Shitposting @randomcontentdude - Tumblr Blog

People

Alright, im not gonna say "my mom" or "my dog" cause there's just one of them out there so I will mostly focus on friends.

Uni

Plurinational Friend: shes my best friend from uni, she's a bit older and we bonded because I used to summer in the country where she grew up, and then everything went downhill and now we are besties. I also know her sisters and parents. She's got like 5 nationalities.

Christian friend: we share one nationality, she moved here with her sister. Right now Plurinational friend can't stand her. Christian friend is extremely christian, we went to church together twice, she's been a great support for me and I really appreciate her, but I cannot force my other friends to hang out with her if they dont want to. She's a great cook since her parents used to own a restaurant of our shared nationality(she's got two).

Emo friend: we live together, we are both gay, he's got a gorgeous boyfriend that honestly im not jealous of even when he's got separately all the features I usually like, but idk, im not attracted to him. Neither am I to emo friend. He looks like he would kill you but its a cinnamon roll, he is everything im not and I dont mean that in a wishful way, I mean it in a we are quite opposite way, both physically and sometimes emotionally. I sometimes feel insecure when Im with him because he's got a lot of game.

King mate: She used to be close to us, now she's got a boyfriend we dont like and has established distance with us, and honestly she's a bit immature and I dont like to hang out with her that much anymore.

Ex-redhead mate: she's no longer a redhead, she used to be fun but now there's been a situation with a guy in our circle and things got awkward, she's behaving immaturely and I dont feel like dealing with her. Both her and King mate hurted my plurinational friend and I feel upset about that.

Snow white: it's allusive to her name and not a cocaine addiction, she's cool, we met her because of King mate. Emo, plurinational and I really like her, we have sorta taken her under our wing.

Ex flatmates

believe it or not this may be the most important group in my life, we do virtually everything together and even now that we dont live together, we see each other almost everyday, not seeing them for two days feels like not seeing a uni friend for two weeks. We all are foreigners too.

Cheesy friend: he is not cheesy, he's the oldest being 12 years older than me. He is a scientist and he's very cool. he's also my only straight male friend and one of my few friends who are males, so I feel some sort of a deeper connection with him because of this. he also loves food from my country so thats cool. He's the one who took us all climbing and he couches us too! in almost everything.

Monkey friend: she's the friend Ive known the longest since she was already living there when I moved in. She's a psychologist and she's very caring of me. She's also older than me but not for as much as cheesy friend. I love her deeply and I would say I sorta look for her approval when I do things sometimes. She's also very short hehe. I was supposed to move in with her until Emo friend got kicked off his aunt's place.

Equestrian friend: we didn't live together but we still hang out all the time. She's a friend of monkey's from back home and she's also a psychologist. She's taken me under her wing and I feel cared for too. Equestrian and monkey friend live together so I sometimes stay at their place, I even left a stuffed panda at their place.

Hometown friends

Foreign trio girl: She's part of our trio named after a mental illness, she never answers my calls but I know she deeply misses me. She used to live abroad but decided to move back home.

Popular trio girl: She decided to stay home by decision and at some point she was my closest friend. Now I feel she resents me for moving away and not staying with her, and she's even more upset I dont feel as miserable as she would have hoped. She does call me more than my mom tho.

Curly friend: This is the friend I got close with because our best friends paired up and left us behind. She decided to move abroad but way closer to home. I really enjoy her company and I feel thats she's someone tat truly understands me even we cannot always help each other, she has stayed by my side for so long and I deeply love her.

Childhood friend: She's been my friend since we were 4, and with our ups and Downs we've stuck together through the years. she also lives abroad now and really far from my abroad, but we are meeting at her sisters (very near of where I live in a global scale) this new years, she's also come to see me here and im just very glad to have her in my life, she's like family.

Disney friend: We met at popular trio girl's friend group. She is very wealthy but also she's very welcoming and kind. She moved to the same country as me, just a different city. We've seen each other here and back home multiple times, and im very glad I have her in my life. It is always so fun to go down and stay with her.

Unstable friend: I met her in French classes, she was living abroad but had to move back due to mental health issues. She's cool and brings on some unique vibe to the table. Right now she's studying in the suburbs of the same city as my Disney friend.

Absent friend: this friend is very particular, she's a party girl, she's a ride or die but only when's she's there. She's got some problems and our lore is so intricate it deserves her own post, and not for good. I can go months without seeing her but when we se each other is like nothing happened, we are fast to forgive each other. We met because she wanted to study in the same uni as me and her grandparents are our family doctors.

Others

Gorgeous gorgeous (gg) blond: he is my crush, physically he is all i ever dreamt of. Sometimes i feel he likes me back but he said he doesn’t want to try anything out because he doesn’t know if he’ll be around in a few months since he wants to take a gap year.

(Update: ignore the blondes, it’s just blond, he is a boy, the situation right now is different? Idkidk we’re friends tho)

Virtual friend: he is my friend since we were 12, we basically shaped each other since we were each others closest friend since we were like 13 all the way to like 16, we talked everyday, now we live in the same city!!

