Real Life 4 the Basic Bitch

Lifestyle. Beauty. Dating. Fashion. Music. Sarcasm. Tmw you want to throw yourself in front of a train, but you grab wine, a bath bomb, and read Chrissy Teigen tweets instead...we got you.

[reallife4thebasicbitch]

[reallife4thebasicbitch]

The best way to get over someone is to get under...

(Sub girl if that’s your thing. We get that too, but are also too lazy to do dude/lady throughout, so use that awesome imagination ladies)

...a millennial pink shirpa blanket with some Halo Top? the fizz of that glittery black bath bomb (I’m a basic witch, ok)? your iPhone X for the perf insta revenge pic? someone?

If you’re asking us, probably all of them.

Whether you did the dumping or he did, we all go through the, “I never want him back,” “He’s going to realize it doesn’t get better than me,” “I’m not even hurting,” and “OMG how will I go on.” ALL OF THEM. And maybe some more if you’re crazy like we are.

So what’s a basic bitch to do?

In no particular order:

Cry that shit out. Curl up in that blanket that costs too much with that food everyone keeps telling you to stop eating (yes mom, I can survive on Diet Coke, Lean Cuisine pizza, and Halo Top- stop sending me those articles). Binge that TV show you don’t admit you watch- preferably on his Netflix if you still have the logon- jk, sort of. Txt your girls (or guy BFFs) until they are tired of your moping.

Take a bath. Let’s been honest- you’ve been in sweats and your hair is greasy. Until you prune. Pull out the candles. Great time for a facial mask. Grab some wine (put the bottle on the side of the tub bc you’ll want more. Also put a towel there bc you’ll be using your phone to still snap your BFFs about how much he sucks, but you still JUST DON”T KNOW). Drop in that glittery black bath bomb that might not be from Lush bc they don’t sell glittery black ones bc maybe they aren’t organic or something. Bonus points if you boomerang dropping in the bath bomb or do a bath tub leg shot for the gram (Make sure you don’t have all that shampoo bottle clutter on the side of the tub. He is still stalking your ig at this point.). Put on the the break up jams. Double bonus points for acoustic versions of jams bc they are sadder. Recommended:

Eamon- Fuck It

Childish Gambino- Redbone 

Jhene Aiko- The Worst 

Civil Wars- Poison and Wine

A Great Big World, Christina Aguilera- Say Something 

The Weeknd- Coming Down https://youtu.be/WVg1mbxTkFo

Bon Iver- Skinny Love https://youtu.be/ssdgFoHLwnk

Now you might be feeling a little empowered. You’re clean. You’re soft from whatever the fuck was in the bath bomb (You’re ignoring the ring it left in the tub bc...hey, you’re sad, deal later). This is the, “Fuck him, he’s not getting better than this,” stage. Do your hair. Do your makeup. Put your powder on before you’re foundation so you look extra smooth (I’ll do a post on this later). Make a plan to go out with your ladies. Like a few plans. For a few days. We need instagram material. He’s still watching. He needs to know you can’t get a good bitch down. Plus all the thirsty boys will swoop in with the “damn” comments and that’s not gonna hurt your feelings. You may be sad, but do the damn thing. Go to dinner and whine a lot, but look fab in those pics.

So you’ve been rotating through these and there’s still no contact, he’s being an ass, or you’re deciding it is really over?

Let’s talk about moving on. We’ve all heard the best way to get over someone is to get under someone. And maybe that’s true for you. If it is...get it girl (Safely...people be gross Sidenote: If he cheated, by now you should have been tested. In not, GO NOW bitch. Plus someone is going to tell him they saw you on tinder so just keep that in mind)! If that’s not you...consider txting an old faithful. Someone that will flirt, but that there’s not the pressure to sleep with. Especially good for this is people that live far away. There’s prob an actually good guy you know somewhere that is willing to listen to you moan and tell you you’re pretty. No pressure to send stuff. You’re not trying to get in a relationship here, just remember you are wanted without having to leave the couch or go to dinner or drinks. Don’t lead someone on, because then you’re an asshole, but feeling pretty will not hurt you. Especially while you sit under that shirpa in some sweats binging teen dramas again.

Eventually it will be ok (we know you already heard that 4.676896 billion times). But like, it will. Remember, basic bitches are bad bitches too.

[little-shop-of-nola]

Who Dat 🖤⚜️💛

[reallife4thebasicbitch]

Hey pockyway

[reallife4thebasicbitch]

Getting my Curl Back, Bitch

So basically my hair got fried trying to go blonde. While I loved being blonde, I love having curly hair more. It’s just who I am. I was real upset considering I have been trying to grow my hair out for a year now and I had to cut it all off. I was fighting a panic attack after I got out of the shower from being at my hair stylist, and my hair wouldn’t curl. Wtf?? You guys, I trusted the salon. But y’all just gotta know you can’t treat curly hair the same as you can straight hair. It CANNOT handle double processing bleach. Anyways these are the things I’m doing to get my curls back to health. I would rather have short healthy hair than longer unhealthy hair. 

