Kei has a tendency to displace blame. initially, he was convinced that his escape led to Kai’s injuries after the bike accident -- “if i hadn’t asked for help, Kai would never have been hurt”. however, he quickly shifted his way of thinking and blamed the passing motorcyclist -- “if he’d never shown up, Kai would never have been hurt.”
this trait often makes Kei see himself in a selfless light, justifying actions and choices that potentially involve others’ deaths. it’s not that he sees them as pawns, necessarily -- he’s better than Sato, in that regard -- but more so as liabilities. if they assist him, they know what they’re getting themselves into. that’s what he tells himself. their lives need not weigh upon his shoulders, and yet, they do, though he refuses to come to terms with it.
the surgeon’s sacrifice on the rooftop also haunts him, constantly plants a seed of doubt and gnaws at the back of his mind. he tells himself that there was nothing he could’ve done, that it wasn’t his fault that the other man died. somewhere deep inside of him, he hates thinking that a life was lost to preserve an eternal one, especially one belonging to such a seemingly abnormal child.
it’s all a means to an end, in his mind. he can’t die, so why are they willing to do so for him? he’ll never say it aloud, but he hopes that putting an end to Sato’s plans will at least partially atone for all the lives that have been lost in the process.
vaporwave
kianamaiart
ellievsbear
