the planet and the fates and all the stars aligned: Masterlist
Summary (also posted on AO3):
“You’re awake!” He exclaims, taking several steps forward to where you stand next to the ladder, and begins speaking quickly. “I’ve been trying to figure out how I could wake you. The computer hasn’t been helpful at all, and all those medical textbooks don’t have information about situations like this—”
He cuts himself off, perhaps realizing that your eyes are wide at the flurry of information he throws at you. “Sorry, I got ahead of myself,” He apologizes, running a hand through his hair again and adjusting the gold glasses that had been slipping down his nose. “You just woke up, and I didn’t introduce myself. I’m Ry—”
“Ryland Grace,” You complete for him without thinking.
“You remember?” He exclaims, his eyes brightening.
You pause. How did you know that? You didn’t remember your own name until two minutes ago, yet you instinctively knew his. Something about him was familiar, but you couldn’t put your finger on it.
You wake up nine days late aboard the Hail Mary with no memories and the faint feeling that you know Ryland Grace, the only other person aboard the ship. Oh, and he just met an alien.
the planets and the fates and all the stars aligned: Chapter 15
Welcome to the second to last chapter of this fic! It's been a blast, and I hope you enjoy!
Series masterlist | Chapter on AO3
Something about the quiet of the holding cell was unnerving. The walls had some level of soundproofing, if the lack of response to your yelling was any indication. You occasionally heard muffled voices walk past the door of your cell, and a bird had landed outside the tiny cell window a few hours earlier. Generally, though, all you heard was silence, making all of humanity seem distant. In some ways, it felt like you were already jettisoned into space and Earth was light-years away.
It turned out that when Stratt said she was inducing your coma early, what she really meant was that you were being held prisoner until they induced your coma the day of the launch. Based on the tally marks you scratched into the wall, the launch would be today.
The sound of voices outside the door suddenly made you jump. Based on the sunlight streaming through the window, there were still at least two hours until they brought lunch. A chill ran down your spine as you heard the clink of the steel door being unlocked and swiftly opened.
Although a part of you wanted to charge out the door, the bruises on your arm served as a reminder of the guards tackling you the last time you tried to escape. Instead, you remained sitting on your bed and watched as three soldiers, a doctor wearing a lab coat, and Stratt strided into the room. Although the cell was surprisingly spacious, the influx of people made the room feel cramped.
While two of the soldiers and the doctor approached you, Stratt nodded at you from her spot near the door next to the third soldier. “Hello.”
You glared at Stratt but remained silent. The doctor set down the bag he had brought and rifled through it, pulling out a syringe and a vial containing a clear liquid. At the sight, your heart rate spiked, and you scrambled off the bed. As you planted your feet on the ground and began to stand, the two soldiers moved to either side of you and pushed you back down. They held your arms, their grip firm but not unkind.
“Is this really necessary?” You snarled at Stratt.
Stratt frowned. “It wouldn’t be necessary if you didn’t keep trying to escape.”
You glanced at the doctor, who was taking his sweet time preparing the syringe. “I wouldn’t be trying to escape if you weren’t holding me in a goddamn cell.”
The doctor began to approach you with the syringe until Stratt held up her hand, prompting him to step away. Stratt strode forward, standing in front of you. “You’re the one who signed a contract upon joining the project where you swore you would go on the mission.”
“That was before you took Ryland captive and threatened to wipe my memory!” If the soldiers weren’t still holding your arms, you would throw them up in exasperation. “I would go willingly if you let Ryland go.”
The soldiers and doctors seemed unconcerned with the conversation, confirming that Stratt had already debriefed them on the situation. You wouldn’t be surprised if Ryland was being held in a similar cell nearby.
“You know I can’t do that,” Stratt replied in a steely tone. “It’s my responsibility to do everything possible to ensure that Earth survives and the mission succeeds.”
You were unimpressed with her explanation. “And how does wiping my memory help anyone?”
“First of all, the drug isn’t permanent,” Stratt answered, crossing her arms. “We’re giving you a lighter dosage than Dr. Grace, so you’ll regain your memories faster than him.” She took a few steps back and sat down in the chair under the window. “Secondly, I already told you that Dr. Grace threatened to sabotage the mission. I can’t risk you telling him the truth and having him follow through on that threat.”
You didn’t know what to say. You could recognize the logic behind her reasoning, as outrageous as it was. Your entire training for Project Hail Mary had been spent reminding you of the importance of the mission—the death of the crew in exchange for a chance to save Earth. Who were you to say that Ryland’s life was more important than the survival of all of humanity?
All you could do was glare at Stratt. “You’ll rot in hell for this.”
“I’m sure I will,” Stratt responded, giving you a bittersweet smile. “Think of it this way: there is one upside to you and Dr. Grace losing your memories. How many people get to say they fell in love twice with the same person?”
Stratt nodded at the doctor, prompting him to step forward with the syringe. You half heartedly squirmed in the soldiers’ grasp. There wasn’t any point in fighting, but you refused to give Stratt the satisfaction of seeing you surrender. As the doctor injected the syringe into your neck and the edges of your vision began to darken, you contemplated Stratt’s final words to you.
Did you love Ryland? You knew he made your heart race, and a well-placed joke from him never failed to make you smile. Days ago, Stratt said that Ryland loved you. Although she might not be the most reliable source, the idea warmed your heart.
Holding that warmth, you imagined Ryland’s smiling face. If there was one thing you could hold on to for the journey ahead, you hoped it could be him. Ryland Grace.
With that, the world went black.
As Ryland explains why Taumoeba can escape through xenonite, you can’t help but stare at Rocky on the other side of the xenonite tunnel.
It took weeks to find Rocky in the vast expanse of space, and it was only through Ryland’s out-of-the-box thinking and your knowledge of astronomy and physics that you were able to find him so efficiently. Seeing him now in front of you again brings tears of joy to your eyes. You blink them away before Rocky and Ryland can notice.
“Amaze!” Rocky says after Ryland finishes his explanation. “Now what, question?”
At this, you smile. “Unlike you, we still have all our fuel. So, get your stuff. We’re taking you to Erid!”
“Happy happy happy!” Rocky exclaims before pausing. “Need to make nitrogen wash. Make sure no Taumoeba-82.5 get into Hail Mary.”
“I have full faith in your abilities. Make a sterilizer.” Ryland’s smile matches yours.
Rocky adjusts his grip on one of the tunnel handholds that prevents him from floating away in the zero gravity of the tunnel. “What about Earth, question?”
“We sent the beetles with the mini-farms,” Ryland replies, glancing at you. “Thanks to the modifications you had made on the beetles, Taumoeba-82.5 can’t get through Eridian steel.”
“Good good,” Rocky wiggles his carapace in joy. “I make sure my people take good care of you. They will make Astrophage maybe for you to go home!”
“Yeah,” Ryland answers slowly, both of your smiles dropping. “About that… We’re not going home. The beetles will save Earth. But we won’t ever see it again.”
“Why, question?”
You sigh. “This was supposed to be a one-way mission. We can stretch our rations to reach Erid, but we’ll run out of food. Even if we had more Astrophage, we still won’t have enough food to make the trip back to Earth.”
“Eat Erid food,” Rocky insists. “We evolve from same life. We use same proteins. Same chemicals. Same sugars. Must work!”
Ryland shakes his head. “I tested your food. We can’t eat your food, remember?” Rocky begins to protest, and Ryland continues. “It’s not just bad for us, it’ll kill us. Your entire ecosystem contains heavy metals, and most of them are toxic to humans. We’d die immediately.”
Rocky trembles. “You no can die. You are friends.”
“It’s okay,” Ryland says, pushing himself closer to the xenonite divider. “We came to this decision together. This is the only way to save both of our worlds.” Ryland glances at you and smiles sadly. “We’ve made peace with not going back to Earth if it means saving you.”
Rocky backs away. “No make peace! You go home. Go home now. I wait here. Erid maybe send another ship someday.”
You sigh and push yourself forward so you’re next to Ryland. “Rocky, you know how unlikely that is. Do you really want to risk the lives of everyone on Erid on that chance? Even when we’re already here?”
“No,” Rocky finally replies after several seconds of silence.
Ryland nods. “Okay, you can get in your xenonite ball and come on over. Talk us through how to patch up the xenonite walls. Then you can move your stuff in—”
“Wait,” Rocky’s carapace rises. “You no can eat Erid life. You no have Earth life to eat. What about Adrian life, question?”
Ryland scoffs and rebukes the feasibility of eating Astrophage, but Rocky’s wording strikes you as peculiar. He didn’t suggest you should eat Astrophage, he just said ‘Adrian life.’ But other than Astrophage, the only other life you have from Erid is—
“Taumoeba!” You blurt out, cutting off Ryland’s tangent about Astrophage’s cell membrane. “Rocky, you think we can eat Taumoeba?”
While Rocky lets out a series of chirps that loosely translate to a head nod, Ryland’s eyebrows furrow. “We can’t eat—I… what?”
You can almost see the gears turning in Ryland’s head, and you contemplate the suggestion. It’s true that Taumoeba doesn’t have any traces of heavy metals, and it isn’t 96 degrees like Astrophage. You’re not a biologist or nutritionist, but Taumoeba does seem like a feasible source of calories.
Ryland seems to be coming to the same conclusion, even as he continues to frown. “Maybe… we can.”
“I have twenty-two million kilograms of Taumoeba in fuel bays,” Rocky says, pointing back to his ship. “How much you want, question?”
You can’t help the smile that spreads across your face, easing some of the anxiety you previously felt from your impending future of relying solely on coma slurry. You press a quick kiss to Ryland’s cheek, making his frown transform into a hopeful smile. Your heart fills with warmth, and you blow a kiss to Rocky, who lets out a series of happy chirps. “Thank you, Rocky… thank you.”
“Settled,” Rocky replies and puts his claw against the xenonite divider. “Fist my bump.”
Ryland rolls his eyes and laughs as he puts his knuckles against the divider. “Fist-bump. It’s just fist bump.”
Rocky moves his claw a few inches to the side so you can also fist-bump. The air feels lighter as you take comfort in the joyful atmosphere. Being with Rocky and Ryland is your future for the next four years. Despite the circumstances, you can’t imagine a better fate.
the planets and the fates and all the stars aligned: Chapter 14
I've had part of this chapter written from the very start of this fic and I'm so excited to finally share it! Enjoy!
Series masterlist | Chapter on AO3
The lab is silent while you and Ryland work side by side, the hum of the ship’s life support creating a pleasant white noise that you barely notice anymore. While you prepare to refuel one of the beetles—Ringo, to be specific—you glance at Ryland.
He sits hunched over a computer, scrolling through a spreadsheet with a small container of the coma slurry at his side. One of his projects over the past month since parting ways with Rocky has been deciphering how to improve the taste of the coma slurry. Typing into the computer, Ryland mouths something to himself and runs a hand through his hair. You can’t help but smile at seeing his intense concentration.
“Take a picture, it’ll last longer.”
You nearly jump at Ryland unexpectedly speaking. He turns to you with a smirk, causing your cheeks to flush. You quickly mumble an apology.
“No need to apologize,” Ryland replies, twisting in his seat so he’s facing you. “Really, I’m flattered that I’m worth staring at.”
A laugh escapes your lips. “Just don’t let it go to your head.” You glance at the coma slurry next to him. “How are the culinary improvements on the slurry going?”
Ryland’s shoulders slump. “Not good. It’s really making me wish I’d taken that nutrition elective in college.” He leans forward to get a better look at the beetle you’re about to open. “How’s that going?”
“I’m just about to start refueling,” you explain as you bring closer a container of Astrophage (or as Ryland calls it, BOCOA—big ol’ container of Astrophage). The lid is easy enough to open, and with a firm tug you peek inside and—
“Ugh!”
You both wince as a foul stench hits your noses. You instantly cover your nose with your hand.
“Why does it smell like that?” Ryland mumbles, pulling up the collar of his shirt to cover his nose and mouth.
The sickly smell, reminiscent of rotting food, permeates the air. It feels familiar, similar to when you woke up after the trip to Adrian with the smell of decaying Astrophage in the air—
“The Taumoeba!” You blurt out, your heart racing. Ryland’s eyes widen as he realizes what you’re referring to.
The Taumoeba are loose again.
“Stratt!” You yelled as you pounded on the door of her mobile home. “Stratt! I know you’re in there!”
A moment later, the door swung open, revealing a burly man who filled almost the entire doorway. He glared at you, prompting you to take a half step back.
“I’m looking for Stratt,” you said after a moment, hoping your face didn’t waver in the face of the intimidating man, whose uniform indicated he was a soldier.
The man opened his mouth, but a voice cut him off before he could speak. “Let her in.” The lightly accented voice was quiet but commanding: Stratt.
The soldier stared at you for a second before stepping aside to allow you to enter. The mobile home was the biggest of any you’d seen at Baikonur, with a full kitchen and a large table littered with papers in various languages.
Sitting at the table was Stratt, who barely glanced up from the document she was reading. “What brings you here, doctor?”
You huffed and strode across the room to stand in front of her. “Cut the crap, Stratt. What happened to Dr. Grace?”
If Stratt was surprised by your unusually sharp words, she didn’t show it. She wrote something down on the document she was reading before finally giving you her full attention. “I had a feeling you’d be here soon.”
Anger coursed through your veins at her nonchalance. “I repeat: What happened to him? I talked to Ryland four hours ago, right before he left to tell you he doesn’t want to go on the mission. Now I’m hearing he’s in a coma?”
Stratt gestured to the seat you stood next to, prompting you to tentatively sit down.
“You are correct that Dr. Grace initially declined to join the mission,” Stratt replied, placing her clasped hands on the table. “But during our meeting, he changed his mind. However, he was extremely anxious, so we agreed to induce his coma early to optimize his safety, and so he wouldn’t panic in the days leading up to the launch.”
Stratt’s face and tone remained calm as she spoke. Yet for a split second, something in her eyes flickered, sending a chill down your spine.
“You’re lying.”
Her eyes narrowed a fraction. “I assure you, I am not.”
“Yes, you are,” you responded, resolve settling in your bones. “Ryland was sure of his decision when he left. And even if he did change his mind, he never would’ve gone into a coma without telling me first.”
“I don’t know what to tell you.” Stratt’s expression remained impassive. “But that is what happened.”
Your hands turned into fists at your sides, and you leaned forward. “Stop lying. Ryland wouldn’t do this. What did you do to him?”
Stratt stared at you for several seconds. “I generally hold a lot of respect for you, doctor.” You froze at the sudden change in conversation. “Your career is marked by clear ambitions, and you have worked hard to achieve them. You volunteered for this mission with the knowledge you would die if something happened to the prime crew, and your determination has never wavered.” She leaned back in her seat, and a frown tugged at the corners of her mouth. “So I don’t understand how you can care so deeply for a man who is selfish and cowardly enough to let Earth die when he has the opportunity to save it.”
