If it's not a bother or trigger for anyone, I'd like to hear from people who have psychosis how they first notice it starting or how were their early states of psychosis before it comes to what it is now, because, I've heard a little about the early symptoms and they fit quite well for me so far, and it'll take some time til I'm able to go to a psychiatrist, so I'd like to search a little from people who experience and see if I can relate to their experiences
Itās not a bother at all ^^
These were the first droplets of psychosis and my eventualĀ diagnosis in general for me. Iām going holistic in case it helps you more, andĀ ācause I donāt mind doing so~
I began having trouble organizing thoughts in my mind. Words would jump and wilt, thoughts would run into and over each other, sometimes just streaming of random ideas and words for lengthy periods of time keeping me from falling asleep or focusing on anything. Then it began affecting my ability to speak, so my grammar would get messed up and it really was the epitome of the phraseĀ āword salad.ā It also began to affect my ability to read in a way Iāve outlined here. These things started to occur suddenly and progressed rapidly.
I began to have more odd perceptions more frequently than ever before. Hearing footsteps while home alone, loud bangs from other rooms, balls of light floating, muffled whispering in my head, human noises from a hairdryer, breathing from my bookcase, etc. These have been periodic issues for as long as I can remember in my life, but then they started happening basically every day.
Around the same time, lack of motivation - avolition - hit me hard, I started isolating myself more, and insomnia hit an all time high.
There were issues that started while growing up which were recognized but there wasnāt a context for them. When the above started cascading, a new context became clear: catatonic behavior (scroll to abnormal motor behavior), lack of emotional expression (reductions in the expression of emotions in the face, eye contact, and movements of the hand, head, and face that normally give an emotional emphasis to speech) and a monotone voice, painful sensory overload, and illogical thinking leading into delusional thought and poor behavior. Like for years off and on since elementary school, Iāve believed thereās a dead girl in my closet and it makes it harder for me to fall asleep, I try not to be in my room as much, pile things up outside the closet door, think I have to act a certain way if I am in my room, etc.
If others wish to chime in, Iāll post their asks/submissions as I receive them, and also reblog any comments left. And to you, feel free to keep writing here as you await your appointment and at any time, really ^^- Mod Alex
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