guad, why is one of your three primal fears whales?
so you know how millions of years ago life on this planet tended to be *enormous*? like, after dinos we got ridiculously massive mammals like the indricotherium:
and we got freakin giant apes
and giant fucking camels (Titanotylopus)
well naturally ancient ocean life was 1000x scarier. absolute nightmare fuel. it wasn’t enough that we got terrifying GIANT FUCKING MEGALODON SHARKS
no there was also bullshit like styxosaurus just running around. for NO REASON
even the fucking whales were terrifying. wtf Basilosauruses NO ONE asked for
oh wait don’t let me forget that even boring fucking FISH couldn’t be normal
unnecessary and unhelpful.
I hope i have made a point. the largest animals in the history of the world are now extinct and fuck you PETA i am GRATEFUL for that. i just, i have enough shit to deal with in the world as it is. i don’t think it’s fair to make me deal with that too, i really don’t. so good riddance.
did i say the largest animals in history? NOPE ACTUALLY THAT WOULD BE THIS FUCKER
Life on this planet is 4 billion years old and the relatively recent accursed Blue Whale is the largest animal to have existed in all that time. I hate and resent that, and this is why blue whales are tied with late-stage capitalism as one of my Top 3 All Time Fears. Good day to you.
EVERYTHING ELSE GOT SMALLER! EVERYTHING ELSE! NO MORE GIANT RODENTS, NO MORE BEAVERS THAT COULD SQUASH A PERSON WITH THEIR FOOT. NO MORE 3 TON SLOTHS. EVEN THE FUCKING SHARKS got smaller. But not the blue whales. NOT THE FUCKING BLUE WHALES