You said the only thing you could think of. “He’s not selfish—or a coward.”
“Isn’t he?” Stratt replied, raising an eyebrow. “I have kept an eye on your budding relationship, but I never said anything because Dr. Grace has worked harder and more efficiently the closer the two of you have gotten.” She shuffled some of the papers on her desk. “That reflects a man who knows that the better the preparations for the mission go, the less likely it would be for his girlfriend to be sent off to die.”
You opened your mouth to interject, but Stratt continued. “And now? Dr. Grace has the chance to save half of Earth’s population and die a hero next to the woman he loves. Yet he chose the cowardly option.”
What could you say to that? Truthfully, there was a part of you that was disappointed in him because he declined to become the assistant science specialist. But that was his decision, and you would respect it. “What did you do to him?”
Stratt glanced at the soldier stationed next to the door. “Dr. Grace was given a choice, and he chose wrong. So now the choice has been taken away.”
The coma—it took you a second to connect the dots. “You can’t do this.” Stratt stared at you as your voice grew in conviction. “In our earlier meeting, Yao said he wouldn’t have anyone on his ship who doesn’t want to be there. If you don’t release Ryland, I’ll—I’ll refuse to go on the mission.”
“No, you won’t,” Stratt replied, pursing her lips. “I’ve gotten to know you over the past several months, and you’ve worked too hard not to go now.”
“Try me!” You raised your voice to a near yell. “I’m not going on the mission if you’re taking Ryland against his will.”
Stratt simply signed. “I knew that if anyone was going to figure out the truth before the launch, it would be you. I hoped it wouldn’t come to this, but seeing as you’re being as uncooperative as Dr. Grace was, I have no choice but to induce your coma early as well.”
You stood up as your heart began to race. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw the soldier move so he stood squarely in front of the door. “You won’t get away with this. Yes, Ryland doesn’t have any training, but I do. People will get suspicious that I’m also being induced into a coma early.”
“Actually, it will make this more believable,” Stratt answered. “After all, the story is that we’re maximizing the science specialists’ safety. Having you both unconscious will sell the story even more.”
You frantically shook your head and took a step back. “When we wake up—we’ll tell Yao and Ilyukhina. They’ll know the truth then. We’ll make sure everyone on Earth knows you’ve betrayed us when we send the beetles back.”
Stratt tilted her head. “Dr. Grace said something similar. He even swore he’ll sabotage the mission. So much for not being selfish, huh?” She glanced down at one of the papers in front of her. “The French DGSE has perfected a retrograde amnesia drug that lasts for a long period of time. You’ll retain all your trained skills, but it will take you weeks to regain your full memory, especially your memory of this conversation.”
You jumped as a pair of hands grasped your arms—the soldier. You tried to pull yourself from his grasp, but the soldier’s grip remained firm and unyielding.
“Please, Stratt!” Tears began to form in your eyes. “I—I take it back. I’ll go willingly! Just don’t do this!”
Stratt stood up and shook her head. “It’s too late for that, you know too much.” She strode around the table and came to a halt in front of you. “I hope you know I don’t make this decision lightly. One day you’ll understand that making you both go is the only way the mission will succeed.”
Tears streamed down your face as the soldier began dragging you toward the door.
“Please don’t do this! Please!”
Oh.
So that’s what happened.
Ryland didn’t bravely volunteer at the last second.
Stratt betrayed both of you.
You know tears are flowing freely down your face, but you can’t bring yourself to wipe them away. All you can do is hug your legs to your chest in your spot on the floor, a minuscule solace in the wake of this new memory.
The emotions are coming back to you. Your concern for Ryland. Your fury at Stratt. The pure terror at realizing that Stratt was truly willing to do anything for Earth’s survival. And worst of all, she was right. You couldn’t have done this mission without Ryland. Despite all your training, his knowledge of Astrophage and molecular biology was pivotal for finding the solution to save Earth.
“Are you ready to—are you okay?”
The voice startles you, and it takes you a few moments to realize it’s Ryland, having just climbed up the ladder to join you in the cockpit. He crouches down to your level, concern evident on his face and reminding you of your conversation from an hour ago.
After hours of tireless work deploying nitrogen to kill the escaped Taumoeba, and an experiment to confirm your suspicions, you both realized that the Taumoeba escaped through xenonite. Rocky’s ship is made of xenonite—the xenonite must be consuming all the Astrophage on the Blip-A.
You wipe away your tears and lower your legs from your chest so you’re in a more neutral sitting position. “I’m fine,” you reply, willing your voice to remain even. “You’ve come to your decision, haven’t you?”
Ryland sits down and runs a hand through his hair. “I know this is asking a lot of you—everything of you, really. But I couldn’t live with myself if we don’t—”
“If we don’t go and save Rocky,” you finish for him. “From the second we realized why the Taumoeba escaped, I knew that would be your answer.”
“I’m sorry,” Ryland says, reaching forward to place his hand on top of yours. “I know it’s unfair of me to ask you to die, but… we can’t let Rocky die. Not when we can save him.”
“You wouldn’t be asking me to do it,” you reply with a sad smile. “I signed up for this mission knowing I’d die saving Earth. Now I get to die saving our friend.” Ryland’s shoulders relax, and you realize he’d been anxious about your answer. After a moment’s hesitation, you continue. “I signed up to die, but… you didn’t.”
Ryland pulls his hand away from yours and stares at you with wide eyes. “You—what do you remember?”
Well, that confirms that Ryland already regained those memories. “I remember that you said no to Stratt.”
Ryland remains silent as he takes off his glasses and runs a hand across his face. His shoulders slump as he stares down at his glasses placed on his lap. “You must hate me.”
You’re not sure what you expected him to say, but it certainly wasn’t that. “What?”
“I’m a coward,” Ryland replies, his voice quiet. “I’m not brave like you. I could’ve chosen the option to save Earth, but I was too scared. I decided I didn’t want to go on the mission that was sending you to die… and you comforted me.”
The anguish in his voice makes your heart ache. “I refused to go.”
Ryland finally looks up at your words. “What?”
“When I figured out that Stratt was forcing you on the mission,” you explain softly, meeting his gaze through the tears in his eyes. “I told her that I refused to go if she was sending you against your will.” Ryland stares at you. “So she decided to induce me into a coma early so I wouldn’t try and stop her.”
“Why would you do that?”
“Because I care about you,” you try to smile, but it comes out bittersweet. “Because you deserve to have your bodily autonomy respected. Because I wouldn’t be able to live with the knowledge that I hadn’t at least tried to stop her.” You hesitate for a moment. “Because… I think I love you.”
Ryland’s eyes widen. “You—you love me?”
This time, your smile turns sweeter. “Of course I love you, you big doofus.” It’s not the most romantic thing to say, but you wonder if he remembers you said something similar when you confessed your feelings to him all those months—well, years—ago on Earth.
His eyes brighten for a moment before turning sorrowful as he looks back down at his lap. “How can you love a coward?”
If you weren’t still so emotional from this conversation, you might have been tempted to roll your eyes at his self-deprecation. You reach out and take hold of his hand, forcing him to look back at you.
“You’re not a coward,” you respond. Ryland opens his mouth to protest, but you continue before he can. “A coward wouldn’t have initiated contact with an alien. A coward wouldn’t have risked his life doing an EVA in the upper atmosphere of an alien planet.” You take a deep breath. “A coward wouldn’t be willing to give up ever going back home to save his friend.”
Ryland absentmindedly rubs circles into your hand. “Maybe that’s now, but it doesn’t take away the fact that I was a coward on Earth.”
“Do you really think I only love you because of the memories I got back?” You reply with a huff, frustrated that he’s so unwilling to see your point of view. “I’ve fallen in love with you out here, light years from Earth. The memories of our past are just an added bonus.”
A smile tugs at the corners of Ryland’s mouth as he contemplates your response. After several moments of silence, he finally speaks. “Can you forgive me? For refusing to come on the mission, I mean.”
“I don’t need to forgive you,” you answer, smiling softly upon seeing Ryland’s confusion. “What matters is if you can forgive yourself.”
Ryland lets out a humorless laugh. “Easier said than done… but thank you.” He raises your clasped hands and kisses your hand. “And in case I haven’t made it painfully obvious, I love you too.”
Despite the heaviness in your chest from remembering Stratt’s betrayal, you can’t help the smile that spreads across your face as you lean forward and press a kiss to Ryland’s lips. The position is awkward as you put most of your weight on your knees and grasp Ryland’s shirt for leverage. Yet as his lips move softly against yours and he cradles your cheek with his hand, you can’t find it in yourself to care. You’ve kissed him several times now, but he still makes butterflies flutter in your stomach every time.
After several seconds, you pull away. You know you have so much to discuss, from Stratt’s betrayal to how to pack the Taumoeba farms in the beetles. But for now, you stand up and hold a hand out to Ryland.
“Come on, I’ve got a boatload of math I need to do to calculate Rocky’s position.”
the planets and the fates and all the stars aligned: Chapter 13
You all know the drill: Series masterlist and this chapter is up on AO3! Enjoy!
“Tomorrow’s the day,” Ryland says as he climbs down the ladder to join you in the dormitory.
You look up from your task of adjusting the blankets on your bed. “Tomorrow’s the big day.”
Ryland plops down on his unmade bed and takes off his shoes. “Can’t believe we’re leaving Rocky.”
Usually, saying the Eridian’s name would send him scuttling into the room. But presently, Rocky is instead in the Blip-A, preparing his ship for the journey back to Erid.
“We’re not leaving him,” you correct as you sit next to Ryland on his bed, selecting an edge where the blankets are slightly less curled into a ball. “We’re all going home.”
Ryland lets out a deep sigh and stares at his hands in his lap. “I guess that part hasn’t fully hit me yet. This time tomorrow, we’ll be on our way back to Earth.”
Seeing the heaviness in his shoulders, you playfully bump your shoulder against his, prompting him to look up. “What’s the first thing you want to do when we get back?”
Ryland’s eyebrows furrow. “What do you mean?”
You smile patiently at him. “After we’re poked and prodded by a million doctors wanting to examine the first humans to travel at near-lightspeed, what’s the first thing you want to do when we get back to Earth?”
“I want a burger,” Ryland instantly replies, prompting your eyebrows to shoot up. Seeing your surprise, he continues. “There’s this amazing burger place in San Francisco that’s next to a park with a great view of the Golden Gate Bridge.”
“Any recommendations from the menu?” You reply.
“Well, their Cowboy Burger has an amazing sauce that really ties it together,” Ryland responds with a bright smile. “So I’d probably get that, but their veggie burgers are probably the best I’ve ever had, so I think you should get the Garden Burger. Then, we can walk a block over to the park and look at the Golden Gate Bridge.”
You’re unsure if he realizes that his hypothetical first stop automatically included you. The thought makes your stomach flutter, and you smile softly. “It’s a date, then.”
Ryland lets out a chuckle, and his warm gaze meets yours. Something flickers in his eyes, and he leans forward, drawing you into a kiss. Starting off as a soft brush before deepening, his lips are gentle but insistent, causing a fluttering in your chest. He lets out a soft sigh against your lips, and you feel the remaining tension in his body disappear.
After a few moments, Ryland pulls away and cups your cheek with his hand. “Yeah, it’s a date.”
You can’t help the laugh that slips through your lips. It’s a laugh of pure joy, and it makes your body feel lighter. Suddenly, an idea occurs to you. “You know, Rocky said the maintenance he needs to do on his ship is going to take several hours.”
Ryland tilts his head. “Yeah, so?”
“So,” you reply slowly as you tug off your shoes. “That means that we have the ship to ourselves for a couple of hours.”
Comprehension finally dawns in Rylands’s eyes. Before you can make a comment about his obliviousness, Ryland pulls you into his lap and captures your lips in a searing kiss. You adjust your position so your legs straddle his hips and blush when the move turns out less graceful than you had planned, your legs wobbling until you settle more comfortably in his lap.
Ryland pulls away from the kiss just enough to let out a small laugh before placing his hands on your waist to finish stabilizing you. He leans back in and reinitiates the kiss, his lips firm against yours. The warmth of his hands on your waist and the passion of the renewed kiss send a thrill down your spine. One of your hands settles on his shoulder while the other sneaks up to his neck, the tips of your fingers brushing against his soft blond hair. Without thinking, you tug his hair and feel him moan against your lips.
You know your past self on Earth had already done this with Ryland, yet the passion in his kiss and the firmness of his hands sneaking below the hem of your shirt feels entirely new. Although a part of you is nervous, you feel undoubtedly safe in his arms.
After several seconds, you both pull away to regain your breath, your heaving chests moving almost in tandem. One of Ryland’s hands reaches forward and brushes a stray strand of hair from your face. The gentleness of his gesture juxtaposes his dilated pupils and the intimate position you’re in, warming your heart. Wordlessly, you pull his lips back to yours, reveling in the comfort that his embrace brings.
The soft pinks and oranges the setting sun created in the sky were unfairly cheery as you walked to the dining hall. The walk felt unexpectedly never-ending, and while you knew you could go to your mobile home to eat instead, the knowledge that you would see Andrea’s empty bed made bile threaten to rise in your throat. No, it was better to go to the dining hall bustling with people to remind you of the importance of the mission you would embark on in a few short days.
After walking for what felt like an eternity—but was likely only a few minutes—you finally arrived at the dining hall. A group of engineers sent you bright smiles as they held the door open to allow you to enter. You knew part of their joy was at seeing you, the new lead science specialist for The Hail Mary.
You were instantly greeted by the rumble of dozens of conversations across the large dining hall, the cheery tones and easy smiles contrasting against your dour disposition. Although you knew it was better optics for people to see you in a happier mood, your thoughts from the past couple of hours felt all-encompassing.
How were you going to conduct an Astrophage crash course for the biology undergraduate student you knew was the backup science specialist now that Ryland turned down the mission? Was it even possible to teach someone everything about Astrophage in less than a week? Ryland was staying on Earth while you were being sent to die—
You shook your head to stop your spiraling thoughts. Instead, you scanned the dining hall, searching for a familiar head of messy blond hair. He wasn’t at Ilyukhina’s table or with Dimitri’s group of engineers. Maybe you just missed him?
“Are you looking for someone?” A voice said behind you. Turning around, you realized it was a woman, one of the Astrophage biologists you knew Andrea had befriended. Fatima, you remembered after a moment.
You forced a smile that you suspected wasn’t very convincing. “Yeah, I’m looking for Ry—Dr. Grace. He usually eats dinner around this time, but I don’t see him.”
Fatima’s eyebrows furrowed. “You’re looking for Dr. Grace?”
“Yes, have you seen him?” You asked, frowning at her confusion.
“You mean… you haven’t heard?” Fatima replied, and you saw her glance around the dining hall as her shoulders tensed.
Although you knew that Fatima was one of Andrea’s go-to sources for gossip, the tone of her voice made you suspect she wasn’t about to report some absurd rumor that someone probably started as a joke. Her shift in demeanor made your heart begin to race. “What haven’t I heard?”
