When I was a kid, when I first learned about sex, I was confused. I didnāt get the concept, I didnāt understand why people did that, and sometimes I still donāt get it. I still donāt get why people get that feeling about others. I still donāt get why people feel sexual attraction. I still donāt get what sexual attraction is supposed to feel like. The only attraction Iāve ever thought was important was romantic. I hate sex. No, that sounds wrong. I hate the idea of sex just purely out of desire. I hate the idea of sex without love. I hate the idea of sex without romantic attraction. I hate the idea of purely lustful sex. The word feels gross in my mouth, the word sex has never sat right with me, because when you hear the word itās usually people talking about it in a way thatās no more than desire of hunger. I donāt want that. I want to hear about sex that stems from love, genuine romantic love. Sex that stems from years of connection. Sex that was built on trust and affection. I may be 15, I may not know what sexual attraction feels like, I may not care for it, I may not understand it, but I wish sex was talked about more in the way itās genuine love, not lust. When I hear about sex thatās out of love, respect, trust, vulnerability, it makes the feeling of sickness lessen. Each time I hear of sex built on love and gentleness, I start to hate the idea of sex a little less. But when I hear about sex thatās only a result of lust, desperation, hunger, desire, need, my hate towards it starts to grow. Sex built on nothing but desire. I wish people didnāt think of sex as something people do to just have kids. I wish sex was more thought of as a romantic and gentle thing. I hate the idea of sex without meaning, without purpose. I hate the idea of something so pure being seen as dirty just because some people do it only for the aspect of feeling something that isnāt related to romantic attraction. I yearn for a love thatās pure and gentle. I yearn for kisses out of affection and not lust. I yearn for soft touches that donāt lead to anything else.