you will shit! soon! @muttever - Tumblr Blog

Writing tips:

“You feel the bulge in his pants” - implies that you are feeling some guy’s penis, may be sexy depending on context

“You feel the bugle in his pants” - implies that this guy has a military horn in his pants, invites confusing questions like why does he have that and how big are his pockets

maple-seed

Both options convey that he's horny

cleo-fox

How dare you be funnier than me on my own post

ah, my favorite part of my birthday: saying "no thats ok, i dont care, thats fine" all fucking day

#like. my standards have been lowered enough already. can i at least be left alone instead of having to assuage your guilt?#i dont really get disappointed because that would require expectations in the first place #in this specific case ''expectations of breakfast you insisted on getting for me then passed off to someone else who got it wrong''-#is a pretty low bar to be fair.

cpericardium

hey everyone "I" have something to show "you"

cpericardium

mosslingg

My liege im sorry to break it to you but your advisor that's actually evil and wants you dead turned out to be straight. I know you really wanted to have an enemies to lovers situation with him. Yeah I'm afraid the poisoning didn't hold any romantic intent behind it. The king of the enemy kingdom is bisexual though, I could send him a letter? Yes, I'll make sure to include multiple threats of homoerotic nature. You will have your toxic yaoi, my liege

💀

happy pride month to the transmascs, the queer platonics, the aroaces, the people who are unlabeled, the people with internalized homophobia/aphobia/transphobia, the people who don’t care abt labels, and the people with conflicting labels

supermariomamafucker

Lets all suck on glass together and make the aquarium clean for everyone

dogpuppy

shiftythrifting

today on facebook marketplace

gregtom

k-simplex-deactivated20241001

Happy Pride

draconym

The eye doctor is the most fun doctor you can go to. They never steal your blood. They never make you get naked and put on a paper dress. They're just like, "Can you see these letters? It's fine if you can't, we can fix that." And they don't even spell anything.

draconym

orcboxer

Every time I go they put me in a chair and they say look into this machine there's a hot air balloon or a farmhouse in there and I do and I'm like you're right I see it and they're like yeah keep admiring that hot air balloon or farmhouse and I do and I'm like this shit's quaint as fuck and then do you know what happens next they attack me they jumpscare me with air directly into my eyeballs and i fall out the chair and they say sorryyyy but they're NOT they wanted this to happen they KNEW about the jumpscare well now I'm wise to it now I know better when I go in and they say look at this bodacious hot air balloon I'm like NO WAY DUDE that balloon wishes me harm have at thee and I attack them and push them on the ground and spit on them