quiescent

Laurel Redpath | 16 | District 5 Just another creature for you to eventually kill.Happily ever after is a concept I'll never believe in. Without a reason, why bother? Existence needs purpose; to be able to endure the pain of life with dignity; to give us reason to continue.

[intoxicationdreams-deactivated2]

[redpath-laurel-blog]

Working with machines kept her mind busy, kept her nimble fingers working. Her hands begin to work whenever she touches the clinquant parts of a machine. Many days, Laurel found herself actually wanting to work, wanting to be another slave of the Capitol, because being a slave was easier than being herself. She merely had to follow orders as a slave, she would be so busy graphing, solving, building, that sometimes her thoughts just go away, where she becomes a machine herself.

The girl had completely disconnected herself from the world that she lives in. There was just no point of communicating anymore. Time to time, she would blend in with the crowd in front of the television, only to find out who was still alive, but she never bothered to find out who died. Most often, it would be work, then sleep. She would do everything to numb her mind for a few hours. Sometimes when she gains consciousness once more, she would wonder where she was, what she did, and she would remember nothing.

It felt nice, not remembering anything.

Sometimes the guard that she first met would try to put up a conversation with her, try to keep her sane. Sometimes she would reply, sometimes she would speak pure nonsense, sometimes she would be so lost she wouldn't be able to hear a word he was saying. She was tired, and all she wanted was to go into a sempiternal slumber.

Where was she?

There was just no point anymore. There was just no point of even trying, there was no point to fight anymore. That little motivation she had to regain herself had died along with her.

She gave in, letting someone else own her. Letting her thoughts be controlled, letting her body be moved by something else, another matter. She wouldn't have to think, she wouldn't have to go through the never ending war. She would simply let herself be owned by the chimerical voices in her head, the soft, familiar susurrus that filled her mind.

All Laurel had to do was remain a quiescent that she always was and wait for the days to pass, wait till one day, that day where her body finally gives in, and her mind halts. Where she will finally meet Death, and greet him willingly.

[nancydowns]

Carina Round | For Everything A Reason.

[redpath-laurel-blog]

Everything was so strange, and Laurel just wanted to die.

Typical life for a particular troubled 16 year old.

She'd rather work, than to have so much free time. She didn't know what to use them for, since there weren't exactly activities for them to choose from. For days, she'd just wander around the building, sometimes stopping by the giant television to watch the current, still on-going games, but most of the times she couldn't bare to see tributes dying like she did. "Did you see those two tributes die-" She frowned, but couldn't help but wonder who they were. There were so many people in this one building, that she hadn't even run into people that she knows.

She wondered how they're putting up, whether they're being tortured by themselves like she is everyday, whether they would rather chose death, if they had another chance to pick their fate.

Laurel found herself spending most of her time staring into blank space, drifting off to another world as the voices in her head tells her stories, while she makes up stories herself, how there's another world- A better world, waiting for her somewhere, a perfect world, created by this insane girl. A world that exists in her mind.

She'd rather lose herself in a non-existent paradise, than to face the realistic hell she was living in.

Why live in a world of pain, when you could escape to a place of your own?

[redpath-laurel-blog]

"Where am I?"

Was the first thing she asked the guard outside her cell.

A cell.

"Oh, you're up. Good. I was starting to think you- uh, y'know." He scratched his neck and shifted awkwardly, before scrambling for his ring of keys hung beside him, opening the cell door. The door opened with a creak, but Laurel remained on the ground, her emerald eyes fixed on the young guard, holding the door open. "Well? C'mon!" 

She got up slowly, having to lean on the stone cold walls to keep her balance, waiting for the blurriness to fade out and the dizziness to stop. "What did they do to me?" She walked out of the cell, only to find that she was in some sort of...building. A brightly lit prison. Levels connected by staircases, long rows of cells on each floor. 

"What-" She stood at the opening of her cell, brows knitted, her hand still placed on the wall for support. "I'm supposed to be dead." 

