restrained devotion ✦ chapter one: beginnings
starsnowcrowmc (18+ content ahead!!!) || arranged marriage AU w/ eventual polyamory and smut
SUMMARY: You are the newest lady of House Li, married to a man twice your age who seems reluctant to even look at you after a wedding night fueled by desire and aphrodisiacs. As new players enter the stage, you learn more about your husband's past and find love…in more places than one.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: hi!! this is a continuation of my fic the collapse of one's self-control (read here). please note that this fic contains potentially sensitive topics, such as age gaps, religious themes, religious trauma, homophobia/internalized homophobia, misogyny, minor depictions of psuedo-incest, abuse, and discussions/referenced to past dubiously consensual sex. read at your own risk. a TW will be placed at the beginning of each chapter. enjoy ㅤ♡
TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR THIS CHAPTER: none
Wakefulness came to you in fits and starts, hazy sunlight filling your sight as you blinked and squinted. Your body felt sore, and there was a strange stickiness between your legs, but the bed you lay in was so comfortable that you felt content to ignore it and try to drift back into slumber. That would be fine, you mused. No one would miss you if you caught another hour or two of sleep.
It was only once you heard someone moving around across the room that you realized three things with a start.
One, you'd gotten married yesterday.
Two, it was almost noon, judging by the position of the sun shining through the window.
Three, and perhaps most concerning of all, there was someone in the room with you.
You shot upright, only to let out a pained groan as your muscles strained in protest. The room's other occupant froze from their position in front of the wardrobe, casting a glance over their shoulder before straightening and turning.
"Good morning, my lady." They gave a soft bow, stepping forward so you could see them more clearly. It was a woman, dark hair neatly tied back into a bun and dressed in a plain dress and apron. "My name is Yvonne, and I'm the head maid here at Snowcrest Castle. I'm sorry that I scared you."
Waking up with a maid at your beck and call wasn't something you were used to. Back at home, you'd be lucky if one of your mother's maids remembered you existed long enough to help you get dressed; you'd gotten so used to dressing yourself that the idea of being dressed by someone else felt foreign. You weren't really sure what to do in this situation.
"It's fine," you rasped back, raising a surprised hand to your throat at how rough it sounded.
"I heard you had a bit of a rough night last night!" Yvonne added, crossing the room to take a tray off a table and bring it to you. "Here, I had the cook make you some breakfast."
You took the tray wordlessly, examining the contents. Toast and eggs, with a steaming cup of tea—not too shabby. Picking up the provided fork, you started to eat silently as Yvonne busied herself with tidying up the room.
Yvonne turned to you again. "He's a little busy today, so he won't be able to see you until later, but he said you have free reign of the place. Dr. Greyson's going to come by later to check on you on his orders, but you can do whatever otherwise."
"…Lord Li requested a checkup for me? Why?"
Yvonne shrugged. "No clue. He tends to be a worrier, so that's probably it."
After you finished your breakfast, Yvonne helped you into your clothes for the day: a dress from your trunk and a knitted shawl you'd never seen before. You were a little concerned that she'd gone through your trunk, but you shoved it down, not wanting to rock the boat. Once she saw the mess between your thighs, she silently offered you a wet cloth to clean up with, one that you took with quiet gratefulness.
Dr. Greyson came in shortly after, a young man with thick spectacles and a cheerful demeanor that you found yourself incredibly endeared by. He quickly examined you, then pronounced that you'd be fine with a little bit of rest before handing you a vial of green-colored liquid.
"What's this?" you asked, turning it over in your hands. The liquid seemed quite thick, with an almost syrupy texture.
"A contraceptive." Dr. Greyson started to fasten the closures on his medical bag. "Lord Li requested that I give it to you. It's got a nasty taste, so I recommend eating something sweet afterwards."
As he left, you stared at the vial, the liquid inside almost taunting you. Why did Lord Li want you to take a contraceptive? Did he not want children? He was certainly getting along in age, so it would probably be best if the two of you had a child sooner rather than later. Was he repulsed by whatever he saw last night? To be honest, you didn't remember very much from your night together—a cramping in your belly, searing heat, then blissful, wonderful release. Maybe it hadn't been pleasurable for him.
You uncorked the vial, lifted it to your lips, and swallowed.
Immediately after that, you gagged. The taste was vile.
"Oh, dear," Yvonne murmured. "Let me go get you some tea."
After you'd managed to completely rid your mouth of the taste of what had to be the world's most bitter-tasting medicine ever, House Li's butler came to call. His name was Noah, a kind-looking older gentleman with a warm demeanor and thick spectacles.
"I've known Lord Li since he was a boy," he explained to you as the two of you walked down the hallway, him leading you on a tour of the castle.
"Yes, yes. I was brought on shortly after his birth, if I recall."
"What was he like?" you asked, curious. You were having a hard time imagining the tall, solemn Lord Li as anything but an adult.
