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"Can I be defined by a vision of the future instead of the memories of the past?"

Dr. Joe Dispenza

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“If only you could sense how important you are to the lives of those you meet; how important you can be to people you may never even dream of. There is something of yourself that you leave at every meeting with another person.”

Fred Rogers

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A mindful meditation

Adapted from Lou

Grantham,

centered upon your health and that of

your loved ones:

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Find a comfortable position, seated or lying down.

Imagine a strong but gentle cord connecting you to the earth. Imagine all the energy inside of you flowing through that cord and down into the ground below you.

Now, picture another connection– this time, reaching from your body up to the stars. Imagine the energy inside of you flowing smoothly upward towards the planets and constellations above.

Visualize a point of balance between the earth and the sky. This point of balance may be in the center of your body, or it might be hovering just in front of you.

Now, try to think of a color that represents healing, immunity, and health.

Imagine a field of energy in that color gently surrounding you like a beautiful cloud that has floated down from the sky.

As this color surrounds you and protects you, imagine it slowly making its way into your body reaching every cell, filling you with strength and peace. And take a deep breath in......and then out.

Now that you're filled with your healing color, I'd like you to create a tiny rose in your mind. Imagine that it has beautiful petals in full, healthy bloom.

Finally think of a few people that you love.

They might be people that you're worried about right now, or that you simply wish you could be in better touch with. Gather as many of your special roses as you need, and imagine each one floating to every person you have in mind.

I hope this meditation helped you feel a little more grounded and safe. You can take a moment to do this whenever you're feeling overwhelmed, wherever you are.

[reedsfromfingertips]

"Beyond the sky-tall man cliffs the true world was calling, and he knew he must answer or die."

A clash of kings

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"Actual happiness always looks pretty squalid in comparison with the overcompensations for misery. And, of course, stability isn't nearly so spectacular as instability. And being contented has none of the glamour of a good fight against misfortune, none of the picturesqueness of a struggle with temptation, or a fatal overthrow by passion or doubt. Happiness is never grand."

Brave new world

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"Impulse arrested spills over, and the flood is feeling, the flood is passion, the flood is even madness:

The unchecked stream flows smoothly down its appointed channels into a calm well being."

Brave new world

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“That's why you should only interact with people who are exactly the same as you.

That's a terrible lesson. 

Sometimes things aren't lessons, Jake. Sometimes things are just messed up facts.”

Brooklyn 99

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"Let everything happen to you

Beauty and terror

Just keep going

No feeling is final"

Rainer Maria Rilke

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Embracing positivity

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Start journaling. Write down something positive about each and every day.

Tell your loved ones how much you appreciate them.

Make a list of 5 things that you are looking forward to.

Listen to music that you love Write down your top priorities and plans for the future and believe that you will achieve all of them.

For an upcoming situation you're worried about, write down the best scenario that can happen.

Recognize and let go of any expectations you may have of others.

Whenever you find yourself saying "I can't", say "I can't yet".

If you're not happy with something don't complain about it. Just change it.

Think of a time you felt proud of yourself.

Acknowledge past struggles that you have overcome.

Practice smiling. Smile at strangers, in the mirror, smile whenever you can.

If things aren't great at the moment, remind yourself this will pass. Better days are coming.

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"The heart lies and the head plays tricks on us, but the eyes see true. Look with your eyes. Hear with your ears. Taste with your mouth. Smell with your nose. Feel with your skin. Then comes the thinking, afterward, and in a way knowing the truth."

A game of thrones

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A step by step guide to recognize sulking.....and put a stop to it

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Post 2 of 2

Sulking offers several short lived benefits. Identify which apply to you.

Shrugging off responsibility: The offending party should instinctively know what they did wrong and how they mistreated them.

Revenge: The sulker has been caused to suffer. Consequently, the offending party     needs to be punished. The longer they drag out the sulk, the more they hurt the other person.

Shift of blame: Sulkers are excellent storytellers who craft stories about how they were wronged. They replay their story over and over in their head to reaffirm it.

Reclaiming power: Hurting the other person helps them claim more power.

How to deal

Take a moment to self soothe

When a person or situation disappoints us, it is natural to feel sadness, frustration, and anger. Especially when the other person doesn’t realize they’ve hurt us and fails to acknowledge the slight.

Identify that you may be repressing emotions to avoid vulnerability. Tell yourself “I don’t judge or demean my own feelings. Nor do I feel guilty for having them”.

Do not trivialise your feelings. Tell yourself “My feelings are perfectly valid and matter to people around me. People around me care about me and would not intentionally want to hurt me.”

Do not immediately jump to form judgements. You are much more likely to think rationally once the emotions settle down.

Practice meditative techniques such as guided breathing exercises to manage heavy emotions. Sensory stimuli such as warm baths, aroma therapy, and long walks can also help unravel difficult emotions and allow you to be rational.

If you are struggling with feeling something that you don’t want to feel (e.g., anger or sadness), try to make room for that feeling. Start by giving it a name (e.g., I’m feeling angry) and then notice where you feel it in your body (e.g., your chest). Try to bring curiosity to the experience, letting the anger be there and noticing if it moves in your body, goes down or increases, whether it’s hot or cold, expansive or tight, and other qualities of it. Notice what the anger makes you want to do (e.g., shout and scream) and notice that you have a choice whether to do that or not. To begin with, you can just watch the impulse to give yourself more time to process the situation before you act.

