Goddddddd thinking about that narrative moment when something horrible is happening and the character who has been frantically trying to come up with a way to fix it and getting more and more frantic and panicky just—stops. Because. Oh. There’s the solution. They’re not getting out of this alive but like. It’s a solution for everyone else. Okay. Okay.
the post surgery compression binder is more comfortable than youd think but it still gets pretty itchy. so dont be afraid to take benydryl, itll help you rest and stop the itch
sounds weird but try not to flex your pecs… watched a horror game play through and every time there was a jump scare my whole body tensed up including my pecs which hurt like a bitch
you might be numb in some areas affected by the surgery. especially if your surgeon does any liposuction along with just cutting your boobs off. right now my armpits are numb which makes cleaning them weird. less of a tip and more its normal for early in recovery
about a week in stuff starts to feel like pins and needles. i thought that meant my one nipple was falling off. turns out its the opposite and its them coming back to life. the post op compression binder while annoying does help the tingling feel less weird
you surgeon may be ripped to hell and back like mine and put the compression binder on super tight. ITS OK TO LOOSEN IT A LITTLE.
its there for compression to keep the swelling down but same rules apply as a regular binder: it might be a little uncomfortable and feel tight but you need to still be able to BREATHE
invest in a long pair of tongs or one of those claw grabber things. i just made ramen that was in a cabinet above the microwave. how? tippy toes and tongs.
You can buy little hair net looking guys at some major pharmacies that include shampoo and can be used to wash your hair in bed if you’re having trouble in the shower
(This is a general surgery tip but all my disabled friends swear by ‘em post surgery it makes your life much easier and you can feel properly clean)
top surgery tip 12) it’s okay to sleep on the couch or in a chair if it’s too difficult or painful to get in and out of bed. My couch plus a pile of throw pillows on either side of me was the perfect place to sit and simmer as I recovered.
I also recommend getting one of those airplane pillows that go around your neck. very useful if you end up sleeping sitting up and don’t want your neck to crick.
when it comes to scar care. anything is better than nothing. and you dont need to shell out hundreds of dollars for fancy scar creams. to massage your scars as long as everythings properly closed you can just grab an gentle unscented or naturally scented lotion and use that. shea butter, cocoa butter, bio oil the like. youre just looking for something for sensitive skin and thatll keep them hydrated.
Smut writing 101: What I wish someone had told me when I first started.
So a conversation with @queen-of-boops and @longbobmckenzie sparked this post. Sarah already wrote a list of tips for writing a villa fic which was really helpful and people expanded on it a lot, so we thought it might be helpful to share a few tips for writing smut from some of the writers that do it a lot.
This is a long-ass post, because I've learned a lot over the years. So right at the end, there's a mini how-to guide for how to turn your smut from IKEA instruction manual into an explosion of sexual tension.
In addition, I would love for others to add on to this. This fandom is horrifically talented especially in writing brain-melting smut, and this is just what I could come up with in a few hours. But I'd love to hear from other people and have them add on extra bits!
A few resources before we begin:
The Smut Writer's Dictionary
The Ultimate Guide to Writing Smut Fic [HIGHLY recommend sections ii (Reaction words), iv (sexy alternatives to 'said'), xii (generally acceptable slang terms) and xvi (Some do's and don'ts of smut writing).]
OneLook Thesaurus is much better than other thesauruses at suggesting words for smut (I've found).
Now, on to the advice!
Tip #1 - It's normal to find it difficult and cringe to write. Own it.
Smut can be intimidating. It can feel really cringe and awkward and you might feel like people are judging you for it, and you know what? Sometimes they are. Smut isn't for everyone, and not everyone wants to read it, and that's why ratings and tags exist on Archive of Our Own. But you shouldn't be ashamed of writing it. Smut is fun and awesome and people who do like reading smut often love reading it, and will absolutely eat up whatever you give them. So go nuts. Write what you want to see, write what you want to read. That's advice for everything, but it's especially relevant for writing smut. Because if you feel awkward, it can sometimes show through. Lean into it. Let it happen. If you make yourself blush, you’re doing a fucking awesome job.
Tip #2 - Writer’s block.
I've written hundreds of thousands of words of pure, unadulterated filth, and I still struggle to push into it sometimes. The leadup comes so naturally, the tension builds, they're kissing, they're starting to touch each other, and then-- writer's block. I stare at the page and tap my fingers and go... huh. Same with writing really effectual kisses, or writing orgasms. There's all this pressure to make it the best written orgasm that's ever existed in the English language and it really doesn't need to be. Just put something down.
