Says who, she wonders— well, them, obviously, but… is she wrong? Are they both right? Such topics are never so straightforward, in her mind; it is not a simple science that has an equation and only one solution, life is not usually that black and white. Alphys reigns in her thoughts though, makes no effort to defend herself or speak up in any way ( coward— cowardly she is, she will not speak her mind and timidly, weakly just keep silent instead ). She wants it to end— end what she has started, but what right does she have to make the judgement call there?
( And of course Chara has a point. Whether or not she really wants to acknowledge that fact is besides the point. Old habits die hard though, and she has never been good at properly handling her emotions, so an apology tumbles from her lips, quietly and halfheartedly— or maybe wholeheartedly. She’s lost track of what emotion she should be feeling ).
There’s a missed opportunity somewhere, for something, in all of this, she thinks. There’s a theory that supports that, probably. Alternative universes, quantum mechanics— she wonders if half of them are even as bad as this. Different what if scenarios— would this conversation gone better if she’d been truthful from the start ( well, near the start ), would this situation have changed at all? Probably not, she has a habit of messing things up; karma of some kind ( or maybe not, and Alphys should stop pinning things on some theoretical force ).
She flinches, again— she can’t argue what is more or less true, regardless of how she feels about it. Feelings did not matter with hard and cold facts. An entire charade, built upon lie after lie ( were you proud of yourself? Is this what you had strived for? ); she cowers into herself, meekly, takes back up anxious scientist. It isn’t an act if it is how you truly feel, is it? “Did people deserve to w-wait longer, then? For someone that was going to be able to do things …‘right’? We had no way of knowing when th-the next human was going to fall, or, or what they would be like. No one… no one was going to do as g-g-good of a job at being royal scientist as them, I think.” What she knows of the former royal scientist varies, it is not much, but she knows there was unmatched intelligence there— and that may have been her greatest downfall. Trying to fill in feet that were far too big for her to fill. “People… some of them were impatient, sure. Perhaps I, I was not fit to be the one to take that job, yes… but someone n-n-needed to, I think. That’s all I wanted— to help them, for their sake. I mean, I guess… I guess you could argue that by helping them, I w-would be helping myself, you know get free. Be acknowledged. But… uhm, that’s just semantics…”
( When had you begun to strive for a dream that was too big to ever come true? When had it turned from a job into something else? When had your intentions turned from sweet to something almost sinister?
When had you stopped trying to help people? Was it when all your efforts went to waste? Was it when you were only met with failure? That no matter what, you only could hurt people with your actions?
And you wonder why people show disgust towards your actions ).
It digs into her, the accusatory tone, the silent anger— Alphys takes a step backwards when the other steps forward, she does not like the implications that are here. She does not mean to hurt, and she does so anyways; truly, she was meant to never win. Her gaze is distant, she refuses to look at Chara— does not want to acknowledge them. “In theory, p-p-perhaps. It might have came up as a possibility.” Her voice is unsteady, she does not like what she is being told— does not like thinking about the implications ( you can never do anything right ). Old habits die hard, so she avoids acknowledging the truth, speaks in half truths and finds excuses for her actions. “They— er… I would not say that I didn’t… mess up, I suppose, would be putting things lightly. But, forgive me, if , if this is presumptuous, but isn’t it up to Frisk themself, if t-they want to be upset over it?”
it takes them a moment to reply, legs crossed and perching. ( on what, is unclear. they sit in the air as if they’re sitting on something else, one leg dangling, the other folded over their knee. there’s a smile on their face for a moment, one almost terrifying. ( asriel used to joke about it. do it again, chara! they hadn’t meant to be scary at first. but if he found it funny, if it made him laugh . . . )
( was it really so bad, if it made them happy? )
one corner of their mouth tips up, turning their frightening smile into something almost amused. ‘ i guess that’s the question you’ll have to live with, isn’t it? but, alphys, you’re a scientist, aren’t you? ‘ there’s a mocking tone there, somewhere, in their voice. ‘ which do you think is better, then? trying to fix a problem with a solution you don’t know will work, and the false reassurance to others that it will, or making sure there’s a solution in place that will? ‘
they shrug. ‘ maybe no one would do as well as the last one. he was . . . good. ‘ their mouth twitches for a moment. they have other thoughts on that royal scientist, but with the state of this universe, now, it isn’t their place to put those things out into words. if the code would even let them.
‘ but if someone breaks their leg, you don’t put a bandaid on it and claim to be a doctor. if you had to lie to get into the position, don’t you think that would be a sign that you’d only have to keep lying once you were there? ‘
( and hadn’t that manifested in the worst possible way? not just lying about her talent, but what she was doing, what had happened, the fates of people’s loved ones, the hope of the underground, even her own good as a person . . . )
‘ you really don’t understand frisk, do you? it’s not in their nature to be angry at people, no matter how much they deserve it. they forgive. whether or not the person is deserving of that redemption, they’re ready to offer it. to you, to asriel, to asgore - to me. ‘
( they had lied as well, after all. )
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