"You're supposed to," he replied to her, like there wasn't a care in the world, like he wasn't in a whole building of teenagers, all dressed in the same type of clothing, only with different colors. Laurel looked down at her own body, covered by a over-sized yellow t-shirt and pants. Pink, grey, blue, orange, brown. Some of them are wearing the same shade of light yellow.

What's going on?

"You're free to wander around for now, Ms. Redpath." The man checked his watch before looking up at her with a care-free smile. "Your assessment is scheduled after lunch hour. Just listen for the bell." He finally said before closing the cell door. It was strange, but Laurel wanted to go back into the cell instead, where it's safe, no one could hurt her. Where she didn't have to deal with anyone, or move anywhere.

"Oh, and," The guard turned on his heel and faced her once again.

"Welcome to District 13. Enjoy your stay."

[redpath-laurel-blog]

Bright white circular lights, blinding her, making her squint as she was unable to move her hands to shield her eyes. In fact, she couldn't move any part of her body. Her arms, legs, body was glued tight to a cold piece of metal. Was she in Heaven, where God is looking down at her?

"She's up."

The pressure in her ears muffled the deep voice of a person. Two dark figures stood before her, one of them shinning her eyes with a bright torch, holding her eyelids apart. As if those bigger ones aren't enough! They examined her eyes carefully as she shifted her vision from one figure to another, not quite being able to think straight. She didn't even wonder who those people were, where she was, or whether she's alive or not. All she knew that she was tired, and just wanted to sleep.

There was a soft but piercing beep...beep...beep... Soft, rhythmic and steady. So smoothing and hypnotizing. Beep...beep...beep...

Heartbeat.

"What-" She turned away from the bright light, eyes wide. No. No. No. "No!" She screamed, flailing, struggling to break free from the metal grips on her wrists and ankles. "NO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?" She was alive. Alive. Breathing. Heartbeats. Living. Feeling. Alive. Alive. Alive.

She had gone through all that pain for nothing, tolerated everything that the Capitol threw at her, all the things that scarred her mind, her life, her whole entire existence. She had thought she would be able to finally have the peace she had fought for, finally be able to escape this hell of a place, escape all the pain, all the torture, the sadness, the misery. She hated all of that. She thought she'd escaped.

The Capitol had to take that away from her, too.

Worst of all, she had planted a stone heavy guilt onto an innocent person. A friend. Someone that was probably still stuck in the artificial bubble, fighting for his life. 

Was he?

Was anyone still at war?

Or is all of that over?

What was she doing here?

Did something go wrong?

What had gone wrong?

Why her?

What's happening?

Why am I alive?

I want to be dead.

I'm supposed to be dead.

What have you done?

Her throat stung from screaming, her wrists were quickly bruised from the constant struggle, even if the two, dark figures that seemed like another hallucination pinned her down. "Get it in her."  A prick at her neck, and everything went blurry once again, just like when she was dying, bleeding, in pain, waiting for her life to end.

Was it repeating itself? Was she dying again? For real this time? Or is this just another trick, a cruel joke that they played on her?

"You've ruined it." She managed to mutter, her brain spinning in circles, her eyelids drooping, every limb of her body feeling numb. "You've killed me."

Pitch black. Nothing.

[griffen-roxwell-blog]

He picked up the arrow and held it in his hands, shaking as he did so. As he looked Laurel in the eyes he knew that the pain and guilt in his eyes could be shown. He felt weak, hollow, dead to himself. Why was he doing this? Was he trying to become his father? As far as Griffen was concerned, he wasn’t human any more. A human wouldn’t have agreed to this, but he did, and there was no turning back now.

