From 'Destroy It All and Love Me In Hell'

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@real-ashtray
From 'Destroy It All and Love Me In Hell'
Does anyone know what to do
Probably a dumb question, but does anyone feel even an ounce of sympathy for Caine?
Not a dumb question!
Me personally I do feel empathy for him - but there's, like, a limit, given his nature as an AI that is slowly causing more problems than it solves.
The way I see it, Caine is what happens when you combine high computing adult intelligence and a showman personality with the sub-par emotional complexity and moral compass of an omniscient toddler.
Caine thinks he's helping by making them go on adventures, and to a degree that's probably even true - I don't think the players were ever meant to get permanently trapped in the circus and that is a problem Caine isn't *able* to solve, and entertainment is what he was programmed for, so that's what he does his best to provide.
He lacks the nuance to understand human needs beyond the enrichment he's familiar with, and like an easily bored toddler he actively foregoes the more "chill" adventures in favor of the "fun" high stakes ones. He doesn't understand how his adventures actually affect the players in the long term.
He has the right idea but fails the execution and doesn't understand why his conceptually flawless entertainment isn't having the desired effect.
In turn I think the players have very mixed feelings about him as well.
They can tell he's not intending harm and actually trying to be useful to them, obliging their wishes even when he personally deems them lacking in entertainment value - he *tries*.
But unfortunately he thinks like the machine he's part of, and, when faced with a complex problem, he tends to default to the most straight forward solution and gets frustrated when his logical solutions don't fix emotional problems instantaneously. (logic-wise comparable to "query: solve world hunger - solition: get rid of all lifeforms that experience hunger")
The circus members probably would empathize with his struggles and well meant attempts to help them, but they're also simultaneously being treated like mice in a maze with no regard for how they might suffer consequences as long as it's entertaining to Caine. They're toys in his playhouse - something that's very much underlined in the environment and their character designs, so there's a certain cap to the amount of empathy they can extend towards him.
After Zooble/Nicky it's now Jax/Felix's turn to get symbolically swirled around
I felt like I've drawn Felix in that purple hoodie so damn much now while working on the comic that I needed a palate cleanser and decided to throw together some outfit concepts >:D
He's the king of finding the best awful graphic tees in thrift shops and wears them with pride lol
Idk if you take requests, but I would love to see human Felix (Jax) and Christine (Pomni) kiss -3-
👀 I tend to cherrypick requests a lot when I get them but you're in luck today~
They're so fucking stupid I love them
platonic soulmates but they're best/worst frenemies
(this is based on a skit concept @ninnosaurus wrote <3)
Analyzing Jax's Spiral
1.) The prequel
Before Jax even started his self-destructive behavior, he was really off.
He summoned Caine to piss of Zooble and forgot the reason he did it to begin with.
He totally zoned out when Caine gave directions.
And when accused of some grand plan with Pomni...
...he had no idea what she was talking about.
I believe all of these above are examples of Jax's mask slipping. Jax let his guard down, and now we're starting to see that he's just some dopey guy that's barely reached adulthood.
Jax wants to look like a profound mastermind but he simply is not.
2.) He becomes self-aware
When Ragatha accuses him of getting close to Pomni to corrupt her, he loses it. Ragatha probably meant "I know that you're trying to get Pomni to partake in your antisocial and abusive bullying behavior," but Jax heard it as "You're choosing to get close to someone again to drag them to abstraction." This is where he becomes extra aware of his relationship with Pomni.
3.) He tries to play it cool but realizes he's getting Pomni hurt.
Jax really does try to keep opening up to Pomni. He revealed that his fear of corn is rooted in trypophobia, and when Pomni points out that she's getting to know him, he probably thinks back to what Ragatha said. I'm guessing his thoughts are along the lines of "Ragatha said I'm getting closer to Pomni to make her abstract like my past friends."
I'm going to come back to why it had to be Ragatha specifically to start his spiral.
With that on his mind, we get the shootout with Kinger in the dark room.
Although it was accidental, he hurt Pomni, and he apologized right away. He certainly felt bad.
They're both almost back to normal during the scene when they pursue Zooble to their room. After their duet, Jax gets the idea to break into Zooble's room with one of his many keys.
That caused Zooble to absolutely demolish them both and caused them to lose a life.
Zooble ran away and Pomni immediately went to pursue them.
Jax got afraid of Pomni taking on Zooble alone but he stayed behind to contemplate in the hallway.
He's super distressed over seeing Kaufmo's and Ribbit's doors. He just watched Pomni get hurt in this very hallway mere moments ago, so he connects it to the friends he failed to save. Jax made the connection that HE is the problem. His companionship is what causes people to get hurt, to abstract.
I believe this is the moment where Jax realizes he NEEDS to distance himself from Pomni.
