When Namjoon meets you in a bakery, he never expected to become so obsessed with you.
Namjoon x reader
Strangers to lovers, inspired by You on Netflix.
25+
Word count: 13.8k
Wattpad | Masterlist
WARNINGS: Stalking, non-con, panty fetish, voyeurism, daddy kink, slut shaming, degradation (I mean serious degradation, these are not soft words at all these are borderline feminist issues), power play, use of the word bitch, lesbian phone sex, masturbation, pillow humping, hidden cameras, sex toys, somnophilia, choking, face-slapping, under – non-negotiated kinks, dom/sub, predator/prey, begging, pain kink, lack of foreplay, lack of aftercare (briefly), penis-in-vagina sex, unprotected sex, free-use kink, breeding kink, dacrophilia, size kink, Namjoon has a big dick (wbk), cuckolding (shiiiiit we getting all these kinks in this fic Jesus!), overstimulation, oral sex (f receiving), fear play, a panic attack, obscene use of the word "cunt" (it's actually my favourite word, I think), manipulation, switch!Reader; forced submission, cock-stepping, ruined orgasm,
This story is kind of dark and also kind of creepy. In real life scenarios, this kind of behaviour is never acceptable but as this is a work of fiction it should be treated as such. I am not glamorising or romanticising stalking or any of the more damaging tags that this fic is associated with. Basically, don't do it. It's creepy and weird. Always make sure kinks are fully negotiated before you put them into practice, and also don't stalk people. That isn't okay. And if you are going through that right now, please know that there are so many resources available to make sure you are safe. But also please take care of yourself. I am also not associating Namjoon with any of these traits in real life. Nor am I assuming his real-life sexuality. I reiterate, this is a work of fiction, nothing more. If you are triggered by any of the above tags, DO NOT read this fic. Your mental health is far more important than a story.
Words mentioned in the fic that aren't featured anywhere except The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows, John Koenig (I'm testing the waters here so please bear with me):
Ghough: n. A hollow place in your psyche that can never be filled, a bottomless hunger for more food, more praise, more attention, more joy, more sex, more money, more hours of sunshine; a sense of panic that everything good will be taken from you too early, which makes you swallow the world before it ends up swallowing you. Onomatopoeic to the sound of a devouring maw. Pronounced "hawkh", with air drawn sharply inward through the mouth.
He couldn't help that he was so obsessed with you. It was your fault really... you shouldn't be so intoxicating that you'd cause his brain to overload with nothing but thoughts of you. You came into his life like an atom bomb, tearing a hole through his planet to the point where he never thought he would recover. All you did was smile at him and ask him if he wanted a bag to carry his pastries home with. But your smile was so pulchritudinous, so enslaving, your hair messy and disheveled from your hardworking nature, and flour all over your sweet face; he was a goner at the very second. He glanced at your nametag and memorised the spelling with such speed he was barely out of the bakery before he'd begun to search for you on social media. The worst part about it all was the fact that he wanted to know so much more about you but didn't want to concern you. He knew that men had a tendency to come on too strong and that you'd probably be on your guard. He wanted you to be at ease with him, to realise that he was the only one who could keep you happy for the rest of your life. If that meant he had to treat you delicately then so be it. Fragile you were, and careful he'd be. He was in it for the long haul, a true gentleman of the modern era.
All he really wanted to know was your work times. He just wanted to know when he'd come into the store and bump into you. Honestly, he had no intention of searching for anything else, except maybe some of the things that you enjoyed so he could strike up a natural conversation with you. But that was it – scout's honour. He discovered from your social media that you were an avid baker, who loved working at the local bakery not because it was a temporary source of income until something better came along, but because this was the better option for you. Sure, you were paid just above the minimum wage, but this was your lifelong passion, and you prided yourself on putting your happiness first. He also unveiled that you had plans to become a business owner yourself, bringing in your main source of income while just doing your hobby. It was a smart idea really – who wanted a job they hated when they could be paid well for what they loved? You were a smart woman. A true unicorn in a field of horses. He decided there and then that you were his soulmate. And as he sat in the park, scrolling through your social media profile and discovering more about you, he was sure the pastries you baked him were the best he'd ever eaten.
He came into the bakery around two days later at the exact time when you would be working. Unfortunately, though, this time your co-worker was manning the till for you, allowing you to hide in the kitchens and not venture into the main room. Last time your co-worker was on a break, which was why you looked so frazzled and stressed. You Tweeted about how the batch that was baking at the time Namjoon entered the premises had burned because you were trying to do everything. Your co-worker was useless anyway. They never helped you. You were running that business as if it were your own. He needed to cause some kind of distraction to get you out there so he could talk to you. But what could he do sneakily? If he caused a scene – you'd panic. He couldn't bear being the cause of one of your anxiety attacks. He also didn't want to fake complain about anything because he knew you'd panic and think you weren't good enough. And he couldn't be the reason that you'd never realise your dream and your full potential. Compliments were good... maybe he could try and pass on a message... but it would be better coming from him and not your idle assistant. If he told her to tell you something, he would have no doubt it would go in one ear and out the other. No, he had to do it in person.
He stepped forward and looked at her nametag. "Excuse me, Emma. Could you grab the chef for me? I would like to compliment her work."
Emma gave him a look that called him peculiar. "Chef? What do you think this is, a restaurant?"
A voice came from the kitchens. "Emma, take a break." Emma didn't reply. She only rolled her eyes, picked up her phone and made her way to the back room. Namjoon turned to look at the voice, only to discover it was you.
You were much more put together than the last time he saw you – clearly your day wasn't quite as hectic as it was two days ago. Not that he minded your tousled appearance. On the contrary, he found it cute and endearing, but there was no doubt that you were a Venus on Earth. An eighth wonder of the world that lay undiscovered in the quiet city you both called home. There was a light dusting of flushed pink nestled on your cheeks to indicate some hard work, but not enough to make you break into a sweat. Your hair was back off your face, allowing him to marvel at your refinement. Poised, bright, bubbly, with a smile that could knock anyone off their feet. He was falling for you and falling so fast he wondered just how hard the impact would be when he landed.
Suddenly, you spoke again. Your soft voice dancing into his ears and lifting his spirits just a little more. Oh, how sweet you sounded. "How can I help you, sir?"
Oh, how can you help me indeed, he thought to himself. Wistful thoughts catching him off guard and seemingly turning into a brand-new person. "I-I don't know if you remember me," he was finally able to choke out, "I was here two days ago... I bought some pastries."
You smiled. Of course, he'd buy pastries, this was a bakery after all. "I remember you."
You did? He was sure you were lying to make him feel better. You did, after all, house the kindest heart in your chest. There was no mistaking you wouldn't want him to feel awkward or upset. "Oh, you do? Well, I hadn't been here before and I just wanted to thank you for making such delicious treats. I really enjoyed them! They were my favourites – the best I'd eaten in a long time." Mentally he scolded himself for saying the words delicious treats aloud. Why was he talking so formally to you? And why did it make him sound like an elderly man? It was weird and it made him cringe. You made him so nervous he became overly polite. Why would you bewitch him in such a way he couldn't form sentences without seeming like a creep?
Wait... was that a smile he saw? "How did you know it was me who baked them?" Were you teasing him? There was no doubt you were playful; he knew it from finding your friend's posts about you. He watched you goof around with them with such a childlike freedom. It was wonderful to see you so extricated and alive.
It was his turn to tease, "I'd never mistake a gorgeous face."
You blushed. He'd won. "Well, that's very kind of you to say so, thank you."
"I was wondering if I could get your number?" He bluntly asked, still feeling so shy despite his obvious charm working on you. "I would love to thank you properly for creating such a memorable experience with a memorable experience of my own."
"Oh? And what would this memorable experience be?"
He smiled, "Well, if I told you then you wouldn't want to come. There's nothing wrong with a little mystery, especially for a first date."
Your smile dimmed slightly as you considered your response, no doubt weighing up your options quickly to ensure your safest and most comfortable option. "Of course. Here you are." You gave him your number on a napkin and told him to call you.
The thing you didn't realise was, he had already found and saved your number into his phone. He was just hoping for permission to call you.
Namjoon had scheduled a date for you both the following weekend on your first day off. He had made sure that you had no plans written on your Google calendar, but of course, he couldn't just come out and say that he knew you even had a Google calendar, let alone your schedule. But he just couldn't wait a week to see you. He was buzzing with teenage excitement, lovesick nerves and anxiety that the whole day should go as exactly to plan, and that you had such a good time you would have no reason to not fall in love with him as he had with you. He was aware you wouldn't experience love at first sight. He was convinced he wasn't much of a looker himself, but he knew he had the personality of someone you could hold very close to your heart. You needed time to see how perfect he was for you. And while he was willing to wait for you to fall for him, he refused to wait to see you.
He hadn't been to work in a few days, calling in and telling his boss he had some kind of stomach bug and it was best he stayed home for a while. His boss, like the fool he was, believed Namjoon and told him to take all the time he needed. Of course, Namjoon had no plans to be away for so long, but every day he kept finding himself being drawn to this one place in particular... your house.
Your low income meant that you lived in a small flat in a run-down building just off the main road. You were a few metres away from the nearest bus stop, and the bus that ran near your house wasn't convenient enough to be considered a main route, therefore the price of your rent went down to a mere three hundred per month. Well, the routes were only a small contributor. The biggest was that your neighbourhood was filled with crime. As soon as he discovered this, he became anxious for your safety. Of course, you'd lived there for long enough without him in your life, but the second it was appropriate he would whisk you away to the nicer part of town, nearby your brand-new bakery.
You were on the first floor, and he could see your place through the window on the street. You didn't have any curtains; you were practically inviting him inside. Though, of course, the true reason was that you preferred the natural light and curtains blocked that from you. Even so, you seemed to not care about your possessions or your privacy which was concerning given your location. God, he wanted to be in there with you, feeling your warm body tangled up next to his, snuggled close together on the sofa and watching some kind of trashy show on the television. Something you, especially, were particularly fond of. He had no taste for that rubbish, but for you he'd watch anything.
The days passed so quickly, and Namjoon was shocked to wonder just where they went. Every day he came to your house and watched you live your life, even after your very successful first date. He was still drawn to you. Sometimes he would text you to see your reaction to him, and oh, how it warmed his heard to watch you dive across your living room to get to your phone, and how brightly you smiled when you saw it was him. You acted as though you missed him. You were starting to fall for him too, he could feel it.
There was a burglary in your neighbourhood just two hours after he left your home, and when he heard the news break from one of his colleagues when he finally returned to work, he immediately left to go to your house. He didn't remember what the excuse was he gave his boss. Quite frankly, he didn't care. He needed to know that your place wasn't next.
In his haste, he forgot that you were still at work, which gave him the mental justification to figure out just how safe your house was from intruders. He had to know that you were safe and well protected. He wasn't breaking into your house... not really. He was just testing the home his future wife temporarily called hers. And there absolutely was nothing wrong with that. And it was just as he feared it would be: easy. Namjoon was beside himself. Did you not care about your safety and wellbeing like he did? Did you want people to break into your house? It sure seemed that way given the ease in which your door opened for him, and the lack of curtains hanging from your living room wall. You were inviting anyone to look in, to come in. Maybe that was what you wanted. Maybe there was something dark and twisted inside your innocent head that wanted something bad to happen to you. Maybe you got off to the idea.
And suddenly that was all he could think about. Thoughts consumed him of him breaking into your house and doing as he pleased with your body. His body. How he could play with you while you slept, how he could touch your skin without you knowing. How he could take you any which way he pleased, and you wouldn't have a goddamn say in it. You'd just have to be a pliant girl and take what you were given. Yes. Yes! Fuck, his hand felt good around his cock as he stroked it quickly, picturing your writhing body underneath him. The glint in your eye that was slightly fearful, but mostly full of desire. He knew that your tight, wet heat would feel so much better than his hand, but he just couldn't resist. What if instead of finding you asleep in bed, he found you on the couch? Him being so desperate for you he'd take you then and there. Not bothering to remove your clothes or his for that matter. Just pulling his cock out, moving your panties to the side and fucking into you with reckless abandon. Tugging your bra down to give your perfect breasts the room they needed to bounce uncontrollably with every thrust. Fuck. Taking you in front of the window. Making sure your neighbours saw the man who claimed you. Yes. Mine. Mine! "Mine!"
He came all over your coffee table. His seed pooling on the wood and dripping down onto the laminate floor. Thankfully it was easy to clean and wouldn't leave an unwelcome stain when it was removed. But he couldn't remove it now. He was too tired. Too worked up. The first time he thought of you sexually and he violated himself in your very living room. It was unforgivable yet addicting.
This became a regular occurrence for him. He'd wait until you'd left the house then make his way inside, just so he could be near you – feel you surrounding him. Breathing you in like you were his oxygen. He wouldn't always stay in your living room. Sometimes he'd nap on your bed and envelope himself in your sheets. Sometimes he'd imagine you masturbating for him on the bed, and he'd make himself cum while burying his face in your pillow, praying you rode it multiple times. But that dirty thought gave him an idea... your panties. When he used your bathroom one time, he saw your almost full laundry basket. Yet for some reason, his dumb mind didn't comprehend the fact that your angelic pussy had been caged in some of the fabric, that it would smell like you. He touched himself while he had your panties pressed to his nose, or his tongue rolling over fabric just so he could get the smallest taste of you. He imagined the real thing. Your hands in his hair, your screams of pleasure, the begging you'd do for more. Fuck, he was obsessed with you!
However, one day something unexpected happened: you came home early. He had no idea why you'd come home early – this wasn't your usual pattern of behaviour. You were usually consistent and reliable, yet here you were making the steps to your bedroom while he was standing in it, cock in his hand and jerking it while licking a pair of your panties he'd stolen from the bathroom. To say Namjoon panicked would be an understatement. He knew the implications of his current standing, and the consequences of him being caught. He needed to think fast. You were so close to the bedroom now. His only option was to hide in your closet and pray you didn't come home to change.
Luckily for him, that wasn't the reason you came home.
You were on the phone to someone, but he couldn't tell who it was. He hadn't memorised your calling behaviour yet, so he couldn't tell if you were talking to family, or if this was a business call. Though, when he heard your giggle, and saw the way in which you lay on your bed, this was definitely not a business call.
Your legs spread as soon as your back touched the plush surface of your bed, and instantly, you moaned. He couldn't tear his eyes away from you, secretly watching you from the closet as you removed your panties and rolled your skirt up. He couldn't quite catch a glimpse of your pussy from the angle he was at, but that didn't matter too much for him. He saw your hand dip into the wetness of your cunt to pull up and lubricate your clit, giving it a few tentative strokes before speaking. "Daddy, you're such a tease. Please let me."
As soon as he heard the word 'daddy', he wanted to come out of the closet, turn you onto all fours and pound into you while Daddy was still on the phone. Wanted the dirty pervert on the other end of the line to hear that the woman he was speaking to belonged to someone else. Wanted to hear the primal way in which Namjoon railed his princess. Though, he had to admit, hearing the word 'daddy' being moaned from your plump lips introduced a brand-new kink in him. He wanted you to call him that. He was going to be your daddy.
But one thing he didn't know was how much of a whore you were. He didn't know that you were dating him and had another man on the side. Who was this man? And why did he get most of your attention? As of that moment, he tried not to think too much of it, as your perfect breasts were released from the confines of your bra. His cock, he realised, never went soft. In fact, more blood rushed to it as he watched you play with yourself for another man. As he watched you strip quickly so you were incredibly naked for this person who couldn't even see you. Fuck, your body was just as perfect as he imagined it would be – in fact, it was better than he imagined. He was going crazy.
You moaned and put the phone on speaker. "No please, Daddy. Let me do it. Let me rub my pussy."
A voice came from the other end of the phone, and it certainly put some shock into Namjoon. "Okay, angel. I want you to take a pillow in between your beautiful legs and rub yourself on it. Imagine it's my pussy." A woman? You were having phone sex with a woman – and you called her 'Daddy'? Fucking hell, Namjoon almost came prematurely. You were very quiet about your sexuality online, so he didn't come to expect that you were at the very least bi-curious. He watched you manoeuvre your pillows to a comfortable degree before placing your pussy over the top. Your hips began to move and you let out an incredibly loud moan. No doubt finally feeling good at the relief you were able to experience.
"Daddy, your pussy feels so good against me."
"You like it, baby? Fuck, I wish we were on video call. I wanna see how good you look rubbing against your pillow like a dumb slut."
A cheeky smile passed on your lips as you picked the phone up. Namjoon watched you hide the calling screen and move to take a video. You were filming yourself for your Daddy to tease her. You were a wildcard, and Namjoon hadn't bet on it. One day, he knew you were going to treat him like this too, and he wasn't sure if he was actually ready for it. There were so many times where he thought he was going to cum, he had to pause and just watch you before the lack of stimulation was unbearable. You were so loud for Daddy, there was no doubt the neighbours could hear you, too. Namjoon wondered how many of them were also touching themselves while listening to your heavenly moans. All the more reason to fuck you in front of the window. Remind them that you're not to be touched. He thought, squeezing his balls. He watched as your hips moved faster, heard as your moans grew louder, and came on your closet door when you soaked your pillow.
As it turned out, you were quite partial to touching yourself and did it so frequently that you knew exactly how to please yourself. And Namjoon wished he could always time his visits when you would be touching yourself so he could have his live show again and again. And knowing he missed so much of you already had prompted him to purchase a series of cameras. They were tiny things that could be hidden easily, even in plain sight, and so he did. The main bulk of the cameras were hidden in the two rooms you spent most of your time: the living room and the bedroom.
It became his routine to monitor them at the end of the day before bed. He'd watch you almost on a live stream during the weekend, so he didn't miss a thing, and coincidentally was also the time that you came alive. What he hadn't anticipated was that your personal escapades were in no way exclusively tied to the bedroom, and in fact, sometimes you'd just stuff your pussy full while watching TV. You'd spread your legs and prop them up on the coffee table, and mindlessly pound away, letting the dildos get bigger and bigger each time you no longer felt satisfied. You didn't always hit orgasm every time you used them, but Namjoon certainly did. He thanked his lucky stars he bought cameras with microphones, because he might have lost his mind if he didn't hear you. So many hours of you playing with yourself, so much content for him to jerk off to. He couldn't quite believe it.
He experimented with you a few times without you knowing it. Sometimes he'd text you while you were in the middle of fucking yourself, asking about what you were up to or trying to start a conversation. He was surprised to see you continue to play with yourself while texting him with a completely innocent smile on your face where you were so happy to hear from him. Other times he'd call you. He never expected you to answer the phone, but sometimes you did. If he wasn't watching you take in a cock that was above the average size, he would assume that you were doing nothing. You were able to hide the pleasure in your voice so well from him, but he could always see your face screwed up in ecstasy. Or even mouthing the occasional expletive to cope with the incredible bliss you were feeling. It wasn't even as if you were going easy on yourself, sometimes you were bouncing on the cock you'd wedged in between the couch cushion or suctioned to the laminate floor.
Despite you both dating for almost a month, he was yet to be officially invited into your house, or into your pussy. He tried – subtly, but the attempt was still there. But you weren't having it. It wasn't that you didn't want to. In fact, Namjoon had audible and visual proof that sometimes you would bounce on an above-average cock and call out his name. He wanted to know what you were thinking of during those times: what you imagined him doing to you. He hoped it was the same as what he'd imagined. But of course, he'd never force that on you. Traumatising you was the last thing he wanted. So he bade his time, waiting for the day that you gave him the honour.
He was invited into your house before you allowed him to sleep with you. The two of you went out to drink one Saturday night, and you got more wasted than he did. But, of course, he was a gentleman. He took you home and got you to bed. He would never take advantage of you. He didn't touch you inappropriately or force you to do anything he wanted you to do. Even when you made a grab for his crotch and begged him for it. He wanted your first time together to be completely sober so you'd both remember it. It didn't stop him from getting hard, though, and it certainly never stopped him from stroking his cock over your sleeping body, remembering what it was like to ever so briefly feel your touch in the area he wanted it the most.
He watched your eyes flicker and heard your sleepy sighs as the head of his cock got closer and closer to your face, touching your lips gently. He was imagining your lips wrapped around it, how warm and wet it would feel and how good you'd suck him. There were thoughts crossing his mind about how easy it would be to violate you right now. How he had to fight himself from reaching down and playing with your clit, knowing your pussy was smooth to the touch and wet. How he could spread your legs and sink his length inside and you'd probably know nothing of it until you woke up the next morning. "You'd love that, wouldn't you?" He whispered, eyes trained on your lips where his precum was beading and dripping onto. "You've wanted me to take this tight little cunt for months. Dirty whore."
He wondered what would happen if you woke up. He expected you'd be surprised but you'd consent very quickly. It never took much work to get you wet, after all. In fact, he'd even seen you gagging for it a few times, begging to no one when you'd fuck yourself stupid, hoping for someone to take you and rail you. He knew how filthy you could be, how open-minded you were, and even the stuff you'd say to yourself as you rode your various dildos. Even the fantasies you'd share with Daddy. How you'd pull your nipples and beg for someone to spit in your mouth or choke your pretty throat. How you'd even slap your own face and clit when you were told to.
The image of you underneath him, cheeks and neck red from where he'd been slapping you and choking you sprang in his mind. And the wild, delirious look in your eyes telling him you loved the pain he was giving you was what tipped him over the edge, spilling his cum onto your lips and watching it roll down your chin and cheeks. Of course, he cleaned you up gently so not to disturb you, but put the image of his cum on your face in the back of his mind to save for a later date. For now, he'd sleep.
He woke before you, his back sore from sleeping on the floor all night so as he could continue to take care of you but not invade your personal space more than what he did last night. Thanks to all his previous rummaging when you weren't around, he was able to remember what you had in your cupboards and fridge, allowing him to make you both the perfect hangover breakfast. He had planned to serve you breakfast in bed, waking you up gently with water, grease and an anti-sickness tablet. But you'd entered the kitchen long before he was ready to dish up. He stopped cooking and immediately turned to you, incredibly politely stopping what he was doing. "I'm sorry I did this without asking you first. I just wanted to surprise you."
You were not offended by his actions in the slightest. Instead, your eyes conveyed gratitude and warmth. You stood on your tiptoes to give him a gentle, yet tired, kiss on his lips. You teased him, "I'm angrier at you for letting me get drunk last night."
"All the more reason for me to make you the ultimate cure."
You poured yourself a glass of water and that was when Namjoon noticed it: your attire. You'd changed from last night, no doubt uncomfortable in those tight, ass-hugging jeans. Instead of being appropriately covered around a man who you still didn't fully know yet, you opted to wear an oversized shirt and nothing else. You definitely weren't wearing a bra. He'd seen you in your loungewear enough to know what your perfect tits looked like both caged in fabric and free. Maybe others couldn't tell the difference, but he certainly could. Knowing how you liked to be comfortable, he could also make an educated guess that you eschewed the option to wear your panties, too. The thought made him a little hard in his briefs.
You broke the silence and leant up against the counter next to him, looking up at his face as you spoke. "I want to apologise to last night. Or rather, apologise for anything I did or said to you that might have been a little rude."
Namjoon smiled, "You did nothing that wasn't welcomed."
"That means I did something."
"I'm certainly not holding it against you."
You groaned, "Oh God, what did I do?"
"Honestly, it's okay."
"No," you begged, "please tell me so I can properly apologise."
Namjoon sighed, "You grabbed my crotch and asked me to spend the night with you... in a nutshell."
You buried your head in your free hand. "I am so, incredibly sorry. I honestly don't know what I do when I'm that drunk. I promise, it's nothing that I would normally do."
"Like I said, I'm not holding it against you."
You breathed a sigh of relief, then paused. Namjoon could hear the cogs in your brain working as you thought about something. "Wait... you said that I didn't do anything that wasn't welcomed. So, how long have you waited for me, and wanted me to grab your cock and beg for sex?"
Namjoon stopped cooking and looked at you. He lowered his voice, "Now, baby, I never said you begged."
"Do you want me to beg for it?"
Namjoon turned to face you, and gently put his hand on your throat. There was no constriction: he allowed you to move his hand or move your body if you were uncomfortable. But you didn't move. You didn't even flinch. It was impressive the way you just smiled at him and held his wrist in place. It was almost as if you wanted him to tighten his grip – so he did. "What I want is neither here nor there, but I know that I'll have you crying for me. You'll be on your knees begging for me without me even having to order you."
Namjoon heard the little whimper that came from the back of your throat. He noticed the way your thighs were squirming, trying to relieve the pressure of your arousal. And he saw the way you swallowed to try and whet your very dry throat, but to no avail.
Suddenly, his grip on your throat loosened and his hand fell to his side. His attention turned back to cooking, though he could see your shock in his peripheral vision. He shrugged his shoulders, "But I don't know if we're ready for that kind of step yet. I wouldn't want to rush things."
He didn't need to see your face to know how stunned you were by the whole situation. If you were anything like him, which he had seen you were recently, he knew you would be contemplating getting on your knees and begging for him to rail you. It was hard enough for him to conceal his arousal from you. He didn't want you to see just how much you affected him.
You, however, did something that Namjoon wasn't expecting. You turned away from him and made your way over to an empty counter. As soon as you sat on it, you called Namjoon's name. When he turned to look at you, he watched you spread your legs for him – a sudden confidence he only saw when you were on the phone with "Daddy". His suspicions about you were correct in that you were wearing absolutely no underwear whatsoever, allowing him to see your perfect pussy in its entirety. He dropped the spoon he was holding and stared at your body, his mind turning numb.
Cutting the tension in the air, you spoke, "Remind me again, who's in charge?"
Touché, he thought. Finally, he was brought back to Earth. He turned the food off and strode over to where you were sat, immediately grabbing your cheeks and pulling you in for a rough kiss. He pressed his body so close to yours, you could feel his length press up against your core. The temptation was too irresistible, and the kiss was broken when you began to rub your clit against his clothed cock. You both moaned, though his was a little louder than yours. He buried his face in your neck and kissed a sensitive spot, humping against your pussy a little more desperately than he intended. His hand found its way to your hair and tugged, showing you his fullest intent to be as rough as he possibly could be with you. He wanted you to know what kind of things he enjoyed, knowing you enjoyed them to. "Do you think you're ready for me, baby?" He asked breathlessly.
You couldn't reply, all you could do was nod your head and hope it was enough.
It wasn't. Namjoon told you, "You need to use your words."
"Yes." You replied.
"Good girl. I'm going to fucking ruin you."
There was no foreplay involved, both Namjoon and you knew it wasn't necessary. You liked it when it hurt. So he simply pulled himself out of his trousers and entered you, staring directly into your eyes and watch them flicker with a plethora of emotions: pain, lust, pleasure. Your breath was taken away from you the moment you felt his head breach your walls. He was much, much bigger than you anticipated, and it hurt a little more too, but it didn't deter you, nonetheless.
Namjoon wanted to make the pain not so prominent to begin with, wanted to allow you the opportunity to get used to him and his size before he completely wrecked your insides. However, you had other plans. Your own hand went up to his hair, tugging at his roots. You smiled, and with a low voice you said, "Is that all you got?"
Upon hearing your words, he uttered, "You asked for it." And began to treat you exactly how you wanted. Clearly you wanted it rougher, and harder. Clearly you wanted to be treated like nothing more than a cheap whore. He'd seen the things you got off to, looked at your browsing history when you weren't home. He knew you were nothing more than a filthy slut, who enjoyed being used, and broken, and passed around. Though he didn't want his first time with you to be overshadowed by the darkest of your kinks, it seemed to be the only way to get you off. So, he was going to make this hurt in the best ways.
His hand returned to your throat again, squeezing a lot harder than he should have. His free hand came up to your face, and slapped it so hard it made you slightly dizzy. Then he slammed into you, burying himself immediately to the hilt. He wasted no more time, pulling out and crashing back inside. Over and over again. You were silent at first and had Namjoon been in a different mindset he would have been concerned. But you'd unleashed something neither of you knew existed, and now all Namjoon was concerned about was his own pleasure.
"This is all you're good for, isn't it?" Namjoon asked. His voice was breathy and husky. "Nothing but a place for me to put my dick."
You tightened in response to his words, letting out an extremely loud moan at one rough thrust.
"Whoring yourself out to the first man who takes care of you." He tsked. "Shameful bitch!"
Tighter.
"I bet you thought you were safe with me, didn't you? Fuck." You felt so good. So tight. Getting tighter and he couldn't help himself. "I bet you thought I wouldn't do anything to you. Didn't you?" Namjoon grew impatient at your lack of verbal response, and slapped your face again. "Didn't you?"
"Yes!"
"Yeah." He chuckled. "Dumb bitch." His pace picked up. He had you trapped in between the cupboard and his solid body. "You begged me for this last night, don't you remember?" He moaned loudly. "Had me so hard. I could have fucked you then. Do you know what I did instead?"
Your pussy got tighter in anticipation. He allowed your hand to snake down and play with your clit.
"I jerked off over you. Came all over this pretty face of yours."
"Shit!" The speed of your fingers picked up. Your head banged gently into the cupboard door every time he entered you.
"Should have taken a video. Showed you what I did to you. You'd wanna see it, wouldn't you?"
"Yes! Oh fuck, Namjoon! I-"
You came. You came so hard all over his cock that you stopped breathing. Your mind was filled with the images he'd put in there, the whole idea that this seemingly sweet and charming man could do something so vile. You should have been disgusted. You should have felt frightened, but instead you squirted so hard, you forced him out of you and ruined his clothes with your juices.