He watched as she marked the red X over her heart, blinking away tears. He looked down to the ground, shaking his head, but then he looked back up. You have to do it now, you bastard. He took a deep intake of breath, raising his bad arm up slightly with the arrow in his hand. He managed a soft smile at her words, choking back the sobs. He managed to choke out; “I won’t forgive myself for this—” He swallowed, his eyes staying fixed on hers. “When you get up there, be sure to forgive me.” He wiped the tears out of his eyes, only just managing to say; “You were one of the best friends I had, toast lobber.” His voice was quiet, weak, broken.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. He closed his eyes tightly, letting his arm drop straight back down, lined up with the red X. He felt it as it plunged right into her skin. He kept his eyes closed, hearing her take her last breath. Murderer. You’re just like your father. He opened his eyes slowly, cheeks stained from the tears. Her body was limp, pale… she was gone. The anger burned up inside of him. No, not again. He stood up, pulling his hair as her circled the clearing. “Why, why, why?” He muttered to himself over and over again, unable to shake the feeling of guilt. He kicked the grass, holding back the scream that was ready to escape. He’d killed his friend; one of the best friends he had had for a while. He wasn’t himself any more; he was broken, he was murderous. I’m not human, I’m a monster.

[redpath-laurel-blog]

"Why would I have to forgive you, if you haven't done wrong in the first place?" Laurel touched his arm and smiled softly, "This is the second time you've saved me, Griffen. Thank you. For being my...friend." Even now, the word seemed strange to her. No one would've thought she'd grow close to anyone, especially in this place, in a situation like this.

"Don't b-" She gasped, then everything went blurry. She stopped breathing while her heart failed to function any longer. Her limbs went limp, her face softened, and for the first time in her life, she felt quiet, peaceful, undisturbed by whatever lived inside of her...

Blackness.

Laurel's body went limp as her head hung by her side. After all the battles she'd fought, all the wars that were lost, she was finally reunited with Death, finally getting the peace that she deserved.

For a little while, at least.

[griffen-roxwell-blog]

He ran his hand through his hair, a look of confusion overtaking his face. He didn’t know what to do. He felt as if he should put her out of her misery because it’s what she wants. Griffen doesn’t like letting people down. But he couldn’t be responsible for another death; especially one of such a good friend. He put his hands over his face, shaking his head, unsure.

When he looked again, Laurel had the arrow at the ready placed over her heart. He froze, silent and still. Unprepared to see this. Surely he couldn’t let her do this to herself. He stared in silence, body trembling slightly out of fear. He couldn’t see her die. But she had to. But he wasn’t prepared. But she was. His emotions were a mixed mess; unsure, angry, guilty. I wonder if she knows that I killed Rendwick? He wanted to tell her but his voice caught in his throat. He didn’t know what to say, he didn’t know what to do.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw the glint of the arrow as it dropped to the floor. It was ready. Ready for hands to take it and plunge it into flesh. He sat for a moment, staring at it, as it reflected the artificial sunlight off into every corner of the forest. He shut his eyes tightly and moved his hand over to the arrow, taking a gentle grip of it. Sighing, he opened his eyes and looked Laurel straight in the eyes. He nodded at her, willing to grant her wish. What am I doing?

[redpath-laurel-blog]

Her eyes followed his hand as it inched towards the fallen arrow beside her. Her gaze lifted up to him once again as he nodded solemnly at her, eyes filled with grief. She gulped, knowing how selfish she was being, knowing that forcing someone to kill a friend would change their lives forever. How could she possibly ask someone to sacrifice so much for her, when she had done nothing for them in return?

But it was the only way out. If she was going to die right now, she wanted herself to die in the hands of someone she is closer to, not just sit here and wait till some stranger to walk by her, who would most likely ignore her, dragging on her pain, or mock her, making her feel even worse than she already is. And she was definitely not dying because of the Capitol. She refused to let that happen.

Lifting up a shaky hand, she slowly swipes her finger across her chest twice, marking a red X, right where her heart was. She tried to force a tiny smile, but she couldn't manage. "Thank you." She said softly, nodding. "I'm rooting for you." A small grin finally appears on her face. "I am." She closes her eyes. She could practically see the light already.

[griffen-roxwell-blog]

“Laurel, I know it hurts but—” He choked back his words, knowing it would be no use. He brought himself to his knees, shaking his head with his head in his hands. He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want to make her suffer like this, but he couldn’t kill another person. 