“They had to take extra steps to protect Dr. Grace since he’s the new assistant science specialist,” Fatima explains, closely studying your reaction. “They induced his coma early to protect him.”
The rumbling of conversations seemed to disappear, and you could almost hear your racing heart pounding in your ears. You talked to Ryland four hours ago, right before he left to tell Stratt he wasn’t going on the mission. Now he was in an induced coma?
“You really hadn’t heard?”
Fatima’s question brought you back to the present, and you became aware that you had been silent for several seconds. Glancing around, you realized that the table closest to you could probably hear your conversation.
You plastered on a smile and prayed that it was convincing. “Of course I’ve heard. Things have just been so hectic, it must’ve slipped my mind.”
Fatima squinted at you for a moment before an easy smile spread across her face. “Yeah, if everything was crazy before, it’s ten times busier now. Although, have you heard that Dr. Erikson and Dr. Ja—”
“Sorry, Fatima,” you said, cutting off what would’ve undoubtedly been a fifteen-minute recounting of the latest gossip. “I just remembered I have an errand I need to run.”
You could tell Fatima was disappointed that she couldn’t report the rumor she heard. Still, she shrugged, her posture unbothered. “Of course. I’ll see if I can catch up with you later to tell you the full story.” She tilted her head. “Do you mind if I ask what the errand is?”
“I just need to ask Stratt a quick question.”
“Trying to think if there’s anything else I forgot,” Ryland says next to you in the tunnel that connects The Hail Mary to the Blip-A.
“Fuel tank fixed okay, question?” Rocky asks from his perch on the other side of the xenonite barrier that separates you.
You forced a smile. “Yeah, I rechecked the fuel bays, and everything is working fine.”
“Oh, good, happy happy happy,” Rocky replies, the tone of his humming sounding unenthusiastic.
There’s a pause as the three of you look at each other, none of you being willing to move. After several seconds, Ryland chuckles awkwardly. “Well, my friend.”
Rocky perks up. “Yes, friend.”
Ryland glances at you. “Not sure what to say, so, just going to…” He turns around and starts walking back to the airlock door.
You begin to turn to follow him when Rocky speaks up, saying your and Ryland’s names. “Watch each other sleep, please.”
His words make your heart twist, reminding you of how lonely he’ll be by himself. “I wish we could stay to watch you sleep,” Ryland steps closer to you as you continue. “I’m sorry you’ll have to be brave without us.”
Rocky shakes one of his arms in the Eridian equivalent of a head shake. “You are very brave.”
An unreadable emotion flashes across Ryland’s eyes. “Well, I don’t know about that.”
“You are bravest humans I have ever met.”
You can’t help the chuckle that escapes your lips while Ryland smiles. “Hey!”
“Is joke!” Rocky replies, his carapace becoming lighter. “I only meet two humans and is you.”
“It’s a good joke,” Ryland says, and you can hear the strain in his voice even as he laughs. After a moment, he glances briefly at you. “Alright, well… goodbye, I guess.”
“No understand word.”
It takes you a moment to realize which word he’s referring to. “It means we’re leaving and… see you later.”
Rocky leans his weight back and forth. “But I won’t see you later.”
You take a deep breath to hold back the tears threatening to form.
“I know,” Ryland replies through a sad smile. “How do you say goodbye back home?”
“We don’t, we do this,” Rocky answers and runs a claw across one of his legs, producing a soft trilling that faintly reminds you of a chirping bird.
You and Ryland mimic the move, rubbing a hand up and down your forearm. With Rocky’s goodbye filling your ears, you lead Ryland back to the airlock door. As you swing the door open, you realize Ryland is still several steps behind you. You turn around in time to see Rocky and Ryland mirroring each other’s… dance moves? Although a part of you wants to question them, the joy evident in both their body language makes you pause.
You’d seen displays like this in the past several days that are evidence of the deep bond between Rocky and Ryland that formed while you were unconscious after the trip to Adrian. You can’t find it in yourself to even be jealous when you see the bittersweet joy evident in their movements as they share this inside joke.
Eventually, their shared joke ends, and you and Ryland wave goodbye. As you enter the cockpit, Ryland begins the process of disconnecting The Hail Mary from the xenonite bridge.
the planets and the fates and all the stars aligned: Chapter 12
Sorry for the delay, but here's the new chapter. The usual drill: Series masterlist and the chapter is also up on AO3. Enjoy!
“All set!” you call out as you set down the controls Rocky made to steer the ship using the beetles. You’re unsure if the others can hear you, but you continue talking from your spot in the control room. “I adjusted the angle of our approach since we were veering slightly off course.”
Again, there’s no reply, but you can hear Rocky and Ryland’s voices below you in the lab. As you finish re-checking your calculations on one of the control room’s screens to give the pair a full update, you hear the translation software that serves as Rocky’s voice.
“Rocky have question.”
After a beat, Ryland responds. “What’s your question?”
You walk toward the hatch that leads to the lab as Rocky says your and Ryland’s names. “Said you had no mates. Rocky notice change in behavior. Mates now, question?”
Your body stills over the top rung of the ladder you had just begun to climb, and your cheeks flush. Since your kiss after Rocky offered you Astrophage to go back to Earth, you and Ryland hadn’t had time to have a proper discussion about what you are to each other. You know you both want a future together, and the memories you’ve regained indicate that you and Ryland became a couple.
“What does being mates mean on Erid?” Ryland replies, and you can hear the thoughtfulness in his tone.
You know you should continue climbing down, but curiosity gets the better of you, and you remain in place at the top of the ladder.
“Mates live together, watch each other sleep, lay eggs together,” Rocky explains slowly, clearly thinking over his answer. “Mates care and worry about each other. Day is better with mate, happier with mate.”
You’ve always considered Rocky to be a very practical person—well, Eridian—but when he talks about Adrian, he shows he’s a romantic at heart. It seems humans and Eridians have similar ideas about romance. However, there’s a note of sadness in Rocky’s tone that shows how much he misses his mate. It makes you want to comfort him—
“Ryland?” You called out as you knocked on the door of Ryland’s mobile home.
After a few moments of silence, you heard shuffling, and the door swung open, revealing a frazzled-looking Ryland. His hair stuck up at awkward angles as if he had been running his hands through it, and his eyes were puffy and bloodshot, showing he had been crying extensively. Considering he now had less than half an hour to tell Stratt his decision, his appearance wasn’t all that surprising.
Upon seeing his lower lip begin to wobble, you stepped through the doorway and pulled him into a hug. His arms instantly wrapped around you, and you heard him let out a small sigh of relief.
“I’m sorry it took me so long to come,” you said, your face pressed against his chest, “I was only just able to sneak out early from a meeting.”
Ryland shook his head as he slowly pulled away from the hug. “It’s okay, I’m just glad you’re here.”
Taking his hand, you led him across the short distance to his bed and ushered him to sit next to you. “I’m sorry we sprung the meeting on you earlier. Stratt only told us a couple of hours ago, and I was given very strict orders not to tell you ahead of time.”
A humorless laugh escaped his lips. “I’m not sure how much a heads-up would’ve helped anyway.” He stared bitterly down at his hands in his lap. “There’s probably no easy way to find out that everyone I know came together to decide I should die.”
Unwittingly, you winced at his words and reached next to you to place a hand on top of his. “Ryland, that isn’t what that was.”
“Isn’t it?” He turned his head to look at you with watery eyes. “Yes, I’d go on the mission, but at the end of the day, it’s signing up to die.”
You paused for a few seconds before speaking. “Isn’t that what I signed up for?” Ryland’s eyes widened, and he opened his mouth to reply, but you continued before he could. “I’m an astronomer getting to travel light-years to another solar system. It’s basically a dream come true.” You met his gaze. “I signed up for this a long time ago… but you didn’t.”
Ryland stared at you for a few moments before standing up to pace. “You’re right, you’re an astronomer who’s been training for this. But me? I’m a middle school science teacher. My place is with the kids, in the classroom.”
You couldn’t help but sigh. “You’re a science teacher with a PhD in molecular biology and an expert in Astrophage biology.”
His shoulder slumped, and he stopped pacing to turn to you. “You asked me what I’m going to do after the launch, and I said I’d go back to teaching in San Francisco.” He strode forward and took your hand in his. “The truth is, the only future I can imagine is one where I’m teaching kids, you’re doing the research you love as a professor, and we come home to each other at the end of the day.”
You could almost see the picture he painted. “You’re forgetting one important part.” Ryland’s eyebrows furrowed, and a sad smile tugged on your lips. “Even if you say no to Stratt, I’m still going on the mission.”
Ryland ran a hand across his face. “So, no matter what I decide, you’re still going to die light-years away from Earth?”
You tentatively stood up. “No matter what you decide, I’ll die saving Earth.” Placing a hand on his cheek, he closed his eyes and leaned into your touch. “If you go, at least we’ll be together.”
After a few seconds, Ryland reached up and lowered your hand from his cheek. “I’m sorry,” He whispered before opening his eyes, revealing they were glistening with unshed tears. “I know it’s the right thing to do, but I just… I can’t do it.”
Despite the sob that clawed at your throat, you forced a reassuring smile and pulled him into a hug. “You don’t have to apologize, Ryland.” With his face angled away from yours in the hug, you allowed your tears to fall. “I understand… I understand.”
You lean forward as the memory slips through your fingers, making you frown. Ryland was going to tell Stratt no?
You’re brought out of your thoughts by Ryland’s voice. “Then, yeah, I guess we are mates.” It takes you a moment to remember what Ryland is responding to, and when you do, butterflies erupt in your stomach, unrelated to your confusion from regaining a memory.
“Be happy mates on Earth, question?” Rocky replies, this time in a cheerier tone.
A chuckle from Ryland reaches your ears. “That’s the plan, yes.”
You wait a few moments to see if they’ll say anything more, but all you hear is the shuffling of Rocky and Ryland resuming their work in the lab. Taking that as your cue, you climb down the lab and join them. As you suspected, Ryland is hunched over one of the Taumeba breeder tanks, and Rocky is fiddling with something in his xenonite tunnel.
“All done!” you announce, prompting the pair to turn to you. “I adjusted one of the beetle’s thrusts so we’ll get there sooner and come at a better angle to the Blip-A.”
Ryland straightened and turned to you with a smile. “I’m glad we have an astronomer on board.”
You waved away his response. “Beat that, everyone who ever asked me what I’d do with a master’s degree in physics.” You looked back and forth between Rocky and Ryland. “Anything interesting happen while I was up there?”
Ryland’s eyes darted to Rocky before sending you a shrug. “Nothing really.”
Even though Rocky doesn’t have eyes, something in the tilt of his carapace tells you he knew you were listening to their conversation. You raise an eyebrow, challenging him to call you out.
Instead, he readjusts his hold on whatever machinery he’s working on. “Grace just noisy when eating,” the Eridian replies, humor written into the movement of his carapace. “Grace is messy when eating, is leaky space blob.”
the planets and the fates and all the stars aligned: Chapter 11
Welcome back to the new chapter! You all know the drill: chapter up on AO3 and series Masterlist.
The top brass of Project Hail Mary trickled into the spare meeting room in one of the Baikonur Cosmodrome’s administrative buildings. It was a building closer to the launch pad and had subsequently remained unscathed from the research center’s explosion the day before.
Most of the team, including you, had been in the room only an hour earlier. While Stratt and the others had gone to catch up with Ryland and bring him here, you had been given specific instructions to remain in the meeting room. Carl had stayed by the door, ensuring you didn’t leave, even to go to the bathroom. You knew why they didn’t want you to leave.
More specifically, who they didn’t want you to speak to.
“If we miss the orbital window,” Dimitri said as everyone settled into their seats. “It’ll set us back months.
Yao and Ilyukhina sat next to you, the three of you wearing matching yellow Hail Mary jumpsuits. You felt a swell of pride wearing the jumpsuit with your last name stitched on a patch over your heart. At the same time, you experienced a pang of sorrow knowing you were the only one wearing the science specialist patch. In the moments you had allowed yourself to truly visualize being sent on the mission, you always imagined Andrea at your side.
Andrea.
You blinked away the tears threatening to form as Ryland’s eye briefly met yours, the first time seeing each other since the explosion.
Ryland turned to Stratt. “Yeah, but if there’s no one trained to be the assistant science specialist, it won’t matter.”
“Casualty estimates go up exponentially if we delay,” Stratt replied calmly. You shot her a quick glare, knowing she was behind the order prohibiting you from leaving the room until the meeting started. “We launch on schedule with a replacement assistant science specialist.”
Ryland took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. “Okay, but who? I mean that…”
The room remained silent, prompting Ryland to trail off and look up. Around you, everyone stared at Ryland expectantly. His eyes widened, looking at all the people he had spent the past several months working tirelessly with. His eyes lingered longer on you, sending you an imploring look. Knowing everyone was looking at you from the corner of their eye, you kept your face blank but willed your eyes to convey an apology.
Ryland’s gaze finally settled on Stratt, and a silent communication passed between them. “I’m not an astronaut,” he finally said in a quiet voice.
Stratt was quick to reply. “I don’t need an astronaut. I need an expert on Astrophage who has the coma-resistant gene and is mission ready.”
“I’m not ready,” Ryland answered instantly. “I don’t have any training.”
Ilyukhina waved her hand to dismiss his worries. “You’ll pick it up.”
“I’m not an astronaut!” Ryland beat the palms of his hands against the table to emphasize his words. “I put the not in astronaut.” He began to speak more frantically. “I’ve never done anything. I’ve done a spacewalk—I can’t even moonwalk! I’m not heroic in any way! I get sick on the elevator.”
“Oh, perfect!” Yao responded cheerily. “There’s no elevator on the ship.”
Ryland shook his head. “I cannot do this.”
“Yes, you can, Ryland.” You said softly, wishing you could reach across the table and hold his hand.
Stratt remained calm and nodded. “She’s right. You’re smart, you’ll figure it out.”
Her words seemed to bring back an agitated spark into Ryland’s eyes. “This might be very hard for you to understand, but some people are failures. Some people don’t rise to the challenge.”
You frowned at his evident distress, but Stratt remained unfazed. “You’ve been present for every major scientific or strategic meeting we’ve had on the mission.” She glanced around the room. “This situation is exactly why we have a lead and assistant science specialist—for redundancy. We couldn’t ask for a better replacement.”
Ryland laughed nervously. “You’re missing out an important part of the mission, which is the suicide part.”
If he expected everyone to laugh along, no one did. Ilyukhina gave him an unimpressed look. “Grace, you’d be in very cool company.”
Stratt folded her hands. “If you don’t go, you’ll die anyway.”
Ryland remained unconvinced. “Yeah, but I’d die in 30 years with—”
“With the rest of us,” Stratt completed for him. “You have no immediate family, you don’t even have a dog, and your girlfriend is now the lead science specialist for the mission.”