Attempt emotional reappraisal. Which is essentially telling yourself the opposite of what you would normally think. Or finding a reason to give the other person the benefit of doubt. Eg. Instead of thinking “They didn’t invite me to lunch so they must not like me” think “They knew I had a busy afternoon so they mustn’t have wanted to disturb me”. This breaks the cycle of negative emotions and negative thoughts and allows you to objectively communicate and resolve matters.

Once the emotions settle down pen down the incident to clarify the facts and analyse the exact cause of your reaction. And then find it in yourself to calmly communicate your perspective.

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"You wear your honor like a suit of armor... You think it keeps you safe, but all it does is weigh you down and make it hard for you to move. Look at you now. You know why you summoned me here. You know what you want to ask me to do. You know it has to be done...but it's not honourable, so the words stick in your throat."

A game of thrones

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A step by step guide to recognize sulking and put a stop to it

reedsfromfingertips

Post 1 of 2

“I don’t care.” Have you ever glared at somebody, uttered those words through gritted teeth, and stormed off? Most people sulk at some point in their lives. It hurts when another person rejects or disappoints us. The choice to sulk allows us to avoid an angry confrontation as well as shrug off pain, especially when we lack the words and self-confidence to express it.

However when sulking becomes habitual, it can be problematic. Chronic sulking can end personal relationships and make for a rocky work environment. The self-enforced den of silence can end up being a pretty lonely place to live and wallowing only allows the hurt to fester.

When you’re in the middle of one of these intense sulk sessions, your thinking becomes markedly one-note. Intense sadness tunes out all thoughts that are not intensely sad. Similarly when we are angry, we have angry thoughts, and when frightened, frightening thoughts. This results in a kind of tunnel vision in which the only thoughts that occur to our minds end up stoking the fire of our emotions even more. You may have found yourself in a cycle where thoughts stirred emotions, which influenced your thoughts, which stirred the emotions, and on and on. This negative feedback loop is partly responsible for chronic emotional disorders, and in less severe cases, can really ruin your day.

Sulking usually follows a specific pattern:

In other people:

1)    In response to perceived rejection, the sulker pouts, appears moody and withdrawn, and either refuses to communicate or limits responses to single syllables.

2)    The sulker employs the “silent treatment” until the other person engages with them and attempts to apologize. They will avoid eye contact at all costs while staying near the other person to emphasize their anger.

3)    Instead of accepting the apology, the sulker gets revenge by rejecting the person who hurt them.

4)    Sulks can last for several minutes up to several years, but eventually, the sulker accepts the apology, and they reconcile.

5)    Passive aggressive behaviour such as eye rolling, dirty looks, etc

In yourself:

1)    Are you withdrawing from the other person? Physically, emotionally, or both.

2)    Do you feel angry or resentful of them?

3)    Do you worry you’ll explode if you don’t push your feelings down?

4)    Do you want everyone, including the offending party, to feel your anger?

5)    Does everything they say or do irritate you now?

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"In the real world, women fall in love with men who beat them. Men fall in love with their mothers. Love is the most inexplicable, unscientific of all phenomenon. The only thing we know for sure is that it can happen to anyone. Usually does. For you to be moping around with the idea that it never will for you is simply unacceptable."

Boston legal

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Procrastination 3 of 3

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The Inner Workings of Procrastination

A = Activating Event: whatever you are putting off, such as studying, tests or unpleasant tasks.

B = Belief System: Your "hidden" feelings about the task; your feelings govern your motivation. If you have negative feelings, you will tend to put off or delay.

C = Consequence. This is what we actually do. There are two approaches: rational and irrational. A rational response is "I don't like writing papers at all, but I had better get going on it anyway." An irrational approach is "I hate writing papers, and even though it's due next week, I'll start it later."

The fact is, all tasks are really neutral. Examine your belief system, understand why you dislike the task, then change your way of thinking.

Some Tools That Will Help

Make the tasks look small and easy in your mind. ("I've written lots of excellent papers; this is just one more paper.")

Do only a small part of the task each time. ("I'll just check out the books tonight. Later on, I'll glance through them.")

Advertise your plans to accomplish something, and let peer pressure push you forward. ("I told everyone that I was going to finish this tonight.")

Use a good friend as a positive role model. If you have trouble concentrating, study in the presence of someone who doesn't.

Modify your environment - If you can't study at home, find a place where you can study; or, change your study situation at home.

Plan tomorrow and establish priorities - Some students find that simply writing down reasonable starting and stopping times help them get going.

Expect some backsliding. Don't expect to be perfect even when you're trying to get rid of perfectionism! So occasionally, your plans will not work. Accept setbacks and start again.

Procrastination is reinforcing - Every time you delay, it reinforces your negative attitude toward that task. Every time you put off something you dislike, you:

strengthen the habit of not doing; practice avoidance instead of participation; avoid acquiring training and skills, and indoctrinate yourself with fears.

Active participation in anything tends to give you a positive attitude toward that activity; inactivity helps acquire an unfavorable attitude. In other words, the reason you dislike calculus is because it's hanging over your head, worrying you. Since you haven't acquires skills in it, you can't do the assignments, so why try?

Also, there's a test coming up soon, and you MUST do well on it -- except you know you can't. Suddenly everything seems terribly unfair (class is too hard) and you become angry towards the teacher (he goes too fast, and he seems indifferent to my struggles.) The truth is, the sooner you get involved in your studies, the better you will feel.

asc.calpoly.edu/ssl/procrastination

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"Men always say that as the defining compliment, don’t they? She’s a cool girl. Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls are above all hot. Hot and understanding. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I don’t mind, I’m the Cool Girl."

Gone girl