If your doc looks like this:She clawed at the wall, knowing she was coming apart at the seams, the pressure building inside her. He didn’t let up.
[orgasm bla bla bla].
She took a deep breath. She drew herself off him. She turned around. And she fell to her knees. [blowjob and he's loving it].
Then your doc looks just like mine.
Tip #3 - Pick the right words for everyone’s bits.
See the resource above for suggestions!
People have very different preferences when it comes to what to call a cock or whether or not to use the word ‘cunt’. Adjectives, adverbs– there are so many different opinions. Like personally, I have to physically restrain myself from throwing a fic across the room if it uses the word hole but that is my personal preference, and I am massively in the minority there. But my advice is threefold:
Read widely to find out what you like,
Write what you like,
Know your characters.
Language will vary by fandom, by character, and by setting, and it’s an opportunity to really solidify their characterisation by carrying this into smut. An arrogant fuckwit who’s bedding his mortal enemy in a fit of hate-sex might use ‘into her slick cunt’, whereas a sweet, wholesome guy who’s desperately in love might say ‘pushed inside her’. But the more you read, and the more you write, the more you’ll find certain words or phrases you’re more comfortable with.
The more smut you read, the better understanding you’ll have of what you like. The better understanding you have of what you like, the easier it will be to write.
Tip #4 - POV can help you
Picking the right POV can make your life easier. For example, I once wrote a M/M/M threesome. That fic ended up being my very first ever 'first person POV' fic. Why? Because it turned one set of ‘his hand’ into ‘my hand’. Made it easier to understand the logistics of ‘his hand on his waist’, etc. Maybe it's lazy, maybe it's genius. I thought it was a bit of both.
Consider whose POV is going to be the most impactful. If you’re not sure, try writing a paragraph from each. You’ll figure it out quite quickly.
Tip #5 - Dialogue
You don’t have to include dialogue in your smut, but it can really help with pacing things and showing when the ‘end’ is approaching. Anyone who’s ever read any of my smut ever knows I’m a huge fan of cutting people off mid sentence in smut dialogue.
They start out with “Oh yeah? You think you can make me X?” And the other person goes “Sweetheart, I’m going to make you X so hard you don’t Y for a Z.”
But then by the end it’s “You feel–” and everyone’s gasping “Oh, fuck–” and sobbing out “I’m so– I’m gonna–”
To me, this helps to build pacing and tension and show without telling that the end is approaching. But honestly, that’s just me– I enjoy reading people being very vocal in smut, so that’s how I write them. If that’s not your thing, then don’t do it. Simple as that.
Tip #6 - Don’t skimp on the finale
Orgasms are hard to write. We all know that. There’s all this pressure to write the best most explosive monumental earth-shattering orgasm that’s ever existed in fiction, and honestly, it probably won’t be. But you still need to give it the time it deserves.
As an avid consumer of smut, there is nothing more frustrating than five pages of buildup, incredible smut, tension rising, rising, rising– and then the orgasm happens in two lines and they’re immediately having a conversation afterwards. This is, no pun intended, the climax of your scene. Give it a paragraph. Hell, give it two paragraphs. Give it four. The climax is something you can write in excruciating detail and it will almost always be better for it. You can decide whether they come at the same time, or whether one comes immediately after the other (personal fav so we get to read two orgasms. Yay! Two cakes!) You can hyper-focus on every single sense. Here are some examples for writing orgasms:
Feel/Touch
The feeling travelling through the character’s body/ zones: up their spine, through their thighs, ‘deep inside them’
Their partner continuing to thrust/move
Their partner’s grip on their body, or maybe a kiss
Fingernails digging into shoulder or raking down a back
Legs squeezing
Smell
Personally I think this works better for the leadup and afterwards, but if you want this in here you absolutely can. Pheremones, cologne, aftershave, perfume, sweat, hair gel– whatever makes them smell like them.
Sight
Their partner’s face and get detailed! Lips parting, brow scrunched, eyes closed, face in beautiful agony, wax poetic as fuck about their partner's face! What is hotter than making someone come and watching their face while you do it!??!!?
Darkness (blindfolded 👀)
‘White light behind their eyes’ is a cliche for a reason (fucking love this one)
Seeing stars/heaven see above lol
Taste
Harder to put into an orgasm but salty skin, lipgloss/lipstick? Whatever you want really
Sound
Big one. Their partner’s breath or moan as they watch/feel character’s peak
Their own breath/moans (or lack thereof can be just as effective, a ‘sudden silence’ as their breath catches in their throat can work WONDERS)
Bodies slapping together (doesn’t always work but when it does it does)
External sounds, especially rhythmic ones. A train clacking or a club baseline could simulate a heartbeat/shockwaves that you could lean into.
