped, and the water stilled. The waves melted off into the distance, and all you were left with were calm ripples.
It was quiet.
Amid the silence, you became very aware of the way blood rushed through your ears like the very water you were suspended within, and how your skin, hot and flushed, warded off any chill that might have threatened to take hold.
“You can turn around now.” His soft breaths brushed right past your ear.
Your cheeks went red, and you pulled away from him just slightly, giving yourself room to turn around.
Warm.
His eyes were so warm. You could see the gold and amber competing for space, his pupils thick, dilated, and almost completely consuming the colors you’d grown to love so much.
Love, and hate.
You loved the way they bore deep into your soul, picking you apart, holding you, caressing you, finding what it was that made you tick and not questioning you for it. But you hated it as well. You hated that with one look, he could read you like a picture. All the walls in the world couldn’t fend off his perceptive gaze.
Your tongue was thick in your mouth, eyes locked in his, and from the way they flickered, you knew he was looking nowhere else but at you.
You opened your mouth to speak, but fumbled over your words, a strangled sound coming out instead. Water lapped at your chin as you struggled to find the words that lingered in your chest - you were completely transfixed.
His breath fanned over your face, warm in the cold air.
“Hello to you too.”
You loved the rose that tinted his cheeks, the flushed expression that made every aspect of his features glossy.
Your heart hammered louder, louder, and louder still.
He was so close, within a breaths distance, his plush lips a mere movement away.
He was so close.
You ducked under the surface suddenly, pushing backwards through the water to swim away from him. You surfaced again with at least a foot between you two, his wide eyes watching after you.
Those soulful, suffocating eyes.
As if on autopilot, you turned over in the water, splashing out to several meters away.
“Don’t go so far.” Kita scolded, following after you. You dove back under, swimming a few feet to the side, running him in circles through the water.
Holding out against a well trained athlete for as long as you did should have been a feat of its own, but with every stroke, he drew just a little closer, and so too did your pounding heart move faster.
The water splashed all around you as you swam away from him, but stilled after a moment’s breath.
His hand wrapped around your ankle, yanking you backwards and dragging you through the water. You had half a mind to splutter back to the surface and yell at him, but the warmth of his bare chest against your back had any fighting words dying in your throat.
Water ran down your face as you were pulled upright, resurfaced. You coughed just a little, but it was hard when you knew he could feel every little movement and twitch of your frame.
Tha-thump.
Tha-thump.
Tha-thump.
There was no space between you, both your bodies tense at the suddenness of close proximity. His breath was once again fanning over your ears, trickling down your neck, and sending hot goosebumps running down your arms.
Tha-thump.
Tha-thump.
It was quiet, and still, as you sat with your back up against him, fearful of relaxing in his grasp, of letting yourself meld with him completely.
You floundered.
Tha-thump.
You spun quickly in Kita’s hold, taking hold of his shoulders, keeping yourself afloat. His hands easily found purchase at your waist, sturdy and strong against your soft flesh. You felt his fingers squeeze just slightly, and your breath caught in your throat.
Those eyes.
Just an inch away from his face, and there was nothing else you could look at. Both of your breaths came short and quick, mixing together in the cold autumn air, misty clouds reminding you both of how crazy you must be to be swimming in frigid waters at this time of year.
“Don’t you wish we could be stagnant?” You whispered, breathing in the smell of him that still lingered, not yet washed away.
“I do,” his answer was quick and unrestrained. “But I’d rather jus’ enjoy this moment with ya.” Again his fingers squeezed at your hips, holding tight. Your heart hammered against your ribcage, threatening to break free at the next beat.
“And what about everything?” You asked, struggling to control your breaths, keeping them shallow to avoid pressing your chest right up against his.
“Everything is what you make it.”
His taste melted over your tongue.
Sweet and velvety.
You sighed a little into the kiss, skin and insides going fuzzy as you pressed in just a little tighter, careful to keep your hips from being flush against his body. The water sloshed around you as Kita fought to keep you both afloat, hands occupied by your waist and the nape of your neck.
Who were you to care about the sound you were making, and the attention you were drawing your way?
You’d be damned if you didn’t take this moment and live it. If you didn’t let an eternity stretch between you.
It was Kita who pulled away first, his face red, eyes lazy and unfocused. He held you back a little bit, putting some distance between your bodies, and you stared at him, wide eyed.
“I’m sorry-” You started, but he interrupted you before you could finish.
“Don’t ever apologize fer somethin’ like that.” His face melted with a dopey grin, and you couldn’t help the butterflies that kicked up a stir in your chest.
You smiled a little in return, sheepish.
“Hey, guys? You okay?”
The sudden voice from the shore had you jumping from your skin. You shoved yourself away from Kita, creating immediate distance.
Akagi and Aran stood at the edge, squinting into the low sunset and semi-darkness, looking for the pair of you.
“We’re okay! Y/n fell in.” Kita’s voice was hoarse. “Head back to camp, we’ll be there soon.”
Even you could hear Akagi scoff as he followed instructions, heading back to the glowing orange campfire that flickered just beyond the crest of the hill beyond the shore.
If you weren’t red before, you were now.
Kita turned to look at you, but you couldn’t let yourself linger on the dewy expression that had clouded his appearance. Your night had been interrupted, and morning came all too quickly with the beginning of the reality you’d tried so hard to avoid.
“Shit,” you hissed, swimming to shore as quickly as you could and, almost reluctantly, Kita followed suit.
Random Obscure Things You Can’t Do with a Tongue Piercing:
I made this list for fun, but who knows, maybe it’ll be useful for fellow writers or anyone weighing the pros and cons of getting a tongue piercing…
1. Play poison dart frog
2. Blow bubbles with bubble gum
3. Lick a beater (doable, but that mfer gets caught on all the prongs)
4. Stick your tongue out at people (normally), or do so without looking like a fool.
5. Get hairs from your mouth easily. Idk.
6. Have normal levels of spit. I’ve never in my life had issues with producing too much saliva but I do now. Drooling becomes wayyy too easy and I be spitting while talking on accident.
7. Lick/eat popsicles and ice cream bars easily. It can hurt when it gets super cold, and also gets caught on things. Easy way around it - just use your lips instead but it’s still not the same as before (and this only applies for non-ice cream biters… you heathens)
8. Keep your tongue in your mouth. It’s addicting to play with.
9. Blow raspberries (without practice - its just hard)
10. Kiss without it hitting the other persons teeth. It made for a very strange first kiss imo.
11. Do tongue tricks…. so sad my skills have gone to waste.
12. Be seen as a prude. As soon as anyone notices it the assumptions go crazy
13. Make the waterdrop sound with your mouth. Another one that’s kind of doable, but really difficult. Used to be able to do it and impress people but alas no longer