1) protein and oil treatments: specifically castor oil on my roots, coconut oil on the ends, and SILK 18 conditioner that I got from #amazon. All of these things are amazing. 

2) I can’t live without the diffuser, flat iron, and curling iron so you peeps who are like “I air dry everyday” can suck it. I have very curly hair so y’all don’t know the struggle. I believe you can do this stuff but in moderation and as long as the heat’s not too high and you don’t do it too often. I’ll straighten or curl my hair into waves and not touch it until wash day. Honestly it’s way easier than wearing it natural and having to style it everyday. I’m gonna rock this bob damn it. But #lengthgoals are still my dream. 

3) I’m not going to color my hair anymore. I colored it back to (more or less) my natural color and just gonna let it do its thang from here. I have a pretty nice deep auburn natural color and don’t want to deal with coloring my hair. I’m a busy RN and keeping up with blonde was way too much for me. It included a double process every time. I just couldn’t deal. 

4) Trims every 3 months or whenever I need it. Y’all my hair was fried. it just hung like noodles every time I got out of the shower. I had to cut it ALL off and its still not the same. 

5) REMEMBER there are worse things in life than dealing with hair trauma. As a nurse, I worked at the child cancer chemo therapy center. It BREAKS your heart when a teenage girl with BALD patches says to you, I just wish I had your hair. STAY HUMBLE. STAY APPRECIATIVE.

6) As always, Kimberly Schlapman of Little Big Town is what I aspire to be. 

[reallife4thebasicbitch]

[reallife4thebasicbitch]

Playlist ATM, bitch. Some of these are older but still amazing and I never get tired of listening.

1) Tove Lo “Stay High”

2) Twenty One Pilots “Ride”

3) Cardi B “Bartier Cardi”

4) G Eazy, Cardi B, A$AP Rocky “No Limit”

5) Lil Peep “Save that S**t”

6) Calvin Harris (f. Lil Yachty and Kehlani) “Faking it”

[reallife4thebasicbitch]

Getting my Curl Back, Bitch

So basically my hair got fried trying to go blonde. While I loved being blonde, I love having curly hair more. It’s just who I am. I was real upset considering I have been trying to grow my hair out for a year now and I had to cut it all off. I was fighting a panic attack after I got out of the shower from being at my hair stylist, and my hair wouldn’t curl. Wtf?? You guys, I trusted the salon. But y’all just gotta know you can’t treat curly hair the same as you can straight hair. It CANNOT handle double processing bleach. Anyways these are the things I’m doing to get my curls back to health. I would rather have short healthy hair than longer unhealthy hair. 

1) protein and oil treatments: specifically castor oil on my roots, coconut oil on the ends, and SILK 18 conditioner that I got from #amazon. All of these things are amazing. 

2) I can’t live without the diffuser, flat iron, and curling iron so you peeps who are like “I air dry everyday” can suck it. I have very curly hair so y’all don’t know the struggle. I believe you can do this stuff but in moderation and as long as the heat’s not too high and you don’t do it too often. I’ll straighten or curl my hair into waves and not touch it until wash day. Honestly it’s way easier than wearing it natural and having to style it everyday. I’m gonna rock this bob damn it. But #lengthgoals are still my dream. 

3) I’m not going to color my hair anymore. I colored it back to (more or less) my natural color and just gonna let it do its thang from here. I have a pretty nice deep auburn natural color and don’t want to deal with coloring my hair. I’m a busy RN and keeping up with blonde was way too much for me. It included a double process every time. I just couldn’t deal. 

4) Trims every 3 months or whenever I need it. Y’all my hair was fried. it just hung like noodles every time I got out of the shower. I had to cut it ALL off and its still not the same. 

5) REMEMBER there are worse things in life than dealing with hair trauma. As a nurse, I worked at the child cancer chemo therapy center. It BREAKS your heart when a teenage girl with BALD patches says to you, I just wish I had your hair. STAY HUMBLE. STAY APPRECIATIVE.

6) As always, Kimberly Schlapman of Little Big Town is what I aspire to be. 

[reallife4thebasicbitch]

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[itsannaxoxo]

[reallife4thebasicbitch]

Oh hai. We’re the new girls. Time to take our love of leggings, those txts about what part of ig-guy’s body we want to lick, and how much wine we actually drank (we are counting in bottles not glasses, right?) to the world wide web.