As much as i hated freshman-junior year, it was such a crucial point for me that id never want to change anything that has happened. Those exact pinpoints were needed for present day me ‘cause without them id never be ready for the future, i lived the first half of my life shielded in bubble wrap, high school ripped off the bandaid especially junior year.
Year ten was about changing my perspectives, you know? Since it was high school it was a “fresh” start so i changed the people who i hung out with because as much as i hated to admit it i truly believed the types of people you hang out with define who you are as an individual. I hung out with who the people would classify as nice, which they really were but deep down i knew I didn’t belong with them, which confused me since I’ve never felt happier but I still had this empty feeling.
Year ten was a sea of emotions and from time to time an enormous tsunami would come and destroy everything that was built but it wasn’t the tsunamis fault ‘cause even in drought everything that was built would still crumble.
By Year eleven those people were gone and so was everything that was rebuilt, you can’t build something with no foundation and stability then get upset when it all comes crumbling down.
The beginning of year eleven was a bitter-sweet feeling as if i was somehow living in the past while seeing the future unravel or was it the other way around? Did my past keep unraveling while I actively kept running away from the mess and jump into a future that I wasn’t ready for…?
Sophomore year was the year where everyone dove head first and hoped for the best, well with the amount of people who dove wether they were forced or ready there was clearly not enough luck to go to everyone, which is why most barely survived sophomore year.
Year eleven started off good and ended good, so what was wrong? Everything in between. I went back to the people i used to be close with before year ten, it was such a euphoric feeling but as all highs, it had to end.
Year eleven was the one year everyone got away with everything, it was our final year to be kids since the year after we’d enter sixth-form and we’d HAVE to grow up. I still held grudges in sophomore year and so did everyone else but no one truly cared what anyone thought of anyone, everyone was wrapped up in their own problems, so even when i was with my people i knew deep down even if they weren’t present it wouldn’t make a difference ‘cause even when we were all together it was just physical we never really spoke about anything meaningful we all just kind of knew we were all going through something and if i were to be honest I’m kind of glad we didn’t talk about anything deep as we all had enough on our plates and listening to each others problem would’ve only drowned us with each others sorrows.
The ending of year eleven was beautiful, it was the only thing that wasn’t a blur. Everyone was together and we all stopped caring about our own problems, we all done what made us happy and that was simply being in each others presence. I’ll forever yearn for an ending like year eleven ‘cause for a split second we thought fairy tale happy endings were true and not fantasy and hope.
Junior year changed everything ‘cause for the first time ever it wasn’t about who i was surrounded with rather who i was as a person. For once in my life i thought about my life and processed everything from freshman to sophomore year, and for the first time ever i enjoyed the quiet. I’ve always surrounded myself with people thinking without someone id be nothing, which was partly true as i never really knew who i was and junior year was the year where everyone found themselves before finding people for themselves. As much as i hated my junior year and hated the amount of things that kept happening to me one after the other i would never want to change what happened, as without it I would’ve never appreciated myself.
You can’t expect to find your people if you can’t even find your self first, and the best part of this whole thing is its inevitable and you’ll never escape from it ‘cause if it doesn’t happen now in high school it’ll happen further into your life and that’s truly when you’ll lose yourself.
Can one lose something that was never there? Or was it always there we just couldn’t see it and maybe that’s why people say you are who you hang out with, after all we’re all bits and pieces of the past and the people who were there.
snowghoul
titsay
jbbartram-illu
blakekathryn
ellievsbear