Namjoon didn't allow you to recover, though. Instead, he pulled you off the counter, turned you around, and forced you to bend over. "Take you from behind. Remind you what a filthy goddamn animal you are." Entering you again, he picked up his pace. "Give me that cunt." His hands were roughly grabbing at your hips, giving him the leverage to rail you as hard as possible. His voice was deeper than you'd ever heard it, and he was moaning and grunting so loudly. The sound of him was getting you more turned on than ever. You'd never been with a man as vocal as Namjoon, as willing to talk dirty and just let you hear how much he was enjoying your body. The verbal confirmation was enough to drive you insane.
"N-Namjoon, did you – fuck – did you touch me?"
"When?"
"Last night wh-when you jerked off."
"No." Why did you feel disappointed? "Did you want me to?"
"Yes!" God, your cunt was responding so well to this. It loved these details, this whole scenario. It was so greedy, practically begging for more. You weren't even sure if you could have more.
"Tell me, slut. What did you want me to do to you?"
Now it was Namjoon's turn to become putty. "W-wanted you to touch me. Touch my clit. Lick it. Oh fuck! Namjoon, right there! Please don't stop! Please!"
"What else, bitch?"
"F-force me to cum! Make me take your cock! W-wanna wake up to you using me."
"Yeah? You wanna be my fucking flesh-light, don't you? You're disgusting. Turn you into my breeding bitch, what do you think?"
"Yes! God, yes! Breed me, please!"
"Keep you tied to the bed and stuffed full of my cum."
"T-tell your friends I'm there, they c-can use me too!"
Namjoon wrapped his forearm around your neck and pulled you up to him, choking you for real this time. Breathing had become painful and even more difficult with him still forcing his cock inside of you. "No!" He said loudly. "You're mine! You belong to me. Do you understand?"
"Yes!" You choked out.
Namjoon released his grip on you, and you fell forward gasping for air. "Yes, who?"
"Yes, sir!"
"Dumb slut. You're mine. You're my property now. To use and fuck whenever I want. No one else can have this cunt, do you understand me?"
"I understand!"
"God I'm gonna cum. I'm gonna fill you up so good. Knock you up. Show everyone who you belong to."
"Please cum inside me! Cum inside your filthy cunt, sir."
"Touch yourself. Make yourself cum again."
"I can't."
He grabbed hold of your hair and tugged. "You can and you fucking will."
You did as you were told. Your pussy was so oversensitive that any touch was kind of painful. But it felt so delicious. Once you started rubbing your clit, despite the ache, you couldn't stop. You had truly lost your mind to Namjoon, allowed him to take over your entire consciousness. You were just his obeying toy. His personal plaything. You heard him grunt loudly behind you, his voice turning into a predatory growl, before feeling him fill you up with his cum. The growl did something new to you; the shock of it making you hit your second orgasm. Then... darkness.
You woke up in your bed, covered up completely by your duvet and surrounded by nothing but warmth. You don't remember how you got there but moving had proven to be too difficult for you. Your pussy throbbed unbearably, reminding you of what took place in your kitchen. You wanted it again though. Oh, you loved that side of Namjoon.
He was underneath you, your head on his chest and both of his arms wrapped around you holding you impossibly close to him. He was asleep, but your squirming had made him wake a little, grumbling something when you moved your head to look at his face. Sleepy, dragon eyes looked back at you, with a small grin accompanying them. "Hi." You whispered.
"Hi."
You paused. "Namjoon, did you really touch yourself over me last night?"
Namjoon replied immediately, "No. Sorry, I said that in the heat of the moment."
"Oh, no. It's okay. I liked it."
"You did?" Namjoon could tell that you wanted to say something, but you were hesitant to. "What is it, my love?"
"If you did want to... you know... touch me while I slept or even do more things to me, that would be okay."
Namjoon smiled. "Do more things?"
"Yeah, you know."
"I don't know, you're going to have to use your words." You buried your face in his chest. "Why are you shy all of a sudden?"
"It's awkward."
"What things did you want me to do?"
"You can fuck me if I'm asleep if you wanted to. I love the idea of being used whenever and wherever."
"Yeah? You really want to be my own toy?"
You nodded.
"You're so cute." He told you, gently booping your nose.
Things were good between the two of you for a while. He would come to your house every day and you'd both be tangled up in the sheets, sometimes going multiple rounds. You couldn't get enough of each other. The only bump in the road you hit was when he found out about your side-hustle: your sex work. You had been posting yourself online for a while to make up for the money you lost at the bakery and had found yourself a few clients. One in particular, "Daddy", you'd speak to on a regular basis. You didn't know her real name, but you knew a lot about her and her life. She was a long, blonde-haired businesswoman who was a closet lesbian and a mother to two children. Both of whom were in upper middle and high school. She would pay you hundreds, if not thousands per session, sometimes through bank transfers, other times through fun toys and clothes through the mail.
Namjoon had known about Daddy for a while, of course, but he hadn't made that fact known to you. He wanted to wait for the opportune moment when it would feel organic and not as though he were watching you through several cameras at any given moment. On his way to your house, he checked the cameras as he usually did, expecting to find you getting ready for their date that night, but instead he found himself watching you figure out how to tie yourself up using beginner's bondage equipment. He also could make out something pink inside you, but the picture was too small for him to be able to see for certain what it was. Though, he felt he could assume it was a vibrator of some kind. He connected his headphones to his phone to allow the full experience. He was annoyed that you were still doing this, but he was going to enjoy it as much as he could while he could.
You were grunting and groaning from the pressure you were putting on your body, contorting in random shapes to fit your limbs into the fabric cuffs. Now, lay on your back, propped up against your pillows with your legs wide open, your attention was drawn to Daddy on the phone. "Are you ready, Princess?" Daddy asked you in a sweet tone.
"Yes, Daddy."
"Good girl. We're going to start gently, okay?"
The sound of the toy was almost non-existent. Through the headphones, Namjoon couldn't hear anything at all underneath your soft sighs and gentle whines. You had begun squirming already. How were you all tied up and still adorable? You could barely cope with the pleasure that you were being given at any time, always trying to squirm away from it whenever you could.
Namjoon scrunched his face in disgust when Daddy spoke again. "How's that, Princess?"
Breathlessly, you responded, "F-feels good already." All the blood drained from his head and went straight to his cock at the sound of your voice, fucked out already and you hadn't even begun your session. He could feel himself chubbing up, watching you writhe and chase your pleasure.
"I wonder what happens when we do this..."
You thrashed a little more violently on the bed after Daddy had finished speaking. She had turned the vibrator up significantly given your reaction.
"It's too much!" You cried. "I can't!"
"Yes, you can."
"Ah!" The vibrator went up a little more. You were trembling so much. Namjoon knew how it felt to be above you when you shook like that. He strained against his zipper. It was too uncomfortable. All the while, you screamed, "Oh, fuck! Yes, yes, yes, yes!"
"There?" Daddy asked.
"Yes, Daddy!"
Fuck. Hearing the word on your lips did something to Namjoon. He had never been interested in that kink before, but you were changing him. You were making him more perverted than he had ever been. It sounded so sweet, so sexy coming from your lips. Any other woman would have made him cringe.
"Do you want to cum, Princess?"
"I do. I wanna cum, Daddy. Can I cum?"
"Cum for me."
And so you did. Your back arched and your legs moved inward attempting to close and clamp around the vibrator, but the restraints held you back. You went silent for a moment as the initial shock of the orgasm hit you, but once you regained your breath, you were loudly moaning. Usually, you would push Namjoon away a little as a sign you needed a few seconds to regain the mental capacity to continue, but Daddy wasn't in the room, and you couldn't remove the vibrator yourself. The pleasure you were feeling began to dance the line between unbearable pain and overwhelming gratification. And watching your reaction to this... torture, Namjoon had to rub his cock over his pants as discreetly as he could without drawing too much attention to himself. He couldn't be arrested for public indecency as he watched his girlfriend being virtually fucked by her sugar-mommy.
By the time Namjoon arrived at your house, you were on your fourth orgasm of the night. He snuck in and put his phone away when he peeked into the bedroom to watch the live version. You were so much more ethereal this way: covered in sweat, panting hard, tears running down your cheeks. You were absolutely fucked out, but Daddy hadn't finished with you yet. Your fifth orgasm hit just moments after. You had no idea that Namjoon was in your house, or even standing in your bedroom door. Your eyes were shut tight and your mouth was open in a silent scream.
Fifth.
Namjoon unbuttoned his jeans and started touching himself at the sight of you. Debauched and destroyed at the hands of another person. God, he couldn't wait to do this to you.
The sixth orgasm was your final one. Daddy made some excuse after turning the vibrator off and left abruptly, not bothering with aftercare or making sure you got out of your harness okay. That made Namjoon mad, but at least he was here to take care of you. To look after his most precious prize after she was cruelly abandoned by someone she shouldn't even be talking to. But that was okay. You'd come to your senses eventually. You'd see how wonderfully he treated you compared to others. He, of course, couldn't let what transpired in front of him pass by without a punishment.
The noise of him adjusting himself and shifting his weight caused you to look over in his direction, a look of panic on your face until you realised it was him. And then you realised. "H-how long have you been standing there?"
"Since orgasm number four."
"Namjoon, please! I can explain. Just untie me and we can talk."
Namjoon sat on the side of the bed. "Talk? About how I just watched my girlfriend get dominated by another woman?"
"No, please. It's not what it looks like. She pays me. Please, untie me. We can talk about this."
You looked so desperate and vulnerable, lying there watching him coming towards you. Stalking his prey before he was about to attack. He put his index finger on your clit and began to put pressure on it, pushing you into oversensitivity and making you scream. "So, you really are a whore, aren't you? I couldn't believe it. My sweet, beautiful girlfriend loves being called one, she couldn't actually be one, could she? But here you are," he added more pressure, "offering this tight little cunt up to the highest bidder." He leant over you, biting your ear as two fingers pulled out the toy. "You like it when people use you for their own pleasure, don't you? If I used you now, how much would you charge me, hm?" He spanked your pussy. "How many other cocks have been in this filthy pussy?"
"Please." You whimpered.
Namjoon imitated your voice. "Please." He laughed, almost maniacally. It scared you. But the more insane he seemed, the longer he toyed with your sensitive core, the more turned on you felt.
Suddenly, his hand left your vulva and gripped on tightly to your cheeks. He bent over you, dropping his mouth to your ear and mumbling, "I'm going to fuck you, little slut." His free hand reached down to his cock and freed it from his jeans and underwear. He moved on top of you, trapping your legs to the bed underneath him. It was evident to you now that your comfort never crossed his mind. It shouldn't turn you on. The idea of being nothing more than his cum receptacle should repulse you. But despite the discomfort your body was in, your mind and heat were fully ablaze with arousal. He lined himself up and pressed the tip to your waiting core. "I'm going to fuck you, and you're going to lie there and take it."
Without any other warnings, he slammed into you, causing you to cry out. The headboard shook violently with each thrust, reminding you that you were insignificant right now. All of his weight was on top of you, nearly smothering you. You had no choice to lie there and take it. You couldn't fight him even if you tried. Part of you wanted to. Part of you wanted to see how vicious he'd get if you pretended to resist. When he was so animalistic in the way he was taking you. This wasn't the Namjoon you knew. But, God, you loved how he was abusing you. The noises you were making, you hardly recognised yourself. While Namjoon had devolved into a primal state, you, too, weren't far off. Howling at the top of your lungs every time he slammed into you. "You vile fucking bitch. You fucking love it, don't you?" His words were venomous.
"More."
"You're fucking shameless, aren't you? Fuck. How many men have fucked your tramp pussy, hm? How many women have watched you play with yourself for money? I bet the whole city watches you, and gets off to you whoring yourself out." His fingers dug into your flesh the harder he fucked you. In his head, he could see a line of men queuing outside your bedroom door, lining up to bury themself inside you, throwing money at you when they'd finished. There would be copious amounts of cum all over you, inside you, staining your bedsheets. There'd be bills strewn about the place. He imagined someone rolling up a bill and putting it inside you while you lay on your bed still tied up. Sometimes he'd see you taking multiple cocks at the same time. He hated the idea of other men touching you but watching them do unspeakable things to your whore body forced a visceral, almost primal reaction out of him.
In that moment, you were no longer human to him. His brain didn't register that you could feel things, that you could even speak. Somehow, he had the ability to get rougher with you; hands holding your flesh tighter, cock violating your cunt, you tied up and powerless beneath him, unable to stop it or save yourself from this violent onslaught.
Your orgasm was building. Your breaths were getting shorter and shorter. Your vision becoming blurry.
"Shit! Now look at you. Falling apart on my dick after showing yourself off to someone else. You can't get enough can you?"
His sweat was dripping from his face onto yours, his teeth grazed your perfect skin almost threateningly. His breath was ragged, tired. It seemed as if he couldn't breathe either.
"Sir," you breathed, "cumming." That was the only word you were able to say before you reached your peak, tightening painfully around his cock. This orgasm was bordering on painful, and you tried to get away; fight for a bit of respite before he continued. But as his whole weight was on top of you, you were truly trapped and fully at his mercy.
Namjoon took a second to look up at your face, flushed and perfect. A peaceful expression on your face, though. You'd passed out. Your exhausted body had gone limp while you attempted to regain some strength. And something else in Namjoon came back. You were unable to stop him before, there was nothing to stop him now. "I can't wait to look back on this, Princess." He told you.
He took this opportunity to quickly untie the useless restraints you wore, and flipped you onto your stomach. With you in the prime position for it, he was tempted to take your ass. Force his way inside and make that hole his too. But, somehow, he resisted the urge. He slid back into your wetness and continued his ministrations, speedily approaching his own release. He was going to cum so hard this time. He could feel the strength building, and building.
"I can't wait to watch me brutalising your cunt over and fucking over. God I'm gonna cum. T-take it. Take my cock. Take my fucking cum!"
With a shout, he collapsed onto your back, emptying himself into you. His orgasm felt never-ending. Breathing was difficult. He wasn't even sure if he had the energy to pull out. He had to, though. He had to clean you up and take care of you. He felt gross upon reflecting on the words he uttered to you. The atrocities he uttered were unspeakable, yet he spoke them. And you came for him while he did. Regardless, guilt was beginning to set in for the first time in this relationship.
When you came to, you immediately felt heavily ghough. Hollow, numb. Not feeling Namjoon's touch immediately when you woke up sent you spiralling from a sub drop you'd never experienced before, overwhelmed and panicking. That was when Namjoon came into the room.
"Hey, hey." He said softly. "None of that, Baby. Come here." He set down the items in his hands on your bedside table and scooped you up into a hug. You had never felt more vulnerable than right now, crying into his bare shoulder when you were almost entirely naked. If it weren't for the sheet covering you, you'd be exposed to him completely.
"I'm s-sorry f-for not t-telling you about-" The attempt to apologise for lying to him was ruined by your sobs. But Namjoon just rocked and shushed you.
"Don't talk. Just cry. I was too vicious to you wasn't, I? You're not any of those things. I love you so much." He kissed your cheek. "You're so kind..." he kissed your forehead. "And beautiful..." he kissed your other cheek. "And you are my entire world." He kissed your lips so softly, you could barely feel him. "And I love you." He pulled away from you briefly. "What did I just tell you?"
"That you l-love me."
"Good girl. Precious girl."
Though he was a little further away from you now, he still had his hand on your body, making sure that you could physically feel him at all times. He reached over and handed you the glass of water that he brought in. "Tiny sips, Baby." You obeyed, earning you praise to warm your heart. With every sip of water you took, you could feel yourself becoming calmer and calmer until all you felt was exhaustion. He had also handed you your favourite chocolate bar and told you to eat it in front of him, to get some of your sugar back up. He promised you pizza for later, and beckoned you to rest your head on his chest. As you snuggled into his body, you felt his finger tips brush up and down your spine, relaxing you and making you drift off to a deep and exhausted sleep.
Weeks later, on Namjoon's birthday, you made a somewhat disturbing discovery. You had only been to Namjoon's house a few times since you two began dating, given that most of your meetings were either out in the world or at your home. You were unsure why that was, but never thought anything of it. There were hundreds of innocent reasons as to why a person may not want to spend time in their own home, and if Namjoon wasn't ready to share his secrets with you, then who were you to force him? All in due course.
You, unbeknownst to your boyfriend, had booked the day off work to surprise him and celebrate his birthday with him when he returned. You hadn't meant to go snooping, honestly. It's just, you wanted to check on the arrival of the bespoke cake you'd ordered to his house. Your phone wasn't being helpful – stupid mobile sites – so you decided to do the next logical step and borrow his laptop. If you cleared the browsing history and site cookies, he'd be none the wiser. It would be fine.
Though, all your good feelings left when you opened his laptop (which didn't have a passcode on it) and saw that he'd left his last application open. Upon an automatic refresh, your mouth widened in shock and horror to find yourself looking into your own house. Multiple cameras installed at varying angles to capture the entirety of every single room. Live feeds with a constant recording so they could be viewed on demand, cut into various clips whenever something interesting happened. There were few videos of you doing mundane tasks. But most of the videos you saw showed you in your most intimate positions, either being fucked by Namjoon or touching yourself. Or on the phone to Daddy.
One by one, you scrolled through these videos, watching the scenes unfold. These dated back to the beginning of your relationship. You watched the videos when Namjoon fucked you and felt yourself get wet. One of the more recent videos being when he punished you for playing with Daddy. You remembered that night so vividly, it often became masturbation material when Namjoon wasn't around. To be able to watch it happen as though you were a stranger was more of a turn on than you'd anticipated. But then you saw videos you knew you weren't meant to see.
Namjoon let himself into your house frequently, especially at the beginning. And sometimes he'd still be in your apartment when you came home. You watched him hide in your closet, and some of the angles showed him stroking himself. You watched him sniff and lick your panties, cum over them and other things around your house, including the dildos you kept in the living room and the rim of your favourite mug where your lipstick stains were.
Way back in the beginning of the relationship, you found it peculiar that Namjoon would contact you while you were in the middle of playing with yourself. Sometimes, you'd be bouncing on the dildos in your living room and he'd call you. You thought it was an odd coincidence, nothing more, but now you knew the truth. He'd been watching you for months, stroking his cock to these secret videos of you and calling you to see if he could hear your moans. Your pussy throbbed at the thought.
You felt disgusted with yourself. The man you loved and trusted above all others had violated you. He filmed you without your knowledge or consent, broke into your home to defile your things, and watched you in your most private moments. You should be angry with him. You should hate him. Report him to the police at the very least. He wasn't sane – or normal. No ordinary person would do something like this. But your hand was now working over your clit, rubbing yourself while watching the evidence. Bucking your hips and stifling your moans as you watched yourself on screen, watched how your body responded to the pervert and listened to yourself wail for him. Watched him masturbate over your sleeping body. Listened to his horrific words.
"I can't wait to watch me brutalising your cunt over and fucking over. God I'm gonna cum. T-take it. Take my cock. Take my fucking cum!"
You wished you were awake to have heard that. You wished he'd said it in your ear while you were cognitive and present. Hearing that one word had your cunt clench and your fingers involuntarily work faster and harder. If you heard it from him, it would have hurtled you into another orgasm just like it had when hearing it through his laptop speakers, cumming all over your fingers and dripping on his dining room chair.
When you'd come back to your senses, you sat there for a little while contemplating what had just happened, and what steps you should take next. The logical side of you was very much screaming at you to run as fast as you could to the other side of the world and never tell him where you'd gone. Or at least to the police station to report him for the crimes he'd committed against you. The darker side of you, however, was almost begging you to mess with him. You could have so much fun now that you knew what he was doing. You struggled with the internal fight for the rest of the night, even when Namjoon was deep inside you, none-the-wiser that you knew his dirty little secret. While he was being gentle with you, making love to you, all you could hear was how he sounded when he told you he'd brutalise. The image of him choking you and ruining you had you cumming so hard for him. And he had no idea that you knew.
You avoided Namjoon for a few days after that, and it drove him insane. He wasn't used to going no-contact with you, or even not seeing you for more than eight hours at a time. When you told him that you needed to stop and think about things his imagination went into overdrive. He was glued to his computer screen during that time watching to see if anyone else entered your house, or if you were spreading your legs for another person. He didn't know what he would do if you were having an affair with someone else. But to add to his confusion, you saw no one. Not your best friend, not your family... you didn't even go to work. And he was worried you were spreading your legs for someone else, but you didn't even do it for yourself. That was when he knew something was wrong. He once joked that you masturbating was like a golden retriever eating; if it didn't happen then there was truly a problem.
After five days of hearing nothing from you, he finally received a text. He leapt at his phone when he realised it was you, and answered immediately. Responding to your invitation to come to your house. He was in a taxi faster than he ever had been before, and was at your house within 20 minutes.
You greeted him at the door, in an oversized t-shirt and bicycle shorts, his favourite outfit combination. The shorts always hugged your curves so perfectly, and the oversized t-shirt hung off your breasts. You looked delectable... but also insanely stressed.
You didn't say anything to him, just took him to your living room and sat down on the couch. He sat on the couch next to you, and didn't say a word until the silence was unbearable. This was it; you were going to break up with him, he knew it. "Are you okay, Baby?" He asked.
Instead of answering, you pulled out your phone and pressed something on your screen. You made sure the volume was up to its loudest setting. The sound of skin slapping against skin filled his ears, as did his grunts and moans as it became obvious what he was listening to.
"I can't wait to watch me brutalising your cunt over and fucking over. God I'm gonna cum. T-take it. Take my cock. Take my fucking cum!"
At least he has the decency to look horrified, you thought sadistically. Your face didn't show it, he didn't know it, but watching him squirm and panic was doing things to you. Your dominant, perverted boyfriend was now terrified and putty in your hands. The power had shifted, and it belonged entirely to you.
"You recorded us?" He asked quietly.
"Do you want to tell me why there are cameras all over my house, Namjoon?"
His eyes widened even more. "Wait, Baby, please! I can explain." He launched himself off the sofa and got on his knees in front of you, forcing you to look down on him. He looked pathetic, begging for your forgiveness, holding your thighs and anxiously waiting for your forgiveness. He told you everything from the very beginning about the robbery and the reason why he would so often break into your house, right to the cumming in your panties and watching you touch yourself every day. You could feel your shorts getting wetter and wetter at the vulnerability he was displaying. "How can I make this right, ____? I'll do anything."
The magic words. "Anything?"
"Name it."
"You're going to need to apologise."
"I'm sorry. I'm so, so so-"
"Not with your words." You lifted your hips and removed your shorts, revealing your dripping cunt to him. The cold air hit you and you could feel your clit tingling in anticipation, knowing that what was to come next was going to be the best night of your life. You spread your legs wider, giving him enough space. "But you can still use that nasty little mouth of yours."
He wasted no time, immediately throwing himself forward and lapping up your wetness, tongue moving desperately to try and make you feel good and keep him close. He sucked and licked on your clit fervently, and as hard as you tried to remain quiet, occasionally fervent moans would escape and tell him that he was doing good. You put your hand on his head and tugged at his hair.
"I wanted to make you suffer." You told him while he was still between your thighs. "Wanted to hurt you." You moaned and began bucking your hips. "Oh, fuck! That's it! Haven't touched myself in days because I knew you'd be watching. Couldn't let you feel good after the shit you pulled.
"Did you like watching me, Joonie?" Your tone changed, you began to taunt him. You pulled his head away by his hair. He tried to fight you, tried to get back to your cunt and finish what he started, but your grip stopped him. "Did you like watching me fuck myself and not know you were there?"
You peered down to his trousers to see his cock hard and ready to go and you laughed. "Kneel back." He did what you asked and unknowingly gave you access to him. You immediately stretched your leg and put your foot on his dick, pressing gently at first. You laughed at him when he let out a small moan, finally being granted a modicum of friction. "You know, if you'd have asked, I would have let you put the cameras up. I would have even put on a bigger show for you. I would have moaned louder, called your name, bent over and showed you my precious cunt. I would have given you all the material you could have ever wanted."
You applied more pressure to his dick, pushing down a lot harder and this time earning a groan of pain. "But you went behind my back like the fucking pervert you are. You watched me fuck myself in this very room and let me believe that I was alone. I always thought it was weird how you knew the things I was into. Turns out you've been letting yourself into my house and violating me in all aspects."
"Please."
"Please what? What are you begging for, perv?" You removed your foot from his cock and leant forward, roughly pulling his hair by the roots and making him look into your eyes. "You are not to touch yourself. You're going to make me cum in five minutes. If you don't, I'm going to walk out that door and you're never going to see me again. Do you understand?"
"I understand."
You leant back one more time and spread your legs again. You picked up your phone and started the timer. "Go."
He moved in pure desperation, there was no other way to describe it. Immediately, his mouth was attached to your clit, sucking harshly and quickly. He was fighting with your body and pulling out all the things he knew that drove you mad. Now there were high stakes. You were going to leave him if he couldn't perform the most basic of tasks. He immediately plunged two fingers inside you and began to roughly use them, hitting that soft spot and making you scream out in pure pleasure. You always loved his fingers inside you, he knew that. You told him he had beautiful hands and loved feeling them fucking your cunt, loved how deep they got, and how quickly they could move.
You didn't bother to hold back your moans. You were so loud for him. He loved it when you were loud. Perhaps you were being loud to torture him. He couldn't touch himself to your moans, so he could only listen to how good he was making you feel. And he was making you feel incredible. Your hips were wantonly moving on their own, and your hands were pushing his head further into your cunt. His fingers were picking up their pace. At this point, you were all but screaming.
He could feel you tightening. You were so close to cumming. He stole a glance at your discarded phone. Twenty seconds remained. He began to work harder, faster. His tongue ached from the constant use, and his hand was cramping up but you were so close.
Twelve seconds.
"Fuck! Namjoon! Just like that!"
Nine.
Eight.
"Oh my fucking God, Namjoon!"
Five.
"I'm gonna cum!"
Three.
The sound you made was guttural and animalistic. Your back arched and your grip on his hair tightened. "Fuck!" You came on his fingers as the timer went off. This wasn't a sweet and delicate orgasm like you'd usually get from his tongue, this was violent and powerful. The wind was knocked out of you and you squirted all over his face and your sofa, soaking the fabric of his t-shirt. He only pulled himself away from you when you made him. You were so exhausted you couldn't even turn off the timer, he had to do it for you. You were breathing heavily, eyes droopy from sleep. But you weren't finished yet.
"Strip." You ordered him. He obeyed. "Sit on the sofa."
Once he was settled on the sofa, you straddled him, feeling him bare beneath you. He hadn't fought you once, allowing you to take complete control of him, submitting to you as you usually do to him. He was so red and hard, and very pliant. His eyes never left your face, even when he felt your hand on his cock and lined him up. Saying nothing, you sat, feeling him fill up your empty walls quickly. It had only been a few days without him, but when the two of you fucked like rabbits, it felt like forever. He clearly felt so, too, judging by the moan he just let out.
He said your name and put his hands on your waist, looking down at where you two were joined. But giving him autonomy was not something you had planned. You grabbed hold of his wrists and pinned them by his head, against the back of the sofa. You put all your weight into your hands as you bounced on his cock, not giving him the room to move. He could probably completely overpower you and there was even a small part of you that wanted him to. But the power trip you were on right now, the way it felt to have a big, strong man entirely at your mercy had you even wetter than usual. Except for the grunts that Namjoon would let out, or the moans you would, the sound your cunt made as it swallowed Namjoon was so loud, and such a turn on.
Namjoon still wanted more, though. It was torture to see your breasts bounce from underneath your t-shirt. Usually when you rode him, he liked it if you were completely bare so he had total access to your body. But your t-shirt was blocking his view. Despite that, your nipples were still so hard and visible through the fabric, he couldn't help himself. He reached forward and took one into his mouth, biting down softly.
"Harder!" You told him. Your nipples were so sensitive, especially when you had the t-shirt on to rub against them. Namjoon's teeth clamped a little harder, causing you to moan out and pick up the pace. A big part of you regretted pinning him down with your hands - your clit was aching again, and needed to be played with.
"You know," you began breathlessly, "you always called me a slut, but now you're acting like this." You bent down and bit his neck, earning another groan. "You're so useless right now, aren't you? Can't even fuck me with this big useless cock. Even now you're so hard. Such a fucking pervert, aren't you?" When he didn't respond, you bit his neck harder. "Aren't you?"
"Yes!"
"Hmmm... not good enough." You stopped moving. "I want you to say it."
"I'm a pervert." He responded immediately.
You lifted yourself up and slammed back down, forcing a scream out of him. "Louder!"
"I'm a pervert!"
You laughed. "Look into the camera and say it."
The realisation dawned on him, the cameras were still rolling. There was now footage of him being dominated by you on both of your phones. A quick flicker in his mind appeared; what if you used this video against him? The scariest thought to him was that he didn't mind. He didn't care if you posted the video anywhere. In fact, he felt his cock get harder at the thought of people seeing him so weak for you. He looked directly into the lens, and opened his mouth. "I'm a pervert!"
You slammed back down on him again. But this time, you didn't stop.
"What did you do?"
"I - fuck - recorded my girlfriend without permission. You feel so fucking good, shit!"
"Did you watch them?"
He nodded.
"Which one did you watch the most?"
