the good die young

Storm Warning | Lily&James

Lily had been holding it together. She had. She’d spoken calmly to Dumbledore, had listened and nodded and frowned seriously, thinking about his words and what they meant, and she had held it together; had kept her cool, maintained her calm. And then James spoke.

With a rough, ragged sob, Lily turned and slumped backward against the wall. Cold stones pressed against her back, anchoring her to a reality that she wanted nothing to do with. She felt like she was trapped in a whirlwind. Discovering that her death was what had saved her son—that she had literally died for him, not just died trying to save him but actually succeeding beyond her wildest dreams, because it hadn’t been her death that had stopped Voldemort, but her death that had, in fact, created some powerful ancient charm of protection around her son…learning everything Dumbledore could tell her about that, about how she was still keeping Harry safe by having died…to finding out that living again might have broken that charm—it was too much.

Then on top of that, to learn that the Prophecy was true? To learn that their son, their precious baby, had been marked…scarred…by Voldemort, given power by him? Lily couldn’t bring herself to look up at James, to face him. Why hadn’t she simply run? Why hadn’t she been carrying her wand? She could have taken Harry and Apparated away, found somewher else to hide…but without James, a horrified voice whispered in the back of her mind, could you really have Apparated away with the baby while you listened to your husband dying? Lily shook her head, trying to shut the voice up, because she knew—she knew she’d have done anything to keep Harry safe. That’s why she’d run upstairs when James had said to, why she had run for the baby instead of for her wand. Why she’d been helpless to do anything but die.

But in dying she had saved her son…

It was too much. Lily’s head was reeling. She looked up at James, her eyes burning but too hot and dry to cry. At least she didn’t feel numb for once, although at this point, numb might have been preferable to the storm of emotions raging inside her. She couldn’t think of any way to articulate all of that, any of that, so instead she answered James simply:

"I don’t know."

Lily ran her own hands through her thick red hair, unconsciously echoing James’s gesture of frustration, although her ended with a savage tugging at the ends of her long locks, as if the jolt might somehow shake her ragged thoughts back into place. “I don’t even understand how I managed to…to cast it in the first place. I mean, I understand what Dumbledore said, how it worked…by choosing to die for him…but I don’t understand why. Why did he give me the chance to stand aside? Why did he offer to let me live? Was he just—just toying with me? Testing me? To see if a Muggle-born was capable of love, or if I’d give-up my baby to save myself?” She shook her head again, violently, wishing she could cry; it might relieve some of pressure she was feeling inside, but her eyes remained dry and hollow. “I don’t know,” she whispered, “I just don’t know…and if it’s not,” she added, more to herself than to James, “is it possible to re-cast it somehow?”

#para: lily #storm warning

The sob that escaped Lily's mouth echoed around the abandoned corridor. James suddenly wished he had the Map - something he hadn't really thought about since his return - so he'd be able to take her some place where he knew they would be alone. He stopped walked and turned towards her, watching as she slumped against the wall dejectedly. He took a few steps towards her and reached out to grab her hand, but didn't say anything. He didn't know, either. Didn't know if the spell was still working - didn't know how to tell her the news he heard from the Ministry earlier that day.

James shrugged at her words. “Who knows why Voldemort did anything he did? He’s gone now, right?” But, was he really? Not exactly with the Horcrux Regulus had found before his death.

His head snapped to her the moment she suggested recreating the spell. The only reason it had happened in the first place was because she’d died – he wasn’t about to let that happened again. “Are you suggesting that you try to die again to see if the spell works?”

That wasn’t exactly what Lily had said, but James had never been known for a level-head. He’d jumped to conclusions before his death and it wasn’t something that had changed between then and now. Lily was desperate enough when it came to Harry’s safety that James wouldn’t be surprised if she would do it all over again on purpose. But her death didn’t just affect her – it affected everyone else too. And he wasn’t about to let his wife go.

“Because if that’s what you’re saying, then no. We’ll find another way to keep him safe.”

