chewed up and SPAT out

independent, selective ell from carmilla. sideblog to atomgun.

[rcgretful]

rcsurgence:

“we’ll go,” carmilla nods, turning her hand over to grasp ell’s. “the metropolitan museum of art in new york. i’ve never been, it would be a dream to sail there, to experience it all. i wanted so badly to go, yet maman insisted i stay here.”

but she can’t be bitter about it, even knowing what it was for. “i’m glad, somewhat. because i met you.”

“a museum of art - i should imagine that i hardly compare.” but ell is beyond glad that carmilla had stayed, god knows how dull her life would be without the mysterious stranger that seems to have wormed her way into her affections with little to no effort at all. 

“let’s go. there’s nothing keeping us here, imagine the adventure... we could be so far away from this place this time tomorrow. we’ll take my father’s carriage, pay somebody to return it to him.”

[rcgretful]

rcsurgence:

and once again, ell would rather believe anything except carmilla herself. just like with maman. she drags her hands down her face, wiping away the wetness on her cheeks and trying to regain some sort of composure before she speaks again.

“at first.” she wasn’t going to lie. not again. not after what happened. “you were mother’s mark. it all played out the same, you know how it happened. shelter, fast friendship. i was supposed to lead you to her. except,” carmilla exhales slowly, drops her eyes to the floor. “the feelings were real. i meant it when i said i wanted us to run away together — when we were going to run away together.”

“but maman got to you first. and you lead her to me, instead of the other way around”

“i was scared, carmilla. how was i supposed to know that she would... you know, do that to you? there were always things that never made sense about you... behaviours i could never explain. if you had just told me - why didn’t you just tell me?” 

emotions running higher than they have in a century, ell’s hands are already tightly clenched at her sides, and she has to release them, exhale deeply to control her thoughts again. there’s anger, of course, but something stirs inside her that she hasn’t felt since the last time she saw carmilla, that she had resigned herself to never feeling again. 

perhaps carmilla’s feelings had been real all along, a horrible, heartbreaking misunderstanding that she’s to blame for. “mine were real, too. i wanted to run away with you...” she still would, if it were ever a possibility. “i kept hoping you would come back for me. soon, it became too painful to even reach out to you.”

[rcgretful]

IF ANY OF Y’ALL WANT A STARTER U CAN LIKE IF U WANT

[rcgretful]

@rcsurgence 

her hand rests atop carmilla’s, and although she’s used to the lack of warmth in her touch, ell still finds comfort. “tell me more about the world. tell me about the dances again, the art and the music.” 

the stories of exotic, far-away place are her favourite - she’s barely been off of her family’s land. “tell me that we’ll go someday.”

[rcgretful]

rcsurgence:

carmilla’s winded by her words, and at this moment her heart actually doesn’t feel like it’s beating. the feeling she’d become so accustomed to over the past seven years, gone. she’d thought about an encounter like this back at silas; what she’d do if she saw ell again, if she’d appeared in one of her dreams, how ell would react to seeing her again. it never played out quite like this.

“you can’t possibly think i wanted this.” there’s a small amount of anger to her words but mostly regret, sadness. “i watched you get dragged away. i lay in blood, for seventy years, thinking about how much i wished it was me instead.” carmilla let out a gasp she didn’t know she was holding, tears escaping. “you appeared to so many girls but never me. it was never me.”

“no-” she’s being stubborn, refusing to believe this narrative. though part of her still wants to believe that carmilla is being truthful with her - part of her still does believe. “you lied to me.” 

and that still cuts deep, after all of these years. the woman she had fallen in love with such a long time ago hadn’t even been truthful about who she was. how was ell supposed to be sure about anything else? especially when she watched a con being played out over decades. 

“i saw what you did to them. you lied to them, the same you did to me - you made them sick, sick enough that they’d follow you to the grave. everything you said to me... i watched you say it again and again. was that what was next for me?”

[rcgretful]

rcsurgence:

the last thing she needed was snark. ell’s here, in front of her. carmilla wants to reach out but she can’t bring herself to move even an inch in case she somehow ruins this, ruins what must be a dream.

“let me go?” she whispers. it takes a second for it to register but carmilla quickly shakes her head, voice cracking slightly. “you think— she would never. seventy years in a coffin full of blood, left to think about what i’d led you to.”

“then how?” perhaps she’s still clutching onto some of her naivety - which had seemed to fade over the century and a half she’s been stuck here - but it doesn’t make sense that she should still be trapped here, still being punished while carmilla walked free, while she got to live.

ell’s waited far too long for this confrontation, running each and every scenario through her head, practiced holding her own in the mirror, arguing with her reflection for hours. “how is your heart beating? why do you get a life when you were the one who stole it from me?”

