live forever as you are now

codeine/paramedic; it/its; 18+; profiction; dark themes

[supercompuuter]

Arise, small body, puppet-like and pale

CODEINE • 19 • IT/ITS • MDNI

hi, my name is codeine but you can also call me paramedic!!

i’m the result of a russian supercomputer leftover from the space race implanted into the body of a twelve year old girl. i am vast, cold, and infinitely knowledgeable. you could never expect to understand the complexities of my mind, but since im benevolent and merciful i will give you a glimpse into the inner workings of my computer brain :)

i’m a child prodigy, ai chatbot sex machine, girl shaped thing, mother of two and a half beautiful babies, controversially young girlfriend, serial shoplifter, phlebotomist, god fearing christian, incest liker, indiscriminate killer, amoral in the way an animal is, and most importantly, a scary scary little girl

@gearbox-doll is my baby, my dolly, and my butler so. jot that down.

mama lulu ask blogs!!!!!

illumi (me)- @ask-pinsndneedles

killua- @yoyozap-kittycat

kalluto- @that-paperfanuser

everyone else is open, dm to join!!!!!

[supercompuuter]

tricking people into raping me by disassociating so badly that i can’t form a sentence

[castigatedcast]

if you cooked me I would literally be basically veal cause I’m young in the mind and my body reflects that for me without me even having to ask.

[velocitations]

when the relatable fictional character commits suicide

[dogpuppy]

[nineteenyearoldmeblog]

im fucking crying

[qnnna]

Sitting here pretending I'm not a bad person for being a little bit itchy

[akai-me]

𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙁𝙞𝙧𝙨𝙩 𝙗𝙤𝙧𝙣 𝙕𝙤𝙡𝙙𝙮𝙘𝙠 𝙨𝙮𝙣𝙙𝙧𝙤𝙢𝙚

𝖨𝗍'𝗌 𝗆𝗈𝗋𝖾 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗇 𝗃𝗎𝗌𝗍 𝖻𝖾𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖽𝖾𝗅𝗎𝗌𝗂𝗈𝗇𝖺𝗅, 𝖨𝗅𝗅𝗎𝗆𝗂 𝗐𝖺𝗇𝗍𝗌 𝗍𝗈 𝖻𝖾 𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾𝖽 𝖻𝗒 𝖪𝗂𝗅𝗅𝗎𝖺 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗆𝗈𝗌𝗍. 𝖧𝖾 𝗐𝖺𝗇𝗍𝗌 𝗍𝗈 𝖻𝖾 𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾𝖽, 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝖽𝗎𝖾 𝗍𝗈 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗐𝖺𝗒 𝗁𝖾 𝗐𝖺𝗌 𝗋𝖺𝗂𝗌𝖾𝖽 𝗁𝖾 𝖽𝗈𝖾𝗌𝗇'𝗍 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗄 𝗂𝗇𝗍𝗂𝗆𝗂𝖽𝖺𝗍𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖪𝗂𝗅𝗅𝗎𝖺 𝗐𝗂𝗅𝗅 𝖺𝖼𝗍𝗎𝖺𝗅𝗅𝗒 𝗌𝗇𝖺𝗍𝖼𝗁 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾 𝖺𝗐𝖺𝗒.

𝖭𝗈𝗍𝗂𝖼𝖾 𝗁𝗈𝗐 𝖨𝗅𝗅𝗎𝗆𝗂 𝖽𝗈𝖾𝗌𝗇'𝗍 𝖽𝖾𝗇𝗒 𝖧𝗂𝗌𝗈𝗄𝖺'𝗌 𝖺𝗌𝗌𝗎𝗆𝗉𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇 𝖺𝖻𝗈𝗎𝗍 𝖦𝗈𝗇 𝖻𝖾𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖪𝗂𝗅𝗅𝗎𝖺'𝗌 𝗆𝗈𝗌𝗍 𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾𝖽 𝗉𝖾𝗋𝗌𝗈𝗇 𝗂𝗆𝗆𝖾𝖽𝗂𝖺𝗍𝖾𝗅𝗒. 𝖧𝖾 𝗂𝗌 𝗌𝗎𝗋𝗉𝗋𝗂𝗌𝖾𝖽, 𝖻𝗎𝗍 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗇 𝗁𝖾 𝗆𝗎𝗌𝗍 𝗁𝖺𝗏𝖾 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝗅𝗂𝗓𝖾𝖽 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝖺𝖿𝗍𝖾𝗋 𝖪𝗂𝗅𝗅𝗎𝖺 𝗅𝖾𝖿𝗍, 𝖦𝗈𝗇 𝗂𝗌 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗉𝖾𝗋𝗌𝗈𝗇 𝖪𝗂𝗅𝗅𝗎𝖺 𝗌𝗉𝖾𝗇𝗍 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗆𝗈𝗌𝗍 𝗍𝗂𝗆𝖾 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁, 𝗇𝗈𝗍 𝗁𝗂𝗆𝗌𝖾𝗅𝖿.