Some You Win | Alecto&James

Whatever she might have felt during the war, and still continued to feel now in the years after it, the idea of James and Sirius opening a bar didn’t concern her in the slightest. She genuinely thought it was a good idea, especially if she could make it work in her favour. Her new life was all about merging with those she had once despised – there was no good or evil, Order or Death Eater members, just Wizarding folk endeavoring to get by.

“That is what I am counting on, Mr. Potter. I believe change is a good course of action, some still dwell in the past, relying on what they knew to get them by. However, I look towards the future and your proposal landing on my desk. I’m sure it will be an interesting read.”

She smiled when she noticed James’ jaw clench at the mention of his wife. She sipped from her glass to stop herself from enjoying his discomfort too much.

“You make such a handsome couple, have the two of you held discussions with the Medi-wizards? I’m sure you are both eager to get your son back and begin living your lives together as a family. Although, I wonder how that might affect Sirius, he dotes on young Harry.”

#mp: alecto #some you win #new years party #assigned para

It was all too much when Alecto brought up Harry and, subsequently, Sirius. It was like she'd read his mind - broken through his barriers to understand exactly where his nerves lay. Sirius being concerned for James taking Harry - Harry not wanting to go. And it was something he did not want to speak to Alecto Carrow about.

"We've only been back a few weeks. Things will get in order when they get in order," he said simply. "But I'm sure you're thinking of the same thing with your brother, though. Eager to get your family back?"

It was probably something he shouldn't have spoken about. Not after her last reaction to what he'd said about her being alone and after her eagerness to help he and Sirius - but James had never been all that level-headed. Emotions got the best of him, even in a situation he knew he should bite his tongue.

the-brightstar-deactivated20141

We Didn't Start the Fire | Sirius + James

The smoke had long cleared. Not even the ash was left in the air when Sirius walked down the street to return to the house he’d recently managed to burn down. The wards were still up, or someone from the Ministry had come along to ensure that new wards were put up, because the muggles were passing by on the street without a care for the charred skeleton of the house they walked past. Sirius wasn’t sure whether the fire had made the prophet; he’d been avoiding looking at it since the incident, and hadn’t ventured back until now even though he really should have come back sooner.

He would be lying if he said he didn’t feel any guilt about it on some level. Grimmauld place had never really been his home, not once he’d found out what a real home could feel like, but that didn’t mean Regulus hadn’t had some kind of feeling about the place. Sirius felt bad that some treasures or memories might have burst into flames along with the house, but there was no way he was ever going to express that sentiment in front of his brother. The fact remained that it was him who had cast the spell, and him who who hadn’t kept it under control (though he felt as though he owed a great deal of that to the horcrux that the fire had been trying to consume at the time).

The important thing now, Sirius knew, was to check for the horcrux. He doubted that Regulus would have come back to check and as much as he didn’t want to go inside, Sirius wanted to make sure that the damn thing was gone. The only problem was - he hadn’t been able to bring himself to step off the path outside and through the wards that kept the house hidden. He was still standing here, being passed by muggles going about their business, too busy or uncaring to pay him any attention. He could always walk away and try again tomorrow, he thought, but what sort of Gryffindor would that make him? It was just a house, a burnt out old house, and the horcrux was probably dead and gone.

"Come on," he muttered to himself, ready to take the first step over the threshold.

#para: sirius #we didn't start the fire

James knew Sirius well and death hadn't changed that. While Lily had been the one to tell James about the fire at Grimmauld Place, James had been the one to figure out where Sirius was after there had been no answer at his flat. After James and Lily met with Dumbledore, James knew it was high time to ask Sirius to let him crash. He wanted his own place with Lily - with Harry - so they could be a family again, but the Ministry wasn't going to allow that and James knew this was the next best thing.

The fact that Sirius hadn't been home and James didn't have a clue where his son was only strengthened his resolve to be closer. Harry couldn't come live with him and Lily - but James could go live with Harry. And, despite the fact that things hadn't gone well the last time, James Potter was never one to give up that easily. The thought of trying to connect with Harry again caused his stomach to bubble nervously, but James had won over his mother and he was confident (or so he told himself) that he could do the same with his son.