Noah's voice was fond. "Well, he was a shy boy, for one thing. Tended to keep to himself. Ah, here, I'll show you."
He stopped in front of a painting, and you had to double back so you could stop and look.
The painting was an old family portrait, colors a bit faded with time. A woman who could only be the former Lady Li sat in the center, with the former Lord Li behind her and a boy on each side. The current Lord Li was on the left, but you couldn't recognize the other boy.
"Ah, that'd be Master William, the lord's older brother."
Brother? You weren't aware that Lord Li had a brother.
"He passed young," Noah continued, "so Lord Li took his place. I think he was more devastated at his brother's loss than when his parents passed."
"How tragic," you added after a moment of silence, unsure how to respond.
Thankfully, Noah moved on after that, choosing to tell you about how the previous Lady Li had needed to refurnish almost the entire castle after she moved in. Lady Althea Li had come from money, you learned, and you could tell by the way the castle had been filled. It had a tasteful, understated sort of elegance to it, with dark wooden furniture and thick, plush carpets. Beautiful tapestries covered the walls, and thick curtains were hung by almost every window.
The castle was a lot bigger than you'd anticipated. Given that it had been constructed as a fortress, according to Noah, you'd expected the areas where the members of House Li lived to be pretty small, and the rest of it dedicated to defense. That was not the case, however, and as Noah showed you through each room, you became more and more impressed. It had everything to offer that House Xia's manor did, and more.
You were particularly impressed by the library. Noah explained that Lord Li's great-grandfather built the current great hall, and his grandfather repurposed the old one into a library. It was a large room with high ceilings, but the roaring fire in the hearth kept the room surprisingly warm, and the floor was filled with plush couches and comfortable-looking chairs. You could see yourself spending a lot of time in here.
"And this is the recieving room," Noah explained as the two of you walked down an intricately-carved wooden staircase. "As the name implies, this is whe—"
A young boy with shockingly white hair came bolting up the stairs, followed by some sort of small dog, a breed you'd never seen before.
"Sorry—" the boy—Shubai—panted, placing his hands on his knees as he bent over to catch his breath. "Lord Qin is here, and he's a little scary, so please—"
"Of course. I'll take care of it." Noah turned to you. "My lady, would you care to recieve our visitor with me? It'd be good for you to start meeting local lords."
You were a little hesitant, but nodded anyway and followed Noah down the stairs and to the center of the room.
The visitor turned out to be a shockingly tall man—even taller than Lord Li, somehow—with silvery hair and striking ruby-red eyes. As you looked at him, however, you felt like maybe blood would be a better comparison.
"Lord Qin," Noah greeted with a bow. "To what do we owe the pleasure of your visit today?"
"Zayne asked me to come," the man rumbled, voice almost sinfully deep, as he shrugged off his coat and handed it to Shubai. "I thought he'd bother to greet me when I came in for once, but not this time, it seems."
Crimson eyes landed on you, and his lips quirked up into an interested smile.
"And you must be the little lady." He turned to you, holding out his hand, and you slipped your hand into his. "Sylus Qin. I live nearby."
You gave him your name, then followed with a soft, "Pleasure to meet you."
"Likewise." He pressed a kiss to your knuckles, but didn't let go of your hand. "Tell me: is that grumpy old icicle treating you well?"
Lord Qin laughed, a rich, decadent sound. "Your new husband."
"Ah…" You thought for a moment. "He's been….nice, I guess? I haven't seen him at all today, though…"
"Abandoning you so soon? What a pity."
"It's alright!" Somehow, you found yourself rushing to defend a man you hardly knew. "I know he's busy."
"It really is a shame, though," he murmured, leaning closer. "Such a pretty girl like you shouldn't be left alone in such a cold, sad place. He really should be spoiling you with attention. What if you get bored and decide to seek out someone else?"
Another voice cut through the air, and you near jumped backwards.
Lord Li strolled down the stairs, face icy as he looked at Lord Qin.
"Zayne," Lord Qin greeted, an easy smile on his face. "Finally decided to grace me with your presence?"
"I would appreciate it," Lord Li hissed, storming over, "if you didn't touch my wife."
"Oh? I was just greeting her." Lord Qin seemed completely unphased by your husband's anger. "What's the harm in that? Isn't it impolite to ignore the wife of your betters?"
"Keep your hands to yourself." With that, your husband took hold of Lord Qin's wrist and wrenched his hand away from yours.
"So rough," Lord Qin sighed in response. "Well, you're here now. What did you need? It seemed like you were really in a bind."
Lord Li cast a glance toward you, and you gave him a smile, not sure what was going on. He looked away quickly, and you felt oddly hurt by his reluctance to even greet you properly.
"Not in front of the lady. Follow me." He turned and headed towards the stairs, and Lord Qin followed him, casting a glance over his shoulder and sending you a wink before focusing on the task at hand.
After a few quiet moments, Noah cleared his throat.
"Shall we continue with our tour, my lady?"