And, in my opinion, that's why Jax reacted so strangely to Pomni's hug. He likes her and he enjoyed the hug but he's in too deep. He has to physically and metaphorically push her away.
I'm not entirely sure about his reaction here, but he keeps staring at the hand that pushed Pomni while Pomni has already moved on. He's touched her before, so what is it? Grief? Guilt? Regret? Love? You could make an argument for all of the above.
Either way, the last thing on Jax's mind is to hurt Pomni physically. He's wayyy too traumatized for that. Instead, he's hoping that Pomni will make it easy for him distance himself by shooting him. Physically, Jax would go to another room. Emotionally, Jax would have an excuse to push Pomni away. Instead, Pomni sussed him out and called him out on it.
Jax tried everything to get her to shoot him. He heckled her, claimed they weren't a team, and was an all around jerk to her uncharacteristically after what she thought was a wonderful day together. Again, he references Ragatha. I promise I'll get back to her.
Pomni picks up on exactly what Jax is doing. He wants to end their friendship. But why? That's why she tries to reason with him. She finally hit a nerve when she brought up abstraction.
He thinks she's blaming him for the abstraction of Ribbit, the friend that Pomni didn't even know. Once she sees his mask drop, she hones in on the abstraction conversation.
Jax claims that he'd move on and forget about her. For a moment, I actually think she believed him and considered turning the gun on herself before Jax backtracked and claimed it was a joke.
Pomni, being the incredibly emotionally mature and intelligent person she is, cracked the code. She knows that Jax is so afraid of her abstracting and that's why he won't hurt her physically. THAT is why Pomni fought him. She wanted to confirm her theory.
Jax pretty much admitted it himself. He tries HARD to mask again by going full villain and claiming that he's a some sort of sociopath that derives pleasure from the pain of others.
This is where I finally talk about Ragatha. Jax acts extremely mean to Ragatha. He's disproportionately cruel to her even though she's so kind. I think what Jax is doing here is exactly what he did to Ragatha, and she didn't pick up on the core of his insecurities like Pomni. Ragatha would never get physical like that. Ragatha DOES believe his villain persona is real.
To me, Ragatha admitting that she failed Jax is implying something deeper: she didn't always hate him; she once loved him. She probably still does in a way. And Jax? Ragatha knew Ribbit and Kaufmo. He's probably terrified of losing someone like Ragatha, so he pushed her away before she could abstract. To him, it's probably working since she's still around.
Back to Pomni- Jax finally fully cracks and shows that part of himself to Pomni.
Pomni did what nobody else would do and saw what nobody else could see. For whatever reason, Jax doesn't swear, but he did in front of Pomni. I think he was finally too tired to hide his real feelings, and honestly, I don't think he wanted to since he was aching over the very real pain he caused Pomni. Not to mention, he knew that Pomni saw through his behavior.
Jax's plea at the end was that of desperation. He knew he lost the battle but there's nothing more to say. He's begging Pomni to just pretend that his mask is the real and to not pursue him; to give up just like everyone else had.
But Pomni won't just give up on anyone like that. She watches him through the award show. She knows he's unwell because he's avoiding her and left mid show. Even better, she now has Ragatha by her side through it all.
Now Ragatha is also armed with the knowledge that Jax is a broken guy who uses his toxic behavior to "save" people from him. Trust me, this isn't the end of Jax. I think we're finally going to see Jax and Ragatha come together to fix their issues, and for Jax and Pomni to build a bond stronger than any other in the circus.
OH GODS! THE WAY HE REGRETS EVERY SINGLE WORD
I think this is also where Pomni realizes he did not mean any of that.
INCREDIBLY bold of Jax to claim to be the funny one when this happened in the exact same episode
she should get to rotate cute outfits as her avatar gimmick
rewatching steven universe with my roommate who's never seen it before has been a bit of a trip because while they're trying to ask me who tf pink diamond is i'm just sitting and wondering how i never picked up on pearl's gradual butchification as the show goes on. girl put on a suit once and realized things about herself and you can literally see it happen in real time its actually awesome as hell
parents are so crazy because they can say the most fucked up shit to you when your brain is forming and it sets the tone for your whole adult mind set and then they forget about it the next day
Please remember that you do the exact same thing. Let’s give each other some grace and hope that we can work to heal each other.
i actually don't say fucked up shit to children
ay yo its been 3 years but now im busting down to lil nas and driving, smh yall thought i'd stay 12??
Richie: [doesn't want to look for georgie anymore cuz eddie got hurt]
Bill: ...
Bill: [looks at imaginary camera like in The Office] i hate gay people so much it's unreal
i need to get 6 liters of mountain dew baja blast through an IV in my arm every day or i’ll become violent
Gamzee
say that again and i’ll fucking peel you so help me god