While some people might not think to look for Sirius in a place where his hated family once lived, James knew better than that. Sirius could pretend he cared less about the people who'd raised him (or tried to raise him, at least), but James had heard the dark drop in his voice whenever Sirius talked about them plenty of times before. Even though he would never admit it, that home held the majority of painful memories for James' best friend and James knew that Sirius would never completely get over that. Sirius would be at the ruins of his home - most likely to both bask and mourn it's destruction at the same time.

James smoked a cigarette on his way over (the Marauders were quite hooked on the Muggle tobacco, something James had decided looked cool as a teenager), choosing to Apparate a short distance away so he could walk the rest. It was chilly out - the winter air was still crisp with snow around him - but it felt good on his face. After hearing from the Ministry that they found something odd about Lily's charts and they couldn't clear her to take care of their son, James had been doing everything in his power to prove to himself (and everyone else) that he was very much alive. The problem was that, despite being able to feel the cold air, it didn't hit to his bones or cause his teeth to chatter as it once might've. If anything, it was only proving to James that he had changed, though in which way he didn't know.

He saw Sirius standing alone in front of the ruins of the old house. Muggles passed by easily, ducking their heads into coats to keep the frost from biting their noses, and James figured the wards of Grimmauld Place must've held, even with the fire. Sirius muttered something to himself, though James couldn't catch it over the rush of the wind. It didn't matter, though.

After all, James knew Sirius and death hadn't changed that. He could guess exactly what his best friend was trying to do.

"Just go in, mate," he said. "You can revel in the fact that Walburga can't put up anymore house else heads."

James had never actually stepped foot inside the house - Walburga Black would've cursed his blood traitor arse in a second - but Sirius had told plenty of stories of the place that it nearly felt like James had been there.

I can't believe I'm here.

Okay. Okay. I’m sorry I…freaked out. I’m good now. Really.

Sorry. Um, so…I’ve been here two hours and I’m already halfway in tears. Heh. How am I doing? Fitting in well at my first pure-blood-style party or not?

#i figured we should probably wr #*wrap this up #since we're starting the other para #chat: lily #new years party

First pureblood-style party? If I remember correctly, you once threw a drink in my mum's friends face for insisting you weren't good enough for me at something like this.

We should probably go... mingle or something, though. As much as I think these people can kiss my arse, it their arses that decide whether or not we get our son back.

I'll see you later, yeah?

Storm Warning | Lily&James

James had heard the nicknames before, but they had never sunk in until uttered by Dumbledore himself. The Chosen One. The Boy Who Lived. To James, they all meant one thing: his little boy was in danger and always would be. There was no escaping it - as long as Harry lived, Death Eaters would be after him and people would be staring. Sirius had told James that he was famous, but it was easy to shrug it off until their old headmaster confirmed the news.

The only one to survive the killing curse. And all because Lily had died for him. It was a lot to process, especially in such a short amount of time. They didn't even have their son in their custody yet and the news that he was in danger, that Lily's charm of love may or may no longer be working now that she was back from the dead, and that the Returned Death Eaters might still be thinking of war on their son made it all more urgent that he was in their care. Who could protect him better than his own parents? Sirius was great, but he wasn't Harry's dad (even though James' sinking gut told him Harry would rather have his godfather over his father) and he hadn't died to protect him.

There was also that horrible feeling of jealous - not because of Lily's death, but because of what her death had done for their son. She would always have the upper-hand here and James wished for the first time ever that he'd been given a chance to step aside. Maybe then Lily and Harry could've survived - because of his love. Wasn't that what his death was supposed to do, anyway? Safe his family and keep them from harm. There weren't many times since James had gotten his head out of his arse that he wanted to use his privilege to his advantage, but this would've been one of those times where he wished being a pureblood would've meant something. Meant that Voldemort wanted him enough to give him a chance to live, while Lily and Harry died. James could've been the hero he always wanted to be then. He thought he had been, but Lily had taken the cake with that one. James' death meant nothing when it came to Harry's survival.

There would be a lot of bad news tonight -- and he hadn't even mentioned to Lily how his meeting with the Ministry went.