"When... when you were tied up... and I - fucking hell - fucked you so hard you passed out."
"Do you know what I watch?"
"No."
"I watch you touch yourself over me when I'm asleep."
"Fuck." His voice was barely a whisper.
"I watch you fuck your hand while sniffing my panties, acting like a desperate little slut that can't wait for his girlfriend's tight cunt he has to lick her underwear to get off."
"Please."
"Please what?"
"I want to cum."
"Where do you want to cum?"
"Inside."
"Inside me? You think your useless, filthy cock is good enough to cum inside me?"
"Please."
God, he sounded so desperate.
"Do you want to cum?"
"Yes!"
"Cum for me. Now."
His eyes lit up, he was so happy to finally be able to empty himself inside you. You watched his face for the telltale signs that he was right there. To help him, you sped up even more and moaned wantonly, being loud for him as he loved. He was so close.
"I'm gonna -"
As he began his release you sat up, pulling him from inside you and letting his cock flop onto his belly. "No!" He screamed. The cum that was supposed to be inside you now emptying out onto his stomach. Tears began to well in his eyes as his orgasm ebbed away quickly, leaving him messy, used, and unsatisfied. He looked at you, feeling a small pang of betrayal.
"Let this be a lesson to you," you told him, "the next time you want to do something fucked up, you ask me first. Understand?"
He wanted to say something but thought better of it. He nodded simply.
"Don't touch yourself until tomorrow. I'll let you cum then."
You released him and stood up.
"What's stopping me from taking what I want from you anyway?"
"I'll do this again."
He nodded in understanding.
"Come on, Baby," you held out your hand, "let's go take a shower."
Goddamn, as I was writing this the trigger warnings just kept piling up and piling up and it got darker and darker. This shit is extra horny lmao. I know I don't usually write as dark as this, and it took me ages to get this done but I just had this brain rotting idea and I had to get it out. I hope you enjoyed it! My commissions are open so if you want something similar but with a different member, let me know! I'm happy to keep up the darker themes.
genre: smut, enemies to lovers, angst, collage au, rich kid!Taehyung
warnings: slight mention of religion and god
check out chapter 1 here
Chapter 2: Tell me pretty lies, look me in the face
Hating someone feels disturbingly similar to being in love with them. Love and hate are related to each other in a complex manner;they are visceral. Your stomach twists at the thought of that person. Your blood rushes to your cheeks when someone mentions their name, the heart in your chest beats heavy and bright, nearly visible through your flesh and clothes. Every interaction spikes your blood with a dangerous kind of adrenaline, your body is barely under your control. You’re consumed, and it scares you.
That’s exactly how you felt about Kim Taehyung.
You can’t quite explain it, but even though you didn’t fancy him all too much, there was a part of you that wanted him near you. The mere mention of his name made your blood boil. Especially after that night.
You’d never felt this way about a person before. One minute you wanted to kill him the other you wanted to fuck him. Was there something wrong with you?
Out of all people, why him?
The thing that had been bothering you lately, the question that has been popping up in your head ever since that day;how did he feel about you?
He hasn’t contacted once. Not a single message, and you knew he could get your number if he wanted to, the thing is, he didn’t want to. If he wanted to communicate somehow, he would have, and that just confirms the thought that has been hiding in the back of your brain, too ashamed to come out because of how embarrassing it would be to admit to such a thing to yourself;that Taehyung only used you for his own pleasure. That he didn’t actually care about you, but only about what you did together. You were another victim that fell for him, and that frustrated you.
“Yo are you even listening to me?” Jin’s voice woke you up from your daydreaming. It was the first day of college, Jin was trying to explain accurately every professor’s background and personality. It was sweet of him to offer to help you out, but you didn’t really need it, especially since you were having an entire inner monologue about how much you fucked up things with Kim Taehyung before the semester even started. “Repeat what I just said” he ordered
“I’ve got to be honest…” you began, but before you could even come up with a poor excuse as to why you had been staring at the empty space for what was probably 15 minutes, Jin interrupted you.
“You weren’t even listening to me!” He whined
“Sorry, I have quite the busy mind” you chuckled and pushed his shoulder hoping he would brush this whole thing away and not ask any questions. “it’s almost 10, I’ve got to go”
•••
It almost felt like a dream when you took your first step into Hashfield college. You thought you were mentally prepared for what you were about to witness in this school, but you immediately felt your jaw drop when your gaze caught on a striking woman with . . . questionable style. She wore a mink shawl in September, over a thin olive-green dress, and thigh-high boots. Long blonde hair fell in smooth waves, and with her fake eyelashes and large hoop earrings, she was like an ad to the seventies era. And, as if she wasn’t doing her job well enough, she blew a pink bubble and popped it, her eyes narrowing on you like you were the one whose style was four decades too late.
Now, judging someone based on how they dressed for school was not a habit of yours, but the attitude she was wearing along with her outfit was definitely annoying you a bit.
Just by the way she made a grimace at a couple of girls that simply passed by her, minding their own business (an asset very rare for insiders) screamed what type of girl she was.
You know the kind, probably a cheerleader, or a leader in some kind of attention seeking club, popular, possibly had every jock wrapped around her fingers. These type of girls, they never leave high school, they never abandon that mindset, it stays with them. Mean, cavalier, superficial... The kind who doesn’t have a thought stay in her head too long or else she needs a nap. If polar opposites were ever in the same room, it was her and you, undoubtedly.
She was surrounded by 2 fit guys and a red head that was carrying a handbag that matched hers. If she was Regina George then that was definitely Gretchen Wieners.To your disappointment, you watched as a very familiar back approached them. Kim Taehyung. Of fucking course he hanged out with that type of crowd.
The fact that you had to walk passed them to get to your class seemed like a form of torture. You wish the earth would just open in two, and shallow you in. You felt your heart beat faster and faster, and you tried to move quickly to avoid them like they were a bunch of hyenas and you were a sheep whose survival instincts had kicked in. As if things couldn’t get any worse, just when you were about to surpass them, thinking you’ve succeeded in staying invisible and out of Taehyung’s sight, you hear a male voice calling your name
“Y/n!! Surprised you actually showed up. Hope this sight lasts” Jungkook’s voice made a bunch of slurs rush to your mind.
You hated the fact that your gaze immediately met Taehyung’s, as if it was reaching out to him, or even worse, searching for him. He stood there, simply wearing gray nike sweatpants and a white Celine t-shirt, yet you swear he looked a hundred times better than any model you’ve ever seen. He was larger than life in this hallway. Or maybe, this hall was just small? No, it looked like a normal-sized hallway. Ugh, get a grip.
“Hoped you’d chicken out last minute” Taehyung’s indifferent voice ran down your spine, with a strange thrill following in its wake. You’d never admit it, but you had strangely longed for the the alluring feeling his voice gave you.
“Glad that my presence made all of you so excited” you scoffed
“Excited is kind of overselling it, don’t you think?”Taehyung answered almost immediately.
“I’d argue differently” You gave him a look that conveyed;you were definitely excited when you went down on me the other night, Kim Taehyung.
The blonde girl pursed her lips in annoyance when all of the attention had shifted from her to you “Excuse me, who even are you?” She regarded you like someone would watch Animal Planet—like you were another species and possibly dull entertainment.
“I really need to get to class-” You could feel blood rushing to your cheeks when Jungkook’s elbow rested on your shoulder out of the blue.
All these years had passed since the last time you were this close to Jeon Jungkook, however his aura had remained the same. Cold, alarming yet somehow attractive. You caught a glimpse of Taehyung’s eyebrow raising slightly. Almost as if he was jealous “She’s Y/N” Jungkook said “The outsider”
The girl’s face light up in surprise, like she had just met someone from a different planet “Incredible” A judgmental eye look traveled carefully from top to bottom. Your insides were flaming in anger, what was she looking at? “Never seen one so up close before. You’re quite the talk these days.” A condescending smile painted her rich blonde girl face. “I mean an outsider!. In Hashfield? It’s wild”
You swallowed your pride knowing that arguing with these types of girls would only do you harm. You took one last look at Taehyung but the minute your eyes locked he turned his head to the side, as if he was embarrassed to even look at you.
Strange. You’ve never seen him like this before.
“As I was saying, I really need to get to class.” Your tone cold and indifferent, completely masking the wide range of emotions you were experiencing all at once.
•••
You never really understood the way that some people romanticized university life.
In movies and television shows, it’s all soft acoustic indie music playing over the image of some girl reading in a library, and an attractive mysterious guy gazing at her from afar, time seemed to have almost stopped as he was slowly falling in love with her.
Reality was far less idyllic.
Studying at the library was a battle between you and your attention span, the constant whispers exchanged between two annoying friends that weren’t aiding your situation at all, and the long ass paragraphs that became intelligible after four sentences, so you had to restart again from the beginning a few times before you read through the whole thing—still not understanding half of it nonetheless.
After what seemed like an hour of struggling to comprehend the difference between salve and salvete you realized Latin would probably be a bit more difficult than you had initially expected. You got up and paced towards one of the many enormous bookshelves to grab a book called “The modern guide to the not so modern Latin” this should help, you thought.
“You going to stand there and stare at that book all day, or are you going to move? Pretty sure just looking at it won’t win you any points anyway” the smooth, low, familiar voice that left Taehyung’s downturned mouth caught you off guard. You immediately jerked your head up to face him. Messy dark curls fell in his eyes accompanied with unexpectedly delicate features and cold, somewhat impatient gaze.
You blinked at him blankly, your stomach dipped like a tilt-a-whirl. You were finally alone with him for the first time after that night, and just as the smell of freshly baked sweet potatoes with turkey brought you back to a Christmas dinner with your mom and aunt, his cologne brought you back to when he was all over you, kissing your neck. “Pretty sure you’re not getting any extra points for being a pain in the ass either, but hey, look at you” you replied quickly, finding your tongue and only narrowly fighting back the annoyance that threatened to seep into your tone.
He replied by simply curling his lips up slightly, almost as if he was amused by your response. His eyes flickered up to the bookshelf as he peeled his attention from you, probably scanning for some kind of book ad you took a moment to admire his sharp jawline. When he’d finally spotted it, he took a step forward and as if you were the same poles of a magnet, you took one back. He chuckled at your obvious try to avoid him and extended his right hand to grab a book that was titled “Everything and nothing about the history of religion”
“Didn’t have you for a guy that would read this stuff, thought you said you lost God a long time ago”
You watched as he quirked a dark eyebrow “Guess you haven’t forgotten everything about me” He slipped one hand into his pocket as his gaze fell down your body “You know, there’s a lot of time to read in here, and I’ve read it all” he sighted “Talmud, Torah, Quran, Tae Te Ching” he smiled at you “Buddhism, Islam, Judaism, Jainism. Figured if I was looking for God, I should look everywhere.” He made a pause “Came out of that an atheist” he shrugged his shoulders
“Bet that’s a story” you said, gesturing to the book he was holding
“It is and it isn’t. I’m just in the middle of a project right now, besides, history behind religion was always more fascinating to me than the religion itself”
“Oh right, well, that sounds interesting, I’ll leave you to it then” Really? You couldn’t think of a less idiotic response? He just opened up about something clearly personal and you were too awkward to keep a normal conversation flow going? Embarrassed, you took a step to go around him and completely disappear—but, before you could, something grabbed your wrist.
He grabbed your wrist.
His grip felt like a band of fire; rough, calloused fire. A cool breath of fear mixed with something boiling hot leaked into your bloodstream. He stood only a few centimeters away from you, his grip the only thing connecting the two of you.
“Just so I know, are we going to pretend that night never happened?” his deep voice reached your ears
“What?” You breathed, your train of thought lost because of the hand wrapped around your wrist. It wasn’t a hard grip, but it was heavy, firm, immovable. It made you aware of how much smaller you were, how unnerved and out of place you felt. How you couldn’t leave unless he chose to release you.
He took a step closer as he watched you with an inquisitive gaze. Your heart felt close to stopping and your skin was burning up. “Are you going to pretend my dick wasn’t inside your mouth a few days ago?” he lowered his voice and you felt like you were about to pass out.
“I don’t know, are you going to pretend you weren’t in between my legs?” You managed to say and tried to pull your wrist away but he didn’t let you go.
Your pulse fluttered when his thumb brushed your knuckles. A smile painted all over his face like he had just done something he was proud of. “You know, if you want another round, all you have to do is ask”
“You’re ridiculous, you know that?” You said, breathing out an annoyed sigh as you brushed a piece of hair back from your face “Stop treating me like some girl that’s obsessed with you” you tried to free yourself from his grip “Let go!”
His gaze came back to your face, and you looked at each other for a moment. His grip slipped down your wrist, palm, fingers. The rough pads of his fingertips brushed your softer ones, and made your heart skip a beat. “I don't regret a single second I've spent with you, do you?”
What the hell? That was the last thing you expected to hear from his mouth and you didn’t know how you were supposed to respond. “Is this one of your sick jokes? Pretending to mean all these things when in reality all you want to see is how l’ll react? Because I’m tired of playing this game Taehyung, not this time, not with you.”
“No games” he pulled you even closer to his body “can’t you just listen to me?”
“I would if you talked to me. Do you know why I always need to have my guard up when it comes to you? Don’t you remember how embarrassed I was when you played that whole prank with Jungkook?” You pushed him away “Asshole, what makes you think it’s ok to play with people’s feelings like that?”
Two years ago. Jungkook was the only person you’d talk to, he was kind and seemed to like everything you did. The day after you’d confessed your feelings for him, you found out that the whole thing, Jungkook hanging out with you and pretending to like you, was a whole show Taehyung had put up. He’d made Jungkook do it. How dare he play with someone’s heart like that? What if all this was set up by him as well? You could never be too sure with him.
“Y/n, about that-“
“No. I’m done with you and your excuses. Just leave me alone” You cut him off “That night, I was drunk, and horny, and out of my head. Was it your dick I sucked? Sorry, can’t seem to remember that well, my memory is quite foggy” scorn laced your tone. You were done with him this time, you felt your blood boiling just by looking at him—and not in a good way.
“y/n come on-“
“You know, I really think that alcohol isn’t good or bad. But the version that can come out of me when I have enough to drink…yeah, she is bad. She’s careless and selfish and does things that I would never do sober.” Your tone monotonous, and your heart heavy as you know deep down that what you’re saying isn’t necessarily the truth. But you have to find a way in order to get away from Taehyung, he is bad for you, and you’re scared this whole thing is just another prank he carefully set up for you to fall in. But you knew better this time. “There is…a saboteur inside of me. she did everything that night, got it? And she left me to deal with the consequences of her actions.”
Taehyung pushed you with his body against a bookshelf. His right hand resting next to your head while you tried your best to control your breathing “You’re seriously going to pretend you didn’t love the way my tongue licked every inch of your skin?” His face centimeters away from yours as he stared at you dead in the eyes “The way you moaned my name?” He brought his right knee slightly up, just enough to push against your heat, providing the right amount of pressure to make your tummy tense up. How did he manage to have control over you yet once more? “The way you begged to eat my cum?” he breathed
“Stop…” your tone not very convincing, as you clearly didn’t want him to stop what he was doing. His mere knee was making you wetter than any other man ever did. And you hated him for that, you hated him for being the only one that made sucking someone’s dick enjoyable, so much you’d think about it every single night before you went to bed.
But love and hate seem to have an interesting relationship inside your head.
“Why are you putting on this whole show, when you feel the same things I do?” He placed his lips on the side of your neck, giving it a small and gentle kiss before facing you again “you smell amazing, you know that?”
The impact of his stare found a way to touch your skin. Again, a thing only he could do. The memory of him naked and exposed played on a loop, intense and hot, in your head. Just so you didn’t look like an intimidated little girl, you held his gaze for a breathless second.
Feel the same things I do?
What the hell did he mean by that? He wasn’t suggesting he actually viewed that night as something more than a meaningless hook up, was he? “I don’t have time for this, I need to get back to studying-“
“Studying, yeah” he jerked his head slightly backwards and sighted, and you couldn’t help but stare at his prominent Adam’s apple as it slowly moved. “Feels like I’m talking to a fucking wall sometimes” he took a step back
“I thought you loved walls” you smirked and distanced yourself from him “Next time, maybe don’t ghost me” you said with an indifferent voice, and maybe for a split second you wanted him to stop you one more time, grab you by your wrist and pull you in for a kiss, you closed your eyes and painted that picture in your head. But he never did.
It was for the best. Kim Taehyung was bad news, you knew how he treated girls, made them feel special and unique until he decided he was done with them. You were not going to allow yourself to fall for his little scheme. You caught a glimpse of his eyes, it was almost as if he was annoyed by you, as if you were the one who acted like a pretentious dick all the time.
You hated mornings
You couldn’t possibly describe how much.
Which was weird, considering dawn was your favorite part of the day, but the cold and empty feeling that you got when you first open your eyes is cruel and torturing. No matter how much you’d sleep, you would always feel tired when waking up.
Another reason why you hated mornings was because you had to get ready for Hashfield college. You had to find the right clothes and fix your hair and makeup. Not necessarily because you wanted to fit in but because that would make your day much easier. And it sounds dumb, but that was the case and you had to live with it.
There’s one thing you enjoyed about your dull mornings though, and that was the daily morning gossip call with Mina. She’d tell you everything that had happened last night and it would always make you even more jealous for the fact that you didn’t apply to a normal University outside of town instead of Hashfield. You could feel Mina’s excited voice. She was free. And you envied that.
“Ugh one thing I miss about Outfield is the coffee man, there’s just no competition”
“Uhh yeah sounds awful Mina you wanna switch places with me? Life sucks but at least coffee is bomb so I’d say it’s worth it right?”
Mina chuckled “I'll ignore your usual morning chipper and tell you all about the date I had last night”
You were always thankful for the distraction Mina provided every morning “I’m all ears”
“Okay, so” you could basically hear her smile through the phone “ "I was at the bar the other night and ran into this guy, his name's Beck, and we immediately hit it off, We talked for like, two hours afterwards, and he asked for my number. Few days ago he called and asked if I wanted to go out with him, and I was like hell yeah let's tear up the town. Guy picks me up at my apartment in this sleek ass car, and takes me out to this fancy pants restaurant, letting me order whatever I wanted, I mean this dude is loaded. Eventually I ask him what he does for a living, since he's got cash falling from the fuckin' sky. Apparently he works for the fucking Kim family? Isn’t it crazy how small the world is?”
“The Kim family!?” You repeated, it shouldn’t come as a surprise, the Kim business was booming the last decade, Taehyung’s father might be a shitty person but he is an awesome businessman.
“Y/n… you wanna know what’s even crazier?”
“Well I can’t say no now, can I?”
There was a small pause before Mina spoke again “He told me Kim Taehyung is going to be engaged soon.”
Words wouldn’t come out of your mouth.
You knew insiders were engaged early, basically, their parents wanted to secure business merges by having their kids engaged. It did good for business and insiders didn’t want to get married to outsiders in the first place, so it worked.
But Kim Taehyung? For some reason, you always thought he’d be a different case. He was known for his recklessness and not completely adhering to the rules inside the walls. He’d sleep with a lot of women, insiders and outsiders. He didn’t care about the gossip and he certainly didn’t care about what his daddy would say.
So yeah, in a way, hearing these news shocked you in more ways than one. “Are you sure? How would he know?”
“Talks around the office. You know how these things go y/n, if daddy says it then it’s law”
You hated mornings.
Perhaps, in hindsight, the fifth drink had been a mistake.
He isn't drunk, maybe tipsy, he hates to admit that he has grown a tolerance for alcohol. These many drinks into the evening, Taehyung’s short term memory wasn't up to its usual standards. Standing in the door of the bathroom, Taehyung thinks, 'Why am I in here?' It takes at least five seconds before he remembers that he wanted to pee , he's had five drinks and three glasses of water, and things are beginning to get urgent.
“Come ooooon we only have one fucking bathroom in this whole place” he listened to Jungkook’s stammering voice from the door. They had the same amount of alcohol but Jungkook was having a rougher time than him. Considering he apparently forgot there are two more restrooms downstairs.
Jerking his head back, letting his curls fall down, Taehyung thinks of you.
He wasn’t going to, he made a promise to himself to flick away this attraction he seemed to have for you. It wasn’t doing him any good and he knew things with you should remain platonic for your sake. He wasn’t a good guy, and he liked you enough as a person to keep a disntace before fucking everything up—like always.
Was it a week ago? He recalls that’s the last time he talked to you, in the library. Fuck, he could still smell your perfume in his nose as if you were there with him.
But you weren’t.
You were in that other party with Seokjin and Zed down at Clair’s. Taehyung wouldn’t step foot anywhere near Clair’s house, she was crazy for him and things hadn’t ended up the way she wanted so she made sure to make Taehyung’s life a living nightmare instead.
But right now, all Taehyung was thinking about was how much he wanted to punch the shit out of Zed. That dude was an A class asshole that wanted nothing but get his way in your pants. He knew you weren’t going to give it to him, you were smarter than half of the insiders he knew, but he couldn’t hold his worry back.
“Come ooooon dude I will fucking piss my pants”
Taehyung laughed at the sounds Jungkook was making. He finished his business and opened the door chuckling. “You know there are other bathrooms here buddy, right?”
“Whatever” Jungkook blurred before immediately letting loose of his pants. He didn’t even have the sense of mind to close the door behind him.
Jungkook was a good kid, very misunderstood by everyone. Granted, he was a massive dick to girls, but that’s just because he had his heart broken by his first love, and it’s been downhill ever since.
He was like a brother to Taehyung, he was there when Taehyung’s parents had split up, probably the darkest Taehyung had ever been. But Jungkook remained by his side through it all, and Taehyung knew he’d never meet a friend like Jungkook again.
Taehyung and Jungkook didn’t fight, ever. Except well , this one time.
They fought one time over you.
Jungkook had met you while hanging out with some weird crowds outside of the walls, and he seemed to grow a liking towards you. You had similar interests and hobbies despite the different worlds you two were living in, Taehyung had to bite the inside of his cheek every time Jungkook mentioned your name as if it had honey dripping all over it.
Taehyung loves Jungkook, but he knew he wasn’t good for you, so he decided to lie to you and spread the rumor that Jungkook liking you was a prank.
He was stupid for doing that, but he blames his young age and blinding jealousy for that. He still remembers how offended Jungkook got, but he got over the whole thing pretty quick, at least until he’d found his next victim.
Jungkook was a good kid, but he wasn’t good enough for you, no insider was, including himself.
“You’re kind of off today, Taehyung” Brianna wrapped a hand around his waist “Something on your mind?”
A lot of things he couldn’t talk about, especially with her “Nah, just tipsy I guess”
“Oh my god Bri” Tess laughed at her phone like she had just seen the funniest thing of her life “Isn’t that the new outsider girl? y/n, was her name? Was it?”
The mention of your name made Taehyung look at Tess’s phone screen. It was a video of you throwing up in a vase of flowers with the caption ‘Guess outsiders can’t handle alcohol that well’
“I give her another month before she drops out.” Brianna was as toneless as always “Why on earth would she think that mixing with Hashfield was a good idea? Outsiders are a joke, honestly”
“Why do you care, Brianna? It’s just college, who gives a fuck anyways?” Taehyung interrupted, not even bothering to mask how annoyed he was.
When Taehyung imagined what he wanted from life, getting engaged with Brianna was never on his list. It wasn’t even a thought that occurred, until his good-for-nothing ambitious father decided that the Arden family was doing massive numbers in sales. So what better way to merge businesses than to engage him to the Ice queen?
Jesus, his father was a lost case. Tae swore to himself that he’ll never go through with the deal. His plan was to finish Hashfield College as fast as possible and travel around the world, get far away from the fucking wall.
Brianna scoffed, as if she had just heard the most ridiculous thing in her damn life. “just College?” She eyed him “Taehyung, it’s Hashfield”
“Whatever.” He rolled his eyes so fucking much he thought he saw his brain for a second. People like Brianna were not to be reasoned with. “Me and Jungkook are heading to the after party.”
“The after party? I think you’ve had enough to drink already” She lectured him as if she was his goddamn mother, she wasn’t.
“Didn’t know thinking was one of your abilities, you keep surprising me” His tone was rougher than usual but he didn’t really care. Plus the O shaped face she just made was the most amusing thing she’d done all day today. “Cmon Jungkook, let’s go”
•••
If you could get an image stuck in your head forever, it would be Taehyung’s face when he saw you walking out of the bathroom giggling with Zed, heading to find the others downstairs.
Of course, nothing had happened with Zed, he just wanted some help throwing all that tequila out of his system because he drunk a little more than he could handle, which was not much to begin with.
But Kim Taehyung’s expression was painted in your mind. Almost as if he was ready to punch Zed in the face.
Whatever.
What was he doing here anyway? Last you heard, he was at some fancy party with his girlfriend—or should you say fiancé, Brianna.
You don’t remember the last time you actually locked eyes with him since that run-in at the library. During lectures, you’d pretend he wasn’t there, but that only made it worse because you ended up constantly thinking about him. His mere presence was a constant burden. Kim Taehyung was a demon, or the devil himself.
The ninth circle of hell was not in some deep bowel under the earth, it was right here, in front of Clair’s Olympic sized swimming pool. Taehyung removed his shirt and dived in with a couple girls following him soon after. His hair wet and all over the place, locks falling loosely in his eyes, his body shiny under the moonlight and that fucking smirk all over his face. How could a man look this attractive?
“Fucking hell” you hear Celine basically moan.
Yeah, everyone was starring at the half-naked prince of Hashfield. Including you, and he noticed. You hate that he caught you looking
You quickly averted your eyes back to your phone, you didn’t want to give Taehyung the satisfaction of starring at him. Especially now, that he was acting like he had you down already.
“Fuck he’s hot” Nessa’s mouth had more water than the pool itself.
You cursed all sorts in your brain. Of course everyone wanted him. What’s not to like? A mysterious bad boy image, money, the fame of half the world, and soon to be C.E.O of the Kim cooperation. He was THE shit, and the worst part about it;he knew it.
The way he’d glance at all the girls that were eyeing him up and down, he felt the stares and he was feeding off of them.
“Jess your jaw is hitting the ground” Jin teased and in response he got a slap on the shoulder.
Your eyes jumped back at the pool, only to catch Taehyung starring back at you, his eyebrow cocked up, his expression was like an invitation, a dirty one. He watched as you took a sip of your drink, not breaking eye contact for a split second. This had been the longest you had starred at him. His eyes pierced through your soul, and you burned so much that no amount of ice could cool you down.
The devil.
“What do you think about him? Kim Taehyung” Zed bumped your shoulder resulting in that eye contact to break.
“I don’t know. . . Arrogant dick sounds like a nice summary” you faked a smile.
Arrogant dick was one way to describe him, among other things you wouldn’t say out loud, ever.
Zed chuckled at that. “Yeah, I don’t like the dude much either. He’s too lost in his own little fantasy world his good daddy built for him”
Wow, ironic much? Considering that was the case for most people around them, including him.
“It’s not his fault his daddy got money” Defending Tae was not your intention, but that statement was true. Sure, his father was this Hashfield King everyone admired yet feared, but it wasn’t Taehyung’s fault he was born into his family.
“I guess…”
He guesses. As if Zed wasn’t a nepotism baby. Living in the shadow of his family’s wealth. Probably marrying another woman that did the same.
•••
If it was one thing you enjoyed doing in those good-for-nothing outsider parties, it was to stroll around the huge mansions they were held in.
So many rooms that looked more like museums or modern art galleries that no one took an interest in because they were too busy getting fucked up by the jacuzzi or had no taste for such things to begin with.
Your eyes caught an enormous half opened wooden door with golden details on the side. You enter the room to find out it was an office. The place was a perfect square with a blue, stylish couch, a mahogany desk with a couple chairs in front of it, a flat-screen TV, and a minibar.
The walls were concrete, but with the gold and blue oriental rug and nothing but one piece of artwork on the wall, the room was somehow warm and comfortable.
You studied the painting that sat behind a shiny piece of glass. Pastel colors and bold yet refined sweeps of a brush. You weren’t much of an artistic person like your mother, but you recognized the work. You’d watched a documentary about the downfall of modern art. That what we consider art today is a poor example of the talent and heart of art in the past.
“Got lost trying to find the bathroom again?” Taehyung’s voice made goosebumps run down your back.
How did you two always manage to end up in the same places? Manage to read the same books, enjoy the same movies, like the same music? “Stalker alert”
You turned around and met his face. A thick atmosphere hung in the air. “Don’t flatter yourself” he scoffed “I’m impressed that leach Zed isn’t here with you, I thought you two were a package deal” He downed his drink and paced around the room, his attention moving from your eyes to the painting behind you.
“I could say the same thing about you and Cruella de Vil”
He laughed at that. A soft laugh, the kind that could melt your heart. “I can’t tolerate Brianna for more than an hour honestly”
“You’re not that tolerable yourself either”
Taehyung remained silent. His gaze fixed on the only painting in the room. And all you wanted to do was touch him just to make sure he was actually there, and you weren’t dreaming.
You should’ve gotten out of that room the minute he got there. He was trouble, and it was best to stay away from him, but for some fucking reason you found yourself glued there, gazing at him as if he was god himself.
“The Cliff Walk at Pourville” he suddenly broke the silence.