Your cheeks flushed, and some of the others at the table shot you surprised glances. Although a part of you wanted to know how Stratt even knew that, considering you only got together a little over a week ago, you pushed that concern aside for now. All you can do is shrug helplessly at Ryland.
“So, just so I’m clear,” Ryland said after several moments of silence. “You’re asking me right now to… give up my life.”
Stratt’s formerly stern voice turns softer. “I am. We all are.”
Ryland purses his lips. “Can I think about this?”
“You have three hours,” Stratt replied, barely glancing at her watch.
Ryland’s shoulders slumped, and you could see tears welling in his eyes as the gravity of the situation fully hit him. After a few moments, he wordlessly stood up and walked out of the room, his moves robotic as if he was operating on autopilot. You stood up to follow him, but Stratt raised her hand to stop you.
“Let him go,” she said, and everyone turned their attention to you. “He needs time to think this over by himself.”
You hesitantly nodded and sat back down, your body suddenly feeling unbearably heavy. While Lokken tentatively began to give an update on the final adjustments to The Hail Mary in orbit, your eyes remained fixed on the door Ryland disappeared through.
“…let Taumoeba in. It only takes one,” a voice says somewhere in the distance.
“Bad! Bad bad bad!” That was a second person, but the voice sounds more robotic, as if it can’t convey a full range of distress.
A strange smell begins to reach you, reminding you of rotting food. Your nose scrunches up in displeasure.
“We’re dead in space,” the first voice says again, its masculine tone striking you as familiar. “We’re stuck here forever.”
The meaning of the words fully hits you. Dead in space. Your heart begins to race, and you force your eyes to flutter open.
At first, all you see is darkness, imperceptibly different from having your eyes closed. However, your eyesight soon adjusts and you realize there are LED lights emitting a soft glow. The lights provide just enough illumination for you to see the metal ceiling above. With a groan, you sit up and immediately feel a headache form.
“Not forever.” It’s the second voice again, coming from somewhere overhead.
Now that your eyes have adjusted, you realize you’re in The Hail Mary’s dormitory. To your left is a powered-down Armando, and you become cognisant of an IV line connected to one arm and bandages covering the other arm. You’re tempted to remove the IV, but hold off for now.
“No?” It’s the first voice, and your sluggish brain finally comprehends that it’s Ryland, meaning the second voice is Rocky.
You swing your legs over the side of the bed and immediately feel a bout of nausea overwhelm you. Your vision swims and your headache increases. You force yourself to take deep breaths to hold off the bile threatening to form.
“No,” Rocky says somewhere above, likely in the lab. “Orbit decay soon. Then we die.”
Rocky’s declaration gives you the strength to finally call out to them. “Ryland? Rocky?”
You hear a thump overhead, like something being knocked over, and then footsteps. A moment later, Ryland appears, climbing down the ladder faster than you’ve ever seen him, with Rocky following closely behind in his xenonite tunnel.
“You’re actually awake!” Ryland exclaims, quickly pulling you into a hug.
Despite your pounding headache, their excitement makes you smile. You get a sense of déjà vu, remembering when you first woke up on The Hail Mary. “How long was I out?”
Ryland shoots Rocky a look before turning back to you. “You’ve been in and out of consciousness for over a week.”
Your jaw drops open at the news, even if it does explain the stiffness in your limbs and being attended to by Armando.
“The last thing I remember is ejecting the fuel bays,” you reply. “What happened?”
This time it’s Rocky who answers. “Rocky and Grace put ship into centrifuge to stop spin and almost die.”
You suddenly notice what can best be described as a silvery scar on Rocky’s carapace and the bandages covering Ryland’s left arm. “What do you mean you both almost died?”
The soft smile on Ryland’s face turns into a frown. “I was barely able to turn on the centrifuge to cancel out the ship’s spin. You were bleeding really badly, and I knew I needed to get you to Armando as quickly as possible—who, by the way, said you have a severe concussion—but anyway, I was hurt and couldn’t carry you on my own.” He looked at Rocky as he spoke. “Rocky came out of his xenonite tunnel to help me take you down to Armando… I barely got him back to his enclosure in time.”
His explanation hits you hard. They risked their lives to save you… Rocky could’ve died coming out of his enclosure. The two beings who’ve become your entire world almost died. Before you know it, you burst into tears.
Ryland softly says your name as he sits next to you and wraps an arm around you. You hear a thump nearby, then a pressure against your leg. Glancing down, you see that Rocky has switched to his xenonite ball and touches your leg in the semblance of a hug. Somehow, that makes you cry hard.
“Hey, we’re okay,” Ryland says in a reassuring voice. “Look at us, we’re all alive.”
We’re all alive.
That isn’t necessarily true
“Not all of us,” you whisper with a sniffle.
Ryland, who had been slowly rubbing your non-bandaged arm, pauses. “What do you mean?”
You pull yourself out of his arms and see his worried expression. It’s painfully similar to how he looked at you the night of the explosion at the Baikonur Cosmodrome. If you moved your head the right way, you could almost imagine that the dim LED lights are the fire of the research center burning in the distance.
“Not all of us are alive,” you repeat more firmly, taking deep breaths to stop your tears from flowing. “DuBois, Annie, Andrea… they’re dead.”
You always knew that something serious must have happened to them for you and Ryland to be sent on the mission. Yet, perhaps a naive part of you hoped it was simply an unusual set of circumstances that made Dubois, Annie, and Andrea unavailable for the mission.
Comprehension dawns on Ryland’s face. “You remembered that, huh?”
Although your tears have slowed, one escapes the corner of your eye. Ryland reaches out a hand and wipes it away. As he drops his hand, you take it and hold it in your lap. “Andrea just tagged along at the last second. They didn’t even get a noble death. It was just… human error. ”
“You’re right, it’s unfair that they died and we didn’t,” Ryland replies with a sigh. He runs a hand through his hair, making a section stand up awkwardly. “But if they hadn’t died, the three of us wouldn’t be standing here, together.”
Rocky, who had been quiet up until this moment, says your and Ryland’s names. “Greatest friends Rocky could have. Rocky happy happy happy to have human friends.”
You couldn’t help but smile. Using Ryland’s hand to help you balance, you sat on the ground and hugged Rocky’s xenonite ball. “I’m happy you’re my friend too, Rocky.” A thump against the xenonite barrier tells you Rocky is “returning” your hug. Ryland places a reassuring hand on your shoulder, making your heart swell.
As you pull away from the hug, you remember you’re still connected to the IV, but Armando hasn’t tried to usher you back to bed—he’s still powered down. Glancing around, you realize that the dim lighting isn’t the same as The Hail Mary’s simulated night mode. It’s like the ship is using only the minimal energy possible. You suddenly remember the conversation you overheard between Ryland and Rocky when you were waking up.
You look back and forth between Ryland and Rocky. “Why is the ship on emergency power mode? And what did you guys mean about being dead in space?”
Even though Rocky doesn’t have a face, you can tell he and Ryland are sending each other nervous glances.
“So, about that, the astrophage predator may or may have gotten into our fuel lines…”
the planets and the fates and all the stars aligned: Chapter 10
New chapter! As always, the chapter is also posted on AO3, and here is the master list of the rest of the series. Enjoy
“Time go fishing, question?” Rocky asks from his perch in the control room of The Hail Mary.
You keep careful watch over the altitude and velocity readings. “Time go fishing,” you repeat, and, out of the corner of your eye, you see Rocky press a button to release the probe.
You sit in the pilot’s seat of the control room, your right hand hovering over the manual flight controls. Deciding who would pilot the ship took some debating. Still, you, Rocky, and Ryland eventually decided that, as the person who had trained for months through countless flight simulations, you are the obvious choice.
After nearly a minute, Rocky confirms that the sampler is now successfully in the Astrophage breeding zone.
“Now comes the fun part,” Ryland says, unstrapping himself from the small chair in the far corner of the control room.
Rocky perks up. “Grace go out on haul to retrieve collector, no fun at all.”
“It’s a joke,” Ryland replies as he stands up, prompting a slight chuckle from you.
Rocky mumbles something about humans’ sense of humor, but you tune him out as you turn your head in Ryland’s direction in time for him to press a kiss to your cheek. You feel the tension in your shoulders lighten by a fraction as the corner of your lips curls up.
Before he can turn away, you curl a hand around the front of his flight suit and pull him back to you, planting a firm kiss on his lips. Ryland only has a moment to return the kiss before you let go of his flight suit.
“Be careful out there,” you say softly, meeting his gaze.
Ryland nods, a determined spark lighting in his eyes. “I always am.”
You want to respond that you’ve seen plenty of evidence to the contrary, but hold your tongue, knowing you’re only delaying Ryland’s departure. Instead, you simply wish him good luck.
While Ryland puts on his EVA suit and prepares the airlock, Rocky says your name and shakes his carapace in what you’ve learned is disapproval. “Distracting Grace from mission, no helpful.”
You roll your eyes and check the velocity readings, seeing it’s still at the necessary 127.5 meters per second. “I’m not distracting him. I’m just being encouraging.”
The exterior airlock door opens, and you hear Ryland groan over the radio. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”
Rocky perks up. “What problem, question?”
“It’s fine,” Ryland replies, and, from a glance at the airlock, you see him adjusting the ship’s exterior tethers. “It’s just the sky is… slightly on fire.”
At his words, you check one of the external camera feeds and, sure enough, the planet below seems to glow due to the IR blast from the engines. The bright orange fire contrasts against the green planet, reminding you of—
There was less than a week left until launch.
It was the evening, and the sun had long since set over the Kazakh steppes. You drained the water from the boiled pasta down the kitchenette sink in Ryland’s mobile home and set out paper plates and the butter you requested from the central dining hall.
“Pasta’s ready,” you told Ryland, who frowned down at one of the seemingly endless documents cluttering the kitchen table.
Upon seeing that Ryland continued to stare at a document, you took a few steps forward and pressed a swift kiss to his cheek. “Earth to Ryland? Come in?”
The crease in his forehead smoothed and he looked up. “Sorry, I was doing the math on how much additional space some extra coma slurry would take up.” His lips curled upon seeing you were wearing his periodic table shirt, and he wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you closer to his seat at the mobile home’s solitary chair. “Thank you for making dinner.”
You half-heartedly rolled your eyes. “Right, because boiling pasta takes a culinary genius.”
Ryland pulled you in a soft kiss before leaning back and looking at you with warm eyes. “I’m serious. It’s been a long day, and I appreciate you coming to make us both dinner.” A mischievous smile spread across his lips as his hand snuck below the shirt you wore and settled at your waist. “Even if you did come here with ulterior motives.”
Your skin tingled where his hand touched your waist, and a blush crept up your cheeks. “You say that now but—”
The windows shattered as a thunderous explosion shook the mobile home, sending you and Ryland tumbling to the ground while glass shards spilled onto the floor. Ryland sat up and mouthed something to you, but it took you a moment to realize that you couldn’t hear him over the ringing in your ears. Thin slits cut across Ryland’s face from the flying shards of glass, and he helped pull you into a sitting position.
“—you okay?” The ringing in your ears finally eased enough to hear Ryland’s concerned voice. Meanwhile, you could hear sirens in the distance.
You tentatively nodded and shook your shoulders to ease the ache that came from hitting the ground hard.
Using the table and kitchenette as leverage, you and Ryland tentatively stood up and made your way to the front door. Ryland swung the door open, revealing that the whole house had been pushed a few feet back from the anchored front steps due to the force of the explosion. The Baikonur Cosmodrome had set up lights for the temporary camp, but they were now all dark. You see a fire burning in the far distance.
“Grace? Are you okay?” Stratt’s voice called out from the darkness outside, and you faintly remembered that Ryland had mentioned that her mobile home was next to his.
“Yeah!” Ryland replied on both your behalfs, “What the heck was that?”
A few moments later, Stratt emerged from the darkness holding a flashlight and wearing a bathrobe. She spoke back and forth with someone on her handheld radio before finally addressing you and Ryland. She spared you a momentary glance, seemingly unsurprised to see you. “The research center blew up.”
While Ryland asked Stratt who was at the research center, you felt your legs grow wobbly and held onto the door frame for support. “No…” You whispered, realizing what this meant, but neither Ryland nor Stratt seemed to hear you.
Stratt flipped through a wad of papers that held everyone’s schedules and gasped when she reached the page she was looking for. She gasped. “DuBois and Shapiro. They’re scheduled to be there doing some Astrophage experiments.”
Your heart beat rapidly in your chest, and you interrupted Ryland’s rambling about the potential blast radius. “Andrea said she was going to join them.”
Ryland froze and Stratt turned her handheld radio back on. “Prime crew—I need your locations. Call them in.” Yao and Ilyukhina swiftly reported in, but there were no responses after that.
“DuBois! Check in!” Silence. “Shapiro. Dr. Annie Shapiro. Check in!” Again, more silence. Stratt’s eyes flickered to you before turning back to her radio. “Cáceres! Andrea Cáceres, check in!”
The silence from the radio felt deafening and your legs finally gave out under you. Stratt and Ryland’s eyes turned to you, and you knew you were all thinking the same thing: you were now the only science specialist left.
Instead of meeting either of their gazes, you turned to watch the still burning fire in the distance as tears streamed down your face.
You come back to the present with a tiny gasp, your heart racing from finally remembering what led you to come on the mission after all. You feel a tear escape your eye and quickly wipe it away. Any distractions now could lead the whole mission to fail.
The exterior cameras have automatically turned off to protect their digitizers, preventing you from seeing where Ryland is. Luckily, Rocky chooses that moment to speak.
“Collector is closed,” Rocky says, “Move winch into position.”
You hear Ryland groan over the radio, and you can almost see him summoning his strength to fix the winch into place under the strain of 1.4 g’s of gravity from being at the top of Adrian’s atmosphere.
A minute later, Rocky successfully coaches Ryland through retrieving the sampler. Through his echolocation, Rocky can “see” Ryland’s movements on the ship’s hull. Whatever Ryland is now doing is concerning to Eridian as he voices his displeasure. “Careful, collector important.”
You open your mouth to ask what Ryland did, but a low altitude warning from the ship’s navigation cuts you off. Checking the velocity and altitude readings, you realize the ship has shifted out of the necessary angle it needs to maintain a safe altitude. You feel your palms begin to sweat.
“Hold on tight, Ryland,” you say, as you place your hand on the ship’s controls.
“Why?” Ryland’s strained voice asks, and you can hear the anxiety in his voice.
“Adrian’s gravity is pulling on us too much. I need to readjust the ship’s angle.” You try to imagine Yao’s serious but encouraging face from one of your flight simulations, and the memory sets you slightly at ease. Taking a deep breath, you lightly press on the controls and successfully realign the ship. The ship groans at the change, but the altitude stops deteriorating. Glancing through the airlock’s window, you see that you readjusted in time to avoid dipping below the planet’s aurora borealis.
