It came relatively close to happening again. More my fault this time. Inhibitions were thrown out the window after getting a few drinks in me. As the night progressed while drinking I couldn't look at her. And she noticed and asked "why do you keep looking away when I smile at you" I wanted to say "because it kills me" but I just say something witty like " you keep tounging that straw like getting the last drops of jizz out of a cock" and of course every time she would kick my shins. But of course when we lay down for our scary movie we lay under the same covers close. Since she lays across my arm and I'm always laying close behind her. Now I would absolutely not do this if I was completely sober but as she likes to say "the daddy pants are off" and I casually layed my head on her soulder close to neck. Purposely knowing that's one of her triggers. I had a feeling she knew. And she's a lot meaner when she drinks. So she sank her nails into my wrist. No buen. But nothing happened. I didn't want it to. I let my guard down and did something silly. I don't want to make her think anytime I spend the night it's gonna be funny business. But we did have one of those moments of silence where I work every fiber of my being to say something or go for a kiss in the dark, (eh syren?😏) but I asked her, in a tone almost nobody hears me speak in, complete innocence, for a kiss. Silence. And then it happened. That cautious brush, contact, contact again. My heart fucking exploded. I thought it would feel like how I always do kissing someone new. There has only been two instances where I kissed somebody and started to shake. Funny that they were both this year. One in the beginning and now this one at the end. But this one wasn't like the last. Not someone I fell so hard for quickly. I've know Amanda for a long time. It's weird that we had sex before we actually got a proper kiss. There was the one at New Years but that was a quick second on the lips. But that kiss was something I needed in my life. Something I havnt had for almost half a year. A good kiss. And of course I stoked my ego and asked "so, I told you I kissed well yeah?" And I got a "thank fuck ya, almost every guy sucks at kissing" But that's all I needed. Was just that. But that's why I'm awake right now. My heart is in my throat. She's snoring away laying on my stomach, it tied in knots tighter than the best boyscout. and I'm here cursing myself. "I think I fell IN love with my best friend"
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