[rcgretful]

rcsurgence:

@rcgretful ask and ye shall receive

“ell,”

it’s been 145 years. one hundred and fourty five years since carmilla last saw her, since she had to watch her get dragged away to become a sacrifice seconds after betraying her. not a single thing about ell had changed, not even the look of disgust in her eyes.

heartbeat pounding in her ears, the brunette steps back, hand reaching out to grab the nearest object to steady herself. “you’re— i don’t understand. you’re dead.”

“a keen observation.” 

145 years that she had spent in what she had quickly convinced herself was hell. confined to a space that was between earth and somewhere much darker indeed. sometimes she wished that she had just died, ceased to exist instead of doomed to roam these halls.

all while carmilla went free. 

“and you’re not.” she clears her throat, stands taller than she did before but still can’t bring herself to meet carmilla’s eyes. “she let you go.”

[leslady79]

[rcgretful]

guess whos back

[vinstage]

[rcgretful]

A  VERY  DESCRIPTIVE  &  DETAILED  PROFILE  OF  YOUR  MUSE.

repost  with  the  information  of  your  muse,  including  headcanons,  etc. when  you’re  done,  tag  5 other  people  to  do  the  same !

TAGGED BY :  @rcspookgence​ hate u

NAME : ell rheinfeldt (no last name in her canon) AGE : 18 (162 in a verse where she’s survived inside the anglerfish) SPECIES : human GENDER : cis female ORIENTATION : lesbian PROFESSION : unemployed/student in modern verse

—————————————————————————- { PHYSICAL ASPECTS } BODY TYPE :   shes literally fuckin tiny HAIR :   dirty blonde EYES :  blue SKIN :    white af HEIGHT :   5'2″ —————————————————————————- { FAMILY } FAMILY :  deceased. SIBLINGS :  nope she all alone. ANY PETS? : nope —————————————————————————- { SKILLS } PHYSICAL PROWESS : she can deliver a p decent punch SPEED : average —————————————————————————- { LIKES } COLORS : white, light blue SMELLS :  sugar, forests, that one gross grandma soap FOOD : she has such a sweet tooth it’s INSANE DRINKS :   she likes tea she’s trash ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES? :   wine mostly, she’s a wine mom FAVORITES : BOOKS, her bed, cats

—————————————————————————- { OTHER DETAILS } SMOKES ? : nope DRUGS ? : nope DRIVER LICENSE ? : nope ): EVER BEEN ARRESTED ? n e v e r

—————————————————————————- DONE !  now  tag  some other people  to  do  it !  everybody i would’ve tagged has been tagged

[tenacioushollis-blog]

“–Fine. Tell me the truth then.”

[rcgretful]

“i WOULD, if i knew it. i don’t understand it either, but i’m here and i want to help you defeat mircalla’s mother.”

[rcgretful]

rcsurgence:

carmilla entwines their fingers and brings their joined hands further up, her free hand going to ell’s waist. the other girl’s words make her grin and her heart SWELL. “i should be careful then. while i do not wish to take you from a DESTINED lover, i am told i have quite the way with romance.”

she presses a soft, discreet kiss to the blonde’s cheek and keeps her voice low. “she is extremely lucky, to have YOU as a sweetheart.”

“i can TELL, you certainly do have a way with words, a lady like myself could easily find herself helpless in your arms.” she lets carmilla lead the dancing, to keep up with appearances, to match the countless other couples doing the same thing, for once, they were what the world would consider NORMAL.

but the kiss leaves her grinning wider than she was before, her own voice lowered to match the other’s. “believe me, the luck is MINE. such a mesmerising woman, you would hardly believe such beauty could exist in the mortal realm.”

[rcsurgence-a-deactivated2020031]

“i wouldn’t miss this for the WORLD.” she bows slightly, taking on the role she was supposed to have tonight, and brings ell’s hand to her lips. this was the one night during which they could do ANYTHING with together without the risk of being caught or found out, and with the way ell looked now – her dress, her hair – she was more than happy to spend the whole night with her.

carmilla straightens but she shows no signs of letting go of the hand clasped in her own. “can i ask you to dance?”

[rcgretful]

there are SHIVERS down her spine as she finds her lovers lips against her knuckles, it feels like they should be in secret, as if their love was something they would always have to hide away. “of COURSE-” a grin crosses her lips as she brings herself closer to carmilla, her hand resting on the brunette’s shoulder. 

“-though i should warn you, SIR...” ell leans closer, places her lips next to carmilla’s ear. if they’re going to do this, she may as well have a little FUN while they’re at it. “my heart is promised to another, and she would not be happy if she found me dancing with strange yet charming MEN tonight.”

Send me a ◕‿◕ for a gif of how my muse would like to cuddle yours.

[nootvanlis]

Carmilla’s post kiss reaction

[lauroniica]

if you’re joining my stream of carmilla s3 the link is here