Just as you’re about to sign in relief, a loud bang hits the hull of the ship. “What was that?” you ask frantically, and glance at the remaining exterior camera. The camera feed shows Ryland crouched down on the ship’s hull and tightly hugging the sampler. You open your mouth to ask again, but Ryland finally speaks up.
“I’m good,” he groans, wobbly standing up and shaking his arm. “Something from the hull came loose and brushed my arm, but the suit protected me. I think if you hadn’t adjusted the angle, it would’ve fully hit me.”
A minute later, you hear Ryland enter the airlock. The ship continues to groan as Ryland joins you in the cockpit, and you frantically check the screens, trying to pinpoint which screen could provide an explanation.
“Where is that noise coming from?” Ryland asks, voicing your thoughts.
“Noise is from all around,” Rocky quickly replies, and his carapace tilts in the way he does when he’s extending his echolocation far. “It’s loudest at portside of bedroom.”
While Rocky and Ryland speculate on whether gravity could be the cause, you focus on the ship’s navigation controls. With a firm push, you put the spin-drive onto full blast, causing the three of you to lurch back at the force.
“Hull bending below big room in bedroom,” Rocky says while the ship flashes a warning about the hull pressure.
“That’s the fuel tanks!” Ryland replies from his seat in the corner of the control room.
You focus on the ship controls and altitude readings while Ryland and Rocky argue back and forth. “Quiet!” You finally yell over the groaning of the ship and their bickering. “I can’t concentrate when you’re both shouting!”
Luckily, Ryland and Rocky have the decency to look embarrassed, and you can see Ryland’s pout and Rocky’s downturned carapace in the periphery of your vision. After several minutes, you finally stop the engines.
You raise your hands from the controls. “We did it!” you say with a relieved smile.
A matching smile spreads across Ryland’s face as objects in the cockpit float from the lack of gravity. However, after a few seconds, the objects begin to drop, slightly and then frighteningly fast. A sudden jerk from the ship sends your seat flying toward the opposite end of the cockpit, narrowly avoiding Ryland’s chair.
“Why ship moving, question?” Rocky asks, frantically holding onto the handhold in his xenonite tunnel.
Mary’s voice speaks up as various alarms begin to go off. “Hull breach. Portside fuel compartments 11 and 12.”
The force of “gravity” begins to feel stronger, and you attempt to drag your chair back to the center. Meanwhile, Rocky asks what is happening.
Ryland flicks on the screen closest to him to display the exterior camera feed. “The fuel line is migrating to Adrian!”
“Eject bad fuel bay, question?” Rocky says, and you can see his legs shaking from the strain of holding on.
You groan out an affirmative as you press the controls to jettison compartment 12. You have to nearly throw yourself against the opposite wall to flick the switch. The force of the jettison pushes you sideways. You hear a strangled chirp and loud thump from Rocky’s direction as he slams against his xenonite barrier.
Ryland helps you program the control for compartment 11, but the pressure from the ship’s spinning begins to feel unbearable. With your remaining strength, you throw yourself at the switch to jettison the compartment. Your head slams against the wall and rattles your skull. Within a few seconds, you can feel blood begin to pour down your face. As darkness creeps into the corners of your vision, you hear Ryland screaming your name and push the jettison button with your remaining strength.
the planets and the fates and all the stars aligned: Chapter 10
New chapter! As always, the chapter is also posted on AO3, and here is the master list of the rest of the series. Enjoy
“Time go fishing, question?” Rocky asks from his perch in the control room of The Hail Mary.
You keep careful watch over the altitude and velocity readings. “Time go fishing,” you repeat, and, out of the corner of your eye, you see Rocky press a button to release the probe.
You sit in the pilot’s seat of the control room, your right hand hovering over the manual flight controls. Deciding who would pilot the ship took some debating. Still, you, Rocky, and Ryland eventually decided that, as the person who had trained for months through countless flight simulations, you are the obvious choice.
After nearly a minute, Rocky confirms that the sampler is now successfully in the Astrophage breeding zone.
“Now comes the fun part,” Ryland says, unstrapping himself from the small chair in the far corner of the control room.
Rocky perks up. “Grace go out on haul to retrieve collector, no fun at all.”
“It’s a joke,” Ryland replies as he stands up, prompting a slight chuckle from you.
Rocky mumbles something about humans’ sense of humor, but you tune him out as you turn your head in Ryland’s direction in time for him to press a kiss to your cheek. You feel the tension in your shoulders lighten by a fraction as the corner of your lips curls up.
Before he can turn away, you curl a hand around the front of his flight suit and pull him back to you, planting a firm kiss on his lips. Ryland only has a moment to return the kiss before you let go of his flight suit.
“Be careful out there,” you say softly, meeting his gaze.
Ryland nods, a determined spark lighting in his eyes. “I always am.”
You want to respond that you’ve seen plenty of evidence to the contrary, but hold your tongue, knowing you’re only delaying Ryland’s departure. Instead, you simply wish him good luck.
While Ryland puts on his EVA suit and prepares the airlock, Rocky says your name and shakes his carapace in what you’ve learned is disapproval. “Distracting Grace from mission, no helpful.”
You roll your eyes and check the velocity readings, seeing it’s still at the necessary 127.5 meters per second. “I’m not distracting him. I’m just being encouraging.”
The exterior airlock door opens, and you hear Ryland groan over the radio. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”
Rocky perks up. “What problem, question?”
“It’s fine,” Ryland replies, and, from a glance at the airlock, you see him adjusting the ship’s exterior tethers. “It’s just the sky is… slightly on fire.”
At his words, you check one of the external camera feeds and, sure enough, the planet below seems to glow due to the IR blast from the engines. The bright orange fire contrasts against the green planet, reminding you of—
There was less than a week left until launch.
It was the evening, and the sun had long since set over the Kazakh steppes. You drained the water from the boiled pasta down the kitchenette sink in Ryland’s mobile home and set out paper plates and the butter you requested from the central dining hall.
“Pasta’s ready,” you told Ryland, who frowned down at one of the seemingly endless documents cluttering the kitchen table.
Upon seeing that Ryland continued to stare at a document, you took a few steps forward and pressed a swift kiss to his cheek. “Earth to Ryland? Come in?”
The crease in his forehead smoothed and he looked up. “Sorry, I was doing the math on how much additional space some extra coma slurry would take up.” His lips curled upon seeing you were wearing his periodic table shirt, and he wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you closer to his seat at the mobile home’s solitary chair. “Thank you for making dinner.”
You half-heartedly rolled your eyes. “Right, because boiling pasta takes a culinary genius.”
Ryland pulled you in a soft kiss before leaning back and looking at you with warm eyes. “I’m serious. It’s been a long day, and I appreciate you coming to make us both dinner.” A mischievous smile spread across his lips as his hand snuck below the shirt you wore and settled at your waist. “Even if you did come here with ulterior motives.”
Your skin tingled where his hand touched your waist, and a blush crept up your cheeks. “You say that now but—”
The windows shattered as a thunderous explosion shook the mobile home, sending you and Ryland tumbling to the ground while glass shards spilled onto the floor. Ryland sat up and mouthed something to you, but it took you a moment to realize that you couldn’t hear him over the ringing in your ears. Thin slits cut across Ryland’s face from the flying shards of glass, and he helped pull you into a sitting position.
“—you okay?” The ringing in your ears finally eased enough to hear Ryland’s concerned voice. Meanwhile, you could hear sirens in the distance.
You tentatively nodded and shook your shoulders to ease the ache that came from hitting the ground hard.
Using the table and kitchenette as leverage, you and Ryland tentatively stood up and made your way to the front door. Ryland swung the door open, revealing that the whole house had been pushed a few feet back from the anchored front steps due to the force of the explosion. The Baikonur Cosmodrome had set up lights for the temporary camp, but they were now all dark. You see a fire burning in the far distance.
“Grace? Are you okay?” Stratt’s voice called out from the darkness outside, and you faintly remembered that Ryland had mentioned that her mobile home was next to his.
“Yeah!” Ryland replied on both your behalfs, “What the heck was that?”
A few moments later, Stratt emerged from the darkness holding a flashlight and wearing a bathrobe. She spoke back and forth with someone on her handheld radio before finally addressing you and Ryland. She spared you a momentary glance, seemingly unsurprised to see you. “The research center blew up.”
While Ryland asked Stratt who was at the research center, you felt your legs grow wobbly and held onto the door frame for support. “No…” You whispered, realizing what this meant, but neither Ryland nor Stratt seemed to hear you.
Stratt flipped through a wad of papers that held everyone’s schedules and gasped when she reached the page she was looking for. She gasped. “DuBois and Shapiro. They’re scheduled to be there doing some Astrophage experiments.”
Your heart beat rapidly in your chest, and you interrupted Ryland’s rambling about the potential blast radius. “Andrea said she was going to join them.”
Ryland froze and Stratt turned her handheld radio back on. “Prime crew—I need your locations. Call them in.” Yao and Ilyukhina swiftly reported in, but there were no responses after that.
“DuBois! Check in!” Silence. “Shapiro. Dr. Annie Shapiro. Check in!” Again, more silence. Stratt’s eyes flickered to you before turning back to her radio. “Cáceres! Andrea Cáceres, check in!”
The silence from the radio felt deafening and your legs finally gave out under you. Stratt and Ryland’s eyes turned to you, and you knew you were all thinking the same thing: you were now the only science specialist left.
Instead of meeting either of their gazes, you turned to watch the still burning fire in the distance as tears streamed down your face.
You come back to the present with a tiny gasp, your heart racing from finally remembering what led you to come on the mission after all. You feel a tear escape your eye and quickly wipe it away. Any distractions now could lead the whole mission to fail.
The exterior cameras have automatically turned off to protect their digitizers, preventing you from seeing where Ryland is. Luckily, Rocky chooses that moment to speak.
“Collector is closed,” Rocky says, “Move winch into position.”
You hear Ryland groan over the radio, and you can almost see him summoning his strength to fix the winch into place under the strain of 1.4 g’s of gravity from being at the top of Adrian’s atmosphere.
A minute later, Rocky successfully coaches Ryland through retrieving the sampler. Through his echolocation, Rocky can “see” Ryland’s movements on the ship’s hull. Whatever Ryland is now doing is concerning to Eridian as he voices his displeasure. “Careful, collector important.”
You open your mouth to ask what Ryland did, but a low altitude warning from the ship’s navigation cuts you off. Checking the velocity and altitude readings, you realize the ship has shifted out of the necessary angle it needs to maintain a safe altitude. You feel your palms begin to sweat.
“Hold on tight, Ryland,” you say, as you place your hand on the ship’s controls.
“Why?” Ryland’s strained voice asks, and you can hear the anxiety in his voice.
“Adrian’s gravity is pulling on us too much. I need to readjust the ship’s angle.” You try to imagine Yao’s serious but encouraging face from one of your flight simulations, and the memory sets you slightly at ease. Taking a deep breath, you lightly press on the controls and successfully realign the ship. The ship groans at the change, but the altitude stops deteriorating. Glancing through the airlock’s window, you see that you readjusted in time to avoid dipping below the planet’s aurora borealis.
Just as you’re about to sign in relief, a loud bang hits the hull of the ship. “What was that?” you ask frantically, and glance at the remaining exterior camera. The camera feed shows Ryland crouched down on the ship’s hull and tightly hugging the sampler. You open your mouth to ask again, but Ryland finally speaks up.
“I’m good,” he groans, wobbly standing up and shaking his arm. “Something from the hull came loose and brushed my arm, but the suit protected me. I think if you hadn’t adjusted the angle, it would’ve fully hit me.”
A minute later, you hear Ryland enter the airlock. The ship continues to groan as Ryland joins you in the cockpit, and you frantically check the screens, trying to pinpoint which screen could provide an explanation.
“Where is that noise coming from?” Ryland asks, voicing your thoughts.
“Noise is from all around,” Rocky quickly replies, and his carapace tilts in the way he does when he’s extending his echolocation far. “It’s loudest at portside of bedroom.”
While Rocky and Ryland speculate on whether gravity could be the cause, you focus on the ship’s navigation controls. With a firm push, you put the spin-drive onto full blast, causing the three of you to lurch back at the force.
“Hull bending below big room in bedroom,” Rocky says while the ship flashes a warning about the hull pressure.
“That’s the fuel tanks!” Ryland replies from his seat in the corner of the control room.
You focus on the ship controls and altitude readings while Ryland and Rocky argue back and forth. “Quiet!” You finally yell over the groaning of the ship and their bickering. “I can’t concentrate when you’re both shouting!”
Luckily, Ryland and Rocky have the decency to look embarrassed, and you can see Ryland’s pout and Rocky’s downturned carapace in the periphery of your vision. After several minutes, you finally stop the engines.
You raise your hands from the controls. “We did it!” you say with a relieved smile.
A matching smile spreads across Ryland’s face as objects in the cockpit float from the lack of gravity. However, after a few seconds, the objects begin to drop, slightly and then frighteningly fast. A sudden jerk from the ship sends your seat flying toward the opposite end of the cockpit, narrowly avoiding Ryland’s chair.
“Why ship moving, question?” Rocky asks, frantically holding onto the handhold in his xenonite tunnel.
Mary’s voice speaks up as various alarms begin to go off. “Hull breach. Portside fuel compartments 11 and 12.”
The force of “gravity” begins to feel stronger, and you attempt to drag your chair back to the center. Meanwhile, Rocky asks what is happening.
Ryland flicks on the screen closest to him to display the exterior camera feed. “The fuel line is migrating to Adrian!”
“Eject bad fuel bay, question?” Rocky says, and you can see his legs shaking from the strain of holding on.
You groan out an affirmative as you press the controls to jettison compartment 12. You have to nearly throw yourself against the opposite wall to flick the switch. The force of the jettison pushes you sideways. You hear a strangled chirp and loud thump from Rocky’s direction as he slams against his xenonite barrier.
Ryland helps you program the control for compartment 11, but the pressure from the ship’s spinning begins to feel unbearable. With your remaining strength, you throw yourself at the switch to jettison the compartment. Your head slams against the wall and rattles your skull. Within a few seconds, you can feel blood begin to pour down your face. As darkness creeps into the corners of your vision, you hear Ryland screaming your name and push the jettison button with your remaining strength.
the planets and the fates and all the stars aligned: Chapter 9
Welcome to the longest chapter yet! It's also posted on AO3, and here's the master list for the rest of the series.
This chapter contains a slight trigger warning that contains spoilers for the chapter. If you don't want the spoiler, skip to after the gif.
Trigger warning (contains spoilers): Heavy making out, but nothing that wouldn't be in a PG-13 movie.
“Thank you for helping me,” Andrea said, sending you a bright smile.
There were now only two weeks left until the launch date for the crew of The Hail Mary. With the launch so close, yours and Andrea’s responsibilities shifted to a more administrative role, given the near certainty that DuBois and Annie would be the scientists going on the mission.
