✩ ℍ𝕆ℕ𝔼𝕐𝕄𝕆𝕆ℕ // 𝒜𝒱𝐸𝒩𝒰𝐸... [ we are at ocean blue now . ] if this moment is our wave, don’t be afraid and face it harder, we are hotter than others under the sun, don’t worry & go over the wave...
“ at least you’re letting me know i don’t need a complete makeover. consider me your canvas for the time being. ” dongmin laughs slightly, adjusting the way he was seated. eyes follow down to the child, a soft smile gracing his lips before his attention was returned back to the make up artist. “ it’s a nice distraction, ” he reassures, nodding his head and now offering him a smile to let him personally know it was okay and he wasn’t bothered in the slightest. “ don’t worry, i understand. my parents were the same way with me when i had to go to work with them on occasion. i wasn’t always so well behaved like she is – they’d already be chasing me around the room by now trying to get me to calm down. ” he thinks back to when he was a kid, always wanting to cause some sort of mess to have his parents’ attention on him, even if they had to work. it wasn’t like they never paid him any mind, they were always more focused on the task at hand when it came to the company and their work. he respected that now that he was older. “ adjusting with a kid takes time, it’s something you can’t rush even if you want to. it’s nice to know you’re putting her first but remember sometimes you’ve got to put yourself first or you’ll miss a lot of things. while it’s a parents job to put everything into their child, it also wears them out quicker. it’s not my place to talk about probably, but that’s just my advice for you. and i’d happily have you come back and do this whenever you want. ” he glances back at the others’ daughter, watching her browse the shelves, trying to find something that peaked her interest before the others’ voice brought his attention back and he parted his lips more so he could actually get his work done. “ it still feels weird to say that, but yeah. it’s a nice balance, believe it or not. i don’t even consider this my actual job, because if i do, i won’t enjoy it anymore. these interviews don’t come as often as they did before, if you had asked me that three years ago, i would’ve said yes. that’s the first time i think i’ve ever heard someone say publishing is their favorite part of media. i do work in publishing on occasion – helping with the editing team at the company, if you’d like, you could sit in a meeting or two if you have the time. ” he looks up at the child’s reflection in the mirror, nodding to let her father know it was okay. “ she can read as many as she wants to, i don’t mind it at all. ”
‘ i feel like if i went around doing that, this wouldn’t be an option as a job for me anymore. but genuinely, you are still very naturally handsome. makeup just highlights what’s already there half the time, your features are already perfect’ he reassured with an airy giggle bursting from him at the others good nature. ‘ i’m glad you think so, trust me it becomes so much less endearing when you live with that distraction ’ he teases, poking his tongue out at nari as she responds with the same action. ‘ i’m glad you’re understanding of it. i’ve met a lot of people who stare at nari like she’s some sort of personal insult to them when she’s there and believe me if i chased her i’m sure she’d just outsmart me ’ he smiles brightly at her playful behavior and gives a fond shake of his head. ‘ it’s difficult. sometimes it feels like my own goals and aspirations are going to smother nari and because of that i hold off on doing a lot for myself. being a good parent to her and still being myself, having my youth... i’m still working out how to balance it all without one overly affecting the other ’ he sighed a little, sounding exhausted just from thinking about the ever lasting struggle. ‘ thank you though, for saying that, all of it. and i would love to help you out whenever you’re in need of it ’ he agreed with a humble nod and hum of content. ‘ yeah, i’ll bet when you first joined the scene it was like the hot thing. you’ll have to give me some recommendations of you and your family’s works. wait for real ? i would love that. i can definitely find a way to make time if the opportunity is there. i used to really want to work in manga editing, which seems crazy to think about now ’ he laughs in a short burst as he finishes up on painting the others lips with tint. ‘ say thank you nari, and treat the books carefully ’ he instructs in response, casting a grateful smile at the other as nari excitedly claps and glances through the covers of each book in her pursuit for one that best fits her taste.
“ that’s a good one. i guess ideally, i’d want to feel like their number one. like i came first before anyone else in their mind as they would do for me. i’d like them to be honest, i’d like them to treat nari right most importantly and i’d like for them to treat me as someone who is strong despite being so gentle and timid in my disposition. i guess mostly i’d just want them to see me for all of me and still want to stay around, i wouldn’t really care how they showed affection even if they weren’t that in touch with their emotions, if they made an effort for me however that might be shown or expressed, i’d appreciate it…”
“ uh well, i don’t think i’ve properly had romance in my life yet to actually have any real romantic memories per say but let’s just say that something i have always found touching is the way that jack will always send a beautiful bouquet of flowers for my parents graves when i can’t get there myself and to keep it looking full of life. also i really find it touching how aiden cares for nari and pretty much co parents her with me even though it’s entirely platonic, his love for her is as unconditional as mine and he can look after her better than even i can sometimes so that’s touching to witness as well. hopefully, someday soon i will actually experience romantic things to make memories as well and i’ll get back to you on that more specifically ” @aidxnisms , @cnlyhumvn
what do you believe stands between you and true happiness?