“Didn’t take you for a guy who would have a soft spot for Monet”
He turned his head, his dark eyes found yours and for a moment you felt your head spinning. “My mama was a fan” Your stomach warmed at the deep way mama rolled off his lips. “She had good taste” He laughed quietly. A bitter note showed through, and he wiped his amusement away with a palm like he’d just realized what he’d done. “You know why she liked about The Cliff Walk at Pourville so fucking much?” He clicked his tongue “It looks like the beach surrounding the wall. She said if she could paint freedom, it would look like that” he tapped the painting with his finger sort of aggressively. “And now she is free and I’m left alone in this fucking cliff”
Was that anger in his tone? Or maybe disappointment…? You figure it was a cocktail of the two. For some reason, your heart broke. You knew how much he loved his mum, you haven’t heard any news about her. Kim Taehyung’s father was a mean and cruel man, but how cold does a mother have to be to leave behind her only son like that?
“Don’t you like it here?”
His eyes wondered around the room, almost as if they were avoiding you “I don’t know…I mean it’s Hashfield right? I should be on my knees thanking the fucking God that I get to live inside the wall.” He breathed “The Damn wall”
“I can’t figure you out. I thought you enjoyed all of this…”
His drunk gaze found yours.
And you swear you lost sensation in your legs. He was a statue, something out of this century, maybe he was a reincarnation of Achilles. Or maybe he was not human.
His lips were slightly apart and his eyes were almost sparkly under the light. He smiled and finished what was left of his drink “I’m afraid you will never figure me out”
You rolled your eyes. Even drunk and out of his head he remained stubborn and an annoying know-it-all. “Why not?” You returned the smile, weirdly amused by the fact that his nose had turned slightly red from all that booze.
“I’m a paradox” His eyes tried to fix on you for a minute but soon flattered “I want to be happy, but I think of things that make me sad. I’m lazy, yet ambitious. I don’t like myself but I also love who I am.” He took a long breath “I pretend I don’t care, when in reality I do. I crave attention, yet reject it when it comes my way. Im a conflicted contradiction. If I can’t figure myself out, there’s no way anyone else can”
At that point, every last piece of your armor disintegrated. You felt Taehyung was being genuine with you, for once. He told you something about himself. He let you inside a corner of his brain. There was no pretense, it was just you, him and the Monet painting behind you.
“You miss your mother?” A gulp in your throat, you couldn’t hold this question back.
He exhaled “Everyday”
“You know, I used to think that losing someone went hand in hand with losing a part of yourself. That losing a person close to you was like giving away a little bit of who you are every time you said goodbye. But that’s not always true. Some losses, some parting of ways, are essential for our personal growth. When we burn a bridge, we allow something new to grow from its ashes. Something that wouldn’t have gotten the chance to bloom otherwise. So most of the time loss actually goes hand in hand with a new beginning, a new chance, even if it takes us years to see the change and to realise that maybe it was for the best. With every person you lose, with everyone you willingly let go, you get to know a part of yourself that was hidden before.”
He looked at you carefully as he took the remaining steps towards you. His cologne pierced your nose and nerves played beneath your skin when instead of stopping he came closer, wrapping an arm around your waist to pull you closer “You’re really something, you know that?”
You pretended this position didn’t effect you at all, but in reality your heart raced from the shock.
“Y/N..” You turned your head to look at him. your breath shallowed when you realized his lips were only inches from your own. His gaze was warm, seeing deeper beneath your skin with each second. “Why are you here?”
You frowned your brows “I just…I like snooping around these big houses, I’m not really used to them. Plus if I have to sit through one more insider small talk I will drown myself in the pool. By the way did you know this house has like six pools? how many do you even need-“
“I mean Hashfield. Why on earth would you come to this place? I know you hate it”
“You’re right” A deep breath “I never wanted to come to Hashfield. It was not this big dream everyone thinks I had.” You exhaled and took a sneak peak of the way he was looking at you. He made you feel like whatever you were about to say was of importance. And it was. “The biggest mistake I’ve ever made was thinking time didn’t exist for me. I was young and stupid and convinced time would bend to my will like reeds bend to the wind. I was going to be a high schooler forever, you know? I had no plans, no dream job, nothing. But for whatever reason, I was always good with school. My grades were always top of the class and my teachers constantly praised me. That’s when my mum recommended that I try out for Hashfield. She really believed in me. No one ever believed in me but she did.”
“You never told her you didn’t want to come here?” He asked, rightfully so.
“I kept the words that could change everything lodged under my tongue, too scared, too shy, too embarrassed to say them out loud. Because what should I tell her? That I’ll reject the greatest opportunity anyone could have? That all the hard work and support she gave me was for nothing?” You sighted “I was going to tell her, eventually, I was sure about it. I thought I could put it off for another week, at least. The week became a month. And then the acceptance letter came and it was too late…Time. I had ran out of time.”
The dim lighting made his eyes look like burnt gold. “I guess one good thing came out of that”
“What?” You asked, already knowing the answer in your head, but you wanted to hear it from him
“We met again”
“We met multiple times outside the walls before, you know”
“Yeah” a faint smile “but that was different” he made a pause “I was different”
Tension crept between the two of you, finding its way between your legs and settling there like a heavy weight. You found yourself thinking about so many things. You wanted to see what was beneath that white shirt. You wanted to know how much little effort it would take for him to hold you down. You wanted to put out this fire inside you that had been there since the last time he touched you. But then. The words escaped your mouth as if they had a mind of their own “I heard you are getting engaged”
His gaze found yours, and the gold blackened around the edges. Your pulse pirouetted to a strange dance. “You heard?” his voice darker than usual
“I’m surprised more people don’t know about it. You’re like a prince around here”
“That’s because it’s not official yet” he exhaled a deep breath “My father is in the midst of some big deal and apparently he wants me to be the seal of it.. He can go fuck himself. I’m not planning to be a pawn in his game.” The anger quickly turned into amusement as he saw your face “Why princess, you thought you had lost me forever?”
With his body pressed against yours, warming you from the inside out, the pull to lean in was a physical thing. A heavy tug, as if he was your center of gravity. You could taste his breath and feel his strong heartbeat.
How easy it would be; to bury your fingers in his hair, to run your hand along his jawline, to meet your mouth with his.
You knew it would be the best kiss you’d ever have.
But you manage to tame that urge. Almost as if the two sides inside of you were fighting and hopefully this time, reason was winning. “Will you let go of me?”
To be fair. You weren’t making much of an effort to free yourself from his grip.
“I don’t want to.”
You loved his voice and the way he said that.
What was wrong with you? “Let me go”
“You’re not very convincing”
“You’re a dick”
“You always say that”
“Cause it’s true”
“Well I guess I’m a dick with a very kissable mouth then”
You cringed at the memory of you admitting he has a kissable mouth. It was true, but he didn’t need to know that. “Remove your hands Kim Taehyung”
Just when he was about to open his mouth and say something -probably very annoying- his phone rang.
“You should take that, maybe it’s your fiancé”
He raised his eyebrow in annoyance and checked his phone. The name on the screen wrote ‘Jungkook’ and you felt your throat dry up from the memories that hit you.
Kim Taehyung was not a good person to you, why were you in his arms?
“It better be important Jungkook” he answered his phone.
KIM TAEHYUNG P.O.V
“Look man, I-I didn’t do it okay? I mean-I mean I did it’s just- I had a lot to drink and Jimin was teasing me, saying I was a pussy and too scared to do it”
He closed his eyes and exhaled.
This couldn’t be good.
“What happened Jungkook. Fucking spill it”
He stared as you reached for your phone in your back pocket. It had been vibrating for a while. Who was texting you so impatiently? Was it Zed? Seokjin?
“I told Zed about the bet. I told him that we made a bet and you won, that you’d slept with y/n. Look man I’m sorry I-“
Your expression turned cold when you read the text messages on your screen. “What the fuck!?” You yelled as you pushed your self away from him. Your eyes slowly turning up, meeting his own. He could tell whatever you read probably broke your heart right there and then
He had fucked up. Big time.
“What the fuck is wrong with you, Kim Taehyung?”
Jungkook was continuing his rumble making a half assed apology when Taehyung hangs up the phone. Trying to calm you down “Y/n I’m sorry I didn’t-“
“I knew it…” Your expression was empty, almost cold, Taehyung had never seen you like this before. You were always bright and warm. You were the only person he felt comfortable around, but right now… he could barely look at you in the eyes. “I can’t believe I trusted you. Kim Taehyung. A fucking bet?” You basically growled “Over who gets to fuck me? You truly are your father’s son.” He could taste the bitterness out your mouth when you spat that.
“Y/n… I can explain… please” He needed to explain to you…what? That you were lovely and smart and better than anything he deserved? That he was twisted, crooked, wrong, but not so broken that he couldn’t pull himself together into some semblance of a man for you?. That without meaning to, he’d begun to lean on you, to look for you, to need you near.?
Would you even believe him if he did tell you that? He thinks not. And he deserves the way you’re looking at him right now. Like he was garbage, because maybe, he truly is his father’s son. “I’m sorry… you can’t imagine how sorry I am y/n…”
It didn’t matter how much he begged for forgiveness, that look in your eyes told him you were done with him for good. For every step he took toward you, you took two steps back. Every time he thought he’d made some sort of progress, that he’d finally gotten somewhat closer to you, you slipped away again, like a shadow, like the wind, like a ray of light, simply refusing to be captured.
series genre: enemies to lovers, rich kid!Taehyung, angst, smut, fluff, collage au.
note: “Hey” whispered my brain at two in the god damn morning. “Wanna know what would be fun?”
“what?” I ask while trying desperately to fall asleep
“An au where Taehyung is the meanest, thickest prick to y/n and y/n hates his guts for it and he is super rich and careless and lives in wonderland while she is barely low middle class and has to live right outside of that wonderland and they are both appalled by each other yet so desperately in love its killing them” my brain answered.
Master post
Chapter 1 It started with a whisper
“Freaking outsiders” The word, the voice, the attitude. You’d never heard anyone use the word ‘outsider’ to refer to a group of people before.
Well, that was before you moved to the outskirts of Hasfield, the dream city.
That’s the first thing you remember about Kim Taehyung, and you can hear it still today “Outsiders” They way he’d spat it, it sounded harsh and dismissive. It was a word used to describe people who lived outside of the Hashfield city walls. A word to describe the poorer, the middle class, people who weren’t CEOs of a big company with three cars, each one bigger yet emptier than the other.
You moved to Hashfield with your mother four years ago, after your parents got divorced. You always heard about that place, Hollywood simply adored to romantice that town, The field of love and success, that’s what people called it. If only everyone was to see it for what it truly was, a cage filled to the brim with arrogant, snooty rich people. So rich they’d sometimes forget they couldn’t actually buy humans or their respect. They thought money solved everything, to them, Hasfield was the paradise of the privileged and whoever lived outside it was lesser.
Of course when you say you moved to Hasfield, you don’t really mean the town of Hashfield. Unless you won some kind of lottery, you couldn’t just wake up one day and move there. You had to be worth at least a few millions in order to be granted permission to buy a house inside the town.
The place you lived was called Outfield. It was the city surrounding Hashfield. The only divider between the two was a wall. A constant reminder that you were different from the people living on the other side of it. There was this saying going around where you lived, People inside the wall had two houses and people outside of it had two jobs.
“Freaking outsiders man, watch where you park your damn cars. Your parents worked so hard to get you one, it’d be a same to see it get toed” Kim Taehyung barked, his friends laughing and giggling as a background noise. God, you hated each and every one of them.
The Hashfield kids. Maybe even worse than their snobby ass parents who at least somewhat worked to get their wealth. These good for nothing rich teens just happened to be born into their wealthy as hell families and suddenly thought they owned the world.
“What’s your problem asshole? The car’s parked just fine. Funny how your parents are rich yet don’t care enough about you to buy you glasses when you obviously need them” you answer back.
You didn’t have to, the car being picked on wasn’t even your own, it was Mina’s, but his bossy attitude fired you up.
You look at him as he stared down, curling his lips into a wry grimace. You figured he was getting ready to fire back, you knew Kim Taehyung and how combative he was when it came to comebacks.
You despised him, but to your surprise, most people fancied him. Maybe it was his thick wavy brown hair or his arrestingly deep voice, or maybe, his strong, carefree smile and that six-foot toned physique of his that seemed to put everyone under a spell, except you.
You couldn’t see him as something else than what he truly was— a snake with a tongue full of poison. “Careful y/n, I’m hearing you’ve applied to Hashfield Collage, it would be a shame if you didn’t get in” he didn’t care to give you another look “let’s go guys, I can’t stand being here a minute more than I have to”
Your circle always viewed Kim Taehyung as a bit of an enigma—a boy caught between two worlds. You see, four years ago, when you’d first arrived here, Taehyung’s parents had split up, his mum had to move out of Hashfield, you heard Taehyung was devastated as he had grown very close to his mother.
He started visiting Outfield a lot more because of that. That’s when you’d first met him. In the beginning, you cared for the boy, he seemed kind and open. You’d stumbled across him at a local café once. In his way out, he bumped your shoulder making you spill a bit of your coffee on your shirt. He apologized, offering to pay for another cup. That’s when the small talk started
“So what do you like to do around here? Except from the wild parties I’ve heard so many stories of” He’d asked, but not with bad intend, as it was no secret the entertainment outside the walls was much different. A lot better, in your opinion. That’s one good thing about Outfield, no chess clubs, no wine tasting events and thankfully not a single cocktail lounge around. Even insiders(people living inside the wall) enjoyed the night life here from time to time.
You smiled “I swim, go out at night, maybe read”
You’d placed reading last on your list of hobbies, thinking that, with the willful, brazen attitude he’d displayed so far, reading would figure last on his.
You would soon realize you were wrong. He’d immediately laughed and recognized a veiled allusion to a Jane Austen’s book, you’d talked about your favorite books and how life would be so much better if it resembled them. You liked how your minds seemed to travel in parallel, how you instantly inferred what words the other was toying with. After about an hour of smooth conversation, it was clear that your real interests laid right alongside his.. Taehyung used to be interesting, bright and warm.
Everything he wasn’t nowadays.
He had changed so much in these four years. You couldn’t help but entirely forget the boy you had met at that café.
“Y/n, let’s just go, alright? Arguing with a bunch of insiders wasn’t on my list today” Mina stammered. She was never the one to stand up in front of insiders—especially Kim Taehyung. Her parents both worked at the Kim’s firm which was owned by Taehyung’s dad.
Frustration clawed at your chest “I’m just sick and tired of them always having the upper hand, you know? It’s so unfair”
“I get it” she conceded “but it’s not worth risking my parent’s job”
You give her a nod, completely understanding of her situation. She wasn’t the only one. Most likely, if you lived in Outfield you worked for someone who lived in Hashfield, that was the chain of life around here.
“That’s like what? A two-story fall to the ground?” Namjoon asked Jin who was standing on top of this oak wood pavilion. Insiders loved that stuff, they’d organize these half-assed charities from time to time here. But when it wasn’t charity season, this place was your friend group’s hang out spot. “bet you 20 bucks you can’t land without at least a broken leg”
“Make it 30 and I’ll do a back flip on my way down as well” Jin chuckled
“You know what? That’s why women’s life expectancy is longer. We don’t risk our limbs for 30 bucks” you rolled your eyes.
“Tell me y/n, how does it feel to live a long, long, boring life? Is it worth it?” Jin teased. And as he tried to take a step backwards he lost his balance, resulting in him almost slipping and a terribly loud scream escaping his lips. You thought he’d pissed his pants right there and then.
“You were saying?” You chuckle. To be frank, you were never really sure why Kim Seokjin hanged out with your crowd. Jin was basically an insider, his family owned this big cosmetic brand that was featured in the biggest beauty magazines of all time.
What he’d told you was that he didn’t enjoy life inside Hashfield, people were only nice to him because he was one of them, he knew the second his parents went bankrupted no one would take an interest in him. He hated fake relationships, and it was no secret Hashfield was full of them. Before you’d met him, you thought all insiders were the same shit, turns out some of them could actually be human.
“I can’t believe you were willingly going to jump down from there for 30 bucks when your parents make 4 figures an hour” Mina shook her head and passed Jin a beer whose only response was a small shrug. Jin didn’t care about money but that’s only because he had more than he could count.
“So, what was Kim Taehyung all about earlier today y/n? Is it true?” Mina suddenly asked
“What do you mean?”
“Oh you know, about you applying for Hashfield collage, please tell me it was just him being a prick?” She queried.
You hesitated answering that question because you knew they’d be disappointed by your answer. The dream after high school was to study at a place as far away from Hashfield as possible, start a new life and forget the wall ever existed. But the truth is, you guys weren’t kids anymore, and your mother wanted you to attend Hashfield collage because it would secure you a good job with satisfying money. Your mother always worked so hard, you wanted to make her proud, so you decided to apply. You never really thought you’d get in, as you’d heard they were very picky and strict with admissions from outsiders, but two days ago a letter titled “Congratulations! Welcome to Hashfield Collage!” had arrived at your doorstep. It was funny, you never thought you’d actually be disappointed by a successful college admission…
Your silence combined with your enigmatic expression must’ve given you away.
“Oh come on y/n, you can’t be serious!” Namjoon marveled
“Why would you willingly go to such a place? It’s like choosing to swim in waters filled with sharks” Jin added
“Says the man who’s already in his 3rd year there”You scoffed
“Yeah but I’m no fish, to them, I’m a shark. There’s a reason outsiders don’t usually apply for Hashfield college. Y/n, you’re pray for the people going there, your life’s going to be like a living hell”
“Thanks for that pep talk, really appreciate it.” You sight “ Look, I’m only going because I don’t want to let my mum down. She really wants me to graduate from there.”
As you sat upright on your bed and savored the warmth of your hot chocolate, you started pondering the conversation you had with Jin earlier that night. You’re pray for the people going there. You’d be lying had you convinced yourself the opposite. You knew Seokjin was not wrong, no outsider in their right mind would consider going to that Collage knowing how miss treated they’d get, yet you’re seriously considering it.
Your window caught your reflection. God, you thought, you screamed outsider. Not that that was necessarily a bad thing, not to you at least, but you knew people would smell you out from miles away.
“Hey sweetie” you’re mum cracked open your rooms door “just came to say goodnight, you know, I’m very proud of you” the melodic tone in her voice almost made you want to break down in tears for even thinking about quitting this whole thing.
“Mum, do you think-“ you stutter “do you think I’ll be good enough for Hashfield Collage?”
“Oh honey” she approached you “Any collage would be lucky to have you. And I’m not just saying that cause I’m you’re mother” she chuckled “You know you were always top of your class. You’ll do great things. I believe in my little girl”
Of all the strange, foreign food and drink you’ve tried tonight, champagne might be your favorite—not the taste, which is bitter, or the oddly sharp bite of the bubbles, which burn the back of your throat, but the pleasant warmth that spreads through your belly as it goes down, and the loose, relaxed feeling that buoys you through these endless, insane conversations insiders had amongst each other.
You shouldn’t have listened to Jin. Coming to this party was a big mistake. It will help you get a glimpse of what life inside the wall is, y/n. Jin was so wrong about that. Even if you went to Hashfield College, you wouldn’t dare spend an extra minute inside the walls for entertainment purposes. You didn’t need a glimpse of the life inside the wall simply because you wouldn’t ever live it. Mixing with insiders was never on your list.
You were about to chime in with a question about horse racing—these insiders sure loved their odd rich sports and talking about them for hours on end, but one thing they maybe loved more than that was outsiders showing off their ignorance of their lifestyle. Jin interrupted you the moment he saw your mouth moving, he probably knew you’d mess up. “I mean, how can you come last with a quarter? These are like the fastest breeds around. Jade had no excuse but lack of skill this time”
“Oh Seokjin, you were always a bit too harsh on Jade” acknowledged the tall, lean, platinum blond boy. Jin had told you loads about him. Apparently his family owned some kind of pharmaceutical company and they collaborate with Jin’ parent’s brand all the time. Jin and him have been hanging out together ever since they were kids, that been said, Jin wouldn’t really call him a close friend. Zed was a decent kid but an insider nonetheless.
“Well maybe Jade was never good enough then” Jin scoffed and downed his drink.
“What do you think, y/n? I would like a fresh opinion on this.” Zed gestured towards you with his drink “A new point of view”
“I don’t really keep up with horse racing” awkward looks constantly exchanging between you and Jin. “Or with any sport, in general”
You were already nervous speaking to them—Jin’s friends—who you knew to be the most toleratable out of all the insiders you’ve met. Sure, they were still inside their own little magic bubble, but they had no real hate for people living outside of it. They weren’t the sharpest tools in the shed either, but still, conversation was entertaining to a certain extend. If you were nervous around them, the real deal would be a lot scarier, you bet.
“where is the bathroom in this place?” you whisper at Jin who was exploding with laughter at a cheeky insult towards Jade he had just come up with.
“It’s downstairs, second door to your right” he answered before quickly hoping back to the conversation.
• • •
“Wow” you breath, tilting your head back to look up at the ceiling. This was definitely the wrong door. The walls are stacked with books, at least thirty feet high, sloping into a domed ceiling at the very top. Where there aren't books but paintings, paintings beyond anything you could ever hope to see up close, with rolling fields and horses, and on one wall there's a mirror ringed with gold. Soft yellow light glows from sconces on the walls, tapering down the wooden paneled walls, and you feel as though they've stumbled upon something ancient. Something that shouldn't exist in the sleek, bejeweled and shallow world that is Hashfield.
Without a second thought, you slip off your heels and pad across the floor to stand before a wooden ladder, shiny in the soft light, wheels on its feet. You place your hands carefully on either side of the ladder, gazing up, setting one small foot on the bottom rung, then another.
“Careful, this thing is older than you and me both” a familiar male voice startled you, resulting in your foot slipping on the polished wood, and you tipping back with a yelp, your shoulder landing hard against his.
Out of all people, why did it have to be him?
His arms wrap around you without thought, steadying you “You really owe me for this one” Taehyung smirked.
“It’s because of you I fell in the first place” you shake yourself off his tight grip and take a few steps back.
“Guess the word ‘thank you’ isn’t used much outside the wall, eh?” his attitude always brought out the worst in you. Who did this dude think he was?
“What are you even doing here? Stalking me much?”
“Don’t flatter yourself y/n. Besides, this has always been my hidden spot.” He eyed you from top to bottom with a captious look on his face. “I think the real question is, what are you doing here? How did you even end up at Jiyeon’s party?”
You pause for a minute, not knowing wether to lie or not. You were basically here to train yourself to fit in with the insiders, but you didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing how painfully different you were from all of them, it was way too embarrassing of a thing to admit to Kim Taehyung. “Jin invited me as his plus one” and that was not a lie, why should you have to explain yourself any further? It was not a crime to attend insider parties as long as you were invited to them.
You see him laugh “Oh Seokjin, always had a thing for outsiders. Classic love story isn’t it? Rich guy, poor girl, live happily ever after even if society tells them it’s wrong and unnatural.”
You shake your head “you’re so annoying” Whats more annoying is that you wish you could say he’s ugly. He should be a short, fat troll, with a cleft palate and watery eyes. A limping hunchback. Warts and zits. Yellow-cheese teeth and onion sweat. But he’s not. He’s pretty much the opposite. More proof there’s no justice in this world.
“Oh I am many things” his gaze fixed on you “and dumb is certainly not one of them. You’re here because you got into Hashfield College? Am I right?”
“So what- What does this have anything to do with you?” you stammered all manner of things so as not to speak your mind. You wanted to act careless, strong, like getting accepted to that college wasn’t a big deal to you. 
“Relax y/n, no need to get all defensive about it.” He said as if he could see right through you. “But if you wanted to see a real Hashfield party, Seokjin brought you to the wrong place. Everybody knows you only go to Jiyeon’s to pick up girls. The real fun is here” he showed you his phone screen. All you could see was a huge mansion with a large sweaming pool in the middle of it.
“What even is this?”
“That, y/n, is where you should be this Friday night. Everyone from Hashfield collage is going” Taehyung was in his second year, so he obviously knew all sort of things you didn’t.
“Taehyung, why are you even showing me this? I thought you weren’t a big fan of outsiders mixing with insiders…”
“I’m not. Which is precisely why you should come to that party” he confirmed “You should see just how different you are from all of us. You should see why you shouldn’t even be thinking about attending Hashfield college. You’re not cut out to be here, no outsider is. Give it up”
The room suddenly turned cold and dark, reflecting how you felt at this moment. His words felt much like a slap to the face, but you couldn’t let him win, you had way too much pride for that. Taehyung has always been the unconventional savvy and a master in delivering circuitous remarks, but not this time. “I’m not interested in your deluded judgment” You bark, although you know Taehyung is right about one thing;you being totally different from them, but you viewed that more as a compliment. A cynical smile draws its way on your face “nonetheless, thanks for the invite”
You didn’t want to stare at his good-for-nothing handsome face a second more than you had to. You immediately turn away from him, pacing towards the door in complete anger when you hear his voice from the distance
“You’ve got nerve y/n… and for your own good, you better have enough of it”
What are you doing here? This place is clearly way out of your league, not only that, the people surrounding you are the exact same people that you normally despise being around. Drunk Hashfield college kids. You can’t believe yourself, coming all the way here just to prove a point to Kim Taehyung? That’s low, even for your pride.
“I can’t believe you actually wanted to come to the beast” Jin nagged over the loud music
“The beast?” You repeat his words
“Yeah, that’s what they call this place. I swear I’ve never seen anyone sober party here”
You figured as much, considering it had only pushed 11 and everyone around you was clearly drunk as fuck. It took Jin’s friends about 5 minutes max to locate you. They immediately started having an obnoxiously loud conversation about some new musical that played in the Hashfield theater last week. In the beginning, you’d guessed, wow, these people are finally talking about something different than what their dad gifted them this month, but to your disappointment, you’d soon realize you were wrong.
“I mean did you see Camile’s dress? Isn’t that the same one she wore at her brothers wedding or something? Guess their magazine isn’t selling as much as it used to” a girl said, tittering
What was the deal with these people and materialism? You didn’t think the situation was that bad. People tend to oversell the way insiders act—you used to say, not all of them are shallow arses. Oh how wrong you were, these people were exactly the way they were rumored to be. Elitist, narrow-minded and snob to the bone.
You didn’t realize how on edge you were that you finished your drink before you knew it, apparently someone noticed
“Whoa, slow down there, might regret it tomorrow” Zed’s voice startled you
“Oh, yeah… long day” you shrugged your shoulders. What else could you say? Admit that you drunk that in one go just so you could tolerate his crowd?
“Bet it was” he smiled and passed you a shot glass “Take a shot with me?” He offered
“With pleasure” you down the drink with him
“So, I guess I’m going to have to get used to you being around from now on” he chuckled
“You say it like it is a bad thing” Maybe it was, maybe these kids didn’t want to hang out with outsiders. If you were being honest with yourself, you felt insecure. You don’t know why, you just did.
“No, not at all, on the contrary, I’m really enjoying it” he flashed you another smile.
Zed was good company and it turned out, knew a lot about all manner of foods, cheeses, wines, and fruits. After he told you his dream was to open a 5 star restaurant in Hashfield, you two started talking about you favorite recipes, and before you knew it, started arguing about the tinniest of things “Crepes are strictly made with 1 egg other wise they’re too eggy” he’d tried to convince you “what if I like mine too eggy? What if that’s the point?” You’d replied back, the alcohol in you system making you a bit too angry about this subject than what was probably appropriate. “Why don’t you eat an omelette then?” He’d teased back.
While Zed was explaining something about the benefits of eating oatmeal every morning, your eyes started wondering unconsciously somewhere behind him, where they suddenly met Taehyung’s. Was he starring at you this whole time? Good. He should see just how fine you’re getting along with the insiders. He should see how wrong he was about you, you want him to be wrong, he has to be wrong. Otherwise you don’t know what you’ll do with yourself the fist semester. Now that you’ve decided to go to Hashfield you can’t back down from all of this.
You laugh on purpose at a joke Zed just cracked—you’re not sure what he said, to be honest, Zed’s humor was not the best. But you knew Taehyung was looking at you this whole time, you don’t need to look at him to know that he probably had that annoying smirk of his painted all over his face. (Maybe you took a sneak peek at him, maybe your eyes locked for a second and maybe the way he blinked at you when you were smiling made you pause so you could register what had just happened) Your stare returns on Zed as you slightly push his shoulder “You’re so funny” you laugh again.
God, was this how low you’d go? Put on a mask and lie in order for Taehyung to see? You down another drink. This night was going to be long.
•••
Celine definitely said the bathroom was around here somewhere. All these damn doors looked way too much alike, who even needs so many rooms in one house? And oh my god what a house, you’d never thought you’d enter a palace-like place before, but here you were, drunk and out of your mind, disparately trying to find a quiet place to chill for a moment—because if you had to sit through another horse racing conversation you’d blow your brains out.
You open a big door to your left, hoping you’ve made the right choice. You take a step inside, compelled by its aesthetic. You watched as the August moon filtered through the bay windows and played on the oriental carpets. You don’t know if it’s the alcohol effecting your judgement, but this place sure looked more like an anthropologist museum than a house. The shelves were packed with religious artifacts from around the world and a few old classical novels.