Fellow country girl: She was seeing cheesy friend but now they are friends and she is my friend too! we are from the same city sooooo

Teddy: a guy I fucked that was super cute and super nice to me and we had great sex and for some reason I’ve developed a sort of platonic crush on him because he’s older and don’t want a relationship with someone as young as me. And is being friendly yet evasive all the time.

Oakley: Russian guy who I’m potentially in love with.

In this past few months I’ve realised many things. I’ve realised how little I cared about finding someone that was perfect but someone that was real. I realised what I really appreciated in a person as flawed or different to myself as they might be. And day after day I learnt it was you. I learnt that care came in different capacities and all of them equally valid, that you have to love without expecting change but respecting differences. I’ve valued a chance to be lost together and find each other somewhere in the middle. That attraction really changes your brain chemistry and that you can have one single thought in your mind all day without getting bored. I’ve learnt to trust my instinct which I think hasn’t been wrong all this time, because when distance is so prominent, that is the only thing you have. I saw the signs of fate and followed them knowing it was going to be challenging. I don’t see how this can be an easy road, it won’t be, it never has been. But no matter how harsh the pathway is, with the right person by your side it is always a pleasure. I am not inside of your mind but I like to think and feel that the connection we have is strong enough that I understand what crosses your brain even an ocean apart. The people around you have never trusted you, they’ve never had faith in you. But I do, and I know it’s hard to believe, mostly because of my own wrongdoings, but I do. So maybe I got it all wrong and you never loved me and I’m just embarrassing myself, but if you do love me a fraction of the way I love you, I will ask for one thing only: Never stop trying. Because there is nothing you can do that will make me walk away other than giving up. Never stop trying to get where you wanna be, to be who you want to be, and please, never stop trying to be with me. So if I’m not crazy, let us walk this path together, until someday we reach our destination. But if I got it all wrong, maybe I should start walking my own. I love you, and i will always be here for you, but I will not be where I am not welcomed, and if I am not welcomed in your heart, I will stop trying to get in and move forward.

Love,

#shitpost #diary #random shit #random thoughts #piece of life #thoughts #talk tag #spilled thoughts #midnight thoughts #lgbt

Sometimes life gets a little loud, with future promises and expectations and due dates around the corner. And a level of procrastination only known for the most advanced undiagnosed (now officially diagnosed and with my meds on the way) levels of ADHD know to the body of a little Latino gay twink (according to popular belief). I need to get back in shape, I couldn’t do a pull up today and that’s unacceptable, I’m spending summer in the city and have no time to lose before looking like a treat again. Little hard with the economic hardship that represents in this country.

The boys have been too loud in my mind and not in the way they usually are, if whatsoever, they have been the quietest they’ve been since I arrived to Ireland. My Croatian sweetheart is back to the story somehow and he was waiting for me in the city so we could finally live our fairy tale love, after fate reunited us that crazy night in Dublin. But just like it does, the employment situation is pushing him back home atm. I’m at peace knowing he’ll be back in my life eventually, I mean, he was erased and came back from the death. And maybe moving to a country where you don’t speak the language wasn’t smart. And maybe I’m making him to be someone he isn’t. But nonetheless I’ve fallen, and I’m certain he felt too even when he’s more distant now, as the weeks pass and no call backs are in place and his dad had a heart attack. I don’t blame him, must suck to be him rn. And then I stumble into a picture of teddy…well, idk how to explain it but if my baby Croatian ain’t home this summer, I’ll wait the blues out by getting some Belgian waffles, even if it takes a spell to lure him back into my sheets. It’s been a year since I last talked to him to get my answers. And then there’s this Russian tiktoker who severely reminds me of that Russian who I had a shirt lived love affair with, I need an Eastern European man to fling with this summer or ill eat paint chips off the wall.

And you know what? he will always wish it was me instead

I made you the man you are, I built you from scratch. I nurtured you when you didnt know how to grow and I showed you the truth about yourself and about others. Just as always, I was a teacher but never a receiver. I teared, bled and sweated for you and in return I had NOTHING. But him? he just showed up and you were the man I taught you to be, the one you could never be with me, the man that I always begged you to be. But you were never scared enough about me leaving until I did, were you? Not sacred enough to change. I am broken, and I am hurt and I am in so much pain. Not because youre giving it to someone else, but because that is the treatment I deserved and never got. I never thought you'd hurt me, but you did. If only you had the capability to lie to me in you.

