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he wasn't even looking at me and he found me

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@refruanale
“The moment you feel like you have to prove your worth to someone is the moment you absolutely and utterly have to walk away.”
— Alyssia Harris
“You deserve someone who answers.”
— Unknown
you live in a house of god; praying on your knees; and wonder why he never saves you.
on being unloved by god
"A Shirt Made of Fire", Vardges Petrosyan (translated by metamorphesque)
“You will search for me in another person, I promise.”
— Unknown
One of the hardest realizations to face is that someone you’ve invested a lot of time into isn’t the right one for you or isn’t who you thought. Because think about it like this: you’re painting a picture and you go out and you buy the expensive canvas and tons of paint, all different colors, and you spend years on this one painting, making sure everything’s perfect, fixing mistakes, adding and subtracting details, redoing and re-examining, and this painting is all you have to show for the past, say 6, years of your life because it’s what you’ve invested all your free time into and money and effort and tears and frustrations. And then to be faced with the decision to destroy it- no matter how mad it’s making you, even if it came out completely wrong- I just don’t think you could. And that’s why people stay in relationships with people that might not be the best for them. Because after spending 6 years on one painting, the thought of having to start from scratch on a blank canvas is more daunting and overwhelming and terrifying than having to look at a mediocre painting every day for the rest of your life.
"I may think of you softly from time to time. But I’ll cut off my hand before I ever reach for you again."
//Arthur Miller, The Crucible: A Play in Four Acts
Anne Carson, from “The Glass Essay”, Glass, Irony, and God
Seoul, 2023.
Happy New Year 2024 from Korea.
Year of the 🐲🐉!