So you're a celebrity who moved to Tumblr. Do you have what it takes to survive?
Twitter is a fine planet. But now, trampled by Musk and with citizens panicking, you've decided to take a vacation to the little wilderness of Tumblr. That sounds lovely. I bet it's cottagecore.
Tumblr is a jungle planet. The eco system is finely tuned, full of poison and predators and bugs with HUGE asses. Anyone who walks in unprepared will be eaten alive. You smell like another planet. You don't know the rules of this place. So how do you survive?
Tumblr can sense marketing teams like a shark can sense blood. You are a person, not the @montereybayaquarium. Someone else writing your content is a death sentence.
Tumblr is comprised of cringe based life forms. Being on Tumblr is in itself an act of cringe. Cringe may be considered a biohazard on Twitter but here it is the basis of all content.
Irony is enjoyed in moderation.
This should be a rule everywhere, but it applies more on Tumblr. Irony is like alcohol: fun to use but poisonous in excess.
There is no algorithm to help you.
You don't have a little GPS to feed you the location of good content. Strike out and find it on your own. Luckily, if you're famous, @staff will probably help you out. They have a hut in the jungle filled with sample specimens.
The lack of algorithm also means that you won't get much free attention without being interesting. Tags broadcast everyone's posts the same amount. Random wacky memes are as dense as foliage, they won't make you stand out. Neil Gaiman lives on a mountain and spends his mornings discussing his work seriously, feeding the birds. What can you offer the ecosystem?
This is a place where you die.
Do NOT censor your language. The algorithm isn't going to punish you for saying "dead." Talk like a human being.
Focus on your own stuff, reblog some stuff. Hubris is punished swiftly. You are not the most important beast in the jungle.
(The most important beast in the jungle is @straycatj. Follow him but do not interact with him. Every organism on this planet will burn you to the ground if you touch a hair on his head.)
Listen to the ecologists.
@strange-aeons has been documenting the ecology of this place on YouTube for years. Since the "search" function is nonfunctional, posts come and go. Geography shifts when you look away. Documentation is difficult. If you don't understand a meme, research content from the experts.
The novelty of a celebrity asking the public about a Tumblr meme may work to your advantage. However, most other celebrities on this platform prefer to avoid all memes. It is easy to get lost when exploring the shifting landscape.
Are you sure you're up to this? You're going to have to prove yourself. You're probably not ready.
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