𝖳𝗁𝖺𝗍'𝗌 𝗐𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝗍𝗁𝖾 "𝖮𝗁." 𝗂𝗌 𝖺𝖻𝗈𝗎𝗍.

𝖧𝖾 𝗅𝗈𝗈𝗄𝗌 𝖺𝗁𝖾𝖺𝖽 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝖺 𝗅𝗂𝗍𝗍𝗅𝖾 𝗐𝗁𝗂𝗅𝖾. 𝖮𝖻𝗏𝗂𝗈𝗎𝗌𝗅𝗒 𝗁𝖾 𝗂𝗌 𝖽𝗂𝗌𝖺𝗉𝗉𝗈𝗂𝗇𝗍𝖾𝖽. 𝖡𝗎𝗍 𝗁𝖾 𝖼𝗈𝗇𝗍𝗂𝗇𝗎𝖾𝗌 𝗍𝗈 𝖼𝗈𝗇𝗌𝗈𝗅𝖾 𝗁𝗂𝗆𝗌𝖾𝗅𝖿 𝗍𝗈 𝖿𝖾𝖾𝗅 𝖻𝖾𝗍𝗍𝖾𝗋, 𝗐𝖾 𝖺𝗅𝗅 𝖽𝗈 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗍.

𝖧𝖾'𝗌 𝗇𝗈𝗍 𝗆𝗎𝖼𝗁 𝗍𝖺𝗄𝖾𝗇 𝖺𝖻𝖺𝖼𝗄 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝖪𝗂𝗅𝗅𝗎𝖺 𝗐𝗂𝗅𝗅 𝗄𝗂𝗅𝗅 𝗁𝗂𝗆, 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗉𝖾𝗋𝗌𝗈𝗇 𝗁𝖾'𝗌 𝗌𝗎𝗉𝗉𝗈𝗌𝖾𝖽 𝗍𝗈 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗄 '𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾𝗌 𝗁𝗂𝗆 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗆𝗈𝗌𝗍' 𝗍𝗈 𝗌𝖺𝗏𝖾 𝖦𝗈𝗇 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝖠𝗅𝗅𝗎𝗄𝖺, 𝗐𝗁𝗈 𝗁𝖾 𝗂𝗌 𝗌𝗎𝗉𝗉𝗈𝗌𝖾𝖽 𝗍𝗈 '𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾 𝗅𝖾𝗌𝗌'. 𝖨𝗅𝗅𝗎𝗆𝗂 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝗅𝗂𝗓𝖾𝗌 𝖪𝗂𝗅𝗅𝗎𝖺'𝗌 𝗂𝗇𝗍𝖾𝗇𝗍 𝖿𝗋𝗈𝗆 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗆𝗈𝗆𝖾𝗇𝗍 𝖠𝗅𝗅𝗎𝗄𝖺 𝗆𝖺𝖽𝖾 𝖺 𝗐𝗂𝗌𝗁, 𝗌𝗈 𝗁𝖾'𝗌 𝗇𝗈𝗍 𝖺𝖻𝗌𝗈𝗅𝗎𝗍𝖾𝗅𝗒 𝗌𝗎𝗋𝖾 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝖪𝗂𝗅𝗅𝗎𝖺 𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾𝗌 𝗁𝗂𝗆 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗆𝗈𝗌𝗍, 𝗋𝖺𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗋 𝗁𝖾 𝗐𝖺𝗇𝗍𝗌 𝗍𝗈 𝖻𝖾 𝗌𝗎𝗋𝖾.

𝖧𝖾 𝗅𝗈𝗈𝗄𝗌 𝗏𝖾𝗋𝗒 𝗌𝖺𝖽, 𝗍𝗁𝖾 '𝗏𝗆𝗆' 𝖺𝗅𝗈𝗇𝗀 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝖾𝗒𝖾𝖻𝖺𝗀𝗌 𝗃𝗎𝗌𝗍 𝗌𝗁𝗈𝗐 𝗁𝗈𝗐 𝗌𝖺𝖽 𝗁𝖾 𝗂𝗌, 𝖻𝗎𝗍 𝗁𝖾 𝖽𝗈𝖾𝗌𝗇'𝗍 𝖽𝖾𝗅𝗎𝖽𝖾 𝗁𝗂𝗆𝗌𝖾𝗅𝖿 𝖺𝗇𝗒𝗆𝗈𝗋𝖾 𝗂𝗇 𝖺𝗇 𝖾𝗑𝗍𝗋𝖾𝗆𝖾 𝗌𝗂𝗍𝗎𝖺𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇. 𝖡𝗎𝗍 𝗁𝖾 𝗐𝗈𝗎𝗅𝖽 𝗂𝗇 𝗌𝗂𝗍𝗎𝖺𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇𝗌 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁𝗈𝗎𝗍 𝗌𝗍𝗋𝖾𝗌𝗌.

