Insurance Delenda Est

Naomi, 30s, She/Her. Dorkbattler, (legal) drug dealer, unrepentant nerd. Will cry about Black Sails, KSBD, LotR and The Silmarillion at the drop of a hat.

[queerkhazad]

My friend Kit painted my shield for Belegarth and it came out so absolutely lovely!

Inspired by the patron saint of Seattle queers, Saint Rat, and this quote by Julian K Jarboe

[southernsolarpunk-deactivated20]

Original

[chicorystreetcoffee]

[unpretty]

some dudes like to talk a big game about how comedy suffers when people are afraid to offend but man, Mitch Hedberg was a white dude working in the era of peak offensive edgelord and his shit holds the fuck up so while most comedians will never come up with anything as timeless as “if carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be fucked up” they could at least make an effort

[unpretty]

[siphersaysstuff]

Every McDonald’s commercial ends the same way, right? “Prices and participation may vary.” I wanna open a McDonald’s and not participate in anything. I wanna be a stubborn McDonald’s owner. I’ll say “Cheeseburgers? Nope. We got spaghetti! And blankets! We are not affiliated with that clown.”

Every book is a children’s book if the kid can read.

I would like to have a product that was available for three easy payments and one fuckin’ complicated payment. We can’t tell you which payment it is, but one of these payments is gonna be a bitch! The mailman will get shot to death, the envelope will not seal, and the stamp will be in the wrong denomination! Good luck, fucker! That last payment must be made in wampum!

Hey, if you wanna talk to me after the show, I’ll be… fuckin’ surprised.

[awa64]

This shirt is “dry-clean only”… Which means it’s dirty.

One time, this guy handed me a picture of him, he said “Here’s a picture of me when I was younger.” Every picture is of you when you were younger. “Here’s a picture of me when I’m older.” “You son-of-a-bitch! How’d you pull that off? Lemme see that camera… What’s it look like? ”

An escalator can never break, it can only become stairs. You would never see an “Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order” sign, just “Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.

I play golf. I’m not good at golf, I never got good. I never got a hole-in-one. But I did hit a guy. And that’s way more satisfying. You’re supposed to yell “Fore!” but I was too busying mumbling “There ain’t no way that’s gonna hit him.”

When you’re in Hollywood and you’re a comedian, everybody wants you to do other things besides comedy. They say “All right you’re a stand up comedian, can you act? Can you write? Write us a script.” They want me to do things that’s related to comedy, but it’s not comedy. That’s not fair. It’s as though if I was a cook, and I worked my ass off to become a good cook, and they said “All right you’re a cook… can you farm?”

[amphitryo-deactivated20190813]

- “Rice is great when you’re you’re hungry and you want 10,000 of something”

- “Tennis is depressing because no matter how good you get, you will never be as good as a wall”

- “I order the club sandwich all the time, but I’m not even a member, man. I don’t know how I get away with it”

[bedupolker]

Scary Movie

[sadocanine]

petting me and telling me I'm good actually has many health benefits.

[tyrantdaughter]

How To Love Your New Friend Without Being Overbearing

[tyrantdaughter]

I'm Gonna Eat Her I Think

[nostalgic-teddyy]

[beemovieerotica]

please vote for tylenol to have her face on a beer can $1 for 1 vote and the donation goes to the baltimore animal rescue and care shelter

[reversalsun]

TYLENOL HAS MADE IT INTO THE TOP TEN LETS FUCKING GO

[beemovieerotica]

VOTE NOW SO WE CAN SEE TYLENOL'S FACE ON BEER CANS IN THE DITCHES BY THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!

[reversalsun]

If you all will allow me a moment to analyze the competition as it exists, there's something interesting going on with the numbers.

As we all know, thanks to the support of the good people of Tumblr, Tylenol has experienced a meteoric rise to second place. Even though her competition is stiff, I believe in Tylenol's ability to go the distance.

But let's take a look at the competition:

Elmer seems to be a lovely boy. I have no qualms with Elmer, and think he would look fantastic on a beer can. But what about Elmer's campaigns? Who is the power behind the throne here, and how have they managed to find such breakout success on this competition?

A handful of wealthy donors are trying to buy this competition.

At the end of the day, all donations are good donations here. This is a charity event so every penny earned is going to help animals in need. But it's not lost on me that Elmer's current ranking is thanks entirely to a few individuals with the financial means to put their thumbs on the scale.

Tylenol's donors, comparatively, are small and numerous, mostly $1-10 donations from many passionate believers in what she stands for (autism and pain relief I think).

Overall, the donations tell a very different story than what the base ranking shows you. Elmer is held aloft by just 24 donors and bolstered by a few wealthy patrons, whereas Tylenol has won the hearts of literally hundreds of people. Even the current third place, Abby, owes her ranking to numerous small contributions rather than one or two large ones.

Tylenol is the people's princess.

[beemovieerotica]

Tylenol is the people's princess

[gummybearattacktheworldofdespair]

[sapphic-gengar]

BRING HIM BACK

[gummybearattacktheworldofdespair]

[sapphic-gengar]

oh thank goodness

[anglaised]

it is so annoying being so self aware about all my issues like okay what now girl

[menelaiad]

just cried so hard at this that i actually nearly threw up

[ruinedchildhood]

[mrsterlingeverything]

Good thing i have a wednesday to thursday transformation fetish

[prokopetz]

You are an unreliable narrator because your coping mechanisms for your deep-seated trauma forbid you from acknowledging the reality of the situation. I am an unreliable narrator because I sincerely have no idea what the fuck is going on.

[dduane]

Meanwhile, via Bluesky...

[rogue-ai-cat]

And here is the resulting image. There is at least Someone in the U.K. government who is actually doing their job, and it is Chief Mouser to the Cabinet, Larry the Cat.

Source

[april]

women are like diamonds: synthetically-produced women are not meaningfully different from naturally-formed women, and anyone trying to tell you otherwise is probably trying to justify keeping their women mines open

[gayluigi]

[hellsitegenetics]

String identified: a a: ttca-c a t ag t ata- , a a tg t t t a tg t t g t # a a ca t a tt a a a cat t

Closest match: Argentina silus genome assembly, chromosome: 11 Common name: Greater Argentine

(image source)