Getting There

Trans guy. He/Him/His.

[thoughts-memories]

[themountainlaurel-deactivated20]

[reillyevolves]

I've been losing a little weight lately and it's helping me feel a little better because my chest isn't as noticeable under my shirts.

[reillyevolves]

The appointment went okay; could have been better on my end but the doctor and nurses were incredibly sweet and patient with me. Sorry I didn't update right after! Forever trying to figure out my middle name. I'm really wanting something strong and uncommon like... Odin. Or Thor or Modi or Mason or Hunter or Titan, omg I'll never decide.

[reillyevolves]

I'm really nervous about my doctors appointment in two hours.. I need to bring something with me to hold onto to distract myself.

[reinventamos]

[reillyevolves]

The Gyno

Tomorrow I'm doing something that has me terrified. I have an appointment with an OBGYN. I've never been to one before because of my severe insecurity with what's in between my legs (or possibly more accurately what's not there..?). I decided it's probably time; even though I'm not comfortable with it, it's part of my body and I need to take care of the body I have even if I don't agree with it. I had some friends at work prepare me a little for what to expect. Unfortunately I have no one to go with me. Wish me luck?

[planet-express-inc]

It’s such a strange thing to watch myself grow old before I’ve had a chance to grow up and into the person I’m meant to be.

[reillyevolves]

First phone call from mom, post coming out

It didn't go as well as I had anticipated. It seems she just reacted calmly via text and letter while she was devising ideas as to why I "think" I'm trans. It was pretty heartbreaking actually. She's convinced that a genetic mutation that I have is what's caused this. I naturally have more testosterone than a female and she's blaming it on that (like having the extra bit made me feel male) and even told me that she thinks I should go on estrogen instead... Even though my current medication takes away the extra testosterone (which is why my need for transition feels greater when I'm on my meds, when my testosterone is lowered). She won't listen to me. She thinks it's her job to figure it out and fix me. I just want her to try to understand me for once in my life. I was so open and honest with her and she's not taking that to heart. It sucks, man.

[kushandwizdom]

[reillyevolves]

In my experience this is incredibly true. Especially with coming out to my parents as trans. It felt ridiculous to me that I could be 25 and still afraid of telling my parents something about me. It weighed on my mind constantly to the point of making myself ill over the worry. After coming out to them I feel lighter and more able to enjoy my days because I know it’s out in the open and thankfully I have their love and support.

[love-personal]

[reillyevolves]

I think the worst part of dysphoria for me is that it's constantly changing. Some days I'll look at a reflection in a certain way that makes me really feel like I look manly and I'll feel great for a second, then I'll see another reflection and suddenly want to knock myself out or something so I don't have to look like this. It's so fucking weird.

[reillyevolves]

what insurance do u have? also conggrats

I will have cigna open access plus

[reillyevolves]

I changed my medical insurance

So on April 1st my insurance should now cover transgender transitioning including surgery and HRT. The HRT part will obviously help right away but I'll need to call them and do research as to how (if at all) they can cover surgery with Dr. Garramone since he doesn't accept insurance. I'll be working through all that in April most likely!

[reillyevolves]

My mom got my letter

She texted me (as I had asked her to, instead of calling right away) telling me "I got your nice letter" and thanked me for opening up to her and she told me she loved me so much and that she was writing a reply. She surprised me a lot; I was in shock when I read it lol. It means a lot to me how kindly she replied after learning that I'm trans, especially considering the things that she used to say to me that were such opposite reactions to just my wearing men's clothing. My parents reactions have been incredible and for the first time I feel blessed to have been able to come out to them.

[reillyevolves]

Dysphoria is kicking my ass today. The mirror is no friend of mine.

[reillyevolves]

I came out to my dad & step mom!

Their reaction was incredible and completely supportive and full of love and compassion. I was beyond blown away with how well they took it. I was scared to death and they made me feel so safe. I can't wait to make a video about coming out to my parents.