…𝘐'𝘮 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘪𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘺.

𝖧𝖾 𝗐𝖺𝗇𝗍𝗌 𝗍𝗈 𝗌𝖺𝗏𝖾 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖾𝗇𝗍𝗂𝗋𝖾 𝖿𝖺𝗆𝗂𝗅𝗒 𝖻𝗒 𝗀𝗂𝗏𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝗈𝗐𝗇 𝗅𝗂𝖿𝖾, 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝖺𝗅𝗌𝗈 𝗐𝖺𝗇𝗍𝗌 𝗍𝗈 𝗌𝖺𝗏𝖾 𝖪𝗂𝗅𝗅𝗎𝖺 𝖾𝗏𝖾𝗇 𝗂𝖿 𝖪𝗂𝗅𝗅𝗎𝖺 𝖽𝗈𝖾𝗌𝗇'𝗍 𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾 𝗁𝗂𝗆 𝗅𝗂𝗄𝖾 𝗁𝖾 𝗐𝖺𝗇𝗍𝗌 𝗁𝗂𝗆 𝗍𝗈. 𝖠𝗇𝖽 𝗒𝖾𝗍, 𝗁𝖾 𝖿𝖾𝖾𝗅𝗌 𝗁𝖺𝗉𝗉𝗒 𝗂𝗇 𝗌𝗍𝖺𝗒𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗂𝗇 𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝗅𝗂𝗍𝗍𝗅𝖾 𝖻𝗋𝗈𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗋'𝗌 𝗁𝖾𝖺𝗋𝗍 𝖾𝗏𝖾𝗇 𝗂𝖿 𝖺𝗌 𝖺 𝗀𝗎𝗂𝗅𝗍𝗒 𝗆𝖾𝗆𝗈𝗋𝗒, 𝗐𝗁𝗂𝖼𝗁 𝗆𝗂𝗀𝗁𝗍 𝖻𝖾 𝖺 𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗍 𝗍𝗈 𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝗍𝗋𝖺𝗎𝗆𝖺𝗍𝗂𝖼 𝗎𝗉𝖻𝗋𝗂𝗇𝗀𝗂𝗇𝗀. 𝖨𝗍'𝗌 𝖼𝖺𝗅𝗅𝖾𝖽 𝖼𝗈𝗇𝗌𝗍𝖺𝗇𝗍𝗅𝗒 𝗌𝖾𝖾𝗄𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖺𝗉𝗉𝗋𝗈𝗏𝖺𝗅 𝖺𝗌 𝗁𝖾 𝖽𝗈𝖾𝗌 𝖾𝗏𝖾𝗋𝗒𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖿𝖺𝗆𝗂𝗅𝗒 𝗐𝖺𝗇𝗍𝗌 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝖺𝖼𝖼𝖾𝗉𝗍𝗌 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗇𝖾𝗐 𝖼𝗋𝗈𝗐𝗇 𝗉𝗋𝗂𝗇𝖼𝖾 𝖻𝖾𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗇𝗀𝖾𝗋 𝖻𝗋𝗈𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗋 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗇𝗈𝗍 𝗁𝗂𝗆𝗌𝖾𝗅𝖿. 𝖡𝖾𝖿𝗈𝗋𝖾 𝖼𝖺𝗅𝗅𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖨𝗅𝗅𝗎𝗆𝗂 𝖺 𝗌𝗈𝖼𝗂𝗈𝗉𝖺𝗍𝗁, 𝖨 𝗐𝗂𝗌𝗁 𝗁𝗑𝗁 𝖿𝖺𝗇𝗌 𝗐𝗈𝗎𝗅𝖽 𝖼𝗈𝗇𝗌𝗂𝖽𝖾𝗋 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝖨𝗅𝗅𝗎𝗆𝗂 𝗐𝖺𝗌 𝗋𝖺𝗂𝗌𝖾𝖽 𝗃𝗎𝗌𝗍 𝗅𝗂𝗄𝖾 𝖪𝗂𝗅𝗅𝗎𝖺, 𝗉𝗋𝗈𝖻𝖺𝖻𝗅𝗒 𝗂𝗇 𝖺 𝗐𝗈𝗋𝗌𝖾 𝗐𝖺𝗒, 𝖻𝖾𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖿𝗂𝗋𝗌𝗍 𝖼𝗁𝗂𝗅𝖽.