As you take a closer look, you notice you’re not alone. Fucking Kim Taehyung. You curse in your mind. You’d seen him at some point going upstairs with some girl and you hadn’t laid eyes upon him since. That was about an hour ago, you hoped he didn’t get the wrong idea that you’d followed him here. He was sat alone, in front of the windows, absently gazing into the blue sea that could be seen crystal clear from this altitude. Just when you thought you could quietly exit without him noticing, his low voice shattered the silence of the room “Didn’t think you’d actually come” He said, his gaze still fixed outside.
You figured he was talking about you attending the party “You don’t know me well enough then” you answered him, but did you even know you well enough? Because a month ago you wouldn’t even consider coming to a party like this, filled with insiders who haven’t had a day of struggle in their lives. Not that struggling is a good thing, nobody deserves to struggle with their lives, but we all do in some or other ways. Struggling means growing up, facing things, learning. These kids had everything in their plate since the day they were born. Why did that anger you so much? Life being unfair has been a long known fact to you. You’re used to life being unfair considering you lived in Outfield.
Your answer makes him finally turn his head towards you, how could such dim lighting compliment a face so well? You ponder. “I know you like your coffee sweet, which means you don’t really enjoy the taste of coffee, really. Maybe you drink it because society tells you it’s the appropriate drink to have during a cold winter morning. Or maybe, you drink it because it gives you the energy it takes to wake up when you don’t have the will power to do it yourself. Either way, you do something you don’t actually like, you just like the benefits it gives you.”
You look at him in utter bewilderment as he starts pacing towards you along with a wave of alcohol scent that reaches your nostrils.
“I also know you don’t actually like Zed, you simply talk to him because Seokjin can’t be the only insider you have contact with during college. You see him as a social investment, a pawn you can use to make yourself look like you have insider friends. You’re not stupid, you obviously know his interest in you is not all too friendly, yet you’re willing to play along in order to achieve what you want.” He chuckled “Don’t look at me like that, you know I’m right”
Because of the alcohol in you system, his words took a long moment to register, it was like you had been hit by a truck, barely able to believe your ears. It pained you to admit he wasn’t wrong one tiny bit. But you hated agreeing with him and anything he did, so you find a way to refute his argument “Zed is entertaining, fun to be around. What do you know anyway?” You scoffed
“I find him arrogant, dull, flat-footed, and coarse. He uses cheap humor and a lot of voice with broad gestures to nudge people because he is totally incapable of arguing a case. But you probably know that already, don’t you?” He said as his lips curl into a small smile.
“Well I don’t believe that’s true. Your opinion of him can’t be a fact.” At this point, you were simply disagreeing for the sake of disagreeing. You couldn’t care less about defending Zed, what you did care about was Taehyung not one upping you in any way possible. Which was kind of embarrassing, but you blame the few tequila shots for that.
“Please” he jeered “If you look at him when you’re speaking, he always looks away, he’s not listening, he’s just itching to say things he’s rehearsed while you were speaking and wants to say before he forgets them.”
You frowned your eyebrows “How could anyone intuit the manner of someone’s thinking unless he himself was already familiar with the same mode of thinking? How can you perceive so many devious turns in him unless you had practiced them yourself? Maybe you’re just describing yourself, Kim Taehyung”
In reality, you were surprised, not just by his amazing gift for reading people, for rummaging inside them and digging out the precise configuration of their personality, but also by his ability to intuit things in exactly the way you yourself might have intuited them
Taehyung laughed, maybe because he could also read right through you right now “Maybe you’re right” he says, and you’re caught off guard when he agrees with you, especially because you yourself don’t even agree with the things you just stated. “At the end of the day, maybe we all are judgmental assholes”
You smiled at his last comment, not necessarily because you liked it, but rather because the way he said it was funny to you, Kim Taehyung was drunk, you could tell by the way his eyes couldn’t fixate on one thing at a time. He immediately caught your smile. And having caught it, smiled back “didn’t know you could find me amusing”
“Don’t get ahead of yourself” you immediately reply, clearly shaken up a bit. “I just agree that you’re definitely a judgmental asshole” you were too much on your guard to answer him with candor
Both of your eyes quickly jumped to your phone when a text message notification went off
“That’s probably your boyfriend looking for you” he teased
“You’re calling Zed my boyfriend now?” You rolled your eyes
“I’m talking about Seokjin”
“Jin?” You echoed his words, your head still kind of heavy because of the alcohol “Jin is like a brother to me”
“Ouch.” He pressed his palm on his chest “brotherzoned. That’s gotta be tough”
“Oh shut up” you protested and checked the text.
Jin: Yo, I just threw up all the pasta I had for dinner. I think it’s time we left
You unconsciously smile at your phone, imagining Jin throwing up in front of all his ‘friends’ must have been a traumatic and embarrassing event.
“Look at that, the brother made you smile, maybe he has chances after all” Taehyung suddenly comments.
“Why are you so interested in me, Kim Taehyung? You’re more than welcome to fuck off” you figure that maybe the choice of words was a bit too much considering you were having a somewhat chilled conversation. But to be frank, it’s nothing compared to the things Taehyung has said to you in the past, so no, you don’t feel guilty one bit.
“Whoah I didn’t even say anything this time” he complained
“You don’t have to, you remain an asshole no matter what you do” You hissed, and as you made a movement to open the door behind you, you immediately felt Taehyung’s hand on your arm
“You don’t talk to me like that” he breathed “ don’t you dare..-“
“What? Do exactly what you’ve been doing for years?” you barked “Doesn’t feel good, does it? Being treated like shit when you don’t deserve it.” A wave of memories came crushing down. Taehyung spilling water on you because he thought your clothes looked cheap, that time he made his friend act all nice to you and lure you into thinking he actually liked you when in reality it was all a foolish prank he’d set up. “You’re so mean, so awful, you think you’re better than outsiders just because your daddy has more money than us. Well guess what, your mum is a fucking outsider Kim Taehyung, do you think she’s as worthless and as hopeless as the rest of us?” you crowed, scorn lacing your tone.
You saw his expression falter for a second, but you wouldn’t let yourself feel bad for him, not after having treated you the way he had. You remember how everytime time you’d gone to the club he’d hung out he kept being the biggest douchebag to you and your friends “the worst thing about outsider clubs is the outsiders”. He used to say to you, unasked. “don’t come then” you’d replied back “keep wearing that attitude and I might build a house in Outfield just for the fun of it” he’d teased you.
He thought he owned the world, he thought he owned people. And that made your insides twist. You shake yourself off of his tight grip “Don’t fucking touch me again in your life” you spat
“Look at you” Taehyung bellowed “You think you’ve changed now that you got into Hashfield college? You think suddenly people will treat you differently just because you made it to the life inside the wall?”
You avoid his eyes, your body still turned away from him.
“Look at me” he orders and for some weird reason, you listen. That’s what you’d always do, listen to him. You’d never raised your voice at him before tonight. And it took all the tequila possible to achieve that. As much as you hated to admit it, he always found ways to make you weak. “You really believe Zed would be talking to you had you not been accepted? You think any of them would even care to look your way?” he sounded angry
“You’re incredible, you know that? You think everyone thinks like you because you’re that self centered. Wake up Taehyung, not everything is about you. Thank god for that.”
“You really wanna know what I think?” He came closer and leaned down, his nose almost touching yours. His expression grossly alluring “I think you’re a terrible liar.”
“Wha-what do you mean?” you hate yourself for stuttering, but you couldn’t help it. For some odd reason, you felt your heart rate increase
“You don’t want to be here. You don’t want this life. Why are you trying so hard to live it then? That’s what I can’t wrap my head around”
“Why do you care what I do? Why does it bother you so damn much?”
He shook his head “I don’t fucking know.”
Before Taehyung was able to continue his sentence the door behind you swung open. “Dude, I’ve been looking everywhere for you, I got worried” Jin’s voice startled you, resulting in you immediately pushing Taehyung away. An enigmatic look on Jin’s face. You knew how bad the whole thing looked, Taehyung being so close to you, in a room nobody else was in. Things could easily be miss understood. “Is everything ok y/n?” Jin said, clearly worried.
“Everything’s fine. Taehyung just- He needed some advice because he thought he left a girl pregnant” you couldn’t control your cheeky smile when you said that.
“What?” Taehyung sounded almost embarrassed
“It’s okay Tae, Jin’s a friend, he won’t say anything, will you Jin?”
Jin’s eyes widened “No-yeah, don’t worry man, all good” he looked at him awkwardly
“No, I didn’t-“
“So nice talking to you Taehyung, but me and Jin have to go” you interrupt him, you can’t lie, the way he was looking at you (like he was about to kill you) amused you a little too much “Oh and don’t forget, if it does turn out positive a little lemon with baking soda will do the trick! Bye now!”
The last thing you saw was Taehyung’s O shaped mouth and his intense glare right after.
“The way I see it, girl, he’s just obsessed with you” Mina said.
You’d explained everything that happened last night. Well, not technically everything. You omitted the fact that you felt your breathing go weak when he touched you. You failed to mention how you could still smell his cologne in your nostrils. It had to have been the alcohol that made you like that, no part of you wanted him, you were sure of that. Taehyung is the last person you’d have feelings for—well, feelings that don’t involve killing him. And you’re sure it was mutual. Taehyung hated being around you as much as you did, but Mina kept insisting otherwise.
“I’m telling you y/n, Kim Taehyung has a thing for you”
“No, he doesn’t.” Because if, in the tiniest possibility, he did, you wouldn’t know how to mentally handle it.
Mina would go on teasing you the whole week about it. Every time you’d stumbled across him and his friends when they crossed the wall (a thing they did very often because, how else were they supposed to get weed?) he would glance at you and Mina wouldn’t hesitate to make a big deal out of it. “There he goes again with the sneaky little looks”she’d whispered but you’d ignored her, and him.
Days passed mindlessly, the only real concern in your mind being the first day of college which was right around the corner. The last days of summer, also, your birthday. Today was all about you and you weren’t particularly excited about it. By late morning, friends and neighbors from adjoining houses frequently dropped in, giving you wishes and small presents, mostly books, everyone knew you were more into reading than anything else. By the time the sun was burning hot, your friends had gathered in your house’s small garden and then headed out together to the beach below. Your house was the closest to the water, all you needed was to open the tiny gate by the balustrade (that had been there since before world war 2 judging by the looks of it) then take the narrow stairway down the bluff, and you were on the beach.
Your favorite place. Why? No wall on the beach. Nothing separating you and them. When at the beach, everyone was the same. It was miles long and covered half of Outfield and almost the entirety of Hashfield. Insiders didn’t go to the beach often, partly because they all had pools in their back yards and partly because they didn’t enjoy the unity. They knew that once they stepped foot in the sand, they were equal to you, outsiders. You bet they hated the mere thought of that.
You remember one time, exactly a year ago, you’d come down to the beach to read. During the end of summer it got quite, and you found that the waves hitting on the shore made the perfect background music for reading. After a while you’d noticed a male figure pacing alongside the waves, a book on his hand that he wasn’t reading anymore, because his eyes were locked towards you. It was Kim Taehyung.
You stared at each other for a little too long, maybe thinking about the same thing;what in the world are you doing here? You sighted, looking down at your feet. Contemplating. You hated the fact that your brains functioned in the same way. Even the book he was holding was a book you’d read no less than a week ago.
“Y/n?” He was suddenly standing next to you, breaking the silence
“Yes?”
“What are you doing here?” He’d asked, like he hadn’t seen the book you were holding on for dear life because you didn’t know what else you were supposed to do with your hands when he was near you.
“Reading” you simply replied
“No, you’re not”
“Thinking, then.”
“About?” He’d smiled
You, Kim Taehyung, and the enigma that you seem to be. “What do you care anyway?”
“I don’t, I just thought it was polite to ask”
“Since when do you care about being polite? I’m pretty sure I heard you call me an outsider rat the other day” It was true, he had, he yelled that right after you ‘accidentally’ spilled Coke on his favorite gucci t-shirt. So what? It’s not like he couldn’t buy another one, or a dozen, for that matter.
He smiled as he sat down next to you “You ruined my favorite shirt.”
“I’m sure you’ll get over it” you got up immediately, sitting next to him had not been in your list that day
Why are you thinking about that day? Why are you thinking about him? What’s wrong with you?
“y/n what do you say? Celine or Jiyeon?” Namjoon’s voice woke you up. You realized you hadn’t paid a single bit of attention to what they were talking about.
You shake your head “I’m sorry, what about Celine and Jiyeon?”
“Birthday girl wake up!” Jin scolded you “Celine and Jiyeon both asked me to go to the September Ball with them!”
“Oh, uhm, Celine? I don’t know, she seemed cool, I don’t really know a whole lot about Jiyeon”
“Yeah but Jiyeon is a double D at least” Namjoon chuckled
“You’re disgusting!” Mina slapped him on the shoulder
Jin laughed “Y/n, Who are you going with anyway?”
You let an ‘Oh’ slip your mouth, as you realize Zed had asked you to go with him, and you didn’t really know what a September Ball was to begin with, so you just said yes without thinking twice about it. But from the looks of it, maybe you shouldn’t have. “Zed asked me-“
“Man, y’all are going to end up dating the way I see it” Jin teased
That’s exactly what you didn’t want people to assume. You had zero interest in dating someone right now, let alone an insider. You shouldn’t have given Zed the wrong idea by accepting to go to the dance with him. “It’s not like that, Zed’s a friend”
“Y/n, you don’t go to the September ball with ‘friends’” he made quotation marks with his fingers “If you really don’t fancy him in that way you have a terrible way of showing it”
“Oh whatever, we’re not here to talk about insiders! To the birthday girl!” Mina raised her beer can high
“I’m guessing this is not the kind of ball you were expecting” Zed’s voice startled you. As he’d excused himself to go get you drinks, your eyes had started traveling unconsciously around the room. Well, not really a room. This place looked like one of those Great Halls a palace would have. A question you seemed to ask yourself a lot these days;what are you doing here? Just by mere guessing, Celines dress could pay off 3 months worth of rent for your house. You’d looked down at your dress, not half as fancy as the ones every other girl was wearing.
“What gave it away?” an uncontrollable awkward chuckle escaped your lips.
“You look like a lost puppy” he smiled and handed you a flute glass filled with some kind of white sparkling wine. “Here, this will hopefully help”
“Y/n, Zed! There you are!” Celine pretended to have spotted you for the first time, when in reality, you two locked eyes for a brief moment when Zed was still at the bar.
“Looking good y/n” Jin teased and Celines eyes immediately gave him a glare, he didn’t notice though. Jin is terrible at catching social cues. Especially from women.
“Is that Chanel?” Celine asked, looking at your dress.
“No, it’s- Its not designer” you try your best not to look embarrassed, you knew she probably asked that question on purpose.
“Designer or not you look amazing in it” Zed commented with a smile
“Thanks” you gifted him a light pat on the shoulder.
In annoyance at the entire situation, your eyes had narrowed slightly as you took a sip of your drink, before glancing at Kim Taehyung, only to find he was already looking at you.
He was wearing what seemed to be a perfectly tailored suit—not a centimeter longer or shorter than it needed to be. After a second of heavy eye contact, he returned his attention to the giggling girls that surrounded him like you were nothing but a leaf blowing by. You let out the breath you were holding. You knew he was popular, but seeing it up close made you want to puke.
After an hour of shallow conversation and the tinniest bit of dancing(which was weird because, from your understanding, that was what a ball was all about) you thought you’d make your way to the bar to refill your drink for what seemed to be the 10th time that night. Alcohol was the sole thing that made these insiders bearable.
On your way to the bar, a passing hand grabbed your arm and pulled you into his embrace. You look up shocked when you meet Taehyung’s eyes.
“Dance with me, outsider” he said, already moving you around against your will.
“I’m not a toy” you tried to push him off
“Oh come on, just one dance, it’s not going to hurt”
“Pretty sure it will” you roll your eyes
As a corner of his lips lifted, you realized you were amusing him. Your cheeks heated with annoyance. Before you could murmur some kind of swear word he dragged you all the way to the center, and you were quickly surrounded by a bunch of people dancing around.
Yet, strangely, it felt like it was only the two of you there.
“Happy late birthday by the way” his words almost made you gasp. How did he even remember it was your birthday?
“Surprised you remembered” you tried to sound indifferent
“It’s easy to remember, it’s always towards the end of summer, isn’t it? You’d told me you wished it was during winter because you liked that season better”
“You remember that!?” You couldn’t even mask your surprise this time.
“Mmhm”
“I told you that like half our lives ago” The fact that there was a time when Taehyung and you were friends still felt strange to you.
“Doubt you’d remember anything about me” he said as if he was whining
As much as you hate to admit it, you remember painfully everything about the young boy you used to hang out with. Which is what makes the new him even more terrible to be around. “It’s been years since you and me talked, besides, what does it matter? You’re like a completely different person now” you said firmly
“Stole my date, I see” Zed’s voice pierced your ears
Taehyung’s smile immediately dropped “All yours”
Taehyung gave you a deep stare that turned your breath shallow. He moved to walk past you but stopped by your side. His arm touched yours and it burned like the lightest licks of flame. He leaned slightly down, his voice brushing the side of your neck “You think you’re the same y/n? Everyone changes, don’t pretend to be a saint when you’re exactly where you’d said you’d never be. Maybe the wall ain’t too bad after all, right?” he whispered before he disappeared into the dancing crowd.
Everything was a big blur, all you remember from the after party was you dancing with Jin on top of an all black Range Rover. Damn these insiders did not know how to party properly. You’d think they did considering the amount of drugs that party had, but no. Everyone was too busy minding the other’s business.
You take a big sip from the vodka bottle you were holding—where did you even get this? But most importantly, where the fuck were you? This place seemed like a small bar, but there was no bartender, only a few drunk insiders passed out on some fancy red armchairs.
“Long night from the looks of it” a familiar male voice commented, his words not making a lot of sense in your brain due to the slight headache all that vodka had caused you.
Your vision blurry from squinting too much “Hey uhm, where- where am I?”
The male voice laughed “y/n, are you alright? You don’t look so good”
After a minute of looking down, trying to pull yourself together, you finally meet his heavy gaze. Kim Taehyung. Light brown eyes, the color of whiskey on ice, and thick, dark lashes. It gave him a brooding expression, almost as if he was looking into the sun. “I don’t know where I am”
“This is the sober corner. Don’t ask me about the name, I didn’t come up with it. Thankfully”
“The..sober..what?” You shake your head “I’m pretty sure no one in here is sober”
“Yeah,no that’s the point. This is where you go to catch a breath and sober up. Your boyfriend probably dropped you here for a bit because you were a pain in his ass. Not a gentleman move if you ask me” he teased
“People are supposed to sober up here? Why don’t they just go home?” you queried. Why did everything have to be so different inside the wall?
“Y/n, if I go home pissed drunk and my maid sees me, then I’ll wake up to my face decorating the cover of every magazine your local shop sells. No scandals are aloud in Hashfield”
“Well that just sounds awfully inconvenient” you blabbed and blinked once, your eyes feeling heavy. Your stare moved from his eyes to his mouth. Plump cherry lips. Like he had just taken a sip from an expensive rosé and it had left a stain.
“You know” you pause, your head spinning as you stared at his lips “You have a very kissable mouth” you said without really thinking a second more of it.
“Enough vodka for today, don’t you think?” he tried to take your bottle
“I’m not even drunk!” You clutched the bottle of absolute closer to you. Unease drifted through your entire body like a kindled flame. A sudden realization hits;you were no longer in a foyer filled with people but in a small bar with a couple of drunk insiders. It was so quiet that all you could hear was your heart beating in your chest.
“You’re not?” His voice was a low rumble—somewhere between amusement and danger. He leaned against you, you swear you caught his eyes staring at your lips for a split second before they focused on your pupils. “Then what’s your excuse?”
“My excuse?” You looked at him like a lost puppy, your death grip on the bottle loosened.
“Mm.” He murmured, tucking a finger beneath your chin “Your excuse for thinking you can get away with saying something like that to me”
“Oh.” You felt your cheeks burn red. God. You had just told Kim Taehyung he had a very kissable mouth, hadn't you? The sudden realization of your actions hit you in the face like a car going way above the speed limit. What kind of idiot move was that? Of course, it was true. Otherwise such blatant facts wouldn't just slip out while you were staring at those exquisitely kissable...Oh my god get a hold of yourself! You hated this dude. Why do you feel the need to keep reminding yourself of that lately? Your gaze snapped back to his eyes, when you bit down on your lip, you noticed Taehyung glanced at your mouth.
Okay, yes, you were probably a little tipsy. Yes, you could technically pretend you had absolutely no idea what you were doing. But you did. Sure, your reactions might’ve been a bit slower than usual, but you were fully aware of everything. Just like you were fully aware of how Kim Taehyung was trying to cover up how flustered he was because of you right now. This is a fun game, you think. “You know…” you begin, jutting your chin up “I wasn't really planning to get away with anything. Thought maybe you'd find a creative way to shut me up."
You saw his expression flickering, no doubt registering your intent and deliberation. This was a first, you’d never thought your words could make Taehyung like that, all dark and heated. "A few ideas did cross my mind," he mused, after a moment. "But, you see, given you're drunk...."
“Oh now you care about ethics?” Ridiculous, you knew Taehyung was with a different girl every week, you also knew for a fact he didn’t only do them sober.
“No, not ethics”
“Then what? You care about me?Aw”
“Not you.” He huffed “Well, you, I suppose. In a way” he stuttered.
You raised a brow. Your faces had unconsciously ended up closer to each other by time, there were now only a few centimeters between you and him “In a way?” You echoed his words
“Yeah…” he looked at you dead in the eyes “The way in which...when you end up in my bed, you will be of clear mind and sanity, so that you can't pretend you begged my name for any reason other than that you wanted to”
You gulp. Your mouth dry. Was he implying what you thought you he was implying? You tried to come up with something to say, anything, it didn’t even have to be snappy, or clever, just something. Otherwise, the silence between you would probably give you away—which was why anything, even the most spluttered nonsense, was preferable to silence. Silence would expose how flustered you were and how you subtly squeezed your thighs together because you felt something tingle. “It was just a statement of fact, you know”
Taehyung reared back “What?”
“That you have a kissable mouth.” Your eyes gleamed “Just a statement of fact. Very objective. You’re the one who took that and just had to make it sexual. Something on your mind there?”
He opened his mouth “I don’t know, should there be?”
Should there be? Did you want something to be there? And if you did, why wouldn’t you show it? Because you were too afraid of what might happen then? Or were you afraid he would have laughed at you, told everyone, or enjoy the whole thing on the pretext you were just another outsider falling for his scheme?
“Maybe” you say, when you want to say ‘yes’ and you hope he thinks it’s a ‘no’ but what you really mean is ‘Please, just kiss me’
The most humiliating part about this, is that, you can’t blame it on the alcohol anymore. You had sobered up, and every centimeter of your body wanted him. You hoped he would just grab your hand, not ask any questions, and just do you on the back-sit of that enormous car of his.
Something amused and dangerous played in Taehyung’s gaze. He leaned in “Maybe?” He repeated, his lips curling up into a small smile “Don’t play games y/n, I know you want me”
Your heart fluttered so fast it couldn’t be healthy. You had no idea what to say because he was right. And you couldn’t even hide it at this point because this whole interaction wasn’t doing anything to prove the opposite. One side of your brain begged for an ounce of touch from him. The other wanted you to start running as far away as possible. “Kim Taehyung, why would you ever think I’d want you?” You managed to say, with the little courage you had left.
“Oh y/n…” he tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, sending goosebumps down your spine. “Just the way my name rolls off your pretty little tongue confirms it”
Taehyung leaned down immediately after saying that, capturing your bottom lip between his teeth. You suck in a quick breath, the feel of his mouth on yours sending arousal pooling deep in your core. He tasted sweet, in spite of his bitter attitude.
He was passionate—maybe a little more than you’d expected.
You took a step forward, stroking a hand over his chest. His muscles tight under your palm. Taehyung responded by resting one hand on the back of your neck, and licking his tongue across your lips tentatively as if he was asking for entrance. You willingly opened your mouth for Taehyung’s searching tongue, sucking on it lightly.
This shouldn’t feel so fucking good.
You moved your hands to his shoulders, digging your fingers in lightly. Showing him just how much you enjoyed his touch. As you moved your body even closer, you felt something pressing into your hipbone.
You broke off the kiss, looking down to see his clothed rigid length pressed against you. You formed a grin, knowing you made him hard just by kissing him was a big win in your book. This all felt like a game. He started opening his mouth as if to deliver some sort of excuse, but you immediately interrupted him
“Hard already?” You teased, why were you so excited about this whole thing?
Taehyung raised his eyebrow”Put away that smile” he grabbed you by the waist “I bet if I slipped my hand inside your panties right now it would come out soaked. You’re just lucky you can hide yours”
Before you could come up with a snappy comment he leaned forward to capture your lips in a brief, reassuring kiss, then pulled away
You looked up at him. To think that you had almost fallen for the skin of his hands, his chest that seemed smoother than even your own—and his eyes, which, when their other, kinder gaze fell on you, came like the miracle of a warm Christmas morning inside your blankets. That kind of gaze. You could never stare long enough but needed to keep staring to find out why you couldn’t.
“What are you thinking about?” He asked, and you guessed you were probably sitting there, in silence, starring at him for longer than you’d realized.
“Nothing I-uh” you stuttered. Knowing damn well you couldn’t admit to him that you were thinking about how angelic he looked staring down at you. “There’s people here, I don’t think we should-“
“We are just kissing. Are you that embarrassed about kissing me?”
“No, not at all, I like kissing you, a lot” That was out of your mouth before you could stop it, and you instantly wished you could reach out and take your words back.
Suddenly, the slightest bit of amusement came to life in his eyes as if you’d just done a trick that entertained him. He trailed one hand down your chest, across your stomach, then trailed a single finger inside your underwear. Somehow, he immediately found your sweet spot, and without hesitation pressed down on it, resulting in a moan escaping your lips.
He smiled to himself “God, I could hear this sound all day” he came closer and softly grabbed your hair with his other hand. You moaned again when he pushed another finger inside of you. “Fuck” he breathed and locked his lips with yours.
The sensation was insane. If his fingers made you feel like this, you’re scared of how his dick was going to feel like. This man was dangerous.
“Tae, stop, there’s people here”
His motion stopped immediately, his eyes remained fixed at yours “Tae?” He smiled as he bit down on his bottom lip “You haven’t called me that in ages” There was something in his voice He was panting and flushed
Your cheeks colored for some reason. ‘Tae’ was a nickname you’d call him back when you were still close friends. “We can’t do this. Not here” you completely ignored his comments.
“All of them are passed out, they can’t see us” you felt his hand squeeze your thigh “I can’t control myself”
You found it extremely difficult to breath properly. You hoped he couldn’t hear your loud heartbeat “They could wake up any time now”
He took your hand and guided it to his rock hard erection. “You feel this?” He trailed his fingertips down your neck and along your collarbone. “You need to do something about it.” You didn’t know someone’s voice could go so low and be so deep “If you take care of me, I promise I’ll take care of you as well” His fingers traveled down to your breast. His touch was too light for you, and you unconsciously pressed forward, needy of him.
“You think taking care of me is an easy task?” You scoff
A side smile appeared on his perfect face “Y/n..” the way he breathed your name sent shivers down your spine “Just get on your knees for me, will you?” His eyes fell to your lips.
Without a second to spare you dropped to your knees and yanked Taehyung’s pants all the way down to his ankles
“Good girl” The words were deep and soft, and a strange part of you felt like you’d done something good. Something that was worth praising over.
When his dick was finally naked, you swallowed him down all the way to his base. Taehyung let out a loud moan from the rapidity of the action. You guessed your absence of a gag reflex came as a surprise to him. You hummed around his dick, sending vibrations up his body, you looked up to be greeted with Taehyung’s head jerked back, his neck muscles very prominent. Tightly, he gripped your hair and he started bobbing your head up and down his dick, quickening his pace then slowing it down again before you finally pulled back with shiny lips
“Are you gonna fuck my mouth?” you asked him with hooded eyes
“You want me to do all the work?” He replied cheekily before guiding your head back to his dick, you obliged and opened your mouth to take him in. You started with shallow thrusts, not even half way covering his dick.
Picking up the pace, Taehyung forced his dick in further until he was continuously hitting the back of your throat. He gripped your hair tighter and held your face against his abdomen before releasing you, leaving you gasping for breath. He did this a few more times before pulling out completely. He stared at your slick lips and flushed face for a moment before pulling you up and hungrily kissing you. You responded eagerly, sticking your tongue into his mouth and licking around the inside. Taehyung’s mouth made its way over to the side of your jaw sucking on the skin roughly and pulled your head back to expose more of your hot skin. He buried his face into the crook of your neck and inhaled deeply, taking in your scent. He began sucking again, tasting every centimeter of your skin and you swear time froze right there and then. When he felt he’d left a satisfying enough hickey he pulled your strapless dress down just enough for your breasts to show and he began leaving wet kisses and light bite marks down your chest.
“God, you’re so fucking hot” he mumbled while his mouth was still on your skin 
When his face finally met yours, you bit down on his bottom lip before kneeling down again. God, Taehyung not only had a perfect face, he also had a perfect dick. It was long and thick and you loved the heaviness of it in your mouth. You ran your hands experimentally up his length, already gaining a moan from him, and lord, how much you loved his moans. They were low and rough and they conveyed his enjoyment in a miraculous way. You continued to twist your hand upward and placed a kiss on the underside of his head. Precome dribbled out. That was another thing that you loved about Taehyung’s dick, he had a lot of precome. You marveled as the thin liquid dribbled over the head a little before leaning in to lick the small stream. The salty taste coated your tongue, though not as strong as cum.