He ran a hand through his hair - a habit even death couldn't break - as he and Lily walked from Dumbledore's office and down the corridors of their old alma mater. It was several minutes before he spoke and, when he died, his voice was quiet and slightly hoarse. So unlike the confident and reckless James Potter that roamed these halls as a student.

"Do you think the... charm is still working then? Are you still protecting him?"

#january 1st #storm warning #para: lily #morsstarter

And Then There Were None | Self Para

It wasn't t that James needed to prove anything (or so he told himself) but, when he left Remus' that afternoon before the Ministry New Years Party he was being forced to go to, he broke into a run directly towards the woods. He had come back from the dead only to be stuck on his friend's couch and, while he would always be grateful to Remus for helping him out, he knew that things were different between them. Remus had never believed James was real - but here was an opportunity to show him that things could be the same between them. He'd been invited to the full moon and with Moony, Padfoot, and Prongs back together again, they could almost forget there was no longer a Wormtail.

Still, even with the new excitement of a potential bar with his best friend and another inviting him along for something that, to Remus, was rather personal, James couldn't shake the feeling that he still wasn't quite normal. The simple fact that the Ministry had such a strong hand in his life now was proof to that. The old James Potter would've thrown the invitation in the trash and laughed it off - no matter the requirement. But he now had Harry and Lily to think about. And they needed to play by the rules if they wanted to be a family again - even if the rules were completely fucked up.

He stopped running a short distance into the woods, panting as he put he hands to his knees. Straightening up after he caught his breath, James looked around and smiled. He needed something to feel free again (something even the war had given him, if only from the rush of adrenaline it caused) and Prongs was just the way to do that.

Closing his eyes, he focused on the feel of hooves digging into the earth, the rush of air against antlers, and warm fur that covered his body. He could almost feel it, but nothing came. No familiar shifting of bones - almost painful, but no quite unnatural. No changing of vision or sense of smell. James opened his eyes and looked around. His body stayed the same and very much human. Grabbing for his wand, he tried again. It'd been awhile, even if it didn't feel like it to him, and surely a wand would help. Focusing again, he pushed his heels into the ground as if to steady himself. But nothing happened.

He dropped his wand. Thought of Remus and what this would mean to him.

Fuck.

#self para #and then there were none #set before the party

I can't believe I'm here.

She did!? She’ll help us, really? Oh—oh, that would be so wonderful! Having Harry…being a family again…I can’t even think about trying to sort the rest of our lives out without the three of us being together. The War…the Death Eaters…Voldemort…Azkaban…none of it means anything if we’re not together.

I’m sorry—I’m sorry I’m such a mess. I told myself I wouldn’t…wouldn’t fall apart like this. I’m sorry. I know it’s not helping…I’ll pull it together. Really. You’re right, we’ll be fine. Both of us, all of us. It’s just…been stressful. That’s all it is, you and me both, just the stress. Get us back together, and we really will be fine. That’s all there is to is: we need to be a family again. That’s all, everything will work out then. Everything.

#he shouldn't make promises he can't keep #the girl is lily #but she doesn't have to be smiling lol #i just wanted to show that he stepped closer to her #chat: lily #new years party

I mean... she said she would. Lily - I'll figure it out, alright? We will be together. As a family. I promise.

Just - take a deep breath, alright? It'll be fine - you'll be fine. And I'm... right here. Ok?

I can't believe I'm here.

Do you—do you really think she will? Oh, James…

I just…I just want my life back. Our lives back. We’re back, so why can’t we just…live? The way we used to? Why is it all—why is it all so hard?

#never James! haha #chat: lily #new years party

Yeah, I do. She told me that she would help me get Harry back. I'll remind her about that if she says anything.

It'll be fine - just like it was, alright? And you'll... feel better.

I can't believe I'm here.

We…we are? We—can we do that? Will they…will they let us? The Ministry, I mean? And, and how can we afford that? Do you have…did you get your family’s money back? How are we going to do that? I thought we all had to be…to be watched. Will they just let us go off and…and be on our own?

Will they give us Harry, if we do? Won’t that sort of thing…won’t it just make them more watchful of us, if we try and get away from their scrutiny? Believe me, I’d like nothing more than to…to go home with you again. But I don’t want to jeopardize our getting Harry back…

And—and I’m fine, anyway. Just…adjusting. That’s all. Really.