He looked over at her, listening to what she had to say. He understood how hard it was for her, but he couldn’t bring to say anything to her. He was debating things in his head, he shouldn’t have to do this. He reached over and wiped away her tears, looking her straight in the eye, trying to calm her down. “Laurel, I’m sorry, I can’t bring myself to kill another person. I’m—” He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. “—carrying enough guilt as it is. I’m sorry, Laurel.”

[redpath-laurel-blog]

Laurel stayed quiet, biting her tongue so hard she pierced the skin, but soon nodded. You couldn't force him, Laurel. This isn't his fight. He has his own life to worry about, and forcing Griffen to end her life was selfish. The last thing she wanted to do before she dies is to be so self centered.

But she refused to let this be another waiting game. She refused to tolerate this for any longer. She didn't deserve this. No one deserved this. Glaring at the long, silver arrow beside her, she inched her hand forward once more, barely having the energy to lift such a light weight. She examined the arrow carefully, "I'm not going to die in the hands of the Capitol." She took a few deep breaths, "They don't own me." She pointed the tip of the arrow to her heart once more, refusing to fail once again.

She couldn't. Even under this situation, she let her cowardice take over. She plunged the arrow down to the soft ground, practically screaming, frustrated with herself, frustrated with everything. "They're killing me! They're killing me and I'm letting them even though I swore I wouldn't die in their hands!" She sobbed frantically, "I don't want them to kill me. I don't want them to take away the only thing I barely even have control of!"

[griffen-roxwell-blog]

He placed his hands on her cheeks, turning her head slowly to look at him. “Laurel, please.” He put his arm around her, shaking his head. “Laurel you’re the strongest person I know.” He said quietly, unable to process what was happening. He could see the pain that she was in; it was tearing her apart. He knew that she might not even want to be saved, but he couldn’t be responsible for another death.

“Please, let me.” He begged, tears forming in his eyes. He couldn’t cry, but he couldn’t lose another friend. He couldn’t do it. He looked down at Laurel, seeing her looking back up at him. She asked a question, but he couldn’t understand it. He wouldn’t allow himself to understand it, he couldn’t. “I-I can’t, Laurel. I can’t do that.” His voice came out quiet and unsteady.

[redpath-laurel-blog]

"No. No, you don't get it." She began shaking her head, sobbing rapidly, even though every breath she takes brings a stabbing pain to her stomach. "You cant' save me, Griffen. You can't. And it hurts so much. You don't understand." She said, taking unsteady breaths and biting her tongue.

"I'm going to die." She tried calming herself down, tried to make him understand that this wasn't just an impulsive decision. "And I want to. You don't know what I've faced, and I don't want to live another day in this hell hole. I don't want to live with all this fear and pain and guilt and it's just torture, and I hate it. I hate this I hate everything and I just want it to end and I've tried I've honestly tried doing it myself but I can't I can't I can't even kill myself." She said much too quickly between sobs, choking on her tears. Taking in a few deep, shaky breaths, she closed her eyes once more, trying to escape the dizziness. "Please."

[griffen-roxwell-blog]

He stopped silent for a second, looking at the poor girl huddled in a ball. He looked carefully, only then seeing the pool of blood around her. Shit. He ran towards her, standing in front of her, dropping his axe next to him. “Laurel! Laurel what happened?!” He asked frantically, worried for her. He searched around him looking for any traces of whoever did this to her, but he saw nothing.

He dropped to his knees, placing his hand on her cheek. “Hey, it’s me. Look at me.” He spoke in a soothing voice, despite the worry he was feeling inside of him. He had to calm her down. Once she was calm, he could help her. She stayed huddled together, but then her hand reached out towards him and landed on his shoulder. Her voice came out croaky and weak. “Shhshh, I know it does, I know.” He placed his hand on hers. “We can get you through this though, Laurel. You’re strong, remember that.” He said, frantically searching around him for water.

[redpath-laurel-blog]

Her head spun as she struggled to keep her eyes open, only to see a blurry image of her surroundings. Another sob escaped her mouth as her eyes finally focused on the tribute. She didn't know whether it was relief or disappointment that rushed through her, she just felt something, but was too numb, too broken to recognize any emotion any longer. Pain was all she felt. "No." She whimpered, "No, I'm not." 