“Y/n…” you heard Taehyung moaning above you, you looked up at him through your eyelashes, noticing how attractive Taehyung looked with the expression of lust painted all over his face.
“Yeah..?” You ask devilishly like you didn’t already know all that teasing was killing him.
“Put it in your fucking mouth” he drawled
You smiled and swiped your tongue all the way from Taehyung’s perineum to the tip. Taehyung let out a loud groan. Without warning, you sucked him down all the way to the base and held your head there for a few seconds before pulling back with a small gasp. You went down again, and then another time. You repeated that movement until you felt tears in your eyes, your throat could feel the impact, but you kept going.
“Fuck… just like that” he hissed and his words only made you hornier. You kept swallowing him all the way over and over, gulping and making all sorts of sounds because his dick was too big for your mouth. “Are you gonna eat my cum? Do you want it?”
You knew you’d swallow it anyway, but the way he was talking to you made you want to do it even more “yes, please” you begged
Taehyung pulled back slightly and grabbed his dick. There was no taking this time, Taehyung stroked hard and fast chasing his own orgasm. You opened your mouth, sticking your tongue out as you waited for his cum.
“Fuck, you look so good doing that” his speech sloppy, you knew he was extremely close. He moaned you name loudly before white ropes bursted out of his cock, landing directly on your mouth. Several more bursts of cum followed and when he was finished he looked down at your liquid covered lips. “You look like you were made to take my cum” he huffed.
“Maybe I was..” you slowly stand up again and Taehyung doesn’t hesitate to pull you in for another passionate kiss.
“I promised I’d take care of you…” he whispered and you felt your ear tingle. He picked you up and laid you down on this red armchair that was hiding behind the bar. The fact that there were people sleeping, passed out a few meters away from you made you even hornier for some reason, like you were doing something forbidden trying not to get caught.
The fact that you were wearing a dress made this whole thing a lot easier. Taehyung simply pulled your dress up just enough to expose your clothed heat. You laid back and sheepishly spread your legs open. Taehyung generously gave your thighs small kisses leading to your core.
“God, you look so good spread out like that, just for me”
You just wanted to scream at him, Take my underwear off, please, right now. You were so needy it was embarrassing. But you’ve been dripping for too long… and it was all his fault. You’d heard he was good when it came to sex, there was not a single girlfriend group that didn’t absolutely drool over him. But you didn’t expect this. He was rough yet gentle and you had only sucked his dick but you felt as if he had been penetrating you for hours. The power he had over your body was scary. Each time you’d reached his balls with your mouth you’d felt your vagina whining, fill me up, please. You wanted him to satisfy all your holes, not just your mouth, and you knew if you asked him he would, but even doing oral felt dangerous with him, you couldn’t possibly imagine what sex would be like.
You still couldn’t grasp the picture of Taehyung’s face in between your legs. He took one pale, slender finger of his and pulled your underwear down, and the thought that you were exposed in front of him made your head dizzy like no amount of alcohol could. 
You covered your face and whimpered as you just wanted Taehyung to do whatever he pleased to you already. Even going as far as opening your legs more and bucking your hips forward. Taehyung smirked when he saw how needy you were, but you didn’t care, you just wanted his mouth to start working. Taehyung gave you a look before he leaned down on your heat. Tasting every last drop of your arousal. The spark of lips touching on lips made you moan loudly into the open air and hold Taehyung’s head down as an unconscious response.
You took a sneak peak of his face, his eyes glowing with desire even in the poor lighting, tongue poking out to swipe at your hungry, quivering lips. You sighed and leaned into his touch as his thumb rubbed gentle circles into the skin of your cheek. This is a sight you’d pay for. He run his tongue over every centimeter of your pussy simply savoring the flavor. He lapped through your folds slowly, collecting every drop of your slick on his tongue as he groaned into you.
The pit of your stomach was so tense. You’ve never felt like this before.
Was he enjoying all this as much as you did? Were you just one of those girls he used to pass time with? Whatever this thing was, you feel you got sucked into it way more than you initially expected, but your fears were set to rest for a moment when you looked down, saw his eyes roll back into his head and could feel him moan into your clit as he sucked it.
He enjoyed this. There was no doubt in your mind now. The way he was swallowing all of your juices confirmed it.
“You taste so freaking good” his voice sounded hungry, and you bet he was hard again. “You’re so wet you almost drowned me” you catch him smiling to himself.
He used two fingers to caress your g spot and rolled your clit with his other hand. You could tell he was experienced, you had to fight as not to come. You wanted this to last as long as possible.
He kissed his way back to your slit and as he pulled his fingers from inside you he growled against your clit “I want you to come for me…Only for me”
Fuck, every time he would open his mouth you could feel your heartbeat increasing. Why was he doing all of this to you? Why was he making you so worked up over him? With each passing lick, suck, and slurp, you couldn’t contain yourself in your lust. You were in heaven. It honestly hadn’t been your plan to end up in this situation, your legs spread and Kim Taehyung working you with his tongue like he was right now. Every movement that was placed just right let a spark of utter pleasure run through your body and it became hotter and hotter with every moment that passed.
“Oh fuck Taehyung, I’m so close” you cried.
What you hadn’t notice was that Taehyung had started stroking his cock with his free hand, which explains why his movement started becoming uncoordinated and sloppy. Was he so turned on from eating you out? The image of him jerking of while his tongue was wandering around your pussy made you even hornier for him.
“Ah Taehyung” you moan loudly “I swear I could play with your cock all day.” You could tell your words had effect on him by the way he groaned “I love the silky feel of the skin when it’s hard. It’s so solid, and the way it pressed against the sides of my mouth—fuck” you scream when his tongue started pressing down on your clit, exactly in the place where you needed it to.
“God damn it y/n, you’re going to make me come again so hard”
His low voice was music to your ears. The way he’d drawled your name, the way he pronounced every syllable, it made your legs start to tremble. Soon enough, your breathing became more erratic and shorter as you felt your climax approaching. You could slightly see his shiny cock dripping from precum. Taehyung’s hand going up and down faster than the best racing horse these insiders supported. His breathy growls tipped you over the edge. You felt the tension in you stomach finally releasing, a cocktail of your screams and Taehyung’s moans as you both came hard, rubbing tight circles around your throbbing clit to prolong the intense orgasm that washed over you.
Taehyung crawled on top of you, probably as tired as you were. He rested his body on top of yours for a minute, as you both caught your breaths. The pair of you hot and sweaty, having experienced a constant battle against your orgasms until you finally gave up. This felt surreal. You’ve never finished so satisfyingly in your life before.
“Fuck, that was so good” you see him still trying to calm down from his high. “Hope these fellas don’t wake up anytime soon, i don’t think I’m willing to get up just yet”
“Same. I just need a minute. I can’t feel my legs”
He smirked at you “Yeah, sorry about that” you felt his right hand brush along your thigh “and to think I didn’t even fuck you” his stare dropped to your lips
“Keep dreaming” you flashed him a smile
-Taehyung P.O.V
Taehyung couldn’t help but stare at your lips as you were fixing your dress. Your lips were so soft. Like he’d never kissed a girl with lips as soft as yours before. Taehyung had to resist the urge to move a stray strand of your hair behind your ear. He wished he could read your mind with ease like he did with other people he knew, figure out if you wanted to kiss him as much as he wanted to kiss you right this instant. He didn’t want to make things even more intimate that they already ended up being. You both wanted some kind of release, and now that you got it, Taehyung should already be on his way out instead of looking at you like some idiot that didn’t know his place.
“Keep dreaming”
What the fuck did you mean by that? Were you that appalled by him that you wouldn’t even dare give him a chance for something more?
The way you were looking at him right now made him lean in a little closer. Was it his imagination or were you leaning in a bit as well? That made him feel brave enough to gently press his fingers under your chin to tilt your face even closer to his. To his astonishment, you did not resist. He pulled you in closer, grabbing you bottom lip with his mouth, still laced with your taste. You tasted so sweet, and you were so wet for him, just him. He always joked about Jin being your ‘boyfriend’ but deep down he hoped nothing real went on between the two of you.
A curse rushed to his mind when he realized he had fucked up everything, why did he have to place that fucking bet? It was stupid and immature of him and he did it while being drunk. He hated the fact that you chose to go to Hashfield college, a place you both hated ever since you were kids. He was so disappointed in you, you were nothing like the insiders, you were so much more than them, why couldn’t you get that? He was so angry… all he’d talked about with his friends was you that night.
“Aren’t you a little too interested in the new girl? Why do you care anyway?” Jungkook had scoffed
“My guess is she’s going to drop out within the first month, no outsider lasts inside the wall for longer than that” Jimin had laughed as if he had cracked the funniest joke ever in his fucking life.
“Nahhh she has prince Zed, haven’t you seen the way that bitch swoons all over her? He is so hungry for outsider pussy man, I’m telling you” Jungkook had chuckled
Their words had infuriated Taehyung’s ego. You, with an insider like freaking Zed? Impossible to imagine. He knew you’d know better than that. “There’s no way she lets Zed out of the friend zone” he’d downed a drink while he said that
“Oh and you think you have a chance big boy? Everyone knows she hates your guts.” Jimin flashed a smile to Jungkook “And not without a reason”
“Please, she’d choose me over Zed anytime”
“Alright then big man, how much do you bet?” Jungkook’s suggestion had startled Taehyung
“Bet?” Taehyung had repeated Jungkook’s words almost flustered.
“If you’re so damn confident about it, why don’t you bet with us? I bet y/n is going to hook up with Zed any day now.” Jungkook had sounded cocky and even though he was Taehyung’s long time friend he’d really felt the urge to punch him in the face at that moment.
“1k that I’ll make her beg my name before Zed gets a chance to even breath towards her direction”
“Alright then, the bet is on” Jimin marveled
God, what was he thinking? How could he place a bet on something like this? He felt guilty. The mere thought of you ever finding out about it scared the shit out of him. He didn’t do all of this because of that fucking bet, he did it because every part of him ached for you. When you’d called him ‘Tae’, he thought his heart stopped working.
Taehyung didn’t want to worry himself with his thoughts anymore, he could do that at home, alone. Right now he just wanted to enjoy this moment with you, your fingers intertwined with his, your head resting on his shoulder, him praying you couldn’t hear how loud his heart was pounding. He never thought he’d have you like this.
But this was happening. He was there, you were next to him, he was looking at you and you were beautiful.
✎ here's my on-going reading list of fics i'm either gonna read or are reading at this moment throughout 2022/23! a huge thanks and praise to all the amazing authors on this platform that continue to write wonderful stories and share them with the world! <3
ON-GOING SERIES
CARVED by @haliiimede [3/?]
≫ pairing demon!jungkook x angel!reader
≫ genre/aus urban fantasy!au, dystopian, smut
≫ trope enemies to semi-lovers
≫ rating 18+
LOOK DOWN ON ME LIKE THAT by @here2bbtstrash [8/?]
≫ pairing yoongi x reader
≫ genre/aus angst, office!au, smut
≫ trope slow burn enemies to lovers/hatefucking coworkers
≫ rating 18+
TWIRL FOR ME by @gimmethatagustd [3/?]
≫ pairing dad!yoongi x f.reader (ft. jungkook)
≫ genre/aus slow burn, angst, fluff, smut
≫ trope strangers to lovers
≫ rating 18+
FEELING IN CHAOS by @here4btsfics [3/7]
≫ pairing jungkook x f.reader
≫ genre/aus angst, fluff, smut, college!au, best friend's brother!au
≫ trope friends to lovers
≫ rating 18+
DANGER ZONE by @jeonjcngkook [1/5]
≫ pairing boxer!jungkook x f.reader
≫ genre/aus fluff, smut, boxing!au, sex bans
≫ trope established relationship
≫ rating 18+
BUNNY by @btssmutgalore [4/6]
≫ pairing camboy!jungkook x reader
≫ genre/aus camboy!au, smut, angst
≫ trope friends to lovers
≫ rating 18+
BICKER by @btssmutgalore [6/?]
≫ pairing taehyung x reader
≫ genre/aus cabin trip!au, smut, angst
≫ trope enemies to lovers
≫ rating 18+
ALL I WANT by @sxtaep [5/6]
≫ pairing fuckboy!jungkook x best friend!f.reader
≫ genre/aus fluff, smut, college!au
≫ trope best friends to lovers
≫ rating 18+
BLACKOUT by @jjungxkook [2/3]
≫ pairing jungkook x reader
≫ genre/aus smut, fluff, angst, roommate!au, college!au,
≫ trope best friends to lovers
≫ rating 18+
SUGA'S HOW-TO GUIDE by @haliiimede [4/?]
≫ pairing camboy!yoongi x f.reader
≫ genre/aus camboy!au, pwp, drabble series!!
≫ trope friends to lovers
≫ rating 18+
AS WE WERE by @archivedkookie [9/?]
≫ pairing jungkook x f.reader
≫ genre/aus infidelity!au, divorce!au, eventual smut, heavy angst
≫ trope none! (it's hard to know if they'll get back together or not)
≫ rating 18+
FINISHED SERIES
INTERSECT by @shina913 [10/10]
≫ pairing kim namjoon x f.reader (ft. yoongi & OT7)
≫ genre/aus office!au, fluff, angst, smut
≫ trope enemies to lovers
≫ rating 18+
COMPLETE FAITH by @daechwitatamic [10/10]
≫ pairing taehyung x f.reader
≫ genre/aus angst, office!au
≫ trope coworkers to lovers to idiots to lovers again
≫ rating 18+
ONLY HERE TO SIN by @gimmethatagustd [4/4]
≫ pairing fuckboy!taehyung x f.reader (ft. namjoon)
≫ genre/aus infidelity!au, angst, smut
≫ trope enemies to lovers
≫ rating 18+
ONE SHOTS
ROCKSTAR 101 by @jeonjcngkook
≫ pairing jungkook x f.reader
≫ genre/aus rockstar!au, pwp, smut
≫ trope established relationship
≫ rating 18+
THE WEDDING DATE by @jjungkookislife
≫ pairing jungkook x f.reader
≫ genre/aus fake dating!au, angst, fluff, smut
≫ trope fake dating to lovers
≫ rating 18+
THE AUCTION by @jjungkookislife
≫ pairing hoseok x f.reader
≫ genre/aus college!au, smut
≫ trope strangers to lovers (sorta)
≫ rating 18+
HE SO CUTE by @gimmethatagustd
≫ pairing manager!hoseok x idol!reader
≫ genre/aus idol au, pwp, smut
≫ trope coworkers to lovers
≫ rating 18+
YOU MAKE ME NERVOUS by @gimmethatagustd
≫ pairing jimin x reader
≫ genre/aus grad school!au, smut
≫ trope friends-ish to lovers
≫ rating 18+
DIVINE FEMININE by @gimmethatagustd
≫ pairing jungkook x f.reader
≫ genre/aus college!au, smut, fluff
≫ trope friends with benefits
≫ rating 18+
''HEY YOU.'' by @ratedbangtann
≫ pairing jungkook x reader
≫ genre/aus college!au, smut
≫ trope friends to lovers
≫ rating 18+
WANNA MAKE A MOVIE by @gimmethatagustd
≫ pairing taehyung x reader
≫ genre/aus smut, a bit of fluff
≫ trope frenemies to lovers
≫ rating 18+
this list is mostly so i keep track of what i am reading currently but feel free to read what's on the list and remember to show love to these authors by reblogging!
hi bee!! i just looked at your m.list and i can’t get directed to the fic ‘hey, you’ so i was just wondering if you deleted it or just haven’t noticed???
ps. i absolutely love the stories you have on there, they all look amazingggg idk where to start 😩😩
Hi lovelyyyy!!!
How strange?? It's in the masterlist somewhere 🥺 but here's the post -> https://ratedbangtann.tumblr.com/post/632327181497974786/heyyou-jungkook
Thank you sm for reading and wanting to read more of my stuff hehe. Depends on what you're into to know where to start really... But MY favourites are Surreptitious, The Botanist and Picture Perfect 💖
Summary: Three finalists. Two broken hearts. One rose.
You are part of the hit TV show, The Bachelorette, and you've whittled down your 25 men to just three. The trouble is, two of them you have… a history with. With just one more week to decide who you will choose, your heart is split between the final three. Pasts rise back to the surface, and the heat gets turned up…
Pairing: namjoonxreader, jungkookxreader, changkyunxreader
Word Count: 15.6k
Warnings: 18+, smut, talks of past lives including drug addiction, toxic relationships, lots of angst, some fluff.
Smut will include: oral sex (f receiving), unprotected sex (m+f) ((assume birth control)), super passionate.
A/N: Hi all! It's been a year since I've posted any new content. I'm so sorry… Being an adult sucks, but I've got my groove back so expect some more content from me soon!
This fic was a paid commission, from one of my favourite people on Twitter. She specifically asked that this fic be tailored to her as a person of colour, and so we worked together to make sure that the descriptions were right and I did the POC community justice. I'm a white writer, so it was important that I get this right for her. I haven't changed that description, haven't white-washed the reader in any way so it is tailored towards women of colour, specifically black women. However, feel free to enjoy this fic no matter what your race.
If you think I can improve on my descriptive work for POC characters, then please do let me know!
If you like this fic, then maybe consider tipping me HERE? 💜
-------------------
This was never going to be an easy choice. You never expected it to be, but here you were – five perfectly eligible bachelors in front of you, and only three roses to give out… The last time you’d be sending anyone home before the final, and you had to choose just one to win.
Jimin. Jungkook. Changkyun. Namjoon. Hoseok.
All five of them were stood in front of you, smartly dressed in bespoke suits that fit their personalities to a T. You found yourself scanning over each man, weighing up your options in your head. But this was getting harder and harder each time you narrowed down the line up.
Jimin was kind, a sweetheart. He was funny and adorable. He’d never once made you feel uncomfortable, or question him in any way. But romantically, you weren’t so sure about him. You could see yourself being good friends after the show was over, but more seemed strange to you.
Hoseok? He was very charming, a great kisser, and again he knew how to crack a joke, daft as they were. He was a goofball, but he was the most wonderful kind.
Changkyun was a contender for you since the start. He came across so reserved, and so quiet. At first you thought maybe he felt like he was above it all, that he was too good to be on a show such as this. But you’d learned he was nothing like that, and actually, was perhaps one of the sweetest introverts you’d ever met. He made you feel safe, protected. He was the first date you had of the season, and it didn’t take him long to break down his defences around you – you just made him so comfortable.
And then there was Jungkook and Namjoon. This is where things got… complicated.
From the moment you met the men during the first episode, your eyes had zoned in on them like a radar. You couldn’t believe they were here – why?
Your heart had just dropped the moment you saw them both. It didn’t make total sense as to why they were here, you thought you’d never see either of them again after…
But no, here they were. And surprisingly, neither of them seemed to know who the other was – which was quite the relief. You’d like to keep it that way.
When your eyes met his, Jungkook had smirked a cocky little smile in your direction. It felt almost like a challenge, like he was ready to play the game and grab his prize. He’d added a few more tattoos to his collection since last you saw him, and his hair had grown out to tickle the back of his neck. You had to admit he looked good; far better than he had the day you left him. His hollowed-out cheeks had filled to a normal and yet still strong jawline, the dark circles under his eyes had faded and the ashy colour of his skin had bloomed into his usual light tan. Perhaps he was better, now. You certainly hoped so.
And Namjoon? Well, he looked much the same as he did before, except he’d cut his hair short and gone back to his natural dark colour. Not to mention the way he had seemed to fill out. His arms, his shoulders, his thighs… they all seemed to have doubled – if not tripled – in size. You were shocked at first, never taking him for a gym nut. But then, you weren’t sure you truly knew him at all anymore.
When he had caught your gaze, he smiled a soft and subtle smile, dimples deepening and eyes mollifying. He seemed so happy to see you, but that had made no sense at all. Not after the way you’d left things with him.
So this was fantastic – a room full of eligible bachelors and two of your ex-boyfriends.
Wonderful.
You suppose the writers had done this on purpose, hoping to cause some drama. And well, some drama it did cause. You were sure many would be shouting at their TVs to drop the exes, that an ex is an ex for a reason, that you should never go back to someone who once had caused any pain or misery in your life.
But you just couldn’t let them go. You were so attached yet avoided them where possible. Why? Well, even you couldn’t make sense of that. Scared of being hurt again? Scared that spending more time with them would reveal the reasons why you’d left in the first place? You’d built them both back up in your minds, even with Jungkook causing trouble and stirring the pot from time to time as he found so amusing to do.
You didn’t want to give them the opportunity to prove to you that they were anything other than ‘improved’.
And now here you were, with a choice to make. The penultimate choice.
The first rose you gave, was to Jungkook. Why him first? Well, you weren’t sure. Perhaps because he was the first on the left, and by default, you went straight for him. Yeah, that sounds like a decent explanation.
The second rose you gave was to Changkyun. It’s true, he really was a contender. You were sure of this rose, and sure as hell not ready to say goodbye to him just yet.
As you picked up the third rose you could feel the tension settling in the air, like some kind of invisible thickness that weighed heavy on everybody’s shoulders. Jimin gave you a soft and knowing smile – it seemed the friendship feeling was mutual, and he was happy to take the hit. Hoseok, well he looked a little more hopeful, but kept glancing at Namjoon as if he just knew this decision was an obvious one. Perhaps it was – Hoseok at noticed a feeling around you and Namjoon during recordings, and when he asked, he got the full story. The one that got away, so to speak. Although whether it was you or him that ‘got away’ was unclear.
Namjoon, however, looked nervous. Very nervous. He wasn’t ready, hadn’t been able to say what he needed to yet. And you weren’t ready either. You needed answers, maybe some form of closure you hadn’t got with the house being so populated up until now. His eyes were darting from the rose in your hand to the floor, to anywhere in the room other than your eyes as his fingers twiddled in front of him.
Before you’d realised it, you had placed the rose between his hands, thus solidifying his place in the final three. You not only saw his shoulders visibly sag from the loss of tension, but you heard the breath he’d been holding freely rush from between his lips.
‘Thank you,’ he mouthed, smiling sweetly. You could only reply a weak smile as you stepped back, your heart heavy with guilt for sending Jimin and Hoseok home.
“I’m sorry, truly,” you said to them both, giving each a hug and a sweet kiss to the cheek as they left the room at the host’s request.
“And now, only three remain. Our top three of the season; Jungkook, Changkyun and Namjoon!” the host said gleefully to the camera, “Who will ____ pick to be her knight in shining armour? Tune in same time next week to find out…”
“CUT!” yelled one of the staff behind the camera, and immediately the bustle around the set picked up. People were switching off cameras, lighting, speaking on top of each other – some of them whispering about how they’d have chosen Hoseok or Jimin, or sent home on of the top three instead. You paid it no mind.
After each elimination, you felt that same heaviness. And it was well versed by now that you would say goodnight to the remaining bachelors, thank the production team, and head off for some privacy until the morning.
Now, the real game would begin.
-----------------------------------------------------------
A week. You had one week, to decide who you wanted to win and choose to be yours and the pressure was on.
Of the three men left, each had you in their grasp and for different reasons. Choosing just one was going to prove extremely difficult.
But hey, you had signed up for this, it was in your contract even. And who was to say who you picked you would actually date after. Plenty of these shows end with the final couple splitting when they try a real relationship.
But this did feel real to you, all of it. There were real people here who you had real feelings for, some even real history with. And the thought made your head spin.
Nonetheless, you put on a brave face for the camera and forced yourself to continue the game. Perhaps in this final week it would become clearer who you would choose. With just three contenders left, the house already felt more intimate, and casual exchanges felt more important than before.
On day two of the final week, you had pushed past your negative emotions left lying around from the elimination and were starting to get your head focussed and back on track. You had forced yourself out of bed early and made your way down to the small gym in the house. You figured a long run on the treadmill with some earphones in pumping music through your ears to match your elevated heartrate would do you some good, and true enough, it did.
As you were coming to the end of your run, the sliding door had opened and in stepped Jungkook, in his clingy workout gear ready to get started on his daily session. Your eyes drifted over him as he waved with a smirk, and you smiled as best you could as your feet pounded against the treadmill.
He turned his back to you, sitting down on a weight bench and strapping some wrist supports on. He fiddled with his hair, hanging down past the bottom of his neck, and tied it into a more convenient bun. The muscles in his back showed through his vest, rippling and contracting with every movement.
When you had dated Jungkook, he had looked very different. The last time you saw him, he was merely a skeletal shadow of his former self. His eyes had sunken further into his skull than you had ever seen, his cheeks hollowed to give him a sickly look. The tattoos he’d spent so much time and money getting looked dull on his ashen skin, and you barely recognised the bad-boy heartthrob you’d been captivated by in the beginning.
Leaving that day was the toughest decision you had ever had to make, but you knew it had to be done. You couldn’t let him drag you down any longer, after all the help you had tried and failed to provide him, he had only got worse. You had known that you staying as long as you did was like a get-out-of-jail-free card. He thought he was untouchable, that he would never lose you.
You’d had to prove him wrong, and hoped that that might save him.
But that man wasn’t here now. He had filled out more so than you had ever seen him, his skin returning to a beautiful tan colour and adorned with more tattoos than you remember. His eyes sparkled with mischief again, his jawline sharp but cheeks still filled out as they were when you met.
He had been taking better care of himself, but better care hadn’t meant he was a better man. You still had no idea who Jeon Jungkook was now. His smugness, his attitude, his mysterious aura had kept you at arm’s length this entire time, and perhaps you had kept him in the competition hoping that the longer he was here, the more you might break down his walls, brick by brick.
You continued to run, managing to keep an eye on Jungkook as he lifted his weights in reps of ten, switching positions, arms and even using his feet to lift his dumbbells to work on his already thick and muscled thighs.
You started to drift back into your memories, thinking of time with Jungkook from those years ago. Both of you were so young, yourself a college freshman when you’d met. He had captivated you, dare you even say corrupted you. Late night studying had been replaced with heavy drinking sessions at pep rallies, or DJ sets that boomed until the sun rose through the cracks of abandoned buildings holding illegal partygoers.
Jungkook, in his tight black trousers and leather jackets had excited you and spun you into a world of parties, drinking and eventually, onto drugs. College came second and by some miraculous strain of luck you had still got your degree. While your life spun out of control, you tried to turn to the man at your side for some comfort, for someone to ground you. But he’d progressed further down that road than you ever had…
“Hey,” Jungkook’s breathless voice took you by surprise. You hadn’t even realised he’s removed one of your earphones, and you stumbled a little on the treadmill, managing to catch yourself and stand on either side to avoid being flown into the wall a few feet behind you.
“Oops, sorry…” he smirked. “You were out of it then, huh?”
“Uh… yeah, guess so,” you panted, catching your breath. Jungkook’s eyes didn’t falter as he stared into yours, perhaps a moment too long, with that smugness he always seemed to have.
“You know…” he starts, leaning on the arm of the treadmill next to where your hand gripped it for support. He reached over and turned it off, the motors slowing to a stop. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in better shape, ____.” You scoff a little, rolling your eyes at him. Jungkook was always such a flirt, even through your relationship.
He liked to toy with girls, to make them think they stood a chance and then point to you across a dancefloor and tell them all about how gorgeous his girlfriend was, how you were everything to him, you just got him. He was good at it, and boy you remember those nights he made you so jealous with flirting you’d end up in some of the steamiest situations of your entire life. Nights filled with so much passion, fuelled by lust and anger with choruses of “you’re mine, no one else’s” and “I belong to you as much as you belong to me”.
It was without a doubt the most toxic, yet thrilling relationship you had ever been in.
“Yeah, well… Gotta look after myself, y’know?” you retorted. A beat of silence passed by as his eyes scanned over your body, toned and sculpted like he’d never seen in your activewear. And then his eyes met with yours once again. “You look better, Kook…” you observed, your voice coming out softer than you’d intended, a tone of care laced in your words.
For a moment, you were sure you saw something flash across his face… Could it have been a hint of sadness? A memory? Regret?
But as soon as it had appeared, it was gone again.
“Well, I look better in leather with this body, that’s for sure,” he winked. “You always did love me in leather, didn’t you ____…?” He left the question lingering in the air between you, but your mind couldn’t deny that he was in fact right. He chuckled and leaned a little closer.
“You know, I really missed you. We used to have a lot of fun.”
“Y-yeah… we did…” you agreed, a little nervous now. As if by magic, you were being transported back in time, feeling like that same silly 18-year-old girl who was so easily taken in by his bad-boy act.
“And we’ve had some fun times since we’ve been here, too…” he leans closer again, only a few inches from you now. “Couple of great dates…” he tucks some loose hair that had fallen from your ponytail behind your ear. “Even one great kiss…” he whispers, his lips hovering just above yours.
You could feel your heart pounding in your ears, a heat rising on your cheeks that no doubt had you looking flushed. How quickly he could turn you to this, with barely any build up.
“But I think I can do better…” he teased, and it triggered something in you. You closed the distance, pressing your lips to his with a strange hunger for him you hadn’t felt in years. You felt him snicker against your lips as his hand snaked around the back of your head, holding you in place as the two of you melted together.
You let go of the treadmill, arms wrapping around his neck to bring him closer. Every touch excited you, as if electricity was sparking at every point of impact. Your lips moulded into perfect complimentary shapes, passionate and deliberate movements that had you chasing more.