#he's just too determined/optimistic to really accept what she's saying #chat: lily #new years party

Fuck the Ministry. They don't just expect us to sit on our arses in hotels and on couches the rest of our lives. I'll talk to Emmeline tomorrow and she'll approve it.

We'll find something by the Ministry, then. Harry is our son and we're getting him back.

You'll be - it'll be fine. You'll see.

I can't believe I'm here.

Oh, James…no, yes, of course it was a fluke. You’ll just…we’ll practice, okay? Or I mean, you can practice, and I’ll help. It’ll be fine. Of course.

Oh, oh I didn’t—you don’t? Well, I just meant…sometimes it just seems…it’s hard to explain. It’s just…numb. Sometimes. Not right now, of course—not around you. But other things…when I’m alone…it’s just hard to…to feel things. To care. I’m sure it’s just—just an adjustment period. I figured it was something that happened to…everyone. Like us. But…not to you?

#SHE'S NOT FEELING RIGHT AND I'M SAD!#new years party #chat: lily

Yeah... it'll - it'll be fine.

You - ? Shit, Lily.

Lily - you know what? Tomorrow... we're going to go find a place. You and me. To live. You won't - be alone. And Harry will come live with us soon. Alright? We're going to go tomorrow.

Some You Win | Alecto&James

“A bar wouldn’t last long if they watered their drinks down.” Alecto remarked. “Are you serious about opening a bar with Sirius? I would be interested in reading a proposal; Merlin knows I am sick of the sight of the Leaky Cauldron.”

She studied James with a critical eye while he glanced around at the party guests, for a Pure-blood he was a strange man, but after all Sirius had abandoned his family ties to hang around with the likes of Potter and his half-breed friends. Her right eyebrow arched in surprise when he mentioned family and friends.

Was he being serious? Had he forgotten he was talking to the woman with a brother who was an escaped Azkaban intimate? If this was him making conversation, he needed to spend more time with civilized company.

“Practically everyone I know is here, and in regards to family, I am not in the habit of socializing with convicted criminals. Sirius excluded from the clause of course.” She stated. “I would have thought you and Lily would be enjoying your time together. I had the pleasure of having a drink with her not long ago, she is quite lovely.” Alecto smiled hoping to make James squirm a little bit. She had to get some amusement as this party was becoming increasingly dull.

#mp: alecto #some you win #new years party

James perked up slightly at her words. While he wasn't interested in doing business with Alecto Carrow, he knew he would eventually have to submit a proposal to her if they ever wanted to get this done. And, despite all the other stuff he had going on in his life, he was serious about the bar. It would be something he and his friend could do together - something to keep him busy that didn't require him obsessing over Harry and Lily. He couldn't be sure Sirius would still want to - after James told him and Remus about being unable to transform he wasn't sure the two would trust him at all - but it was something James was still interested in. "You know a place run by the two of us would be very different from the Leaky Cauldron. We are serious about it. I'll - I'll submit a proposal to the office, if you think it would help."

James mentally cursed himself for bringing up her family. He hadn't even though - didn't even remember - that Amycus had escaped from Azkaban. It had unnerved him, yes, but escaped criminals weren't on the list of his top priorities to worry about, though it might have been in the past. Figuring his own shit out and trying to make civil conversation with her had taken all of his concentration that he hadn't even thought he might be intentionally insulting her. And, while he didn't particularly care about Alecto Carrow's feelings, he wasn't thrilled about the semi-angry look that crossed his head of department's face. All while he'd been trying to play nice.

His own expression darkened at the mention of Lily and he clenched his jaw. If only he hadn't mentioned Amycus - then maybe his wife would be left out of it. "Yes, she is," he agreed through gritted teeth. "That's one reason I married her."

I can't believe I'm here.

James…if there’s something wrong with you…of course there’s something wrong with me, too. We died the…the same way, at the same time. And it took me even longer to come back, so…if there is something wrong with you…then there’s definitely something wrong with me.