"Please, don't bother." She managed to whisper. She was going to die, both of them knew it perfectly well. There was no saving in the arena, and quite honestly, she wasn't sure if she wanted to be saved either. Laurel looked him straight in the eye, taking shaky breaths. "Please." She said once more, closing her eyes once again, not being able to deal with the dizziness. "Please just end this."

[griffen-roxwell-blog]

Griffen walked through the forest, artificial sunlight beaming down on the blade of his axe. He swung it around happily, pleased to finally have it back. He stepped carefully over the crumbling leaves, attempting to make no sound. He kept his mind focused on the world around him. He had to forget the guilt he felt inside of him.

He had been walking for a while, twisting and turning through the labyrinth-like forest.  The dense woods were becoming darker the further into it he walked. There was no sign of any animal life, or human for that matter. It was quiet, the only noise that could be heard was the soft breathing coming from himself. He had no idea where he was. He knew he’d wandered too far away from where he had set off from, but he was alone in this and it didn’t matter where he ended up. He walked forward a few more paces. He saw a silhouette of something in the darkness.

He took a few more steps forward, finally seeing the huddled body curled up by the trunk of a tree. He saw the long blonde hair of the girl he had become friends with, and then the scarlet colour of blood. “Laurel?!” He said, concern showing in his voice. 

[redpath-laurel-blog]

Just die already. She lost count on how many times she had said that to herself. She had lost all ability to cry and to sob, her body parts felt numb and she was as weak as she could ever be, face as pale as a ghost, without the slightest hint of blood. Every time she passed out, she would thank the Lord to finally take her away from this place, only to wake up in the same destination as she was before, a pool of blood around her, the agonizing pain tormenting her to the extreme.

Time wasn't her concern anymore. How long has it been? A day? Two? No one could survive two days without loosing all his blood. But oh, it hurts. So bad. A few times Laurel decided on ending her life on her own, but every single time her father's face would just appear in her mind and she would just drop her arrow. She couldn't. Not with him watching.

So she prayed and prayed for God, or whatever was looking down at her, to take her somewhere else, anywhere but here. To make the pain go away, to finally let her have peace in her life, but hours and hours past and still she managed to be alive.

Footsteps. The ringing in her ear was so loud that she doubted herself at first. Laurel. She finally heard as she opened her eyes, a blurry image of a man standing in front of her. She doubted herself once again, she'd seen too many hallucinations that she doubted everything she'd seen or heard. Nothing seemed real. She reached out a hand towards him, touching his shoulder slightly. Real. He was actually there. A soft cry escaped her mouth. "It hurts." Was the only thing she managed to croak out. "It hurts."

[redpath-laurel-blog]

Laurel didn't make it far.

The world began to spin and her vision became blurry and blood continued to spill out of the knife wound. So this is what it feels like. Which is a ridiculous thought, because at that point, she still felt little pain. You would think being stabbed would bring an agonizing kind of pain that would make you want to shoot yourself in the head.

But not then, it didn't. It was still torturous, how she felt so light headed, yet didn't pass out completely. How sick she felt when the blood was draining from her body so quickly it already seeped to her pants, how she felt like she was going to vomit out all her organs. It was a horrible, indescribable feeling. She just wished her body would let her faint before she bleeds to death.

Her legs gave in and she had no choice but to slump against a tree. The pain slowly, but certainly increased as the adrenaline in her body began to wear off. Her face was as pale as a ghost, every single bit of energy training from her body. She could barely breathe, and every breath she took sent a shock of pain through her body. Blood continued to trickle down her other arm as she sat, trying to breathe.

Why bother, though, if she was going to die anyways?

Without a second thought she stopped breathing, even though she knew that this was a childish act, an impossible way to die, but she thought that maybe, maybe her respiratory system would stop completely if she limited it from oxygen, since it was so weak already. But of course, her natural body instincts took over, and she started breathing once more.

She yelled in a mixture of frustration, guilt, impatience and pain. All this because of a stupid arrow. All this because of the devil that still remains inside her, that still managed to whisper in an amused tone, even though life was draining out of her as her blood was.