new years

This year has been unlike others. Uneventful in adventures but enriching in experiences. January 7th the first time I ever hooked up, and from there, it was a journey of love, attachment and pleasure. It was a year of professional stagnation and academic challenges. Of realising im human, and not godlike as I always thought. The year that cemented Madrid as my home fr real this time, the year I was hunted down and in a relationship with a man unlike anything I ever thought of, and because of that it didnt work out. A year of loosing and gaining weight yet feeling light when it came to my aspect. A year of meeting people that were life changing, and saying my goodbyes, maye for the first or repeated time, to people that have marked me in ways are not ever erasable. It has been a year of silent suffering, a year of feelings, a year of wishing and not so much of living, even though I lived a lot in this period of time. It was a year of growth, a transition into adulthood.. No longer the gifted child but just aperson, average, lost. A year of learning what I want, what I dont. I year unwritten in my plan of ideals. The year I realised I am something beyond my profession and realising what that was, and what my profession was a s well. When I look at madrid I see home. Those harsh winters filled with ice cold beer, and those summers where the overwhelming heat transform you into a creature mod the nigts, and all days blend together in a cloud of tobacco smoke. I felt, held, abandoned, loved and ignored. Felt delusional over clear patterns. Let 2026 be the year where everything I learnt comes together and allows me to be the real version of me I always dreamt of, allow me to settle into what I will be. I always rejected his part of me and it finally came afloat, now that I know. Can I go back to how it used to be? Know that I’ve tried, let me be the version of myself im supposed to be. Trust, faith, commitment and patience. I know im great in potential, allow me to prove myself when swimming the water rather than making me swim in sand.

#photography #liminal spaces #memories #collage #urban photography

I feel like I got with a shortminded little boy. I don’t mean it as conservative. I mean it as 0 common sense. The nicest part about having a boyfriend that does everything you say is that it does everything you say. The worst part is you have to tell them everything they need to do to the dot cause otherwise they are unable to do it. It’s like talking with someone with 0 sense of anything. And I could say things to his face and he would still not get it. It’s like trying to watch a dog chasing after its tail. Cute at first, until it becomes so hard to watch that you need to look away. I don’t think I can deal much longer without looking away. I was planning on hanging in there until I was gone on my exchange as it is convenient this way. But I can’t do it anymore, it’s painful, annoying, a buzz killer. And im sad cause he’s the greatest, beautiful human being, worships the land I walk on. But i dint need a believer, I need a partner. He doesn’t like the things I like, he doesn’t know how to handle me, how to read me. I’m just waiting to talk with my therapist to see what she says before acting up, even tho I might already know the answer I don’t wanna throw this away without being sure.

#shitpost #diary #random shit #random thoughts #piece of life #gay #lgbtq #late night posts #talk tag

Being taken is so weird for me, and I dont regret it one bit, and I do not miss being a slut under any circumstance, having a boyfriend is by far easier, more reliable and has more perks. Unless you have my boyfriend.

He is a sweetheart, he prays on the ground I've stepped on, he adores me and tells me I am the best boyfriend ever. Yes, I am, I do everything. He is a painting in the wall. The most useful things I can name that he does is getting me snacks when I want. Other than that, im the planner, the social face, the productive powerhouse, the stylist. Yes, in the long term he is an Ace, he will be a lawyer and comes from a comfortable family, being with him means economic stability for the foreseable future, someone that loves me madly, and basically the life I have always dreamed of. But idk if I can do it. Physically, he is too skinny, I like heavier men, more sturdy, someone that can carry me without snapping in half. He can't lift me, I can't lay on top of him or cuddle without feeling his bones. He's got no initiative and behaves like a child, and not in the cute quirky way, in the im not functional way. He doesnt know how to grocery shop, how to strengthen relationships if the context doesn't allow a development, he has 0 initiative for anything, he cannot read my mind, which sounds stupid, but there are things that your Boyfriend should know and he just doesnt. He cant finish an adult portion of food despite being taller than me, his diet would be all carbs and sugars if I didnt cook for him. Easy to say im the best boyfriend when I am the functional part of adult. He IS all I have ever wanted, and idk how to say this wihout sounding like a mormon. But I need a REAL MAN, and he is a child. He is a whole man child, he thinks a relationship is cuddling and saying I love you, the lack of problematic in his privileged life have made him useless. And now I feel like if im gonna be a mother, might as well be for someone I find madly sexy, and not simply cute. And no, im not saying im not attracted to my boyfriend, but I am not a pedophile, and having to finish your plate of food and having to form burger patties for you because you can't touch meat is not what I would describe as being with a man. I know I am not perfect, I am very flawed, and I fear that if I run away from my relationship no one will ever love me like this, this is safe, with a nice and secured future. But this is not passionate or intense, or sexy even.

That being said, the worst part is, I dont even want to breakup with him. I always think abt it, that once his exchange is finished we can just break up and that was it, a beautiful moment in time. But I think of it and I dont want to break up with him. But GOD, he behaves like a child. I know relationships are investments, and I investing on him, he was a blank page, a virgin who didnt even know how to make out. And we've talked about all of these problems, and I can see him working towards it, however, it is hard to just overlook the fact that he is incompetent outside of school and work.

Im just thinking that for this semester it doesnt really make sense to break up, but also in the long term it doesn't make sense.