Brave.
Kuan Kong is a well known Chinese general during the Han dynasty. I first came upon his story when I was studying world religions. Kuan Kong is a deity that is said to be a fierce fighter with impeccable integrity. Statues of the general are now used by feng shui practitioners to signify protection from negativity and fear.
I saw this on a table at a friend's house. It was so well made. I hadn't seen a statue of Kuan Kong in a long time and seeing it again brought back memories for me.
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We talked to my ex's sibling last night, along with a niece based in the U.K. I had hoped that they would talk about how they were, but they wanted to hear our side of the story about the separation.
My daughter and I anticipated this. But I was very anxious inside. I didn't want to over share, nor speak bitterly about the past. We weren't looking for them to take our side. Nor did I want to open a door that would lead to us facing my ex.
So I gave context to what was true to me: I told them that I tried for so long to make it work. In my head, if I had to die trying, I would have.
But in the last few years together with my ex, someone gave me hope that maybe, I don't have to accept a relationship that was hurting me and consequently, my daughter. Maybe God's plan was for me to fight for what I wanted, now that I knew what I wanted: It was being free of from the narcissist.
He was my lesson in humility. My ex taught me how to love because I lacked self love. He taught me how to respect my worth, because he made me feel so cheap, not precious, and worthless.
I told them I will share our story not for them to take our side, but only to say what happened. I respect familial ties. I don't want to cause a rift. My daughter and I just want to be at peace without him in our lives.
They nodded.
So we told them. Facts, events. And when we were done, we had no tears. Just tired. The old feelings of fear were rising inside me. I decided to focus on being present, not be in my head.
They listened. They nodded. They were surprised and kinda shocked.
Then they said they they haven't talked to him either. But the sister was hoping that one day, maybe forgiveness and a talk could happen?
No.
Then I asked about them and their stories flowed out. One talked of her story like she was stuttering. Like she wasn't used to telling the story because she hasn't told anyone. One was a story born out of pain and ripened into wisdom. They have had their own challenges in life and in those moments, I felt my heart expand. They've been hurting too. The stories and circumstances are different, but the fear, the tough choices, and the reckoning they faced in their own lives were just as harrowing.
We ended the call after an hour and a half. They set a date for the next call later this year.
Yesterday, I faced the conversation I was anxious about. I had no guarantees as to what would come out of it, nor it's repercussions. But we did it. My daughter and I did it. We stuck to our truth. Just like Kuan Kong.
We spoke of what was true to our hearts and it triggered honesty from them too. That's the magic. That's love.
I had prayed for guidance before the conversation. God and His angels delivered on their promise. Thank you for helping me be brave.


