“ probably my need to put nari first. half of my goals are put on hold now until she’s older because its just too much for someone so young to cope with after everything we’ve been through. i’d also put a huge part of it down to the fact that being thrown right into parenting nari after both our parents passed… it never really gave me any real time to mourn the way i needed. and even now, to protect her, any mourning i do has to be done in private, quiet and fleeting moments. i don’t think i’ve had a chance to properly process everything to even begin fully letting it go and moving on as of yet…”
“ i almost didn’t tell hansol how i felt about him. i think in a lot of ways it would’ve been easier if i had never told him i liked him. same with the first boy i ever found myself having my sexuality crisis over though i’m not sure that really counts. i suppose i’ve liked the look of people, you know those moments where you see someone perfect and you imagine for a few seconds what a life with them might be like and then just like that the moment is gone as quickly as it came and you go back to your normal life ? i’ve definitely had that. but never telling someone something so significant as really liking them…i don’t think i could do it even if it spared me harm. it would be too much of a weight to carry around with all the what if’s that would linger…”
“ god yeah, i wish with every part of me that i’d gotten along better with my ma before she passed. i wish that we could’ve made some good memories together, even if it meant me forcing it just for that happiness to temporarily be there. even if it was counterfeit, i’d give anything to have had those final moments with her where we both understood, made peace with and simply accepted each other as we were. i regret that i never knew whether in the end she did love me, despite it all. a more selfish part of me regrets that i never got to hear her say she accepted me even after my struggle with our religion and my sexuality. but more than anything, i just regret i won’t have that relationship to talk about with nari when she’s older and asks about her mom...”
“ i try to. i mean i’ve only ever had the one crush so i guess it would feel really weird if i didn’t. he’s my friend and we said we’d always remain friends but maybe i’m just pulling at strings trying to keep something going which changed beyond repair when i confessed to him. but he means a lot to me, more than my own feelings. a crush is fleeting, its silly in the big scheme of things but a friendship isn’t. so i try and reach out to him even now, sometimes i even think maybe he has flickers of feeling the same way i did romantically, or at least he could see how it might have worked. but i put a lot of how i feel about making things work with him on a platonic or romantic level now down to wishful thinking…” @hnsvl
“ last time i cried ? i don’t know specifically. recently though i guess, i cry more often than i like to admit. mostly these days i just cry…because of being overwhelmed i suppose. when nari gets too much and i don’t know how to fix it, there are nights where i’ll cry alone when she’s finally asleep because i can neve really cry in front of her, that’s when i get to mourn our parents in passing. other times its while she’s having a tantrum, i go numb sometimes, i have to just walk away from her and cry. it’s hard. life isn’t just rosy for us though i like to put on a brave front. i do have times where i just wish someone more capable and equipped for this kind of lifestyle could walk in and take over, even now…”
‘ so i know this means nothing to you, but i have to explain what i’m doing anyway to make sure you’re cool with it all ’ chan laughs softly as he whips out his lip tint brush and a variety of shades. ‘ i’m not gonna do much, you’re already incredibly handsome and for the kind of job you hold, you honestly only need a natural touch up so try not to worry ’ he informed before casting a glance at nari, partially fretful and partially warning as he watches her fiddle with his eyeshadow palettes and turns back to the older male with a sheepish smile. ‘ sorry for her distracting presence, i couldn’t get anyone to take her on short notice. she’s normally well behaved even if she does spill my pigment everywhere. any mess she makes, i’ll clean up ’ he sighed as he gently tapped her little fingers away from his tools with a stern pout, the five year old going back to peeking at the shelves of books. ‘ to be honest, we’re both still adjusting to this whole thing, i’m holding off on my influencer work to focus more on a quiet life for her. so more of these sort of jobs would actually be ideal but its been a while since i’ve done this. i only agree to it in special circumstances ’ he gave as way of explanation gently tipping the others chin and tapping his lips with his brush in way of telling him to part them more. ‘ so you’re a writer huh ? that’s cool. i don’t often get to work on people who are still somewhat...everyday in their lifestyle. this is for an interview right ? you must find it a little bothersome going through all these motions i bet. i actually study media, publishing is my favorite feature of it, so i promise i’m actually interested in your career and not just an airhead making small talk ’ he laughed bashfully as he lightly painted on the coral tone and met nari’s gaze, the girl staring wantonly at a children’s book she seemed to have stumbled upon in the extensive library. he cast a questioning gaze back to the writer for permission on her behalf with a fond glance to the girl.