Jungkook stepped up onto the treadmill, forcing your back against the control panel as his free hand lifted your thigh, holding it against his hip. A ripple of arousal hit you, memories flooding back from the incredible, lustful nights you spent together in the past. Jungkook had many talents, and pushing every button of yours happened to be one of them.
“Fuck, I missed you baby…” he mumbled against your lips, not for one second removing himself from your kiss. The breathlessness in his voice struck another chord in you, a flutter hitting your abdomen.
“I mis-“ you began, until…
“Ahem!” you heard from behind you, dragging you from your intense make out with Jungkook and bringing it crashing down. Jungkook didn’t let go of you, your thigh still in his grasp as his face hardened into a stony expression of pure resentment. His eyes looked right past you to the source of the obnoxious cough, and your head turned slowly to follow.
Changkyun stood in the doorway to the gym, hand still on the handle of the sliding door. How you hadn’t heard it open, you weren’t sure. Too wrapped up in the moment, you supposed. Changkyun himself looked mad, staring down Jungkook in a very ‘guns at dawn’ manner.
You looked between them both, rolling your eyes a little at the stench of testosterone that emanated from them both.
“I’m sorry, are you about to draw your duelling pistols?” you mocked, annoyance clear in your tone.
“My apologies, ____. I just wanted to get in a morning workout. I had no idea I would be interrupting something,” Changkyun spoke in a darker tone than you’d heard from him before, usually such a soft-spoken man around you. But his eyes still hadn’t diverted from Jungkook’s.
Jungkook scoffed audibly, looking off to the side and shaking his head as he laughed darkly to himself and dropped your thigh. You turned to him to scowl as he got down from the treadmill, folding his arms across his chest.
“You know, it wouldn’t kill you to just give us a little privacy, buddy…” he spat.
“You’re in the gym. Not exactly the most private of spaces,” Changkyun deadpanned as he walked into the space, sitting down at the same bench that Jungkook had been lifting at and readying himself to do the same.
“Could’ve turned and walked the fuck out again.”
“I’m sorry, is there a problem here?” Changkyun turned to look at Jungkook again. “As far as I see it, it’s probably a good thing I came in when I did.”
“And why’s that, big guy?” Jungkook hissed. You stepped down as Jungkook edged forward, your instincts kicking in. You knew Jungkook well enough to know that he was pissed, and edging forward was not a good sign…
“Come on, Jungkook,” Changkyun started, turning to face him. “You really think you’re gonna win this? No way am I gonna let some junkie drag ____ back down with him again.”
Jungkook saw red.
“The FUCK did you just call me?” he screamed, lunging forward and grabbing Changkyun’s shirt in both fists, pulling him to a standing position.
“Jungkook, HEY!” you yelled, dashing forward to get between them. Jungkook pushed him as he let go and stepped back, darkly staring at him with a look that frankly could have killed.
“Out! Go, cool off,” you ordered, gripping his chin to make him look down at you. His expression softened just the tiniest bit to see you so stressed in front of him, like he suddenly realised you were still there.
“Now,” you told him, raising your eyebrows.
With a huff, he stormed past you and left the gym, running off to God knows where to cool off like you’d told him to. You took a deep breath, and turned back to Changkyun, sat looking sheepish and apologetic.
“____, I…”
“Save it,” you interrupted, holding your hand up to him and leaving the gym yourself. You just wanted to be alone.
-----------------------------------------------------------
You spent the rest of your morning in your bedroom after the incident in the gym, taking time to have a long and hot shower, letting yourself relax. You tried to stop your mind from going overboard, thinking too much about what Changkyun had said, about your past with Jungkook. But it was rather impossible.
You lay on your bed, overthinking into the afternoon. True enough, Jungkook had been a junkie when you ended things with him. That in itself was the entire reason why. His partying had got out of hand, and instead of the occasional joint the two of you would share, he had turned to harder drugs, drugs that were sucking the life out of him and spoiling the Jungkook you thought you loved.
Not only that, but he had started using your savings, your hard-earned money from endless shifts at the bar you once worked to fund his growing addictions. You can’t remember exactly what the final straw was, but you’d put up with it for far too long by the time you built the courage to put yourself first.
And now you were just letting him back into your life, letting yourself get cast under his spell again as if he hadn’t ruined his life and tried to take you down with him. You let him put his hands on you again, sweet talk you, kiss you without any apology, any explanation, or any acknowledgement of what he used to be.
Had you kept him in the game hoping that eventually he might bring it up? You surely knew him better than that. Jungkook had too much pride; his reaction to Changkyun’s words was evidence enough of that…
A knock on your door snapped you out of your thoughts and brought you crashing back to reality.
“____? Are you… um, would you rather be alone?” Changkyun called through the door. You sighed, sitting upright.
“No, it’s okay. Come in,” you called, waiting for him to come in and sit at the end of your bed, shutting the door behind him.
“I just… wanted to apologise. If you want to hear it, I mean. I wasn’t really sure but I didn’t just want to not try,” he started, fiddling with the button on the casual shirt he’d put on after his workout. “I shouldn’t have put you in that position, I’m so sorry. Jungkook, he just… he bothers me.”
You nodded in acknowledgement. Jungkook did tend to rub other men up the wrong way, leaving bitter tastes in their mouths. He was a ladies’ man, after all. Men? Not so friendly…
“I get it, but you have to trust that I know what I’m doing too.” A lie; you had no clue. “And that I can stand up for myself if I have to.”
“Yeah, of course. I guess I feel a little protective of you, is all. I knew about his reputation before I came here. Word gets around, and I just really… I don’t know, ____, I like you a lot. I wouldn’t still be here if I didn’t, or at least trying so hard.”
“That’s sweet of you, Changkyun. You know I must like you a lot too, right? For you to still be in the game. I appreciate you looking out for me, I really do,” you smiled, shuffling closer to him to sit at his side. Out of comfort, Changkyun rested his arm on your knee, his fingers tracing the seams of your trousers along your calf. He smiled at the thought of you liking him in the same way he did you, unable to look you in the eye out of shyness.
“You’re forgiven,” you tease, smirking as you plant a sweet kiss to his cheek. His shy smile spread into a grin as his eyes finally met yours.
“Thank you,” he said, his eyes flitting between your gaze and your lips. In such proximity, he was finding it increasingly difficult not to kiss you. Not too long ago, before the last elimination, had been your first kiss together. Shared on the decking after a night of getting to know one another on a much deeper level, it had been a long time coming for you, having already developed a real attachment to him.
“Would you mind if I kissed you again?” he asked sweetly, tracing the tip of his finger along your jawline.
“Be my guest,” you breathed, leaning in out of instinct.
When your lips touched, it wasn’t anything like the kiss you’d shared with Jungkook that morning, full of passion and fire. This was sweet, filled with a longing and a desire that truly, you reciprocated.
Changkyun hummed softly, savouring the moment of peace with you. Always, he wanted to do this. Whenever he saw you, he wanted you all to himself, to dote upon and take care of. He knew you didn’t need his protection, but he would give it to you in a heartbeat if only you asked.
Your lips parted from each other’s, but he rested his forehead gently against yours keeping you close.
“Are you okay, ____?” he asked softly. “You seem a little tense still, stressed…” His concern was so sweet to you. You suppose you were still a little tense. “Is it this morning?” he asked again.
“Yes, and no… I’m just in my head a little. Need to let go, relax.”
“Hmm,” he hummed in thought. “Maybe… maybe I could help? You, to relax, I mean…” he offered, stumbling a little as if he were nervous. But you pulled back a little to get a clearer view of him, a small smirk on your lips.
“And what did you have in mind?” you toyed, playing with the strands of hair that tickled the back of his neck.
“Just… relax. Let me take care of you,” he whispered, leaning in for another delicate kiss, one that sent butterflies flitting around your body. He leaned forward a little more, pressing his lips to yours firmer than before, and encouraging you to lean back until your head hid the pillows. Changkyun easily slotted between your legs, hovering above you whilst maintaining a very sweet and beautiful kiss that had you melting under him.
He kept one hand next to your head to hold himself up, the other gently holding your hip. Your arms reached up above you, wrapping around his neck to gently pull him in and encourage him whilst your lips were too occupied to speak. The two of you simply enjoyed each other’s embrace, with no rush to go anywhere, no fear of time running out. Instead, just being in the moment.
Changkyun began to run his tongue lightly against your lip, advancing only a little at a time, until he was leaving slow, calculated open-mouthed kisses to your jawline, and further down your neck to the collar of your shirt. You let out little moans at the feeling that sounded more like hums of pleasure as the excitement in you began to build.
True to his word, Changkyun was taking care of you. He was bringing you out of your head and giving you something to focus on that you hadn’t realised you so desperately needed.
His hands began to bunch up the material of your t-shirt, rolling it up to expose only your mid-section and allow him more room to leave his incredible kisses against your skin. With every kiss, something in the pit of your stomach grew and grew until all you wanted was him, his touch, his kisses, all over you.
As he kissed along your stomach from left to right, his hands came to fiddle with the button of your trousers, slowly at first to give you ample opportunity to stop him if this was going too far for you. But you didn’t, and you wouldn’t. You wanted this as much as he did.
He progressed past the unfastening of your trousers, dragging them down your legs and dropping them to the side before returning his lips to your skin. Only this time, his lips had landed on your right knee, and were slowly progressing up your thigh, moving inward and towards a growing heat between your legs.
He took his time, as if every little movement of his lips and tongue against your skin was his way of worshipping you – a goddess who deserved only the best he had to offer. He had waited long enough to get to this moment; no chance at all was he going to rush this as some superficial act of lust when it was so much more to him than that.
Closer and closer he got to your core, your hands threading into his hair for something to touch, to connect to him in some intimate way. When his lips did land on top of your core, pressing kisses to your underwear, you let out a sharp hiss. Finally, a little relief to the ache that had been building. But your underwear was still creating a barrier – however thin – between you and what you really needed.
He didn’t tease for long, wanting nothing more than to give in to your desires and if he was honest to himself, he so desperately wanted to taste you. His fingers hooked themselves into your underwear, slowly dragging them past your hips until he had to sit upright to drag them from your ankles. Seeing you laying beneath him, your thighs pressing together tightly – whether for friction or out of shyness – sent an urge through him like no other.
He lunged forwards, supporting himself by one hand that slammed against the sheets beside your head as he dipped down to crash his lips to yours. His passion was unmistakable, and you thrived off of it. Your legs parted for him with ease, back arching up to push your chest against his. You wrapped your arms to pull him closer to you, but his solid frame and strength holding him up meant that your efforts simply pulled you from the mattress to cling off him.
But his end goal was still heavily in the forefront of his mind, clear by the way he pulled on your wrists around his neck to force you to let him go and hit the sheets once again. In a flash, he was hovering over your midsection, his strong hands slowly and gently parting your knees to present you to him – glistening like a freshly glazed donut. He looked up at you through his eyelashes and smirked, before he finally connected his lips to your clit.
It knocked the wind out of you - the jolt of electricity that shot from your core to your heart. An audible gasp caught in your throat as Changkyun let his tongue past his lips, expertly lapping at every. single. nerve. in your clit – or so it felt.
Had you looked down between your legs you’d have seen his eyes on you, watching your every move and learning exactly what reaction he got from each slightly different movement. But you couldn’t force your head off the pillow, let alone your eyes to open as soft mewls and breathless moans slipped out.
Perhaps five minutes had passed, perhaps twenty, but it didn’t matter – it could have been an hour and yet your orgasm was approaching all too suddenly, all too soon.
‘No, not yet… More. I want more,’ you thought to yourself, his name barely recognisable as it left your lips. But he showed no signs of quitting, and you didn’t have it in you to slow him down.
“Ch-Changkyun… I… oh god, so close…” you choked, giving him his cue that just a little more and you’d tip over that edge. And so his hands that held your legs apart spread wider, his tongue delved deeper, and the fire in your stomach grew hotter, and hotter, until there was simply no fighting it.
Bursts of intense pleasure racked through your body, ricocheting off of every nerve available. Your thighs tensed in his hands, your fists balled up in the sheets, your back arched from the bed and you reached your high.
He didn’t stop, only gradually slowed as you came back down, teetering between soft aftercare and overstimulation. And only once you finally took a deep breath with a blissful sigh did he come to a stop, sitting on his knees as he rubbed soothing circles into your thighs.
Coming back to reality, you opened your eyes to look at him, noting the sweet smile that sat on his lips, watching you and waiting for you to return to some kind of normal. But the strength of your orgasm had left you feeling drained, completely relaxed but utterly exhausted. You could see that Changkyun had clearly enjoyed himself too, from the slight bulge in his jeans but whilst the spirit was willing, the flesh was far too weak.
“You look sleepy,” he said, finding it quite endearing. “You should rest.”
“But… you…” you wanted to protest, to give back. How could you when sitting upright would take the same effort as a Himalayan hike to you right now?
Changkyun chuckled softly , still tracing gentle patterns on your thighs. “Forget about it, just rest, hm?” he crawled off the bed, heading over to the little dresser at the far end of the room, assuming you had fresh underwear and perhaps some lounge shorts in one of them. He wasn’t wrong, finding both in two out of the four drawers.
He took his time, gently re-dressing you as your eyes drooped heavily, content. He leaned over you to place a soft, lingering kiss to your cheek and quietly left the room, leaving you to drift off into a blissful and much needed nap.
-----------------------------------------------------------
The tensions in the house had barely dissipated in the few days since the gym incident. In fact, if anything, Jungkook seemed to only have gotten angrier with each passing moment. He’d leave the room as soon as Changkyun would enter it, or turn and walk away if he saw the two of you hanging out together.
And the smug little smirk on Changkyun’s face each time didn’t go unnoticed by you either. You weren’t sure how you felt about that… Whilst Changkyun was exceptionally sweet with you, you didn’t that he seemed to be playing some kind of game with Jungkook. It hardly seemed fair, even at this late stage of the competition.
And whilst this had been going on, Namjoon seemed none-the-wiser. In typical Namjoon fashion, he held quite the same ‘golden retriever-esque’ innocence as he had when you’d been together before. His focus had just been on you, and trying to win your affections.
And so, he’d organised a date night for the two of you as the date of the final choice loomed closer. Only something simple, but intimate nonetheless.
As the sun began its descent, Namjoon was hard at work in the kitchen, following a recipe book to cook something that for him was of course far too advanced – but he persevered, attempting to follow the instructions down to the letter. He leaned over the counter, glasses hanging low on his nose as he read the pages. He wiped a light sweat from his brow on his wrist.
Somehow you managed to sneak down to the kitchen, now ready to meet him to begin your date. You leaned against the doorway, a beautiful burgundy silk dress clinging to your waist and hips, but draping freely just below your knees. Had he looked up, you’d easily have distracted him, so you kept quiet instead, fondly watching him concentrating so hard and admiring how he looked from afar.
He clearly was working hard to impress, his long sleeve of his white dress shirt rolled up to his elbows. He’d found a cream apron from somewhere, using it to wipe his hands on and to shield the white of his shirt from any splashes he was destined to make whilst cooking.
As you watched him scurry around, oblivious to your presence, you couldn’t help but wonder why on earth he had decided cooking was the perfect date night for the two of you. Namjoon had never been a very good cook, to put it mildly. Perhaps he was just so intent on impressing you that he was willing to do anything. Perhaps it was the hopeless romantic in him trying to give you a date that most women would find utterly endearing.
“Hey, you,” you purred from the doorway. His head snapped up suddenly from behind the kitchen island, and his shock turned quickly into a large puppy-dog grin when his eyes landed on you.
“Wow… You look beautiful, ____,” he gushed. “Please, take a seat,” he motioned to the stools that lined the other side of the island to him, and you gladly stepped into the kitchen and took one, watching him as he worked.
“Since when was cooking your thing, Joonie?” you asked with an amused smile. He stopped in his tracks; no one had called him that for… so long. It was yours and yours alone, and oh, how he missed it.
“Uh, well it’s not,” he began, avoiding eye contact in the hope you’d miss a blush creeping on his cheeks, “but it’s never too late to learn, right? I just wanted to do something nice, y’know?”
“It’s sweet of you, I look forward to trying your food,” you flirted.
“Oh, well you can taste test it right now, if you’d like? It’s almost done.” He picked up his chopsticks, grabbing a piece of meat that he’d been frying amongst an unidentified sauce and vegetables and lightly blew on it to cool over his free hand, before reaching over the island for you to take the bite.
You so wish it had been good… lying was so much harder.
“Mmm… Mmhmm… Mm…” you mumbled as you chewed, trying to find the heart to swallow the mouthful. How on earth could it be that salty?
Namjoon’s face fell, and without another word he picked more of the dish up from the pan and tried it himself. His own grimace said it all.
“Ah, fuck… How did that…? Damnit!” He stomped back to the open recipe book, trying to find the place he’d gone wrong. In the meantime, you managed to swallow the food and had joined him by his side to figure this out with him.
“How much salt did you put in that, Joon?” you asked.
“4 tablespoons, like it says…” he pointed to the list of ingredients and their quantities. You looked closer, and his mistake became obvious.
“Honey, ‘tsp’ is TEAspoon, ‘tbsp’ means tablespoon… It’s meant to be 4 teaspoons…” you sighed. But you had to admit, it was kind of funny… And absolutely classic Namjoon.
“I… oh. Oh for fucks sake,” he groaned, throwing his head back in annoyance. “I can’t make you eat that… Let me try something else? I swear I’ll choose something fast, I won’t keep you waiting,” he panicked. You just laughed, holding your hand up to stop him from rambling on about how sorry he was.
“You know what? It’s fine. Don’t worry. I know a meal you can make without making a mistake, and it’s super fast…” you teased, walking behind him to the pantry. He watched in confusion as you disappeared inside and came back holding only two things.
“Instant,” you waved one hand with a cup in, “ramen,” and then the other. Namjoon smirked, his shoulders dropping in relief.
“I mean, it’s not exactly the fancy dinner I had planned, but whatever my girl wants, my girl gets.” He stepped towards you and took the two instant ramen bowls from your hands, heading over to the stove to heat the water he needed. But you couldn’t help but mull over those words, stood frozen in one place trying to fight the butterflies that flooded your stomach.
My girl.
His.
You weren’t, not anymore. But old habits…
-----------------------------------------------------------
With your ramen cups in hand, the two of you had made your way to the balcony just off of Namjoon’s room to eat at your suggestion. The sun was dipping lower behind the horizon, and with a clear sky that night you had thought it would be romantic to watch as the moon rose, and the stars came out from hiding.
With ramen cups and fluffy blankets.
It wasn’t exactly what Namjoon had in mind when he had asked you to join him for dinner that night, but any time with you was considered a luxury in his eyes. And this was much more akin to the kind of dates you used to have together – simple, but intimate. You liked it that way.
“How’s the ramen?” he asked from beside you on the wicker bench, still wearing his apron in case he spilled ramen on that crisp white shirt of his. He looked quite adorably comical in it, particularly since he had filled his muscles out in your time apart from him. The apron seemed more like a bib on his chest than something to cover the majority of his torso.
He caught you mid-slurp, but you managed an appreciative hum which seemed to satisfy him at least, judging by the fond smile that showed off his dimple.
“So, how are you doing? I know there’s probably a lot of pressure right now…” he began, turning the conversation slightly more serious than expected. But you were grateful that he was asking; he always had cared about what you thought.
Which is why the ending of your relationship had felt so… unexpected.
“Oh, you know… three hearts, two to break. It’s not so fun…” you brushed it off, but of course you were in utter turmoil over this decision, spending every moment alone trying to figure out pros and cons and why’s and wherefores’. “Wishing there was a fourth option that made everyone happy, but that’s not on the cards…” you sighed.
“It’ll be okay, in the end. Whoever you choose, as long as you are happy that’s all any of us can ask for.” You felt your heart squeeze itself inside your chest, and your head asking so many questions…
I was happy with you, but then…
“That’s sweet. Thank you,” was all you could muster. The confusion on your mind had threatened to spill out, but somehow your self-control set in.
The pair of you sat in comfortable silence for a while, finishing your ramen, watching the sky’s changing gradients in peaceful quiet.
Once finished, Namjoon took your empty ramen cup with his and set them on the floor beside the wicker bench, getting himself comfortable again as you shuffled slightly closer with your blanket.
“Do you mind, if I…?” his question trailed off as he lifted his arm closest to you, gesturing as if he’d like you to fill the gap at his side. You just smiled him and slid closer, lifting your feet onto the bench beside you and allowing your body to lean into his, his around your shoulders.
It was comfortable, safe. Namjoon wasn’t competing with anyone but himself. He paid no mind to the other men in the house, his sole focus was you.
You talked a little, sometimes about the stars coming into view, sometimes about memories of the past, people you once knew with him. You talked about your life since each other, the god and the bad, and it was just as easy as it always had been.
In the moments of silence, however, you replayed the day you left him. The Namjoon you knew back then, seemed to be the same guy he was now. So then… why? Why did he change his mind? What went so wrong that made him get so sick of you?
-----------------------------------------------------------
A weekend away was always a nice idea, but one without Namjoon felt strange… The ‘no guys allowed’ policy of a bachelorette party was a sacred oath though, and you weren’t one to mess with traditions. Especially not when your best friend was the definition of ‘Bridezilla’.
But hey, it was over now at least. And thankfully, you’d made good time on the road back from the airport. Namjoon wasn’t expecting you home for a good while yet, but the extra time together over the rest of the day would be nice after a few days apart. You were sure he’d love the surprise.
You crept up to the front door of your shared apartment, and wrestled with the key in the lock as quietly as you possibly could, trying to not announce your arrival until the last possible moment. Somehow, you made your way into the apartment almost silently, but Namjoon hadn’t noticed.
You heard his voice before you saw him, coming from the living room. Only a one sided conversation – he must be on the phone. So you crept up silently and stood yourself in the doorway to the living room, waiting patiently behind him for him to finish the conversation.
“No, I just don’t know what to do anymore though, Yoongi…” he seemed to be in some kind of turmoil. Your brow furrowed – maybe it was something you could help with? Did something happen while you were away? But either way, it made sense that he’d call his best friend for the answers, since he thought you’d still be travelling home.
“No, of course I haven’t told her… Well I don’t know, I just don’t know how she’d react to this!”
Okay, that was strange. Did he mean… you? How you’d react to what?
“I’m so sick of her… I can’t do anything without her just being there. Like, have you got nothing better to do? It’s pathetic.”
He… he just… No way?
Your heart beat hard in your chest, and yet slower than it should, like it was just fighting to keep going… He was sick of you? But… he loved you, didn’t he?
“Yoongi I gave it time, and it worse. I can’t have her around me anymore, I have to do something about it. I’m just glad I have the weekend off, at least.”
That cemented it. You couldn’t listen to this anymore, and you didn’t want to confront him either. It hurt too much to know he’d been lying to you, he was sick of you, he didn’t want you anymore.
He didn’t want you anymore.
With just as little sound as before, you left your apartment again, silent tears streaming down your face.
-----------------------------------------------------------
The memory of that day was one of the most painful you had. The least dramatic of your breakups perhaps, but you were so in love with Namjoon. And for him to decide he couldn’t stand you anymore… it cut deeper than any man had ever hurt you.
“Hey, um… Could I… ask you something?” he asked shyly, halting your train of thought. He avoided eye contact with you, playing with the edge of the apron he was still, for some reason, wearing.
“Yeah, go ahead…” You spoke softly, still reeling a little from the hurt you’d brought back up in your own head.
A beat or two of silence went by, Namjoon lifting his gaze to the horizon and take a deep breath. Whatever it was, it was hard for him. He was nervous.
“Why did you leave me?” He looked at you then, with such sadness in his eyes. But… he couldn’t be. He knew why. Sure, you had upped and left without saying anything to him, ignoring his calls, his texts, just telling him when you were picking your stuff up whilst he was at work. But he had to have put two and two together by now…
“You know why, Namjoon,” you deadpanned, sitting up straight again. This didn’t feel like a particularly affectionate turn of conversation. In fact, your guard was back up, the wall you’d spent weeks bringing down around him rebuilt in a matter of seconds.
“No, I really don’t… I thought everything was good with us.”
Anger boiled under the surface; was he just doing this because he wanted to win? Because the prize of a damn TV show was just more important than your feelings? Because he wanted to prove to you and everyone watching that he could win you back?
“Namjoon don’t, pretending and gaslighting me into thinking I was wrong isn’t going to work. God, I can’t believe you!” you stood up, the blanket around you slipping from the silk fabric of your dress. You strode over to the balcony railing, looking out instead of looking back.
“I’m not pretending anything, ____. I don’t get it. You went away on a girl’s weekend and then I never see you again. You just up and leave with no reason. I spent months trying to figure out what I did, if you met someone else… It fucking killed me, ____!” His tone matched your level of anger, spilling over. Clearly, he’d been repressing this for some time.
You span around on your strappy heels, “someone else?” you squealed. “It was only ever YOU, Namjoon. YOU broke MY damn heart, how dare you try and play victim!”
“WHAT DID I DO?” he yelled, sounding out every syllable with each step he took towards you, invading your personal space.
“’No, I haven’t told her’, ‘I’m sick of her, Yoongi’, ‘She’s always there, it’s pathetic’, ‘I’m glad I had the weekend off at least’.” You were paraphrasing, but you remembered what he said well enough to reel off the basics as tears threatened to fall. Not now, you got over this, you were okay…
Namjoon looked bewildered, like you’d just told him his uncle was the Pope. The confusion knitted his brows together as he stepped back just a little.
“How did you hear all of that…?” he asked when realisation finally set in. At that, you smiled. Not amused, not happy, but because he proved you right.
“Snuck in quietly to surprise your stupid ass,” you spat.
“And you never thought to ask what the fuck I was actually talking about, hm? You just thought that out of nowhere, after all that time together, I was hiding being sick of you? Jesus ____, you know I’m not a good liar how the hell would I have managed to do that?” He was still shouting, but his anger wasn’t directed at you – it was directed at all the lost time. And for no reason.
“Then what…?” you began, but he interrupted.
“Do you remember that blonde girl in the green dress at my work Christmas party that one time? Alice? You made a joke, said she looked like she was into me and jealous of you. Well, you were right.
“She was getting worse and flirting all the time, but then she started getting creepy, leaving me weird little love notes on post-its at my desk, and sending me emails asking if I wanted to meet her. She started following me around the office, to my car at the end of the day. She got my phone number off the system, was texting me all the damn time…
“I didn’t tell you, didn’t want you to worry or do anything rash – I knew your temper and I knew you’d freak. I only told Yoongi, and with you gone, he was worried she’d find out and try something. The ‘weekend off’ you mentioned? That was my weekend off from WORK, not from you. Never from you…” his voice cracked, the vein in his forehead straining as he yelled.
You stood in stunned silence, processing. Watching him. He looked broken, his eyes glossing and tears falling and he ran his hand over his shorter hair, taking deep breaths to steady himself.
You felt like a complete bitch.
“You left, and I… I didn’t know what to do with myself,” he sobbed, hiding his face in his hands and aggressively wiping the tears away.
“Namjoon, I…”
“I loved you so much,” he yelled, looking at you with so much hurt in his face, “and you threw away two years of something so good!” he stepped towards you again, towering over you. He didn’t feel intimidating; if anything, he felt desperate. Like he so desperately wanted to touch you and was fighting with himself to just be close to you. His defences were up too, and his resolve was crumbling.
“I just wished I’d heard you… I could have run after you, I could have explained,” he sobbed, staring at the space between your feet at the floor. He’d taken to blaming himself instead of you in a split second – a sign his mind was racing with thoughts, processing but not really processing anything because it was all just too fast, too much at once.
“No, no… Namjoon, no please, don’t blame yourself,” you begged, choking on your held back cries as you cupped his face in both hands, trying your best to comfort him but letting him cry at the floor. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…” You repeated it, over and over.
His shoulders shook as you held his face, pressing your forehead to his in an attempt to comfort him. Being shorter than him, he had to lower his head to be held by you, but he needed to be close to you. You could feel his tears running from the tip of his nose to yours where they met, and the guilt you felt was phenomenal.
You shushed him quietly like a child as he whimpered and nuzzled his nose against yours, finding comfort in the contact, losing himself in his emotions. The first light brush of his lips against yours was purely accidental, just angling his head a little too far as he sought your comfort.
But the second had been intentional… followed by a barely-there peck to the lips. Then another when you didn’t pull away. And another, that you reciprocated.
And then in a flash, his hands were on your waist, holding you as he pressed his lips to yours. It took absolutely no encouragement for you to kiss him back, the need too great to ignore. Both of you were desperate for each other.
Your arms wrapped around his neck as he leaned into you, holding you up by your waist as he chased your lips. They moved together with such a synchronicity, one you were familiar with but hadn’t felt in so long.
His arms wrapped around you so tightly, like he was terrified this was all in his head and if he let you go, you’d disappear forever. He couldn’t cope with that again…
Neither of you knew who took the first step, but it didn’t matter – the two of you, still locked in each other’s embrace and caught in the most passionate kiss of your lives, edged step by step back in through the French doors of the balcony. Namjoon’s legs eventually hit the edge of his bed, and he sat down, immediately parting his thighs for you to stand between.