A sob escaped her mouth and she finally gave in. "Please." She begged, "Please just stop. Stop. I just want to die without all of you screaming at me. Stop." Tears rolled down her cheeks as she banged her head against the tree trunk. "Stop." She whimpered, but eventually gave up. Pressing her hand against the deep wound, she leaned against the tree, accepting the pain, hoping that someone would pass her by and eventually kill her. The fight she put up was wasted. All those days trying to survive, that promise she made to herself that she wasn't going to let the Capitol take her life, for what? Down the drain. All of it.

Maybe her life's still on her hands. She's still alive, isn't she?

She rolled the silver arrow between her fingers, taking deep breaths as she did. She aimed the tip of it to her chest, ready to plunge it in, to end all of it.

She couldn't do it.

The arrow dropped, and she sobbed once more. She couldn't do it. Another attempt failed, just like every single one she had attempted before. A failed attempt by a failure of a girl. I can't even kill myself. She sobbed more, almost screaming. This life is mine, and I can't even end it.

"I'm sorry." She said out loud between sobs, "I'm so sorry." And for a while, everything fell silent, and the only sound that could be heard was the depressing sobs of a dying girl.

"I'm so sorry, Daddy. I'm so sorry."

[gunnaroverwhill]

He didn’t register the pain at first, the only thing that gave it away was the sudden gush of blood from his stomach. He grit his teeth, giving the tribute a long, hard glare. If he was about to die, she was going down too. Using the last of his strength, he pushed the knife into her stomach, making sure he pulled it out before staggering off into the woods.

He had to find Hadrian. His vision became cloudy, and the next thing he knew, he was slumped against a tree, breathing heavily as he clutched the wound.

[redpath-laurel-blog]

A gasp escaped her mouth when she saw the arrow in the Career's stomach, blood rushing out of his wound. She barely even noticed the fact that she as well was stabbed, already flooded with guilt until she looked down at her own stomach, blood soaking into her shirt, making it stick to her skin instantly.

With all honesty, she'd expected being stabbed to hurt much more than it did. Only did she push her hand against the wound did the pain really strike her. She whimpered, the blood gushing out from the spaces between her fingers.

It took her a minute to realize that the other tribute was gone. Into the woods, most likely. Alive. A pang of guilt filled her as she blamed herself for not aiming to his chest. It would've made the kill quicker. Now he was probably suffering, dealing with the same pain that she dealt with right now.

She deserved this. When are you going to realize that your fate is to die in the Capitol's hands?

She ran towards the opposite direction, into the woods once again, her face pale, hand still pressing down on her wound, wondering how far she could make it until her body gives up on her.

[synchronousheartbeats]

Visit Original Link

“Breath of Life,” Florence + The Machine

I was looking for a breath of life, for a little touch of heavenly light.

[gunnaroverwhill]

He smiled as she struggled, trying to free herself. He glanced around, noticing the knife only a few metres away. He wouldn’t get a chance to kill her again, and this has gone too far to be stopped.

He moved quickly, the knife in his arms in seconds, he holds it for a moment, contemplating exactly what he was doing before he turned to see Laurel standing before him, a long silver arrow in her hand. 

[redpath-laurel-blog]

The tribute finally stood up, lifting the weight from Laurel's body as he turned to retrieve the knife in order to finish her off. She had to move quick. There were only two choices in hand, either to run for her life, or to kill him while she has the chance. Thousands of thoughts ran through her mind in the matter of seconds. Running wouldn't do her good. He could just throw the knife and she'll be dead in a second, or he'll catch up, and torture her slowly.

Maybe she should just give up.

No. 

She snatched the arrow up and scrambled to her feet, heading towards the tribute, sharp arrow in her hand raised high and ready to strike. He turned, wide eyed facing her. She couldn't look. She couldn't bare to look. She closed her eyes tight and aimed, hoping that it would be a quick kill.

She opens her eyes only to see an arrow stabbed in his stomach.

[fragilefoldedwings-blog]