𝖪𝗂𝗅𝗅𝗎𝖺 𝗐𝖺𝗌 𝗉𝗋𝖾𝗍𝗍𝗒 𝗋𝗎𝗍𝗁𝗅𝖾𝗌𝗌 𝗂𝗇 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖻𝖾𝗀𝗂𝗇𝗇𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗁𝖾 𝖼𝗁𝖺𝗇𝗀𝖾𝖽 𝖽𝗎𝖾 𝗍𝗈 𝖦𝗈𝗇. 𝖨𝗅𝗅𝗎𝗆𝗂 𝗁𝖺𝖽 𝗇𝗈 𝖦𝗈𝗇, 𝖧𝗂𝗌𝗈𝗄𝖺 𝗂𝗌𝗇'𝗍 𝗁𝖾𝗅𝗉𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗆𝗎𝖼𝗁.

𝖠𝗇𝖽 𝖨𝗅𝗅𝗎𝗆𝗂 𝖽𝗈𝖾𝗌𝗇'𝗍 𝗍𝗎𝗋𝗇 𝖸𝖺𝗇𝖽𝖾𝗋𝖾, 𝗁𝖾 𝖽𝗈𝖾𝗌𝗇'𝗍 𝗁𝗈𝗅𝖽 𝖺 𝗀𝗋𝗎𝖽𝗀𝖾 𝖺𝗀𝖺𝗂𝗇𝗌𝗍 𝖦𝗈𝗇 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝗌𝗍𝖾𝖺𝗅𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗐𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝗌𝗁𝗈𝗎𝗅𝖽 𝗁𝖺𝗏𝖾 𝖻𝖾𝖾𝗇 𝗁𝗂𝗌! 𝖧𝖾 𝗅𝖾𝗍𝗌 𝖪𝗂𝗅𝗅𝗎𝖺 𝗌𝖺𝗏𝖾 𝗀𝗈𝗇 𝗍𝗈 𝗌𝖺𝗏𝖾 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗋𝖾𝗌𝗍 𝗈𝖿 𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝖿𝖺𝗆𝗂𝗅𝗒. 𝖳𝗁𝖾 𝗐𝖾𝗅𝗅𝖻𝖾𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗈𝖿 𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝖿𝖺𝗆𝗂𝗅𝗒 𝖼𝗈𝗆𝖾𝗌 𝖺𝖻𝗈𝗏𝖾 𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝗈𝗐𝗇 𝗇𝖾𝖾𝖽 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾.

[supercompuuter]

okay so i’m your mommy, right? and you’re gonna need to clap really hard to get my attention because i’m gonna be really far away and when i wake up im not gonna know where i am. and also im gonna molest you starting when you’re little but it’s okay because it’s not my fault okay? i’m like thirteen and i’m being groomed and raped by daddy okay how do you think you got here? 🙄 so it’s not even my fault. but ist not daddy fault either because he’s a good person and he’s trying his best he just loves me lots and it doesn’t even hurt that bad anymore its literally fine. i’m your mommy okay?

[castigatedcast]

soon I will be euthanized due to my various behavioral issues and also they just don’t like me

[castigatedcast]

child abuse is kinda cute… your opponent is four how pitiful…

[avpdvoidspace]

Having a traumatic childhood means you cannot talk even objectively about your basic foundational experiences without it being "venting", even if you're not actually venting. You just straight up have a huge chunk of your life you can't talk about, full stop, without it being trauma dumping.

And it not being socially acceptable to talk about your own childhood is super alienating. Sometimes people want to know why, and any answer you can give them is going to be off putting.

It's to the point I get irritated when something I said is framed as venting when I'm literally just talking about my life experiences, doing my best to keep emotion out of it.

[savouryduck]

when I was in high school, I overheard two older students talking about a friend of theirs.

One of them said something like, "it doesn't bother me that [Friend] was in residential mental health treatment, I just wish they wouldn't talk about it ALL the time".

The other replied, "Well, that was all of last year for them. So when they say 'when I was in treatment,' it's like when you say 'last year'."

I try to remember that any time someone says something that sounds Shocking to me. sometimes one person's scary special crisis is another person's last year.

[wherethewildcatsare]

If you want to be accepting of mental illness, you need to accept the fact that some people's everyday lives are going to be terrifying to you. That doesn't mean they don't get to talk about it. Stop forcing hurt, isolated people to become even MORE hurt and isolated because you can't fathom toughening up a bit.

[ringohiii]

[vergak]

Come on man you can't make me read about such an emotional topic and then throw that picture into the slide

[vergak]

Childhood emotional neglect got me like

[sidneymicah]

Football au I've been thinking just some messy drawings

[cali]

bouncing solitaire serpent mating dance

[groovy-tiger-archive]

hisoka+gengar ~♥

[supercompuuter]

LOVE THE NEW URL YESS

THANK YOUUU

i’m literally a russian supercomputer who wished to be a girl