Pick multiple senses and focus on them. This will fill up a good bit of your climax writing.
But you should also let them come down from it! DON’T SKIMP AFTERCARE (or after-hate??)
Tip #7 - Aftercare!
I missed this so often when I was new to writing smut and I didn’t realise how effective it could be! I always just faded to black immediately afterwards because I didn’t want to deal with the ‘cleanup’. And you don’t have to go into detail, but at the very least, give them a few minutes– a paragraph or so after the sex. The immediate aftermath of the act itself when you can really focus on the relationship.
If they’re mortal enemies who’ve just fucked and are now horrified? Have them panting into each others’ skin. Their breaths suddenly become sharper and more reserved. They pull back from each other. Someone glares or someone says something snarky or awful. Someone showing aftercare or affection here (or being particularly cruel) reveals a lot about their character.
If they’re deeply in love and it’s comfortable for them to do so, maybe let them just lay there for a second, enjoying the feeling of each others’ bodies and letting breaths fall warmly and smiles tug at cheeks. Soft kisses, laying in silence, affection, etc.
If they’re best mates who just fucked by accident, have the silence be awkward and have no one breathe at all. It’s tense and awkward and one has to ask the other to go get a towel or something and the other is like ‘oh, yeah, um, right’.
Don’t skip this! It can be so impactful!
Overall Tip -
Beware the ‘IKEA Instruction manual’!
The #1 most common mistake, in my opinion, in writing smut is ‘Insert Tab A into Slot B’. It’s things like,
He moved his leg A, she touched B. He lifted her arm to C, holding her D’s, before slipping down to cup E. She ran her hands up F, touching his G, feeling his Hs caressing her I as she lifted her J and draped it over his K.
When I read this, I’m not focusing on the smut. I’m doing mental gymnastics trying to keep track of what position they’re in in my head because I’m assuming that it’s important. If you feel yourself doing this, stop. Refocus. Remember whose POV you’re in. This isn’t to say you should never tell the reader what’s happening. Just make sure to break it up a little!
Balance actions with senses.
Let’s say you start with a basic action. (The example is buildup to smut, not actual smut, but the idea is the same)
“His hand moved from her knee to her thigh.”
-> Instead of writing what they’re doing, write what they can sense.
“His hand moved from her knee to her thigh” becomes “She felt his warm hand slide from her knee to her thigh.”
-> Now, make the phrase active. Instead of ‘she felt’, make it a description.
‘She felt his warm hand slide from her knee to her thigh’ becomes ‘Warmth erupted on her skin as his hand slid from her knee to her thigh’.
-> Give it details, and draw focus to them.
His fingertips skimmed her inner thigh as his hand slipped from her knee and moved higher. The silk of her skirt gave way to the warmth of a coarse, rough palm. Her skin seared beneath it. But every other inch of her shivered with anticipation.
In three steps, you’ve gone from IKEA tab A to slot B to a pretty good section for building tension.
Examples of writing senses:
What can they feel? - ‘She’d never been so pent up, so wired, so on edge, and every flit of his practiced fingers on her waist had goosebumps shooting up her spine’.
What can they taste?
- ‘She could taste the sweat on his skin, the coconut suncream on his shoulders, the salt of the ocean on the hints of stubble at his jawline.’
What can they smell?
- ‘Her forehead pressed to his, that smokey, heady cologne engulfing her; curling her closer in time with his arms around her.’
What can they hear?
- ‘He watched her every move, breathing quickly, so she looked him directly in the eyes as she undid his belt. Belt. Button. Zip purring as she tugged it down towards her.’
What can they see?
- “Then, they opened, and he was treated to the sight of her looking up at him from her knees. Her eyes said fuck me. Her mouth said fuck me. Everything about her. Fuck me. Fuck me.”
I hope this was helpful in some way. I really would love to hear any other tips and tricks that writers would like to add to this. Obviously Mo and Sarah are already tagged, but this is a full and open free-for-all.
Add your thoughts! Add what you've learned! Add what you wish you knew!
9 years later, I found my old list of Naruto major arcana, and I polished it just for the hell of it.
