I’m just staring at the starst, the moon, wondering what else is out there
How the universe is so damn big, and wondering what the hell my purpose is in all of this.
almost home
KIROKAZE
d e v o n
Keni
RMH
styofa doing anything

PR's Tumblrdome

if i look back, i am lost

⁂
hello vonnie

Andulka
Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ

No title available
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸

Product Placement
Sade Olutola
NASA
TVSTRANGERTHINGS

❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
we're not kids anymore.

seen from Netherlands
seen from United States
seen from United States

seen from Poland
seen from United States
seen from Netherlands
seen from United States

seen from Iraq
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Argentina

seen from United States

seen from Tunisia
seen from United States

seen from United States

seen from United States
seen from Australia
seen from United States
seen from Peru
@rebellious-shawty
I’m just staring at the starst, the moon, wondering what else is out there
How the universe is so damn big, and wondering what the hell my purpose is in all of this.
Being a single parent can be lonely, when its 2am and you’re exhausted, when its 11am and you need a shower, when its 8pm and you havent had time to eat dinner, when you just want someone to be there with you, helping you, supporting you, taking care of you.
And he made it look so easy, forgetting me.
And i’m left here wondering, why am i not good enough for you.
i’ll never be the one you want.
Hearing a genuine “ i love you “ must be nice.
Read this.
You hurt me, again and again, and no matter how many times i try to explain why i am hurt, you keep doing the same things, which means that you don’t care.
You don’t care that you hurt me, you don’t care that you make me cry and you don’t care that you make me feel bad about myself.
And here i am, apologizing to you, constantly telling you that i’m sorry
i’m sorry for complaining.
i’m sorry for not being enough for you.
I’m sorry for not being what you want.
And i’m sorry for loving you, when you don’t love me.
I dated you knowing i’d have to put you back together at some point. And after all i did for you. This is what i get in return.
A bucket of “yes it’s your fault” and a tray of “i never loved you anyway” a backpack filled with lies.
Being myself is never good enough, but
Maybe if i was prettier,
Maybe if i was skinnier,
Maybe if i was funnier,
Maybe if i was more like those other girls, more like her,
Maybe then you would want me.
I needa make this clear
When I say I am lonely, I don’t mean that no one talks to me and I don’t mean I don’t have friends. When I say I’m lonely I mean my mind is lonely. I don’t feel like anyone can relate. I don’t feel like anyone understands me. My heart is lonely. I don’t feel like my love is reciprocated. I’m lonely in the sense that I don’t feel like anyone can make a connection with me, not that I’m physically alone.
If i could
i would tuck myself
into the arms of the ocean
Because water in my lungs
would still
feel better
than missing you
even one second
longer
I want to say, i love you.
But all i say is goodnight.
Because loving means i’m falling.
And i’m afraid of hights.
i have to be funny because being hot is not an option
To my (unborn) child
I hope you will never feel alone.
I hope that you know, that you will always have a home with me.
I hope that you know your worth, i hope that you know you will always be enough.
I hope that you know, that you can achieve anything you set your mind too.
I hope that you know, you are very loved.
I hope you meet the love of your life, and that (s)he is good to you.
I hope you never have to lay in bed crying, wondering why you weren’t enough for someone.
I hope you meet people who turn out to be the best friends you could have ever asked for.
I hope you are gratefull, for all the small, and the big things in life, and that you don’t take anything for granted.
I hope you know, that you can always count on me, even when the day comes that i will no longer be here. I will never be far away.
I hope you can be your beautiful self.
Most of all, I hope you are happy.
I love you,
Mom ❤️
Thank god that everybody sucks so i could write all this.
I thought i was fine with being alone, keeping everyone at a safe distance, “dont let anyone too close, so that they cant hurt you”. But now i see you, and want nothing more than to keep you close to me. Safe and protected, cuddling in my bed, Running my fingers through your hair.
Change.
The mexican government confiscates approximately 30,000 illegal firearms each year.
When the guns are taken they get dismantled and the metal is used to make other types of weapons that will later be utilized by their military.
In 2012, Pedro Reyes, an artist from Mexico City convinced his government to donate the guns to him, And he turned them into musical instruments.
So somewhere there’s a tambourine, a drum set, a guitar, all made out of things that were used to take people’s lives, but now they create a sound that puts life back into people’s bodies.
Which is to say a weapon will always be a weapon but we choose how we fight the war. And from this i learned that even the most destructive instruments can still create a melody worth dancing to, and sometimes don’t we also call that a battle.
I wonder how long it took to convince the first rifle that it can hold-note instead of a bullet, but still fire into a crowd and make everyone move.
When i was 10 years old i learned how to throw a punch, according to my parents, that was the anti bullying movement.
The first time, the first time some guy tried to force his way onto me i remembered my training, so i turned his nose into a fountain, my fist five pennies, i closes my eyes, i made a wish, i came home with bloody knuckles and it was the first piece of artwork my dad hung at the fridge.
I remember staring at my hands the same way you stare at a midterm when all your answers are correct. I didn’t know what class this was but i damn sure knew i passed, and isn’t that what standing up for yourself is supposed to feel like.
