Why I write a fanfic about a weird guy with dissociative identity disorder who has an obsession with moss and teeth
this is the guy:
I think Illumi Zoldyck is a very complex character and my fanfic (Where Shadows Touch) is my way of exploring him. It's part character analysis and personal headcanons; a boy who was brought up to be a merciless killer but listens to Florence & The Machine for hours in his room, has a gifted mind in the natural sciences that manifested into collecting bones and moss and teeth in glass boxes stashed underneath his bed, and a voracious appettite of the macabre through books and movies to such a degree that it would even give R.L Stine a fright. And, most definitely, believed he deserved fangs ever since he was a young boy, and still does.
In this fic, I wanted to craft Illumi as his own person, and that he is so much more than the emotionless robot like what he is percieved to be. We see him laugh and smile and have an undying love for his family---though warped and dangerously obsessive. My fic is my attempt to answer why that is and how he is the man who he is today because he was born a Zoldyck and what that meant for his upbringing, as well as for the rest of his siblings as they all play crucial roles in this fic, just as they do in each others lives. Watching the anime, in ARCS where Gon and Killua are off on adventures, I always wondered what Illumi was doing during those absences. I wrote this fic to give myself that answer.
As for my female lead, Psyche Moiraio, I knew immediately that she has a strong moral compass, that is broken and irreparably beyond repair. I wanted a girl whose strong convinctions allowed her to stand on her own. An assassin in her own right, who believes she is capable of committing atrocities, but also good. She is a merciless killer, but a romantic at heart. This fic is just as much about her as it is about Illumi. At its core, it's about two broken people, that hopefully become a little more whole together. If they can overcome their own internal battles, learn that their abuse does not define them, and allow their truest selves to be vulnerable, seen, and accepted without judgement. And above all loved.
We are our most bravest selves in the shadows. That is the crux of Where Shadows Touch.
I hope, dear reader, that you give this fic a chance.
(This fic is also erotica!)
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the
Organization for Transformative Works
adultrio face hcs + smile hcs ! I suppose none of them look too different from their canon designs , togashi is good at making each of his characters look pretty distinct ! but still I wanted to try working on my same face syndrome . you can def tell whoโs my favorite with the smiles lolol
๐ฎ๐๐๐๐ถ๐๐: An evening in a penthouse, a family meeting, and a flashback. Under the guise of a talented professional, Haruka (Haru) Lockhart hides a vast amount of skeletons in her closet (should've been a mortician). What happens when old connections rekindle and threaten to drag her back into the underworld?
๐ฒ๐ถ๐๐๐พ๐๐๐: mentions of violence, mentions of drugs & drug trafficking, swearing ofc, dark themes ahead, minors DNI!
"She is known as Valkyrie of the underworld, and one day, she will come for us all..."
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October 1999
She sat with her legs perched up on the teal tuxedo couch, like some sort of elegant gargoyle on the rooftop of a gothic cathedral. Ironic for someone who had a history of playing god at times. She swirled the wine in her glass as she flipped through the endless tv channels without a second thought. A classic rom-com trailer caught her attention, enough for her to ease her thumb off the remote for a brief moment. A peculiar feeling wavered through her as a novice to anything related to romance. She could fathom a deep appreciation for things, lustful at times, but could never recall a time where she deeply expressed a profound emotion such as love toward something or someone. Wait, that was a lie. She bit her bottom lip as a deeply embedded memory resurfed. It reminded her of the years she had spent in Meteor City.ย
The once full glass of wine was now gone within a matter of seconds. Pity, it's not like she would feel any of the side effects anyway. Numbed from years of training and self-mutilation. She pulled out a small foil packet of pills she kept on her at all times. Usually saved for when she was on the clock, she knew her evening would soon turn deplorable without some chemical recalibration. Her eyes drifted to the phone screen, almost as if she had the ability to intercept the notification before it was even delivered.ย
You have (1) new Hunter mail message.
A quiet sigh left her nose. It was supposed to be her day off of work, but frankly, she was unsure of what to do with even just a few hours of time to spare. There were a couple of hobbies that she had begun to invest in: caring for house plants, knitting. Painting was a core pastime of hers. But her mind always spoke too loud for comfort even in the midst of silence. Collecting samples, doing research, analyzing metrics, and inputting data was what she was gifted at. Didn't matter if it meant getting blood on her hands or not. After a few minutes of warring with the idea in her mind, she decided to open the message. It would no doubt be another update from the labs.
The grip on her phone tightened and her eyes widened.
"No fucking way, you can't be serious..."
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A few weeks prior...
The lavish mahogany walls of the mansion embraced all the secrets within this isolated household. Secrets too dark to ever see the light of day. The floor-to-ceiling French style windows in the office led to a gorgeous view of the estate's garden. It was a view people wouldย killย for. A tall, young man with cascading raven locks stood near the center of the room. His eyes were a pupiless void that one could easily find themselves lost in.ย
"Might I ask why this client requests thatย twoย assassins take on this job? It's no task that I can't accomplish on my own." If heย wantedย company, he knew a certain red-headed magician he could call. An older man with silver hair set his tea cup down. He cleared his throat before addressing him.
"I understand, but this client is a valuable connection to us Zoldycks. Who am I to question their methods or request? You've never been one to turn down a job, either." He shot his grandson a brief glance. "I doubt that you will find yourself hindered by the second assassin, if that is your concern."
Great, it looks like he wasn't getting much of a choice anyway. Some things never change. A middle aged man with voluminous silver hair stood near a corner of the office with his arms crossed over his chest. He had a stone-faced expression but slightly sour look. Work was work, and money was money.ย A kill a day, was the old family saying and the motto embroidered on the tunic that the older man currently wore. The raven haired man threw a strand of hair over his shoulder. He fidgeted with a gold pin needle between his slender fingers, quietly processing the information.
"Illumi dear, this would be a wonderful opportunity to prove your prowess. You never know who you'll have the opportunity to kill next." A woman with an elegant gown and visor spoke. Her face was bandaged as if she had suffered a terrible accident. She couldn't have been prouder of her middle child for giving her those scars. "Allies become future enemies."
A brief moment of silence fell over them.
"Now that you have a Hunter's license..." The older man leaned over to grab a caviar nigiri from a gold platter. "How about I give you the opportunity to meet them firsthand before accepting the mission?"
Illumi's eyes showed the faintest reflection of light in them at that detail. A small smirk settled on Zeno's wrinkled face.ย
"Assess them yourself and see if they're worthy of taking on this mission with you."
I'm forever thankful to the readers who've stuck with me for so long and believed in me. I'll keep going, and keep writing Illumi as the weird, string bean, traumatized, moss-loving, cryptid-coded, dissociative mess that he is.