You waved off Andrea’s thanks. “It’s no problem. I’m happy to help.”
With your shifting responsibilities, you and Andrea had been given an hour of rest while the prime crew of The Hail Mary ran through more flight simulations. During this time, Andrea had shyly asked for your help to begin graduate school applications.
“My English has definitely gotten better,” Andrea replied, packing up her notes and laptop. “But I’m still nervous about sending applications. What if they don’t accept me?”
“They’d be crazy not to,” you responded. “With all the training you’ve gotten here, you’re a shoo-in for the top biochemistry programs in the world.”
Andrea tucked her hair behind her ear. “It’s just crazy how things have changed. I joined the project knowing there was a chance I could die. But now? It’s basically certain that you and I aren’t going. I have my whole life ahead of me again.”
Her words gave you pause. With all the chaos of the quickly approaching launch and preparing the prime crew, the reality that you weren’t being sent on the mission hadn’t truly occurred to you.
Oblivious, Andrea continued talking. “I was always planning on going to graduate school, but I thought it would be years before I saved enough money to go. Now look at me!” She smiled brightly. “What’s next for you?”
“What do you mean?” Your eyebrows furrowed.
“We have nearly thirty years until the probes come back from Tau Ceti,” Andrea explained. “What are you going to do after the launch?”
After the launch. What would you do? Who would you be once the project was over?
“I… don’t know,” you admitted, your shoulder slumping.
Andrea placed a hand on your shoulder. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.”
You shook your head. “No, it’s a valid question. I just hadn’t really thought about it.”
“You don’t have to decide now,” she replied with a comforting smile. “That’s what’s great. We have all the time in the world to decide where we want to go and with who.”
With who.
Unwittingly, a familiar pair of bright blue eyes and soft smile flashed across your memory.
“What think, Earth?” Rocky asks the mounted camera in the lab after explaining the plan to collect the Astrophage predator from Adrian’s upper atmosphere. After several moments of silence, Rocky taps on his xenonite barrier. “Hello?”
“They can’t hear you, pal,” Ryland says, prompting you to look up from the seemingly never-ending task of assembling the xenonite chain.
Rocky freezes. “What?”
“We’re not actually talking to Earth,” Ryland continues as he moves storage containers and prepares the lab for your upcoming trip in Adrian’s upper atmosphere. As Ryland explains to Rocky the purpose of the video logs and the plan to send them back using the beetles, you let your mind wander.
It was now a few days since the discovery of life on Adrian and, nearly as pressingly, since you impulsively kissed Ryland and he nearly kissed you. But you had yet to talk about it. You can tell Ryland has wanted to broach the topic several times, but between planning and Rocky’s constant presence, there never seems to be a good moment.
And what would you say? You both signed up for this mission knowing you will give your lives for it. There won’t be an after the mission. You could maybe ration the food to last a year or two, but even that feels like putting off the inevitable. What’s the point of seeing if there could be more with Ryland when there’s a looming expiration date?
He does look good moving the boxes though…
“Why not you tell them yourself when you return home, question?” Rocky asks, pulling you out of your thoughts.
The question makes you tense. This is the moment you and Ryland had been dreading.
Ryland continues moving boxes, but you can see the tension in his shoulders as he spares you a sideways glance. “This is a one-way ticket for us, pal.”
Rocky fidgets nervously. “What?”
“We had enough Astrophage to get here,” Ryland continues in a carefully casual tone. “But not enough to get back.”
“So, what happens next, question?” Rocky asks, the audio output effectively conveying the anxiety in his tone.
You open your mouth to reply, but Ryland beats you to it. “Oh, we’ve got enough food to last us at least a year. Probably a couple more if we stretch it out.”
“So, you die, question?”
The forming pit in your stomach grows as Ryland replies. “Yeah, once we’re done… the two of us will die.”
Rocky steps further down his xenonite tunnel to be closer to you and softly says your name. “Grace lying, question? You die, question?”
You put down the xenonite chain you were constructing and sigh. “He’s telling the truth, Rocky. When we finish the mission, Grace and I will die.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Rocky asks, stepping side to side.
Ryland shares an uneasy look with you and shrugs. “It must’ve slipped our minds.”
“No,” Rocky stomps his claws on the bottom of his xenonite tunnel. “You say you go home.”
Ryland strides forward to the end of the lab where you and Rocky are, and leans forward so his hands are on his knees.
“Listen,” Ryland says over Rocky’s protests. “Listen. I got to meet you—we got to meet you. We got to do all this amazing stuff. We’re good. I’ve made peace with it.”
You remember the conversation you had days ago, where you said something along those lines. You nod. “Grace and I knew what we signed up for. We both made peace with it a long time ago.”
“What mean?” Rocky stomps one of his legs petulantly. “What mean make peace?”
“It means…” Ryland replies, glancing around the room as if it will provide answers. “I know I’m not going home, I know why, and it’s okay.”
Rocky’s carapace lowers as Ryland continues. “Thumbs up?”
“No.”
“Tiny thumbs up?”
“No.” Rocky stomps his leg again.
“We’ve got stars to save,” Ryland responds, and you can hear him holding back tears.
Rocky softly says your and Grace’s names. “You are ♫♫♪,” this is the first time in days that the translation software has been unable to translate a new word. “Need word.”
You speak up. “What word do you need, Rocky?”
“To risk self to help another,” Rocky replies slowly, clearly thinking through his explanation.
Ryland doesn’t miss a beat. “Dumb?”
Rocky calls Ryland’s name while you watch him walk to the laptop perched next to you and type code into the translation software. As he steps away to stare at one of the screens that shows a live feed of Adrian, you see that he typed “brave.”
You walk forward and stand next to Ryalnd. Seeing the tears welling in his eyes as he continues to stare at the image of Adrian, you place a comforting hand on his arm. Upon feeling your touch, Ryland wraps his arm around your shoulders, and you can tell it’s as much for your benefit as his. You faintly note that his arm provides the same steadying warmth as he did days ago when he nearly kissed you.
“How much Astrophage you need, question?” Rocky suddenly says, prompting you to look over your shoulder.
You don’t have to think before answering. “Just over 2 million kilograms.”
Rocky clicks his claws together. “I can give.” Ryland’s arm drops from your shoulders and you turn around. “I go home six years slower.”
“That’s too much,” Ryland responds quietly, turning his head.
“Rocky watch crew die,” the Eridian replies, moving closer in his xenonite tunnel. “Could not fix. You say you will die. Rocky fix.”
Ryland turns full around, revealing tear-stained cheeks.
“Rocky…” you say softly, feeling a tear slip from the corner of your eye as Rocky’s suggestion begins to hit you. You stumble back and take a wobbly seat on one of the lab’s chairs.
Rocky says your and Grace’s names. “You go home.”
Ryland takes a shuddering breath and nods. He pulls up a chair next to you and brings a hand to his face, letting tears flow freely down his face. You reach out and take one of his hands into your own as the gravity of Rocky’s offer fully sinks in.
You can go home. For the first time since waking up lightyears away from Earth, your life no longer has a looming end date. You thought you had accepted you were going to die—the memories you’ve regained so far certainly seem to indicate you knew what you were signing up for. But now it feels like a door you never even knew was there has suddenly opened, revealing a realm of possibilities that previously felt out of reach.
Rocky clicks inquisitively. “I thought you made peace, question?”
“I didn’t mean any of that,” Ryland replies instantly, provoking a watery laugh from you as you feel a tear slip down your cheek. “That’s just something you say.”
“Thank you,” you say after a moment, and Ryland echoes your words. “What you’re offering—words can’t describe what you’re doing for us.”
Ryland strides forward, kneels, and wraps his arms around the outcropping of the xenonite tunnel where Rocky stands.
“What? What’s happening?” Rocky shifts anxiously.
Ryland presses his face against the xenonite. “A hug.”
You smile and follow Ryland, hugging the xenonite with one arm and Ryland with the other. “A group hug.” As Rocky clicks his claws nervously, you continue. “Usually, the person being hugged hugs back.”
Rocky lets out a chirp of surprise. “Wait, I do the same?”
“Would you just get in here?” Ryland sighs impatiently.
Rocky leans toward you and Ryland and thumps his carapace against the xenonite barrier. Even though you can’t feel him, the knowledge that he’s on the other side is comforting.
You eventually decide to spare Rocky from the hug that he is clearly uneasy about and pull away from the hug. Ryland subsequently does the same.
Standing up, you both stare at each other for a few seconds before Ryland pulls you into his arms. You reach a hand out and brush the tears from his cheeks.
“We can go home,” you whisper to him.
Ryland nods and gives you a soft smile. “We aren’t going to die… we—we have a future.”
A future.
You can make decisions with the knowledge that there won’t be an end—at least not an end within the next year, as it previously seemed. Isn’t that what has made you hesitate with Ryland?
You nod, and your heart begins to race. “We can have a future… together.”
His grip on your waist tightens and his eyes flicker down to your lips. “Together.”
You’re not sure who moves first, but all you know is that the next second, Ryland’s lips meet yours in a searing kiss. His lips are surprisingly soft and insistent, causing a warmth to blossom in your chest. One of his hands reaches up to cup your cheek, pulling you closer.
Before long, you slowly pull away to regain your breath. Leaning your forehead against Ryland’s, his eyes meet yours and a soft laugh escapes both your lips. You can almost feel Rocky watching you, but you can’t bring yourself to care. As your heart begins to slow, Ryland presses a soft kiss to your forehead and pulls back so he can look at you fully.
You smile. “Together.”
You kept thinking about your conversation with Andrea for the rest of the day.
Where we want to go and with who.
The words bounced around your head, popping up any time you had a moment to breathe.
With who.
A light drizzle fell around you as you strolled through the temporary shelters constructed near the Baikonur Cosmodrome. It was a warm spring night, but your Project Hail Mary issued coat barely protected you from the icy cold rain. You pulled your coat tighter as the rain began to fall more heavily.
With who.
A voice calling out your name suddenly brought you out of your thoughts. Turning around, you saw Ryland peeking out the doorway of one of the small mobile homes.
“What are you doing out here?” Ryland called out and waved a hand to usher you to him. “The rain’s going to pick up soon.”
With who.
After a moment’s hesitation, you changed directions and entered Ryland’s assigned mobile home. It was cramped, the space primarily being taken up by a table covered in papers and the bed tucked into the corner. Although it was small, part of you envied him for not having to share it with anyone else, like you had to share yours with Andrea.
“I didn’t see you at dinner,” Ryland said, taking your coat and hanging it on a hook by the door.
You shrugged. “I got caught up in work and had a late dinner.”
Looking around, you realized that the only chair was occupied by an alarmingly tall stack of notebooks and important-looking documents.
Ryland seemed to realize this at the same time as you and ushered you to sit next to him on the bed. “Sorry about the mess, but if I move anything, I have a feeling I’ll never be able to find it again.”
You smiled at his explanation and sat down on the edge of the stiff mattress. “I get it, everything is hectic right now.”
Ryland stared at you for a few moments. “Are you okay? You seem kind of lost in thought.”
With who.
“I guess I’ve got a lot on my mind,” you replied with a shrug.
“Care to share with the class?”
You sighed. “Have you thought about what you’re going to do after the launch?”
Ryland’s eyebrows raised, clearly taken aback by the question. “Go back to San Francisco, I guess,” He said with a shrug. “See if there’s still a job for me at the school I taught at. If not, I guess I’ll apply to other middle schools in the area.”
His answer surprised you. Due to his now expertise in Astrophage, you would’ve thought he’d want to keep doing research. “You won’t go back to academia?”
“I think that’s more your calling than mine,” Ryland replied, his eyes becoming contemplative. “I like teaching kids. They’re so hopeful about the world and see everything through different eyes. By teaching them, I can encourage their curiosity.” He straightened as if remembering himself. “Why do you ask?”
With who.
“I’ve just been thinking about a conversation I had with Andrea earlier.” You stood up and began to leisurely pace in the limited space between the bed, table, and kitchenette. “She asked me what plans are for after the launch—you know, since it’s basically certain that DuBois and Annie will be the scientists for the crew.”
Ryland shifted in his spot on the bed. “And what did you say?”
With who.
“I said I didn’t know,” you responded and stopped pacing. “But it got me thinking about what I want from my life now that I know I won’t die on a space mission.” You turned to face him, and your eyes met Ryland’s. “But I am realizing that as much as I don’t know exactly where I’ll go, I’m pretty sure I know who I want at my side while I figure it out.”
His Adam’s apple bobbed. “And who would that be?”
You felt the corners of your lips tug upward. “Just a guy I know. He’s a bit dorky at times, but he makes me laugh and keeps me grounded when I get caught up in my own thoughts.”
A crooked smile spread across Ryland’s face, and he tentatively stood up. “Sounds like quite the catch.”
Your smile shifted to match his. “Yeah, he’s pretty great, even if all he wears are t-shirts with science puns.”
Ryland chuckled and he took a step closer to you. “I’ll have you know I also have a shirt of a cat hanging from the Golden Gate Bridge.”
“Who said I was talking about you?” You said, dropping your smile. Ryland’s eyes widened and his body tensed. You rolled your eyes and smiled again. “Of course I’m talking to you, you big doofus.”
Ryland’s shoulders relaxed. “I thought we made a deal that either we’re both idiots or neither of us is.” You laughed, and he took another step forward, nearly closing the distance between you and his eyes softening. “It’s always been you. It took me a while to realize, but I was scared that you didn’t feel the same.”
“I think I was scared, too,” you admitted. “Scared that I’d be sent on the mission and then I’d have to say goodbye to you. But I’m not scared anymore.”
As you talked, your faces had moved steadily closer so they were now only a few inches apart. Ryland’s eyes were warm as he looked steadily into yours. “Can I kiss you?” He whispered, as if speaking too loudly would break the spell between you. In lieu of answering, you leaned forward and captured his lips in a soft kiss.
The first touch of your lips was soft and tentative, lighting a spark in your chest. Ryland cupped your cheek and pulled you closer, deepening the kiss. As his other hand settled at your waist, one of his fingers grazed your skin in the space between your shirt and pants. His touch sent a thrill down your spine, causing your breath to hitch, and Ryland used your parted mouth to slip his tongue inside.
Your kiss settled into an easy rhythm, as if you were always meant to be this way. His lips and tongue were gentle, reminding you of the quiet moments you shared together. You both pulled back from the kiss to catch your breaths and saw Ryland’s dilated pupils and slightly askew glasses. You stared at each other, interrupted only by the rain pattering against the windows, making the space between you feel like its own world.
After a moment, Ryland leaned forward again, capturing your lips in a searing kiss that was more passionate than the last. He pulled his body against yours, causing you to take a half step backward so your back was pressed against the wall. You reached up to tangle your hands in his hair while his hands returned to your waist, teasing the exposed skin where your shirt rode up. His touch was hesitant until you reached down and guided his hand firmly under your shirt, allowing you to feel the calluses along his fingertips. You heard him mumble something against your lips.
