Stupid, stupid, stupid. Sirius mentally cursed himself into oblivion.. Of all the bloody things to say, ‘Good to know’? He was so wrapped up in his own thoughts of stupidity that he barely had time to register the disappointment on Remus’s face. Barely.
It was in an instant that he moved – he didn’t want to actually block Remus from being able to get out, but what choice did he have? If this was how they left things, how the hell were they supposed to go on? Not to mention that this wasn’t how the conversation was suppose to go. He wasn’t supposed to not say anything and turn into the biggest Grade-A asshole and mess everything up. He was supposed to – He didn’t know exactly what he was supposed to do, but he knew for a fact it wasn’t this. Supposed to , supposed to, supposed to.
“Wait,” his voice was desperate, almost begging Remus to stay, “Just a second, I just-” But the words weren’t coming out the right way. Voice seemed to be gone and nothing he was saying had any substance to it, just a chatter of words all strung together. But he’d gotten Remus’s attention, if that counted for something.
He ran his hand through his hair, looking anywhere except at Remus, though when he spoke, slowly, that’s who he was addressing. He ran through the words in his head, trying to plan out what it was he wanted to say so something like ‘Good to know” didn’t slip out again. He never had this much trouble getting out words, let alone around one of his best friends. “Moony.” His voice cracked on the word, so he tried again, “Moony, I don’t know what I’m supposed to say, but I never know what I’m supposed to say so nothing’s really any different. Except this. This is different.” Wow, Sirius, way to point out the obvious. He took a deep breath. “I don’t know where this is even supposed to go or what this means for us or how this is supposed to work, but, y’know. It’s something. And what’s life without a little risk?”
remus stopped as sirius stepped in front of him. at least sirius was trying to keep him there instead of letting him leave. remus wanted them to be able to come to some sort of decision for whatever was going on between them. he wasn’t sure what he wanted the outcome to be, but of course he still wanted sirius; he was just scared to admit it still. despite the fact that he already basically told him. he was still nervous, standing there facing sirius.
his hands went into his pockets, not knowing what to do with them. he shifted from one leg to the other as sirius spoke, and for once it seemed that sirius black was almost unsure of himself. remus was just too awkward and inexperienced in any type of relationship, and it wasn’t like any of his friends had modeled it, so he was just as clueless as sirius was, even though he had experience in other types of relationships. remus knew that everyone else was in class based on the fact that there was no more noise or conversations going on outside of the small cupboard. but charms could wait for now. he only used it as an excuse because he just thought that sirius was trying to let him down easy.
the voice crack got remus, and he looked down at sirius with soft eyes. sirius black seemed just as nervous as he was, something that remus thought would never happen in his lifetime. as he spoke, remus could be seen actually relaxing, he didn’t realize the stress was manifesting physically. his shoulders went down from being raised slightly, and a genuine smile spread across his features as he looked at sirius.
“well, i mean. we can figure it out, right?” he stated, though it sounded more like a question. his voice sounded happier than it did before, but his nerves were still present. “see how it goes from here and go with it?”