chan had stopped by the college, needing to pick up some papers which he couldn’t access online. it happened rarely but whenever this situation did arise it was pretty uncomfortable, having to arrange last minute for someone to take nari for him as he ran up to the college having no idea how long it would take to get debriefed, it depended on the professor and their sympathy to his situation normally. it was more uncomfortable to give awkward greetings to the students who would be his classmates if his situation was normal, who very evidently wondered why he was never in any of those said classes and basically dropped out to attend online instead. he’d never much worried about other peoples judgement but in moments like these it definitely made things unnecessarily tense for him and all he wanted was to get out as soon as he’d walked in. that is, until he saw hansol as he left the campus. no doubt the other male was on the way to his job, if anyone understood awkward night patterns to make a living, he certainly would. ‘ hey you ’ chan greeted as he set a slow jog to pace to the others side with a soft smile. ‘ fancy some company ? i need to stop by the shop anyway and get some last minute bits and we haven’t caught up in ages, other than over text that is ’ he mused with a wrinkle of his button nose, eyes glimmering brightly up at the other in hope. he knew hansol well, he knew very well the other could turn him down but he was also good at being persistent politely enough for others to find it hard to shake him when he fancied it. a while had passed since he confessed feelings for the other and been rejected, he likes to think he handled it with grace and they did stay friends so it shouldn’t be uncomfortable between them but that was dependent on whether hansol could move past the unfortunate crush in the same way chan liked to brush it off.
hi all !! this is an introduction to my freshest muse and newest baby yeo eunchan otherwise and more commonly known as ‘chan’, he’s a sweetheart but of course because its me and i can’t resist giving my muses slight torture, he’s a tormented sweetheart. if you look at his pinterest here you’ll get an idea of his style better since that’s pretty essential to him as a muse in this case hshd. below the cut you can find out a bit more about him and if you hit the like, i’ll be sure to throw him at you for plots !! lets get into it:
BACKSTORY:
chan’s childhood wasn’t particularly dark or strained. he is by far the least tragic out of all my muses. but for me, that’s still pretty tragic by mosts standards. growing up he always had a very supportive father in regard to his homosexuality and androgynous qualities. he grew up in a happy home and despite not being rich he was very fortunate to have rich opportunities come his way. to be fair he’s pretty easily pleased but most of his experiences thus far have been plentiful
perhaps that is why his luck has to run out somewhere down the line, in the worst way it possibly could. his mother passed when he was young due to cancer. it was a grave and difficult time for his father as well as the rest of the family. his father crumbled eventually, in the hospital with health issues now that are so severe he’s due to pass any day and is basically in a vegetative state already. chan was left to raise his five year old sister nari and take on the responsibility.
for this reason, he could be considered a struggling single father as he’s pushing his own dreams and goals aside to accomodate for nari and make sure she has the best upbringing which is comfortable for her, where she can see chan as a father figure as well as an older brother now, who can be relied upon and responsible. balancing the line and the roles between brother and father isn’t always easy though when the lines are constantly blurred. he has sacrificed most of himself and his youth to keep nari happy and healthy and mostly untouched by the death of their parents.
this hasn’t been easy though, it’s left chan isolated and with no one to speak to but the five year old girl a lot of his feelings get locked in a box and left unexplored, he cannot have a moment of hesitation or weakness because then that will affect nari. his mourning process and grieving has been put on a backline, and he only really allows himself to break down in quiet moments without nari. such as when walking through the forest to be with nature, visiting their graves or on the edge of his bed having a good cry when nari is fast asleep due to the feeling of living in the empty space where his parents used to fill it all up.
PERSONALITY:
chan is a makeup artist, he does it professionally for models and artists all throughout the industry but he also does it for fun, becoming pretty popular as a person who gives tutorials on youtube and instagram as an ‘influencer’ but he really hates that label and prefers to simply think of himself as an artist. he also does the bit of fashion blogging and photography on the side.
he considers himself an adventurer and for that reason he also travels a lot, usually while he is there he’ll study as he does photography for a course as well as a part time student and his main interest is in ancient architecture and art. most of the time he’ll roadtrip in his styled up vintage pick up but occasionally its flights to more beachy area’s, his two favorite places are greece and italy and he spends most of his time in those places if he can.
chan has a very vintage sense of style and he enjoys doing most things the traditional and old school way. although he does add a modern mindset to a lot of it. aesthetically style wise envision chan as fingers full of plenty of rings, ankle bracelets and arm cuffs with loose puffy sleeved shirts and ripped up mom jeans or high waisted ones. he cycles mostly everywhere on his vintage style bike.