0. The Fool, who walks a lonely road, perfectly aware of his past and his future, stepping forward not out of ignorance but out of choice, carrying his memories without being crushed by them and trusting that the path will reveal itself as he walks it: Kakashi standing by a road sign reading 'road of life', a sack on his shoulder (his past) and Pakkun by his side (his guide to the future).
The Magician, who bends reality through intellect and preparation, shaping outcomes not with brute force but with foresight, strategy and the careful use of hidden tools: Shikamaru with a Shoji board in front of him, shadows rising all around him.
The Popess, who lives in faith and quiet insight, whose power lies in inner certainty rather than action, and who understands that truth can be held silently without needing to be proven: Hinata in a garden, with a book on her lap.
The Empress, who embodies creation, protection and fierce devotion, loving so deeply that she is willing to suffer, endure and even be bound to safeguard the life she brings into the world: Kushina, chains all around her.
The Emperor, who strives for power to change the world, believing in rigid systems and authority as the only path to order, even when that authority is false and ultimately a prison of its own rules: Neji, on a throne.
The Hierophant, who lives his faith so completely that it becomes dogma, mistaking belief for truth and obedience for salvation, and turning spiritual conviction into a weapon: Obito, with a monk's scepter, Rin a distant ghost in the water.
The Lovers, the figure who is forced to make a defining choice, where devotion and responsibility outweigh personal desire, and whose decision shapes not only his fate but that of generations to come: Tobirama, a man whose only love is his Village, offering his hands to a young Danzo and Hiruzen.
The Chariot, who charges relentlessly toward the future driven by confidence and momentum, achieving victories through sheer force of will while risking to crash and burn by refusing to slow down: Jiraiya on a chariot drafted by two toads, one black, one white.
Justice, the divine and impersonal force that enacts balance without mercy, caring nothing for intention or suffering, acting as both judge and executioner in the name of an absolute order: Kyuubi, in his mighty power.
The Hermit, who withdraws from the world, choosing solitude not out of wisdom but necessity, and who nonetheless illuminates the path of others through memory, legacy and hard-earned knowledge: Tsunade, holding the glowing shodai's necklace.
The Wheel of Fortune, which turns endlessly regardless of human effort, mocking ambition and planning, reminding mortals that fate has its own design and that control is always an illusion: Sasuke on top of a spinning rinnegan, whose every plan is foiled by fate.
Strength, where physical force is matched by force of will - inner power, resilience, compassion - leading to taming the most impressive enemies: Sakura, holding a scorpion down.
The Hanged Man, who willingly suspends himself in time, sacrificing agency and progress, trapped by his own choices and unable to act even as the world changes around him: Hiruzen, hanging upside down from a tree.
Death, who marks the end and the beginning of all things, the eternal cycle of decay and rebirth, where nothing is ever truly destroyed but endlessly transformed: Orochimaru on top of a snake in the shape of an Ouroboros.
Temperance, who achieves balance through restraint and self-control, mastering overwhelming power by freezing it within herself, and finding peace not in freedom but in discipline: Mito, pouring a jug of red water, chains holding her frozen.
The Devil, who embodies excess, obsession and unrestrained desire, representing passions so overwhelming they consume identity, morality and reason until nothing remains but domination: Madara surrounded by flames, two skeletal cats with Sharingan eyes guarding him.
The Tower, the moment of catastrophic collapse where lies, corruption and false structures are violently exposed, bringing ruin that cannot be avoided or undone: Danzo, standing in front of the hokage's collapsing tower.
The Stars, which offer hope, renewal and gentle guidance after devastation, a distant but steady light that promises healing even when the wounds are still fresh: Minato, ankle-deep in the water, a yellow bird on his shoulder, stars above him.
The Moon, who governs illusion, fear and truths distorted by trauma, the long and disorienting night where reality fractures and one must confront nightmares before reaching clarity: Itachi, standing beneath a fractured moon reflected in dark water alongside with a warped Sasuke, crows dissolving into shadows around him.
The Sun, which brings vitality, courage and warmth, a radiant force that burns away doubt and unites people through joy, sincerity and life itself: Naruto, riding a toad, the sun in his hands like a rasengan.
Judgement, who rises above mortals to awaken, judge and reshape them, calling humanity toward a higher order while demanding submission to a greater vision: Hashirama, the god of shinobi standing on a massive tree, tiny people bowing to him.
The World, which represents the universe itself, the source and container of everything, a state of total completion that is also eternal stagnation, where all cycles end yet nothing truly progresses: Kaguya, suspended in a void, dimensions layered behind her like veils, roots spreading into every realm.
