[mirroringshards-deactivated2026]

[redwasp]

I wonder all the time where you are now. if you still see me. What you think. I wish I could have made things right by you. I would have done anything to have kept you in this world. I miss you so much

[redwasp]

it's so weird scrolling back thru all the negative stuff I say about my relationship bc today I feel so good and I miss him so much

[lesdemonium]

i made your favorite dish. i made you something you’ve never tried before. i love you. i spent twenty minutes chopping. my grandmother made this for me when i was little. i made this dairy free for you. i love you. i want to eat together. the onions made me cry. i love you. i learned this recipe for you. i love you. i made this special for your birthday. i love you. i know you don’t like peppers. i love you. i love you. i love you.

[redwasp]

I'm on antidepressants now Lol and I feel less anxious I guess. but more apathetic. it's so hard to care about things or do anything right now

[redwasp]

svetlana in the sopranos says that the problem with americans is that they expect for everything to be ok all the time, that there should be no problems, while the rest of the world is the opposite. 

maybe instead of dreading everything, i should just say, “probably”, and get on with my life

[redwasp]

he told me i should write about when i feel down. so i am. i’m trying.

i’m seeing a therapist now, and i’m about to start lexapro. so hopefully i’ll be a little bit better soon

[redwasp]

he never wants to talk to me about my feelings. i feel like such an inconvenience, having fucking. bpd of all things.

and i feel so mad. he will tell me about how he’s binge watched entire shows, but he hasn’t texted me at all while he binge watches. just mentioning that he’s onto another.

i don’t blame him for not being able to keep up with my constant crises. but i feel so alone because he doesn’t engage with me.

it’s not like he hasn’t texted me today. i just feel so. hollow and anxious. it’s hard to just sit here and be okay

[redwasp]

i don’t want him to leave, but i’ve been listening to the secular buddhism podcast and i know i have to make peace with uncertainties. 

he could leave, he could stay

i could leave, i could stay

[redwasp]

i think i’m tired of my boyfriend, and he’s probably tired of me

i wonder who is going to break up with who first

[redwasp]

I’ve been watching the sopranos

my boyfriend put me on, and it’s really intriguing

psychology is one of my special interests so it’s cool seeing these very intelligent themes play out by incredible actors

some of them hit close to home. there’s a few characters with bpd and i sit and wonder if i’m like that. would other people watching the show who know me see me in them?

i relate a lot to carmela and adrianna. i love them to bits and pieces, they really do deserve better than the shit bags they cling to

you love who you love i guesss

[redwasp]

it’s pathetic, really

searching in every man, for something your parents should have given you

and yet you don’t stop 

you keep burrowing and burrowing, deeper and deeper 

a cancer, black veins etching into the flesh of your new home

and when he has finally had enough

ripped you out, leaving you to bleed out onto the floor

it’s how dare he 

why was i not enough?

[albertserra]

[redwasp]

i feel so unloveable and genuinely like I ruin everything

[oozins]

I AM NOT OKAY WITH THIS!

[cluster-b-culture-is]

Cluster b culture is going to therapy but every word from your therapist sounds patronizing even if it's not the case. At this point any attempt to help from others seems like the way to make you weak and manipulate you

[xnzjdkemzjsndfznfjfk]

don't cry because it's impermanent. smile because it's eternally recurring