A bunch of girls afraid to say no, afraid of their own feelings. Terrified of any emotion other than sadness, because that is what we’re used to. Constantly yelling at the shadows on the wall, but still haven’t realized that we’re the ones standing in front of our own light.
We learned how to smile nicely, act innocent, we learned how to say yes sir and no ma’am, be respectful, we learned how to talk nicely, sit act and walk like a proper lady. We learned that the hart is the same size as a fist, but we keep forgetting that they don’t have the same functions.
Society keeps telling boys to man the fuck up, while we don’t even know what the fuck that means.
We turn our boys into bayonets, we point them in the wrong direction, we pull their triggers and then we just ignore all the damage they’re doing in the distance.
The word repurpose means, it means to take an object and give it amnesia, it means to make something forget what it’s been trained to do so you can use it for a better reason.
I am learning that this body is not a fun fair, i am learning that this body, this precious body is not here for his entertainment. I am learning that i am not a target practice, i am not a bulls-eye.
I am learning that his body is not a shot gun, i am learning that his body is not a pistol, i am learning that being a man is not defined by what he can destroy.
I am learning that a man who only knows how to fight, can only communicate in violence and that shouldn’t be anyone’s first language, i’m learning the difference, the difference between a garden and a graveyard, is only what you choose to put in the ground.
You see, once, once i came across a picture of a strange looking violin, the caption said that it was made out of a rifle. I thought to myself that someday that could be him.
Letter to “my people”,
I am sick of calling this recklessness the law.
Each night i count my friends, and in the morning, when some do not survive to be counted, i count the holes they leave. Your master magic trick, white people, now he’s breathing, now he don’t.
Abra-cadaver. White bread voodoo. Hand my friends a pistol to do your work. I tried, white people, they tried, white people. I tried to love us all, they tried to love us all. But you spend my friends funaral, their brothers, and their sisters funarals, making plans for brunch, talking too loud next too their bones.
You took one look at the river plump with the body of boy, after boy, after sweet boi, and asked “why does it always have to be about race”. Because we made it that way.
Put an asterisk next to my best friends gorgeous face, and call her pretty “for a black girl”, because black girls go missing without a whisper of where. Because there are no amber alerts for the Amber-skinned girls.
Because Jordan boomed, because Emmet whistled, because Huey P. Spoke it. Because Martin preached it. Because black boys have always been “too loud to live”. Because its taking their fathers time, their mothers time, their uncles and aunts time, their sisters and brothers time, how much time do we want for our “progress”.
We have left earth, and i won’t stop untill i found a place where my friends, and their friends, and their friends, and their friends, can be safe, until “black people” are just “people” the same as everyone.
untill equality actually means something. Untill then, i bid you well, i bid you war, i bid you my life, so you wont have to gamble with theirs no more.
In this New Testament, this new story, you can not see, or touch, or ruin this. If only this one, is theirs.
Today im at work, pissed, only because i’m at work, My boss is still confusing as shit.
I ate a too-expensive pasta, it was good and too expensive. But i’m grateful.
Today i remember i love praying over my food, thanking god for the meal and the hands who made it, and the hands who made the hands who kneed the bread i break.
Today i am grateful. Today my sadness does not own me. Today i am more, more than sad. My blood is just blood. My feelings are happy feelings.
I am not poison. I am not godless.
Today i am bare of the ghost, no longer a graveyard. I have become a garden and what grows here is not dead, and what grows here will not kill you, and whay grows here is the sweet fruit at the root of mercy and i am full of so much.
Every dawn i see is proof i’ve been spared, dance with me in that thought for a while. Watch my body not die, and not die, and not die. This miracle that never stops being a miracle for i know death well.
He comes to my door every day, hungry for my hand but i tell him “wait” because today is not a day for sadness, for truth, for the thoughts that won’t stop, today is a day for nothing to be enough, to swallow the sun and still not be satisfied, but today, today i am satisfied. Today i am a gate who turns her doors into wings.
God please don’t let what my body craves make this a poem about shame, i am not shamed. For all my mouth has turned into a slow lake of stars, i am not shamed for my body, i am not shamed of the self inflicted constellations.
I am not scared of the false gods that have been praised her, let my body be a godless church, holy for no reason beyond itself. Let the curse of my thoughts be the Old Testament and each day i am still alive to be the new. Let this blood be the wine, this body be the bread and if there is no savior let me do it myself, let me forgive myself of my sins and today I forgive myself. Today i forgive the girl that i was, and the woman that i am too.
Today i forgive that girl, and her silly sick thoughts. Today i forgive my thoughts, for not fitting in. Today i forgive my God, for giving me control over this body, i forgive my body for being drunk on free will, and today i’m free.
And the sun is still the sun, and the moon is still the moon and not a methaphor for the light at the end of the tunnel. And i am so alive. I am so alive, and my God is still my God, my Mom still my mom and my Dad is still my Dad, my Joy still my Joy. My name still my name, and it is a good name, and i am still here, Dear God i am still here, Despite.