“What?” You said in a breathless whisper, only pulling away long enough to speak.
Ryland pressed feathery kisses to your lips so he could mumble his response. “I said… I’ve been waiting… so long to do this.”
You pulled back from the kiss and smiled, feeling your heart soaring. “Then stop waiting. Take me to bed.”
the planets and the fates and all the stars aligned: Chapter 8
New chapter (also posted on AO3)! Here's the master list for rest of the series. Enjoy!
Your hands slightly tremble as you help Ryland analyze the Astrophage samples from the collector. Despite months of training to analyze Astrophage, the process still feels daunting. While Ryland finishes scraping the Astrophage from the sampler’s panels, you run the Astrophage through DNA-marker testing.
“The genetic markers are identical to Earth’s,” you say and angle one of the lab’s computer screens so Rocky can point at it with his Eridian camera from his xenonite tunnel.
Rocky perks up. “Astrophage genes not different from Earth and Adrian?”
You nod in acknowledgment and turn to see Ryland preparing the Astrophage samples that were going to and from Adrian. He scans each one and frowns.
“Well, that’s weird,” Ryland says, his eyebrows furrowing.
You stride forward and peer over his shoulder, seeing the same number output as he scans the two samples back and forth. “Huh,” you say, realizing Ryland’s confusion.
“What?” Rocky asks, leaning forward in his xenonite tunnel.
Ryland turns the scanner so Rocky can view it through his camera. “It’s the same amount, both coming and going.”
“But if Astrophage go to Adrian to breed,” Rocky replies, “There should be more leaving.”
You nod your head. “You’re right, there should be double the amount of Astrophage leaving from Adrian.”
“It’s either not reproducing, or it’s not leaving the planet, for some reason.” Ryland finishes for you as he continues to frown at the samples.
After a few moments, Ryland takes the sample of the Astrophage that was leaving Adrian and transfers it to a petri dish under a microscope. The ease with which he adjusts the microscope’s magnification reminds you how thankful you are of his scientific expertise.
“Oh my god,” Ryland gasps, his eyes still pressed to the microscope’s eyepieces.
“What?” Rocky calls from his xenonite tunnel, shifting back and forth, “What Grace see? What Grace see, question?”
Ryland steps away from the microscope and lets you look instead. As you fiddle with the controls to adjust it to your eyesight, the microscope focuses just as Ryland speaks.
“Life.”
You hear Ryland moving around next to you, and a series of chirps from Rocky that you have come to learn are the equivalent of a gasp. Meanwhile, you stare in shock at the dozens of microscopic cells swimming in the petri dish.
“This is not just Astrophage,” Ryland says, prompting you to pull away from the microscope to see Ryland showing Rocky an enlarged version of the microscope’s display. “It’s bacteria, it’s protozoa.”
“It’s like cells on Erid,” Rocky replies.
“And Earth,” You chime in.
Rocky makes an anxious hum. “What this mean, question?”
“Well,” Ryland responds slowly, clearly thinking through his answer. “If there’s a whole active biosphere in the Petrova Line, it stands to reason there’s a whole active biosphere on Andrian, which means…”
You gasp, realizing what he is trying to say. “There’s life on Adrian!”
If the situation weren’t so shocking, you would laugh at seeing Rocky drop his camera. Instead, you turn back to the petri dish amplification on the screen, trying to think of what types of cells you can recognize as being similar to Earth’s.
Rocky suddenly lets out a shrill screech. “Life! Life is reason!”
“Yeah, you said it, buddy,” Ryland replies, continuing to stare at the screen.
“No, no understand.” You turn back to Rocky and are surprised to see him pounding a claw against the xenonite barrier. “No understand. Life is reason!”
Your heart begins to race at Rocky’s distress, and you prod Ryland to turn around. “What do you mean, Rocky?” You ask, stepping closer to Rocky’s tunnel.
Rocky lets out the Eridian equivalent of a groan of frustration and moves further down the tunnel. “Life is reason. Life is reason!”
While you concentrate on what Rocky could mean, Ryland leans closer to Rocky. “What? Life is reason, what?”
The repeated phrase makes goosebumps spread across your body as you begin to suspect what Rocky is trying to say.
“Life on Adrian is reason Astrophage in balance,” Rocky states, finally ceasing his anxious fidgeting. “Life on Adrian makes Astrophage die!”
“Like a predator,” Ryland whispers and the implications fully hit you.
Astrophage has a predator on Adrian!
You nod. “A predator would keep the population stable.”
“If we bring predator home,” Rocky replies. “Our stars not die.”
Ryland’s eyes widen. “Life is reason star not die. Why didn’t you just say that!”
The tension in the room lifts. “We have a solution!” You say with a laugh.
Ryland straightens and turns to you. “This is how we save Earth and Erid.”
His bright smile makes your heart lighten, and you step forward and throw your arms around Ryland’s neck. He lets out a quiet oof, but his arms quickly wrap around your waist. In a swift move, he spins you around with a breathless laugh.
After a few moments, you lean slightly back and realize Ryland’s smile matches your own, and a light blush dusts his cheeks. Without thinking, you press closer and peck his cheek with a soft kiss. Your lips touch his cheek for a second, but something nudges at the back of your mind and—
You were not avoiding Ryland.
Sure, you signed up to leave early for the Johnson Space Center two days after Karaoke Night. And sure, since Ryland had arrived two weeks ago, you had volunteered to do flight simulations during the scheduled science crew’s Astrophage lessons. And yes, you did walk up six flights of stairs when you saw that Ryland was standing next to an elevator you needed to get to.
But you were not avoiding him.
A month after you last saw Ryland, your paths finally coincided when you took a late-night walk around the Space Center’s campus.
“Funny seeing you here,” Ryland called out from a bench near the building where several members of Project Hail Mary, including you, were staying.
Despite the spike of anxiety from seeing him, you couldn’t help but smile at the cheerful wave he sent you. Taking a deep breath, you closed the distance between you and sat next to him.
Sending him an awkward smile, you said the first thing that came to mind. “Come here often?”
You instantly cringed, but Ryland’s short laugh indicated he didn’t mind. “Lately, yes.” He gave you a sideways glance. “Not that I’ve seen you around.”
“Well, things have been hectic,” you replied with a forced laugh. “I never expected I’d actually like the rush I get from doing flight simulations.”
Ryland nodded. “Yeah, Stratt has me doing a lot of tests over at the Neutral Buoyancy Lab. What’s the point of having me as her personal science lapdog if she can’t use me to test out new equipment?”
You felt yourself relax a fraction. “You’ll have to tell me the next time you get sent underwater for a test. I might just have to get some pictures.”
Ryland shifted in his seat. “You know, I tried to tell you a couple of times,” He responded with a carefully casual tone. “But every time I went to see you, someone would tell me you left less than a minute earlier.”
You forced a smile. “What a funny coincidence.”
“There’s a saying about coincidences, you know,” Ryland replied, maintaining the same careful tone. “They say once is an accident, twice is a coincidence, and three times is a pattern.”
“And what would the pattern mean?” You asked, your shoulders tensing.
“That maybe… you’re avoiding me?”
You were not avoiding him.
Well… maybe you were.
After several moments of silence, you finally spoke. “And if I were?”
Ryland shifted his body so he was fully facing you. Reluctantly, you did the same.
“If you were avoiding me,” Ryland responded slowly, “I’d say that’s pretty crazy because you’re probably my best friend.”
The concern in his eyes made your shoulders drop. “Well, there may be a chance… that I was maybe, somewhat… avoiding you.”
Ryland stared at you. “Why?”
That was the question, wasn’t it? Why were you avoiding him? What was it about Karaoke Night that made you start to feel a certain way about—
“I was embarrassed,” you blurted out in an effort to stop your spiraling thoughts.
“Why?”
You took a deep breath. “I’m so sorry, I was such an idiot at Karaoke Night. I let Ilyukhina give me way too many shots and Andrea was so excited and I got all emotional and weird and I was so—”
Ryland silenced your rambling by placing his hand on yours. You mumbled another apology.
“You don’t have to apologize for anything,” he replied. “I get it. The way things ended the other night between us was…”
You waited for him to finish, but he never did. Instead, he stared blankly at your joined hands.
What did he mean? Was he trying to say that you and him…
“You’re my best friend too,” you finally said after several moments, prompting him to look up. There was so much more you could add (you make me feel—what if I’m sent—we could be—) “We have a good thing going—despite me being an idiot. I don’t want things to change.”
Ryland seemed to mouth the word ‘change’ before giving you a crooked smile. “In any case, I’m the idiot since I kept procrastinating on confronting you.”
You rolled your eyes. “Idiot says Mr. World’s Leading Expert on Astrophage.”
Just as planned, Ryland snorted at the title you always used to mock him. “How about we call it even and say if I’m not an idiot, then neither are you.”
“Deal,” you replied and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. Pulling back, you saw a light blush dusting his cheeks and a soft smile across his face.
“Now come on,” You said, standing up from the bench. “We should get to sleep. I heard there’s an Astrophage lesson bright and early tomorrow morning.”
The rest of the memory slips away, and you realize Ryland is still holding you close, his hands a steadying presence at your waist. Before you can second-guess yourself, you lean forward and press a second kiss to the corner of his mouth.
Pulling back, his eyes meet yours and he gives you a dumbstruck look. His glasses begin to slip down his nose, adding to his appearance that you can only describe as endearing. His expression slowly shifts into a nervous smile and he inclines his face toward yours. A second later, his eyes flutter closed as his lips ghost over yours and—
You quickly step out of the hug, your heart racing as you realize what nearly occurred. You turn to see Rocky staring at you—or as close to staring as Eridians can get. You smile brightly. “Who’s ready to start planning?”
the planets and the fates and all the stars aligned: Chapter 7
New chapter alert! As usual, I've also posted it on AO3. Also, check out the master list for the past chapters. Enjoy!
The trip to Tau Ceti E is fun.
You suspect that Ryland wouldn’t fully agree, based on the video logs he whispers to when he thinks you and Rocky are occupied.
But talking to an alien and traveling through another solar system? You might still be missing a lot of your memories, but even you know this is every astronomer’s dream.
However, despite growing more fond of Rocky with each passing day, you’re relieved when he announces it’s time for him to sleep. You watch as Rocky fidgets for a few moments before going completely still. You let a few minutes pass to make sure he doesn’t wake up, and then climb up the ladder to join Ryland in the lab.
“I still feel guilty about leaving him alone,” you say as you sit down on a stool close to Ryland.
Ryland glances up at you as he types on his laptop. “I told you he won’t wake up for at least another two hours. What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”
“I know,” you concede, picking up a pencil just to have something to fiddle with. “But it doesn’t mean I don’t feel bad.”
“Speaking of what he doesn’t know,” Ryland says after a few seconds as he closes his laptop. “You haven’t corrected him about us going home, right?”
The reminder makes your stomach drop, and you shake your head. “He seems so excited.”
Ryland nods slowly. “When he talks about us all going home… I almost forget sometimes.”
“I do too,” you admit. “I remember agreeing to the mission, and I think I’ve made peace with never going home, but it’s… a fun fantasy to entertain.”
“We’re going to have to tell Rocky eventually,” Ryland replies. “I mean, it’s not like we can just wave goodbye at him when we’re all done and pretend we’re powering up the ship to go home.”
The mental image makes you grin. “We could tell him not to peek and just hide behind a planet.”
Humor dances in Ryland’s eyes. “If Rocky asks why we’re not flying in the direction of our solar system, we can just say we’re taking a shortcut.”
You smile back at him for a few moments before the reality of the situation sinks back in. “When do we tell him the truth?”
Ryland shrugs. “I guess whenever we can’t keep deflecting anymore.”
You were just finishing the closing notes of a reluctant karaoke duet with Andrea when you saw Ryland slip back into the lounge and return to his spot at the bar.
The group closest to the impromptu karaoke stage erupted in cheers as the song ended, and you gave a half-hearted bow at Andrea’s behest. Your cheeks flushed, caused by embarrassment from people’s enthusiasm and the several shots of vodka Ilyukhina had goaded you into drinking. As an engineer from Dimitri’s team took the karaoke mic, you dodged Ilyukhina’s attempts to shove another shot into your hand and crossed the room to join Ryland at the bar.
“Ryland!” You called out as you plopped down on the barstool next to his. “Are you seriously working right now?”
Ryland looked up from the stack of papers and notebooks he was reading and smiled timidly. “Maybe?”
You leaned forward and snapped closed the notebook he was taking notes in. Ignoring his yelp of protest, you spoke over him. “Not only are you working during our inaugural Karaoke Night, but you missed my duet with Andrea!”
“Oh, the shame of missing Karaoke Night!” Ryland exclaimed sarcastically, prompting a round of laughter from you.
You shoved his shoulder playfully, the alcohol coursing through your system making you feel light and joyful. “You say that now, but Ilyukhina is trying to convince DuBois to do a duet with Annie.”
Ryland’s smile widened. “We need to make sure someone gets that on camera.”
The mischief in his eyes prompted a fluttering in your stomach, and your cheeks flushed in a way that felt different than the alcohol. You opened your mouth to reply, but realized that Ryland was staring at something over your shoulder. You turned around to see Stratt holding the karaoke microphone.
“Just stop your crying, it’s a sign of the times,” Stratt sang in a soft voice that caught you by surprise. Around you, the whole lounge had quieted and turned to watch the woman who was arguably in control of the fate of humanity flawlessly sing.
While Stratt sang the chorus and everyone cheered, you turned to Ryland, expecting him to match your awestruck smile. Instead, you saw him rest his face against his hand and watch Stratt with rapt attention. Ryland’s eyes were warm, and a soft smile played across his lips.
“Remember, everything will be alright,” Stratt sang as the song began to wind down. She made eye contact with Ryland and an unspoken communication seemed to pass between them.
You suddenly felt a pit form in your stomach as Stratt sang the closing lines of the song while holding Ryland’s gaze. You nearly startled when everyone cheered as Stratt made a swift exit, and you forced a smile when she passed by.
The room quickly returned to its prior noise level as everyone gushed about Stratt’s singing and speculated on why she decided to join. You remained silent, and the inexplicable knot in your stomach suddenly made you wish you had accepted the shot Ilyukhina offered you a few minutes ago.
“That was unexpected,” Ryland said excitedly, drawing your attention back to him. “Who’d have thought Stratt was such a good singer?”
You tried to match his smile. “Yeah, that isn’t a common go-to karaoke song.”
Ryland’s eyebrows furrowed. “Hey, are you alright?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?” You replied quickly, realizing you unsuccessfully masked your lack of enthusiasm.
“You tell me,” Ryland replied, his smile turning into a frown. “You seem… off.”
His earnest concern loosened the knot in your stomach by a fraction, and you gave him a more sincere smile. “I think the vodka is just getting me. I should probably just call it a night.”