I’ve…I’ve been wondering…I thought it was just because it’s winter…thought it was just part of being dead, that would wear-off, but…you’re not…cold, are you? Were you, I mean? When you first came back? Numb, like you…like you can’t feel anything, inside or out?

#pretend it's lily in the gif #chat: lily #new years party

Lily, look at me. There's nothing wrong with you, alright? We're here... we're meant to be here. It was probably... just a fluke. Like you said. Ok?

What - what do you mean you feel... numb? I - I don't feel that way.

I can't believe I'm here.

No, no of course you don’t, but I thought maybe if there was something wrong with the wand, it might…explain…

James, you don’t think there’s…there’s something wrong, do you? I mean, with…with us…

No. No, that’s ridiculous, you probably just psyched yourself up too much, that’s all. It was just—nerves, you weren’t concentrating right. It’s just like riding a bike, I’m sure; you just have to…to relax, and not overthink it. That’s all. I’m sure of it.

#sounds good!#i'm heading out too #just imagine he's trying to talk in the first part #and she keeps talking over him lol #chat: lily #new years party

Lily... Lil - I -

Merlin, Lily - No! I don't think it's like riding a ... whatever-you-said. It wasn't nerves. I practiced. I concentrated. I know what I'm doing and it didn't work.

There is something wrong. But not with you. Everything's been fine... except for that.

wolfs-clothing-blog

Any Time At All // James & Remus

wolfs-clothing-blog

One last long drag and Remus dropped his cigarette to the concrete, crushing it with the toe of his boot. He gave James a sad smile. A job he could count on would be great and being given a job was certainly better than accepting money for nothing. It just felt wrong in the pit of his stomach. After all that time relying on James for so much, now he was finally at a place where he could be independent and support himself. Sure, it wasn’t easy, but he’d worked hard for the things he had. He couldn’t accept handouts from James like he once had. Anyhow, this bar wasn’t a sure thing. Neither James nor Sirius had experience doing anything of the sort, Remus couldn’t afford to take a gamble. Or so he told himself.

"We’ll see how it goes, anyhow. Who knows what the future holds?" The Returned could disappear, be sent to Azkaban en masse, the bar could fail for a thousand reasons. Or things could work out and Remus would have a place to go where the drinks were on the house at the very least.

Remus checked his wristwatch. Had thirty minutes passed by so fast? He groaned quietly at the prospect at returning to finish off the work day. He wouldn’t have another break before his shift ended. “Of course, it’s tradition.” Remus grinned. When Sirius had first come back, their relationship had been strained, but Sirius had insisted that he join Remus whenever the full moon came around. Remus knew that a night in the woods could do more than words ever could to repair their relationship. Not to mention seeing James transform would be more than enough to convince Remus that this was truly his best friend. Remus couldn’t deny solid proof and maybe then he would be able to sleep at night.

"Look, I have to get back to work. I’ll see you tonight, yeah?"

#/end #any time at all #mp: remus #sorry it took me so long to close out!

James looked at the tip of his own cigarette as Remus dropped his. Having just been lit, there was still quite a bit left, but it was obvious Remus was nearly finished with his break. Disappointed, James took another long drag of his own and watched as it slowly burned its way towards him. He'd have to finish it after Remus had gone which would be odd considering the location behind the bakery, but James couldn't find it in himself to mind. This hadn't gone too badly, even with Remus' refusal at his offer. He would be joining them on a full moon again and he was certain this would be the final push Remus needed to believe that James was back and real.

It would be like old time again. Finally.

James nodded as Remus dismissed himself, ignoring the familiar bubbling feeling of jealousy in the pit of his stomach at hearing that he and Sirius had continued on their monthly escapades without him. It was silly, he knew - of course life had gone on without it - but it sometimes seemed as if things were fine even with his death. Not perfect by any means, but not horrible either.

"Yeah definitely, mate. I'll see you 'round."

I can't believe I'm here.

If only she weren’t a lot of things, but yeah, especially that…

Wait, what do you mean, it wouldn’t work? Is it—is there something wrong with your new wand, or—what happened, exactly? I’ve never heard of an Animagus transformation just…not working, not once someone’s mastered it…