The sky is blue

Sixteen year old battling mental illness 🙊

[randomoldaccount-blog]

School work & Pressure

This morning I woke up, and I’m feeling immense pressure from school and I’m feeling very weighed down from the depression, and life is starting to slip down again and I’m losing motivation to live. 

This isn’t good, but I can only keep my head above the water for so long, and now this is it. But this is my blog & my outlet and a place where you can learn with me about my journey!

- Love you all  

[randomoldaccount-blog]

A real suicide note;

In order to share the true emotions of the state of depression, and one contemplating killing themselves; here is an extract from a suicide note to help make awareness. 

Now, this is the point that has well and truly broken me, having to write this for you. I know how much this must hurt you, presuming you cared. My very first point is, I beg you to not let this hurt you, as that's what held me back. I'm scared of hurting you and making things harder. You really did mean the entire world to me, honestly. I'm eternally grateful you let me come out with you, I honestly am, it meant an awful lot. Sometimes, you said stuff that really did move me. You actually cared, and sounded so protective. You'd always listen given the matter or personal circumstance and actually cared. I actually felt close to someone, and you are the only person who I'd never hold a grudge against, not one thing you've done upset me, not one. Every day you'd talk, no matter, no circumstance. You'd open up to me, which to me meant a lot. You fought for Contora, you really did, and you're the only person who about made sense, understood, the exact pain I felt losing Harry, and me fighting every ounce for Contora, you actually cared. I feel so bad, putting this on you. I don't want to be another shit thing on your list, I really don't. But the time has come for me no more, it really as. I beg you to fight each day, I honestly do.  Your messages really did keep me going, and thank you so much.

[randomoldaccount-blog]

What it's really like to be depressed;

I woke up this morning, and know soon I’ve got to get up and get ready; we have the vet coming out to chop one of the horses balls off so he can’t have babies.

Only problem is, depression has decided to pay a god damn vist. Truth is, it feels like it’s physically weighing me down, like they’re is something genuinely on me; and I’m full of anxiety too. I know I need to get up, but I genuinely finding it so hard so I’m writing instead.

The down times often contridics the good times, for exsample last night I was on a really postive high, I was happy. Wake up and I’ve really crashed, I feel immensely tired, worried, stressed, and feel like giving up. I don’t give a fuck.

I’m also stressed since the landlord will be there and she can really pick up on my moods, so being down isn’t fun.

This is a taste of depresssion, and what it’s like! 💕

[randomoldaccount-blog]

She has supernatural powers? { Storytime}

Okay, so recently something weird happend. The landlord who owns the horses I look after is a personal friend, and I’ve known them around a year. I hadn’t properly seen them in around six/seven months, and then I started seeing them daily. Around four days of seeing them daily, I had a really bad day, one of the worst. I was begging a friend to let me die/and was scared to go home in case I done some thing stupid. Anyhow, the next day the women walks up to me, and tells me we need to talk. She turns around and tells me she knew about my issues & self harm, and apparently she could just see it… How weird? She was dropping her kid if at dancing, and since I’m really good friends with her, she locked her in the car and said she wasn’t aloud out until she told her what was going on. But how on earth could this women just see it , with out any physical clues? Bizarre!!

[randomoldaccount-blog]

Hai fellow humans!

p>Welcome to my random blog 🙈…

I’m legit going to write about the genuine adventures of my random uncontollable human self! What a great idea - not .

Okay so I’m a random human, I live in England and I like animals. I’m pretty antisocial, have random issues (I’m depressed okay) and an obsessed with Twenty øne piløts & Panic! At the disco. I’m currently under strict supervision or something since random people around me think I’m insane, rest assured I’m not I’m just a bit depressed. I have to see random unqualified women as school for pointless meetings regards self harm & sucidal thoughts. Both are pretty shitty so I love life! I look after two horses around the corner whom I love! I spend lots of time with them! 💕 So welcome random humans to my life, I hope you enjoy and stick around. 🙈😝😜