He stared up at you for a moment, cheeks still wet with tears and just took a moment to drink you in – the way your make-up matched your dress, simplistic yet complimentary, the way you’d pinned your hair up of your face, but a few of your natural curls hung loose around your face and the way your tiny little baby hairs were perfectly styled against the chestnut complexion of your skin.
His hands rested comfortably on your hips as he stared, his eyes scanning every tiny little feature on your face that he’d missed so much, engraving them into his memory once again. Your hands cupped his face, thumbs swiping over the damp trails under his eyes to rid him of his sadness.
Wordlessly, you gathered the hem of your dress up to the middle of your thighs, lifting one knee to rest next to his hip, and the other as he kept you steady. You sank down to sit comfortably on his thick thighs, and dipped your head to connect your lips with his.
You didn’t want to waste any time – you felt like you had wasted plenty with Namjoon, all because you had made an assumption – and so you reached your arms under his to wrap behind him, untying the knot of the apron that he’d mindlessly forgotten to remove himself. He smiled into your kiss at his own moment of idiocy, allowing enough space for you to pull the strap from around his neck over his head, and discard the apron to the floor.
Up close and personal like this, you could finally see the efforts of his self-care since you’d split – his shirt felt tight against his chest and arms, rounded muscles defined under the creases. He felt different under your touch now, the familiar contours of his body still there yet, filled in.
One by one, your hands undid the buttons of his shirt as you got lost in another kiss, exposing the golden tone of his chest. You pulled it from the waistband of his pants and quickly peeled it from his shoulders, that too now discarded to the floor.
For just a moment, you pulled your lips from his to take in his expression, reaching up behind you to pull the long and singular hair pin that held your curls in place. Namjoon felt like he was watching a scene from a movie, time moving in slow motion as your hair fell and bounced past your shoulders. The moment almost felt surreal to him, but he knew it wasn’t – you’d always been this mesmerising.
The hands that sat at your waist slipped along the silk of your dress to your exposed thighs, dipping under the fabric to slide it out of the way, past your hips, your waist, your arms, raised over your head to allow it to come off in one fell swoop.
At the exposure of your chest, held up by the strapless bra you’d worn to accommodate the thin straps of the dress, Namjoon shifted a little under you. You knew what that meant, and you’d be lying if you said it didn’t send a little shiver of excitement down your spine.
Namjoon couldn’t stop himself from planting his lips to your collarbone, leaving damp little kisses in his wake as he swept from the left to the right, and starting his descent down to the fullness of your breast above the cup of your bra.
As his lips lowered, he undid the clasp of your bra, giving more room to descend further. The cold air from the open balcony door hit you, goosepimples erupting over your body. A barely audible moan slipped from between your lips at the kisses he was leaving, until finally he reached your nipples, hardened already with arousal. Your head fell back, eyes fluttering shut, that little moan growing into something more.
The hunger in Namjoon’s movements grew, hands tightening around your waist, his kisses turning from small to open-mouthed, little groans vibrating against your skin. The warmth of his tongue lapping at your breast was heavenly, pleasure rippling through you. You couldn’t help the way your hips rolled in his lap, grinding against the bulge in Joon’s pants. It was getting harder and harder to ignore, and whilst you so badly wanted to take your time with him, to feel every moment with him, you couldn’t ignore the need screaming inside you.
“Need you, Joonie…” you whined, rolling your hips again. He lifted his head to look back up at you, broken from his trance by the sound of your voice.
“You’ve got me, I’m here,” he reassured, ghosting his fingertips over your cheek and reconnecting his lips with yours.
It was all too easy to get lost in kissing Namjoon, and every single time your lips had touched tonight it felt like you were soaring. It had always felt like this, and mentally you had kicked yourself for ever believing that Namjoon could get sick of you. You had become comfortable in your life together once you’d moved in with him, that much was true. But it didn’t remove that feeling of desire you had for him, and it definitely didn’t for him either.
Before you really knew what was happening, Namjoon’s hands slipped to beneath your thighs, and he stood up, holding you to his waist just long enough for him to turn around, and lower you to your back against the bed. He too had waited all too long to have you back, and your admission of need flipped a switch that made him all the more desperate to be with you.
Before he could crawl on top of you however, you sat up, reaching for the belt buckling his trousers and undoing it, along with the button and zipper, quickly rolling them and his boxers past his thick thighs until they dropped for him to step out of.
And in a flash, he was on you, pouncing like a lion on its prey. He slotted himself between your thighs and dove into a hungry kiss, ignited by the clear intention in undressing him as fast as you did. He knew what you wanted – he wanted it too. And he couldn’t deny it of either of you any longer.
You could feel his length pressing against the material of your underwear, the thinnest barrier between you and what you wanted. Namjoon made the most beautiful groan when he felt your hips raising, creating a friction he craved so bad.
With one hand by your head to steady himself, his other dipped below the lace that covered you, the pads of his fingers sliding through your folds with ease, coated instantly with your arousal. You moaned against his lips, parting them just enough for him to bite gently on your bottom lip.
He remembered easily what you liked, how you like to be touched, teased, where your most sensitive spots were as he dipped inside of you.
“Joonie, please…” you rolled your hips, pushing his fingers deeper inside of you. It drove him absolutely wild…
So wild, that he slipped his fingers out of you and sat up on his knees, gripping the waistband of your underwear in both fists and tearing the fabric apart. He’d never done that before, not in the entire time you had dated before but my god your heart pounded in your chest.
With your underwear in tatters and tossed somewhere else, there was nothing between you anymore. And after that little display, you had to have him – now.
Wrapping your arms around his neck you brought him back down to you, showing your desperation when you parted your legs for him and moaned against his lips at the contact from the head of his swollen cock against your core.
He loved your moans, could get high from them. With every one he needed more, like an addict. He needed another hit.
Slowly, he lined himself up, the head of his cock catching on your waiting hole, and he pushed inside you. The stretch felt like heaven, his girth not a surprise, of course, but always so welcome. He made sure you were comfortable, all the time still kissing you with clear intent. He was slow, meticulous, and very aware of your pleasure despite his own being unbearably good.
A low groan rumbled in his chest as he bottomed out, completely sheathed inside your warmth, and hugged so tightly by your walls. He felt himself pulsing, his body willing him to continue, so let him feel.
It took no encouragement at all for him to begin his movements, his hips rolling in long, languid strokes that drove you wild with desire.
“M-missed you so much,” he stuttered, attaching himself to your neck and suckling lightly. God, he wanted to leave pretty marks there, darkening your skin at his will but he thought better of it. He didn’t want the questions from the others, the obvious speculation surrounding them all over TV and social media.
“I know, Joon… Missed you too,” you keened, arms around his neck and playing with the short hairs at the back of his neck – a little thing to focus on to keep you grounded. With how good he was making you feel, you needed grounding or it would all be over far too quickly.
But with each stroke, it was getting harder to stave off the impending high – for the both of you. Namjoon could feel the way your body fluttered around him, how you would tighten every so often when he hit a precise spot and it was driving him to distraction.
No other words needed exchanging, not when Namjoon looked up at you and connected your gazes – his face told you everything you needed to know, and yours for him. He knew that at the end of all of this, there was a possibility he could lose you all over again. His heart ached at the thought, but he had answers now at the very least. Whether he had done enough in the past few weeks to win you over again wasn’t clear, but he so hoped so.
He knew of your past with Jungkook, how much that had hurt you. He knew from open conversations with him that he was different now, no matter how he presented himself. He wondered if you’d rather try again with Jungkook or himself, or if you’d wipe the slate clean and start something new with Changkyun.
But he hoped you could read his mind, just in that moment, and could hear him telling you how much he absolutely still loved you. Hope was all he had, and he’d be damned if he let that go.
But he had to push that aside and focus on the here and now, and how incredible it felt to be with you again in the most intimate way possible.
He managed to snake a hand down between the two of you, his fingers toying with your sensitive clit. Your eyes rolled back at the new sensation, hands toying with his hair curling into fists holding onto absolutely nothing. He made a mental note to grow it out a little again if you chose him, wishing he hadn’t cut it to feel your fingers pulling at his hair the way you used to.
Your moans grew louder, more frequent, and he could feel you squeezing him with every thrust over and over again. It was getting harder to ignore the heat in your stomach, building and building with such intensity. Namjoon was losing his mind, thrusts becoming harder and faster, his fingers working their magic. He was chasing your high instead of his own, staving it off to give you what you wanted, what you deserved.
“J-Joon, I can’t-“ you panted, dangling on the edge.
“It’s… It’s okay baby. I’ve got you, it’s okay,” he cooed. His encouragement sealed your fate, and you just let go.
Pleasure burst inside of you like a firework. Your moans turned to cries, your arms and legs tightened impossibly around Namjoon and your eyes squeezed shut. He didn’t stop his movements, still working you through your orgasm, giving you the best he could muster. It was a struggle, keeping his pace when you were tightening to much around him and writhing underneath him. Nothing could possibly turn him on more…
But it wasn’t until you came down again that he really picked his pace back up, able to steady himself to bring his own end. You coaxed it out of him, peppering kisses to his lips, his jaw, his neck, hands all over his body as you lazily induced as much pleasure from him as possible.
“Cum, Joonie…” you cooed in his ear, pressing another kiss to his neck just below before regaining eye contact with him. His eyes were hooded, lust clear in them as he drank you in – sweaty, sleepy but so beautiful.
With one final, deep kiss he lost his rhythm, hips stuttering as he came inside you, whimpering against your lips. You held him close, kissed him through it, letting him enjoy those last few thrusts until he couldn’t do anymore. Totally spent, he lowered himself gently to lay against your side, his length slipping from between your legs and softening contentedly.
You held him close to you, both of you exhausted and in your own little thought bubbles. Namjoon couldn’t help but think of the end of the show, wondering who you might pick, if it could be him. After such an incredible high with you, he was terrified he was hurtling towards another low when you chose someone else.
And you? Well, you were more conflicted than ever, imagining every possible scenario in your end for that final show. Each of them getting that winning rose, each of them having several different reactions. It played out like a movie scene over and over in your mind and you were absolutely terrified of the outcome of each.
As you lay with Namjoon, you wrestled with so many emotions. Comfort, happiness, fear, sadness, heartbreak, adoration; but one settled in the pit of your stomach, perhaps the bitterest of all of them to swallow.
On the morning of that final day, you lay in your own bed alone. You figured if you just stayed there, time would stop and you wouldn’t have to make that horrible decision. You wouldn’t have to let down two people you adored – two you hadn’t even made your mind up on yet.
You’d barely slept, tossing and turning until the early hours when your poor mind had had enough and simply couldn’t stay awake any longer.
Namjoon; the love of your life, the one that got away. The one you had ruined. The one you never got over.
Jungkook; the bad-boy recovered addict. The party animal, ladies’ man. The heartthrob you fell for, and now cannot deny a connection with.
Changkyun; the stoic newbie. The sweetheart introvert. The passionately defensive you had grown to adore.
Your head span with the different possibilities, imagining lives with each of them outside of the villa. What would living with each of them be like? What kind of life could you picture with them?
With Namjoon, you imagined very much picking up where you left off. Integrating back into his life, his friends, his family merging back with your own. In six months or so, being able to laugh about the stupid mistake you had made. Perhaps after a year, a proposal, two a marriage, maybe a kid or two. It was so easy to imagine it with Namjoon, because you had been here before. You already knew what you wanted with him – but what if you couldn’t move past the separation? What if he held it over your head, even unconsciously?
A life with Jungkook was harder to imagine… You kept coming back to the life you left behind so many years ago. The parties that went on until the sun rose, the drugs you found yourself so willing to partake in, the jealousy followed by the passionate make-up sex. But you were so young then, so naïve. You fell for his bad boy act, and at face value Jungkook was still a bad boy. However, you couldn’t disregard his progress.
Upon seeing him on that first day, you immediately noticed he’d filled out from the skinnier muscled man you remembered. The dark circles he used to wear under his eyes daily had vanished, the pale and translucent skin much more opaque now, no longer tinted by the blue of his veins beneath the surface. He looked well, and you must conclude that he was sober – from the drugs, at least. But the ladies’ man in him, his intimidating aura and possessiveness… well, they very much still seemed present.
But you couldn’t deny that connection, that passion and attraction. And after spending time with him again in the villa, you were sure it may have grown to some genuine feelings.
A future with Changkyun? Well, that felt a little more unknown. Of course, you didn’t have experience in dating him. He was the new guy, the only one left who wasn’t a past boyfriend. Getting to know him had been like uncovering a new part of a Russian doll, exposing the artwork underneath each layer as you stripped him of his exterior walls.
He would come across as uncaring, unbothered in the beginning with a cold manner, but the more you put into your relationship, the more you saw his introverted self. He was sweet, despite speaking his mind often. He would seem to be arrogant, judgemental even but you knew now that he wasn’t – not at all. This was a man who liked to be held, to be touched, to be close to the person he loved.
A life with him seemed like an exciting prospect, full of unknowns and of firsts. The pages of those chapters were empty, just waiting to be written. There was no past to worry about, no expectations based on the way things used to be.
But no matter what you imagination could cook up about all three of them, you knew one thing was certain – you loved all three.
As you struggled, wrestling with your mind for an immeasurable amount of time in bed, avoiding what was beyond your bedroom door, you heard a light knock on the wood. Three rasps.
You sat bolt upright, eyes wide. You weren’t sure who was on the other side, but you didn’t want to see anyone right now, didn’t want to admit that anything else existed outside these four walls. But your natural reflex was to shout to them, allowing them entry.
Your door creaked open slowly, and a black mop of hair peaked around and smiled at you softly.
“Hey, gorgeous,” Jungkook cooed, hovering behind the door. “Do you mind if I come in?” He chewed his lip ring anxiously, waiting.
“Yeah, sure.” Your smile was weak, and Jungkook noticed. He wondered what you were thinking before he came along, if you were doing okay given the gravity of the situation you found yourself in today. He had no idea if you’d chosen, or if you were stuck on your choice. Not knowing anything was killing him.
But he shuffled over to sit on the edge of your bed, shutting the door behind him. He carried a little wooden box in his hand, locked with a gold hook clasp.
For a moment, he didn’t look at you. He simply stared at the box in his hands, perhaps trying to find the words to begin the conversation he’d been holding off on having the whole time you were here.
Jungkook wasn’t one for feeling vulnerable. He wasn’t good at that, never liked to feel small. You knew this was probably something to do with his childhood, but even in your two year long relationship, he’d been particularly vague about that too.
But he had to force himself to come to you today, to tell you what he needed to before it was too late. ‘This isn’t about you, Jungkook. This is for her,’ he had told himself. And then he found his way here, all practise of the words he wanted to say vanished from his head.
“Are you alright, Jungkook?” you asked after the silence seemed to go on for just a touch too long.
“Yeah, yeah… I just-“ he began, but paused for thought again. “Well first, I wanted to apologise to you. For the other day, with Changkyun. I guess I was annoyed that we’d been interrupted, but when he called me that, I just… it hurt, and I saw red. I’m working on that, I swear.” His eyes met yours as he was speaking, and you could see a sincerity there. His eyes seemed wide, almost childlike. You got glimpses of this part of him when you were together, and you learned that this was the face of truth for him. You trusted his word when he looked at you like this, because he had nowhere to hide.
“I understand, it’s not a nice word. He was out of line for that…” you agreed, reaching your palm out to his shoulder to give him a reassuring squeeze.
“Yeah… Well, we talked it out. I apologised, he apologised. We’re square.”
“I’m glad,” you smiled, but Jungkook could see the weakness still in it.
“But, I have more to apologise for – especially to you. I mean, I ruined your life,” he chuckled, with absolutely no humour to it whatsoever. “I stole from you, I made you jealous, played you. I didn’t cheat, but for all the emotional trauma I caused you I may as well have… I was a shit, ____. I’m so sorry.”
His wide eyes seemed glassy, like he was fighting back tears of regret. You hadn’t expected an apology of this nature from him, nor did you realise you needed one until he’d spoken it. But there was closure on that era now, and a slight weight from your shoulders. The fact he was even acknowledging what he had done showed growth, because you remembered vividly the insane denial he was in when you chose to leave.
“I forgive you, Jungkook.”
His head, that had dropped with his apology in shame, snapped up to look back at you.
“Y-You don’t have to… I understand if you don’t, I was such a-“
“Jungkook,” you stopped him, holding his chin in place to look at you, “I forgive you,” you said again. He looked at you with tears in his eyes, threatening to spill, and pulled you into a hug. His arms wrapped around you so strongly, like he’d been so desperate to hear you forgive him. He let a few of his tears go, whispering a ‘thank you’ into your hair as you rubbed his back.
“I, um… I wanted to show you something,” he started as he let go, sitting upright and wiping the tears from his cheeks. “Part of me worries that you might still see me as that junkie,” his nose scrunched at the word, “that addict… I wouldn’t blame you, but here,” he handed you the box he brought in with him.
You looked at him with confusion, but he nodded at you to open it, and so you unhooked the clasp, and lifted the lid.
Inside were an abundance of what looked like coins, golden and shimmering like they’d been recently cleaned, kept with care. As you picked one up, you read the inscription.
‘To thine own self be true,’ it read around the edge, with a triangle in the middle. On each edge of the triangle, ‘Unity’, ‘Service’ and ‘Recovery’. And inside it, the number one.
“That’s from day one, my welcome chip,” he explained. You looked up at him, realising what this meant.
“Narcotics anonymous?” you asked. He nodded. A swell of pride flourished in your chest.
You put the coin back, and started to drag your fingers through the rest of them, and there were a lot… One month, two months, six months, a year, two years, right the way up to five years. Five years.
“There’s a few welcome chips in there, a couple of one months… I relapsed a few times, but now it’s been over five years,” he explained. “I learned a lot about myself in that time, ____. And I’ve made the mistake of not showing you that side of me while I’ve been here.
“I guess I showed you the same Jungkook you fell for in college, but we’re not kids anymore,” he chuckled at that. “I should have shown you the new me from the start – the same Jungkook, but mature now. Well, to an extent…” he winked at you, still playful. “I know what I did wrong, I mean… our relationship was thrilling but Jesus, it was so unhealthy. We were like a couple from Euphoria or some shit, y’know?” he laughed.
“That’s exactly what it was,” you joked. A moment went by whilst the quiet settled, and you couldn’t help but run your fingers over the shine of the coins in your lap. “I’m really proud of you, Kook.”
You smiled at each other, a silent understanding between the two of you.
“I couldn’t let you go without giving you some kind of closure, ____. I’m sorry it took this long,” he reached for your hand, holding it gently in his. “If you don’t choose me today, that’s okay. The most important thing about all of this was making sure you could close the door on that chapter now. All I want is for you to be happy, whether that’s with me or with somebody else. I’ll keep working on myself either way.”
You sniffled, wiping away the few stray tears that dripped down your cheeks. You hadn’t realised you needed this, but you really did. You had healed as much as possible in the years since you left him, but this? It felt like the final stitch in an open wound.
“Thank you,” you sighed, before leaning into him to give him a soft kiss. Jungkook’s shoulders dropped, tension flowing out of him as he kissed you back.
And Jungkook simply left you to it, taking his little box of sobriety coins with him but leaving you with a slight morsel of clarity, but an immense sense of pride.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Sat in the make-up trailer, you still weren’t sure who the hell you were going to pick. As the stylists worked on your hair and painted your face, you stared at yourself in the mirror.
Your mind raced as fast as your poor heart, beating like a hummingbird’s wings in your chest. In no less than 10 minutes, you’d be walking down the path in the rose garden, confronting the three men you knew you loved in front of a live audience or God knows how many at home.
To them this was just a reality show, but to you? This was your reality. This was your life, your feelings and theirs too – Changkyun, Namjoon and Jungkook.
Three men you adored, that you wanted to keep in your lives but after today, two of them would blink from existence again.
“Five minute call!” someone shouted outside the trailer, and a swarm of butterflies erupted in your stomach. The stylists stepped away from you, ushering you towards the rack of dresses you’d worn throughout the season for each rose ceremony, the final one hanging on the end.
A simple, wine-red, floor-length gown that clung to your waist and fell to the floor, corseted at the back for a sleek fit with a sweetheart neckline and off the shoulder sleeves. Elegant, beautiful, sexy – exactly what you would expect from a season finale dress.
But you could barely focus on how you looked right now, or what you were wearing. The butterflies in your stomach were too violent, throwing themselves at your stomach walls desperate to escape. You understood – if only you could escape too.
With only two minutes left, a member of the production crew helped you step down from the trailer in your heels, and walked you to your hidden spot at the end of the path to the rose garden. You could hear the distant chatter of the host, but kept your eye on the production crew who listened to his headset intently, and began counting you down on his fingers.
He hit one, and you began to walk the path, steadily, ignoring those damn butterflies. You took your place, facing the three men you’d brought this far into the competition. They each smiled at you, but clearly all absolutely terrified.
Next to you was a table, with a small purple table cloth draped over it, and a single red rose resting, waiting for you to make your choice.
“Welcome, ____. You look beautiful, this evening,” the host welcomed you.
“Thank you,” you smiled sweetly.
“So…” he began, “this is it! In front of you, three bachelors. Only one of which, you will choose as your bachelor. _____, how are you feeling right now?”
You knew that question was coming, merely a formality of the show, but you had no idea how to answer it.
Sick. Terrified. Guilty. Torn.
“Just trying to stay calm, I think,” you joked, “This isn’t easy at all…”
The host shot you a sympathetic look. “No, I’m sure it isn’t… But ____, the time has come. If you’d like to pick up your rose…”
You did as instructed, reaching for the delicate flower and holding it gently between your fingers.
“In your own time, you must walk to your bachelor of choice, and hand over the rose.”
You’d been told beforehand that ‘in your own time’, meant you had to address each of the men individually, say a little something then take a bit of a breath before you made your choice. TV magic, of course. All so they had time to signal you, to match the tension music that only the audience could hear, to build the atmosphere.
To you, it sounded like deafening silence.
You turned to the first of the three, Changkyun.
“Changkyun…” you began.
“Hey ____,” he smiled sweetly. He looked fantastic as always, a dark navy shirt tucked into grey pants.
“I’d like to say thank you, for opening up to me and letting me break down those walls. It means a lot that you trust me,” you said. You hadn’t practised any of this, just letting yourself speak from the heart – there was no possible way you could have planned lines to memorise when your head had been racing all day.
“Of course, you made it easy,” he said, kissing his fingertips and blowing an air kiss your way. You smiled and looked down at your feet as you turned to the middle man – Jungkook.
You sighed, shoulders dropped as you looked at him – classic Jungkook, all in black.
“I can’t believe the change in you, Jungkook. I’d always hoped you could do it, for yourself. I’m so proud,” you smiled sincerely.
“You were the wake up call I needed, ____. Thank you.”
And finally, you turned to Namjoon. He looked effortlessly timeless, a black suit with a white shirt, the top button undone.
He looked visibly terrified, more nervous than the other two seemed to be. But then, maybe they were just better at hiding it. Jungkook had been hiding his truth the whole time after all, and Changkyun? Well, he too was able to mask his emotions if he felt too vulnerable.
But Namjoon wore his heart on his sleeve, and that was evident now.
“Namjoon,” you started, “I’m glad you came here.” And honestly, you so were. The air had been cleared, and you could see his growth since you had split too, his commitment to himself unwavering.
“I’m glad I did too, ____.”
The exchange was so simple, but loaded with so much that the viewers could only guess at given the footage of your talk, your argument and your passionate night together – minus the sex, of course. There had to be limits to where and when the cameras were rolling.
And now, the moment of silence to build the tension…
But your brain wasn’t silent. Instead, your brain went through every scenario again, from the past weeks in the villa, the lives you had already shared with two of them, the resolutions, the new love, the images of the possible futures…
You looked at each of them again, eyes darting between them all but Jungkook caught your eye…
He was the only one smiling, the one who didn’t look nervous. When your gaze stopped on him, his smile grew a little. Not out of cockiness, or because he thought he’d won. But what it really was, was an acceptance.
‘It’s okay,’ he mouthed to you. ‘I’m okay’.
He wanted you to know that if you didn’t choose him? That’s okay. He knew. He knew he wasn’t the one, but he had made his peace with you. He did what he came here to do, and he was happy.
You smiled and nodded slightly, understanding.
And then you took a moment, just a flash of time, to look at all three of them at once, taking all of it in.
But it became so clear, the more you looked at them all. You knew who you wanted, who you wanted all this time. And it came down to one very simple thing.
The future.
Who could you see spending your future with. Who did you want a life with?
The producer behind one of the cameras gave you your signal, and with a deep breath, your feet started to carry you.
Your head was finally quiet, the raging war inside at a ceasefire. This made sense to you, and you almost kicked yourself for not seeing it sooner. You needed that clarity though, that moment with all three of them in front of you, imagining the future you could have with all of them individually but able to really see them.
Your feet stopped, and you looked up.
It took everything in you not to laugh – his expression was one of comedic shock and disbelief.
“M-me?” he stuttered.
“You. Always you,” you replied, reaching for his hand and wrapping it around yours that held the rose.
“I want you to have this rose, Namjoon.”
His shock turned to a grin, his eyes filling with tears as he wrapped his fingers around yours, stepping a little closer to you.
Of course, it was Namjoon. It had to be him. It had always been him. You were picturing your future with him just weeks after you had met for the first time. And the thing was, that picture hadn’t changed.
He was still him, except the growth he had made personally was exactly what you had hoped for, exactly the kind of man you knew he would grow into. You realised he had been proving you right, living out the future you had planned for the two of you despite you not being in it.
But you wanted to be, and you knew you could be. The rest of your fantasy was just waiting to become reality.
“I never stopped loving you,” you cried, your own tears starting to fall as he held you.
“Neither did I. I’m so glad I found you again,” he grinned, leaning into you to give you a soft kiss. Now he knew you were his again, he was yours.
About now, the credits had started to roll on the scene, little snippets of singular interviews playing alongside the live scenes to the viewers.
You pulled apart, and turned to the other two who had graciously been applauding the two of you. Jungkook, smiling widely, happy for you. Changkyun smiling too, although a little more disappointed than Jungkook.
But you turned to hug them anyway, bringing them in to apologise – although the audience couldn’t hear it over the credits – whilst they each took turns shaking hands, giving one armed hugs and accepting their positions now.
The dust was settled, and the choice had been made. Even Changkyun had to admit, it felt like the obvious choice. Much like Jungkook, seeing you happy was quite enough for him, whether he loved you or not.
And it was. Namjoon was your obvious choice. The right choice. The one that felt right in your mind, that calmed the butterflies when you stood in front of the three of them.
You would never make the same mistake you had before. He was the love of your life, he had been since you fell for him the first time.
But your time in the villa proved that you had fallen for him again, harder than before. The foundation of a relationship felt sturdy, now.
You were satisfied with your choice. You loved Namjoon, and he loved you.
Storyline: Reader is inexperienced, in a relationship with Chan but not ready to have sex, reader surprises chan in lingerie, chan getting off to the sight of them.
Content: Mastrubation (m&f), soft dirty talk, petnames, praising, male orgasm, foreplay and aftercare.
>>pairing: jungkook x reader / dilf jk x grocery store clerk oc
>>genre: strangers to lovers, friends with benefits, smut, fluff
>>status: on going
** snacks are drabbles that can be read as stand alones. they are not relevant to the plot. they are not written chronologically, but i order them as such as i go **
most recent work will be labeled: !! NEW !!
you find a baby in your store and in turn, a dilf finds you
❥⁞ part one: the art of wanting - 10.3k words, (m)
you find a baby in your store and in turn, a dilf finds you.
❥⁞ snack: the art of caring - 4.7k words, (m)
jk picks you up after a fight with your roommates… he and nari are better company anyway!!
❥⁞ snack: gardening/pool day drabble - 1.2k words, (pg)
nari plays in the dirt while jk gardens and you make a bet
❥⁞ part two: the art of playing - 6.3k words, (m)
costumes are a must for jk’s work party… they come with the cutest heart-shaped cuffs… now what could they be used for?
❥⁞ part three: the art of craving - 6.9k words, (m)
jk takes you to a bbq at his friend’s house. the tri-tip is good but the creampie is even better.
❥⁞ snack: the art of waiting - 3.9k words, (m)
jk comes back from his business trip and he’s wearing new pjs… you must get his face between your legs.
❥⁞ part four: the art of doubting - 17k words, (m) !! NEW !!
seeds of doubt are planted and unfortunately they grow faster than love. things with jk fall apart.
➵ summary; in which serious feelings start to blossom and jungkook slowly begins to understand what he has gotten himself into. however, just as things start to fall into place, his boss returns to the office earlier than expected.
➵ series masterlist · playlist · risqué tag · taglist
pairing; jungkook x f. reader
word count; 22,291 (whoops hah)
rating; 18+
content; age gap au + (kind of) secret relationship au, smut/fluff/angst
warnings; mentions of alcohol and cigarettes, swearing, dirty talk, kissing, nipple play, dom!jk, grinding, fingering, oral sex (f & m), multiple orgasms, bondage, ass play, spit, rimming, choking, manhandling, degrading names, unprotected sex (wrap it up y’all!), cream pie
a/n; finally!! part 3 of the risqué series is here and i’m so relieved and happy to post it ugh- i hope all of you enjoy it as much as i’ve enjoyed writing it <33 here’s a reference photo (minus the eyebrow piercing) for the second last scene where oc and jungkook are in his car :) enjoy!
