[ohbeauregard]

[rob-walks-deactivated20210614]

[neofriend-deactivated20160823]

[elizabitchtaylor-deactivated202]

When my aunt was in her late 20s people used to rudely ask her “Why aren’t you married yet?” and she’d reply “Just lucky, I guess” which I think is one of the best things I have ever heard

[grimwitted]

My roommate likes to dress my dog up while I’m at work.

[viralthings]

The woman I’m planning to marry showed me this pebble that looks like a guitar pick and with an entirely straight face said “it’s for rock music.”

[sheepkind]

marry her faster

[chaossmagic]

@trufflemores

[lemonwafers]

the aroma of freshly baked bread, hand-picked berries, an ocean view, sandalwood floors, body wrapped in a silk robe, a home filled with the sound of laughter and the warmth of love

[emolyf]

me: *turns off phone*

me: ..i have disconnected from technology..!..i am one with the earth plants trees..birds…modern civilization is just corporate control…look at the stars look how they shine for you 

[unbotheredmuse]

a lack of communication can really fuck up a lot of good shit

[friendlyneighbourhoodpizzaman]

i love old ladies

i’m at the bus stop and these two very old ladies suddenly recognize each other and very sincerely one goes “holy shit you’re still alive!!” and the other says “i’m gonna outlive my husband if it kills me”

[stardusht]

[caressers]

[honeybpd]

the government, watching me from the cameras: “the lack of motivation on this girl. incredible.”

[stromcuzewon]

god, i haven’t cha cha slid since high school

[cultofthepigeon]

ive never seen the cha cha slide refered to in past tense and i am fucking shaken

[chavdog]

We really need to start making older men AFRAID of seeing girls in their late teens as potential partners.

‘But she’s so emotionally mature’

No NONCE she ain’t!!!!! ‘Emotionally mature’ compared to what? She’s a baby!!! Her willingness to carry YOUR bullshit and nurse your ego is not emotional maturity!

Men are just scared to date women their own age bc they are so transparently fucking pathetic and selfish and utterly undesirable and know that women w more life experience will recognise those things about them immediately. Fucking losers

[tami-taylors-hair]

Y’all, this Moore spokesman’s stunned silence when Jake Tapper tells him you don’t have to swear on a Bible to join Congress is a-mee-zing. 

[lorileadfoot-deactivated2020072]

This bitch short circuited is he okay

[palacestore-deactivated20200707]