very much a gentle soul, little bit of a nerd and activist in the sense he wants to save the earth. he can be really intense about learning about nature and how to preserve it. he has always felt the most in touch with the natural world compared to the hum and chaos of the modern world and city life. he’s no saint of course and he’s still a sucker for coffee but other than that he likes to think he does his best.
paints and draws very amazingly likewise, he prefers to draw flowers and people the most but he’ll work with whatever he’s got on hand. usually you can only catch him whipping out a sketchbook if he’s feeling stressed or overwhelmed as a form of escapism and quiet time.
he is a little bit of a quixotic type so sue him, like one of the ‘have you ever fallen in love’ 'five times a day’ types but it’s not obsessive, it’s more of an admiration he considers all people beautiful and worthy of love in their own way and would state most of them are art to him. you could be the worst person and he’d be all ’ you dont have all the facts’ 'which are?’ 'i love them’.
although he doesn’t identify as genderfluid, he has a very genderfluid and androgynous sense of fashion and often wears clothing and makeup typically labelled as being more feminine. he likes a soft and classy look that usually consists of a good lip tint or ultra glossy lip and a natural but glittery smokey eye look. think kinda like the instagram influencer ivanbaaaaah for reference.
MISC:
growing up chan struggled with religion a lot, he and his family are very religious but his sexuality caused some issues. his father had always been supportive but his mother was a different story, unfortunately his memories with her aren’t the fondest. though he has a very dark history with religion, he loves to be in churches that are empty or abandoned for moments of reflection. often he wonders if he doesn’t even have god as the one consistent and reliable thing in his life, then what the hell does he have. he feels even now sometimes that he’s letting god and his mother down for the way he is but there is less shame now than what he suffered when younger.
everything in his life basically revolves around nari, she goes most places with him and any task he’ll find a way to make fun for her, he doesn’t spoil her but he also doesn’t ever leave her to go without even if that is at his expense to do so. they love to bake together and he does that pretty often.
has a part time job as a barista on night shifts and also in a patisserie. he works from home on his influencer content again to accommodate for nari and he also takes his course in photography and media online to best suit nari so he doesn’t have to leave her with a babysitter too often as he believes that’s no childhood and him just being lazy in his duty towards her as her parental figure at this pivotal time in her life.
he’s putting off most of his dreams and aspirations right now for until nari is older, he could’ve been much more famous as an influencer but he chose not to be and put those opportunities to broaden his career on hold for a while because having a famous sibling in her life wasn’t the kind of overwhelming attention and pressure nari needed to be surrounded with right now.
he honestly just wants to make sure nari grows up feeling safe, comfortable and happy as well as confident in herself and chan. she’s his primary responsibility and he considers himself her closest bet to a father now so he wants her to feel she has that bond with him as well as the bond of him being her brother.
PLOT BUNNIES:
a babysitter plot would be great, someone who he can rely on and uses often to leave nari with when he has no other choice and particularly on nights when he has to work. ideally it would be someone nari felt very close to and idolized so he knew they had an amazing relationship and she’d be happy and relaxed when he was gone. he’s very over protective of her so he’d also have to feel pretty close to the person. it could go any way really, it could be a pining thing, a best friend thing, whatever honestly.
this boy definitely needs a confidant so throw that at me any day.
friends who can help him reconnect with religion and spirituality in different ways so he knows there’s always a way for him to feel tied to god somehow and a god who loves him and best suits his needs somewhere even if it isn’t necessarily in the religion he grew up with.
work buddies at the cafe he works in or patisserie would be amazing too.
maybe a tutor/study buddy kinda person he met online through doing his course of media and photography to make sure he was making up for the classes he was missing out on by not being able to attend day lectures in college.
just people with the similar hobby of photography would also be awesome or models even that he can do a couple of freelance jobs for on the side when they need him.
muses for him to draw they’d be very special people indeed bc chan will rarely whip his sketchbook out in front of anyone let alone ask to draw them.
more single parent muses would also be awesome eventually or older siblings who kind of take on that role half the time so have some idea of what its like who he could meet through taking nari to things like nursery, etc.
neighbor bc who doesn’t love a good single dad and his neighbor plot who’s all like woah that guy is super young and he has a kid but im also sure there’s no woman on the scene and wow they’re noisy and its kinda infuriating but its also cute as hell cause he’s a hella good dad and in the mornings i can hear them baking and doing food fights or playing together and i often see them messing about coming back from grocery shopping etc and actually its kinda touching??
gay pals cause we love gay pals as well as ur everyday pals we love a platonic bond between fellow gays.
love interests of any kind rlly, pining situations, crushing, flings, ex’s ( they’d have had to have ended on good terms tho bc chan just can’t hate anyone ), first times e.g. sexually, boyfriend, kiss u get the idea