You stood up and Ryland instantly followed suit. “I’ll walk you back to your room.” The tone of his voice made you suspect he didn’t fully believe you, but you waited for him to gather his papers and notebooks before letting him lead you out of the lounge.
The walk to the room you shared with Andrea was short, and you reached your destination within a few minutes. During the walk, Ryland had tried to start a conversation but you had simply replied with noncommittal hums.
“Well, this is me,” you stated, fishing out your room key from your pocket. As you reached forward to put the key in the door’s keyhole, Ryland softly grabbed your hand.
“Wait,” he said, lowering your hand but maintaining his hold of it. “Something’s clearly wrong.”
You briefly met his gaze, then looked downward. “I’m fine.”
Ryland shook his head. “I think I know you well enough by now to know that isn’t true.” He took a step closer to you before continuing. “You did a 180 after Stratt sang.”
His words made the image of Stratt and Ryland wordlessly communicating flash through your mind. Part of you wanted to brush off his concerns, but upon looking up and seeing his worried frown, you decided against it. You bit your lip and shrugged. “I didn’t realize you and Stratt had gotten close.”
Ryland’s eyebrow shot up, evidently surprised. “Close is an overstatement,” he replied and rubbed circles into your hand with his thumb. “It’s probably more accurate to say we’ve… reached an understanding.”
In the back of your mind, you remembered that during your first several weeks aboard the ship, there had been a rumor about Stratt and Ryland. You had brushed it off at the time as mindless gossip, but now… “I just hear things, I guess.”
“Hear what things?”
You shrugged. “Andrea has an ear to the ground about all the gossip here and she told me there was a rumor that you and Stratt are…” Ryland stared at you, uncomprehending, forcing you to continue. “You know, hooking up.”
You weren’t sure what reaction you were expecting, but it certainly wasn’t Ryland’s horrified expression. “Me—Stratt—hooking up—rumor—what?” Ryland had let go of your hand to run it through his hair, making the strands stand up in awkward angles.
The knot in your stomach loosened upon seeing his confusion and dismay and you patted his shoulder. “Hey, it’s okay. I think that rumor stopped being spread around months ago.” Your words and touch seemed to reassure him and his shoulders relaxed. “The gossip mill gets bored when there isn’t any evidence to feed an old rumor.”
Ryland shook his head and he stared intently into your eyes. “I swear nothing has ever happened between us. It was only a couple of weeks ago that I stopped being scared of Stratt.”
The earnestness in his voice made you smile. “I believe you,” you admitted softly.
He took a step forward and tucked stray strands of hair behind your ear. You expected him to remove his hand, but he kept it resting against your cheek. “Is that what’s bothering you?”
You wanted to look downward, but the intensity in his eyes stopped you. Instead, you simply shrugged. “I guess I sometimes forget I’m not your only friend here.”
Something in his eyes flickered at your words and he seemed to lean further forward. “You’re the one I’m closest with.”
A heat spread to your cheeks that you knew you couldn’t write off as the vodka from earlier. You suddenly realized your face was inches away from Ryland’s and it would be so easy to lean further forward and—
A burst of laughter down the hall made you jump and interrupted your line of thought. You took a step back and Ryland did the same. You smiled stiffly at the trio of doctors from Dr. Lamai’s team as they walked past you and disappeared around a corner at the other end of the hallway.
“Well, I should probably let you get some sleep,” Ryland said, clearing his throat and avoiding your gaze.
You could recognize an exit opportunity when you saw one. You faked a yawn. “Yeah, the vodka is definitely going to hit me tomorrow, so I should probably get a good night’s sleep.”
You quickly unlocked your door and shuffled in. Hurrying inside, you sent Ryland an awkward wave before slamming the door closed.
“What about you Rocky,” Ryland says. “What do you miss the most about home?”
You, Ryland, and Rocky are sitting together after watching videos from Earth from The Hail Mary’s seemingly endless video catalog.
Rocky thinks over the question. “My mate,” the computer’s voice translates.
“Your mate?” You blurt out and sit up straighter.
Meanwhile, Ryland quickly turns around from leaning against Rocky’s xenonite ball. “Wait, you have a mate?”
“... Yes,” Rocky replies, and you faintly note that Ryland’s continuous fiddling with the translation software now allows Rocky to convey his confused tone.
“I mean not that you—I mean, I’m sure—” Ryland rambled and you bit back a smile watching him realize the hole he dug himself into.
“I think what Ryland is trying to say,” you cut in, “Is what’s your mate’s name?”
“Name is ♫♫♪♩♬♪♩♫♪♩♫♫♩” Rocky replies and you smile at the passion he conveys through his body language.
“It’s beautiful,” Ryland says once Rocky finishes, and you nod in agreement.
Rocky seems pleased with your responses. “You have mates, question?”
You see Ryland’s eyes widen and lean forward to turn Rocky’s attention to you. “No, signing up to go on an interstellar space mission doesn’t leave much time for dating.”
“Years ago, I did,” Ryland admits after a moment and your attention snaps back to him. “But she thought I had my head in the clouds and I didn’t really want to live in the real world. She was right.”
Ryland gave Rocky a bittersweet smile, and a part of you whispered that Ryland’s daydreaming tendencies lead to the creativity you greatly respect about him.
“And now,” Ryland surprises you by continuing. “Relationships are probably more… complicated.”
Ryland’s contemplative gaze meets yours and you feel your heart skip a few beats. Had he regained the memory of your talk after Stratt’s song? Did he remember something else?
“Understand,” Rocky states simply, drawing your attention away.
“But enough about us,” Ryland says and turns to look at Rocky. “You have a mate. How long have you been together?”
Rocky stood taller in the Eridian equivalent of puffing out his chest. “186.3 years.”
“Like the honeymoon phase,” Ryland replies, prompting a burst of laughter from you.
“No understand.”
“It’s a joke, Rocky,” you say, stopping Rocky’s imminent rambling of confusing human idioms.
Meanwhile, Ryland smiles. “That’s a long time, you’ve been together a long time.”
Rocky hovers one claw over a carving on one of his legs. “It’s not enough.”
Your heart melts at the sincerity etched into Rocky’s body language, and Ryland sports a soft smile that matches your own. Something in your chest loosens at the sight.
the planets and the fates and all the stars aligned: Chapter 6
I'm back with another chapter. As usual, I've also posted it on AO3, and here are the links for the past chapters: one, two, three, four, five.
For the first time in days, everything is quiet.
Sure, you faintly hear Ryland recording a video log in the cockpit, but his deep voice blends into the quiet hum of the ship’s life support system. The air pumping through the vents is a constant white noise that reassures you that the ship is in working order.
As Ryland tells Earth whatever new updates he has and Rocky has retreated to the Blip-A to do maintenance on his ship, you sort through the soft cubed storage containers Ryland unearthed below the Hail Mary’s dormitory.
There are two containers that Ryland has seemingly set aside from the rest: one with a label stating “GRACE” and another with your name. After a moment’s hesitation, you sit on the ground next to the containers and pull the velcro scraps that hold together the container with your name.
The container smoothly unfolds, revealing a pile of papers, pictures, and small objects. At the top is a baseball cap with the Project Hail Mary logo, and below are several shirts and pants you instinctively recognize as your favorites
Below is a card with a drawing of people waving at a sailboat and the words “bon voyage” neatly printed at the top. The inside of the card has dozens of signatures, each accompanied by a short message wishing you luck on The Hail Mary. Skimming the names, you realize these are students and faculty from your short-lived time as an astronomy professor. The realization makes you smile as you continue sorting through the contents.
There are over a dozen pictures of friends and family whose faces are familiar, even if you still can’t quite place your exact connection to some of them. Their smiling faces and well-wishes scribbled on the back make tears threaten to form.
Blinking the tears back, you pick up the last picture in the pile. Letting out a small gasp, you see it’s a picture of you and Ryland sitting at the bar on Statt’s Vat. In the picture, you’re clinking glasses full of beer, and you have matching relaxed smiles, both of your cheeks flushed—from the alcohol or something else is unclear.
Flipping the picture over, you see a note written in Ryland’s now familiar handwriting: “If you’re as smart up there as you are down here, there’s nothing to worry about. I believe in you. —Ryland”
You trace the words with your fingers and feel a memory nudging at the back of your mind. Closing your eyes, you let it overtake you.
“Rise and shine!” You called out, entering the nearly empty biology lab aboard Stratt’s Vat. The lights were at full brightness, illuminating Grace’s solitary, slumped figure at his desk.
He looked up from his laptop and gave you a tired smile. “It’s nighttime.”
You shrugged at his words and strode forward to his desk. “Considering you look half asleep, it felt accurate.”
“Fair enough,” Grace replied, mirroring your shrug. “What brings you to my humble lab?”
You decided not to point out the state-of-the-art equipment surrounding you. Instead, you placed the picture you had held behind your back onto the table. Grace leaned forward to look at the picture Andrea took last week of the two of you at the lounge’s bar.
Grace smiled down at the picture. “A gift for me?”
“Actually,” you answered, picking up a pencil from the stack of writing utensils on Grace’s desk. “It’s a request. I’ve been collecting goodbye messages from people.”
Grace’s smile turned into a frown. “Goodbye messages?”
“Stratt’s having the prime and backup crews build our care packages,” you responded. Seeing the still confused look on his face, you continued. “You know, for when or if we end up being on the crew that goes on the mission.”
Comprehension dawned on Grace’s face. “Like asking people to write your eulogies before you die?”
You winced. “That’s not exactly how I would’ve put it, but it’s not inaccurate, I guess.”
Grace took the pencil you handed him and frowned. “So I… do what? Say goodbye to you?”
“Pretty much,” you replied with a shrug. “I guess whatever you think would be reassuring if I go on the mission.”
Grace stared at the blank backside of the picture for a few moments before turning back to you. “You seem weirdly calm about this.”
You sighed and pulled up a chair from another desk. “I guess I’ve gotten good at compartmentalizing,” you stated, sitting down.
Picking up the pencil, Grace wrote a few words on the picture, but angled it so you couldn’t read them. He sighed, his eyes darting nervously. “We’ve never really talked about it. I mean, there’s a chance you’ll go on the mission and…”
He trailed off, but you could almost hear the rest of his sentence. And die there.
“I try not to think about it too much,” you replied, aware of the lump in your throat. “If I focus on the science and training, the rest can just fade into the background.”
“What made you decide to volunteer?” Grace asked, taking off his glasses.
“There’s two levels to that answer,” you stated after contemplating his question for a few moments. “The university I was at encouraged everyone in any science-related discipline to apply. It’s good PR for the university, you know?” Grace nodded. “And I figured the alternative is just, what? Waiting around for Astrophage to destroy the planet? At least here I have a chance to help make a change.”
Grace sighed. “You make it sound so easy.”
You raised an eyebrow and gave him a small smile. “What? I make going on an interstellar mission sound easy?”
“I meant volunteering to die,” His words and frown made your smile drop. “That takes more bravery than I could ever dream of having.”
You studied Grace’s slumped shoulders and realized he had been thinking about this for a while. After a moment’s hesitation, you reached forward to where Grace rested one of his hands on the desk and placed your hand on top of Grace’s. His eyes instantly darted up to meet yours.
“I think you’re braver than you give yourself credit for,” you replied, faintly taking note of the tingling you felt where your hands touched. “Besides, something would need to happen to DuBois or Annie for me to go. And with smart people like you on the team, that feels less likely each day.”
Grace smiled softly. You could see his urge to brush off the compliment, but the sincerity in your voice must have silenced him. Instead, he handed you the picture he had now signed.
You quickly read his message and noted that he had written his first name instead of his typical use of his last name. “Ryland, huh?”
“I think we’ve been friends long enough that we should be on a first name basis, right?” He replied with a shrug.
“I think I can be alright with that,” you replied, smiling at Ryland.
You sigh as the rest of the memory slips through your fingers. Some of your memories had felt distant, as if they happened to another person, but you can still feel the sensation of Ryland’s hand in yours. You faintly wonder if Ryland has recovered this memory.
The thought draws your attention to the other storage container labeled with Ryland’s name. After a moment’s hesitation, your curiosity gets the better of you, and you unfold the container.
It is noticeably emptier than yours. Based on Ryland’s rotating collection of science-based shirts, some of the emptiness can perhaps be attributed to that, but it still feels strange. Unlike your container that held a vast collection of pictures and cards from well-wishers, Ryland’s only mementos are two pictures.
The first picture is a polaroid of him posing in front of the Atrophage breeder tanks on Stratt’s Vat. You smile softly when you realize the second picture is a candid of you and Ryland engaged in conversation in a far corner of the lounge on Stratt’s Vat. The room looks crowded, and your faces are close together, as if needing to be close to hear each other over the noise.
You flip the picture over and are surprised to see it’s blank. All of the pictures in your container had messages, but this one is blank.
“What are you up to?”
You jump in surprise at the words. Turning around, you see Ryland finishing climbing down the ladder that leads to the dormitory. He has a calm but inquisitive smile as he strides toward you.
Although you instinctively want to hide the fact that you were going through his belongings, you know he has already seen you. “Hope you don’t mind, but I was just curious about what we brought along.”
Ryland sits down on the ground next to you. “You’re fine. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t look through yours before you woke up.” He eyes the considerably larger pile of pictures and cards in your storage container. “It looks like you had a lot of well-wishers back home.”
The thought makes you smile sadly. “Too bad I don’t fully remember most of them.” Taking a deep breath, you try to force the sadness away. “I am flattered that the only other picture you brought is with me.”
“You caught me,” Ryland replies with a chuckle. “Not that I have any memory of packing it, but I think we were… friends.”
This time, a true smile tugs at your lips. “I think we were… or should I say are?”
Ryland picks up the picture of the two of you from your storage container. “Too bad we’re fresh out of beer, though.”
You laugh, but the reminder of the picture and Ryland’s accompanying message tugs at the back of your mind. “Do you wonder what happened for us both to end up here?”
“Constantly,” Ryland responds instantly. “You were the lead scientist of the backup crew, but me? Something must have happened to all the others for both of us to be sent.”
Ryland’s voice has turned dejected, and you remember that Ryland had previously doubted his courage.
“You must’ve been really brave,” you reply, and Ryland ducks his head bashfully. “The rest of us trained for months but you must’ve joined closer to the launch date. And yet you still volunteered to come.”
“I haven’t felt particularly brave,” Ryland admits in a quiet voice.
Channeling courage from your recently regained memory, you reach forward and place your hand on top of Ryland’s where he rests it on his knee. He sucks in a deep breath and rotates his wrist so your hands interlock. The sensation of your connected hands feels achingly familiar.
With your spare hand, you flip over the picture Ryland holds and show him the message. “You believed in me. Maybe it’s time to start believing in yourself.”
Ryland remains silent, but his eyes meet yours, and you realize his eyes glisten with unshed tears. His thumb softly rubs your hand, and you don’t need any words to understand his gratitude.
