Relationshit Goals

It's time to dig out and expose all the hypocrisy, double standards, stupid fucking games, lies, and other bullshit between men and women. If you have any questions, see #firstpost. If at any point you are not 100% satisfied, feel absolutely free to insert your index finger into your anus and spin circles. No refunds.

[relationshit-goals-blog]

Say What U Mean

Imagine a world, if you will, where people said precisely what they mean. In this alternate reality, people don't say things they don't mean and expect others to be psychic and know that what you mean is exactly the opposite of what you said. In this world, "communication" is effective and efficient, and people aren't left baffled when they're being shit on for doing things they've been told were perfectly fine to do.

Looking at you, ladies.

See, I've had this problem in nearly every relationshit I've been in, and I can't figure it out. In a man's world, we would just say whatever the fucking fuck we mean.

Her: Honey, do you care if I go get my nails and hair did today?

Me: Not at all. Enjoy.

Her: Honey, do you care if I titty-fuck the shit out of you?

Me: Let me think... *brief pause* I think that would be all right.

Her: Honey, do you care if I go get trashed with a bunch of young hot men and stay out all night and then stumble in the front door in the morning?

Me: That makes me a little uncomfortable. Could we pass on that?

However, when we turn the tables, the story is a little different. When I ask you a question, I'm not being a jerk. I'm not trying to pressure you. I know some men are this way, but I'm not. When I ask you if you mind if I do something, I'm literally extending the option to you to veto my activity if it bugs you in any way. This is a way of showing respect: if my planned activity will upset you, I don't want to do it. I'm giving you a chance to voice your feelings and be heard. To have an impact on the things I do, my comings and goings. However, what we run into is a little bit of this...

Me: Hey, I really want to go fishing Saturday. Do you care?

Her: Go right ahead.

*Saturday comes, and as I'm fishing, incessant texting*

Her: Are you ALMOST DONE? You KNEW I had a ton of stuff to do, and this is REALLY cutting into my plans.

...You could've said something, ANYTHING, before Saturday. If we establish that I'm going fishing on Saturday, then that is my plan. Your secret plans, which you either did not mention or mentioned in passing, do not impinge on that: if you need me to cancel my fishing plans because unexpected things are arising, that's what you could say:

Her: I know you're planning on fishing this Saturday, and I know I said that was totally cool, but ten things have come up since then, and that's the only day we have together, so could we work on those things instead?

Me: Well... that sucks... Maybe I could go next Saturday...

OR,

Me: I'm thinking about going to Joe's house on Friday night to drink and play video games. Some people from work are going to be there. Cool?

Her: Yeah, that's fine.

Me: *Does it*

Her *the next day, mad* *silence*

Me: What's wrong?

(What ensue is the usual exchange of "nothing," "no really what's wrong," "nothing at all," "ok," and then later...)

Her: It's just that... I'm really upset that you went.

Me: ...But you said you were fine with it.

Her: Yeah, but [insert reasons]. You should have known I wouldn't be okay with that.

So I am to be psychic. Rather than addressing those reasons in the first place, you chose to set a trap for me. You told me it was fine to walk through this field, never mentioning that you had laid out mines. You just expected me to see the mines and avoid them. That is unfair and absurd. People who love each other don't make each other wander through minefields that they set.

So when I mentioned Joe's house, you knew it would make you uncomfortable for whatever reason. So instead of setting a trap for me so you can watch me fail, tell me you're uncomfortable with it, and then tell me the reasons. Again -- I've given you veto power over my actions. Use it. Tell me the situation makes you feel bad, and let me respectfully bow out of the plans. Maybe I can come up with alternate plans -- a compromise that makes both of us feel comfortable.

...Or are you just wanting to watch me piss you off?

[relationshit-goals-blog]

Unwanted Attention

Calling all males: one of the huge double standards we employ (and then make complete hypocrites out of ourselves with) is the double standard of unwanted attention, sexual objectification, and sexual advances. This is one that has bugged me for a long time, because the double standard is easier than Janet Jackson's boob to expose: tell a man you looked at his ass, and watch him have a nuclear meltdown before your very eyes.

See, it is *totally* okay for a guy to give a woman any kind of attention he wants, or make any kind of advance on her that he wants. After all, if a man is giving you special attention, or trying to get into your pants... Isn't that a compliment, in a way? Doesn't it make you feel wanted and desired? It is then a laughing matter if the woman gets upset about it. What, she's mad that someone desires her? Sheesh, get mad much?

The problem is, as pointed out in the meme, even men (dense as they can be) have types of unwanted sexual attraction. A straight guy doesn't want to be hit on by a gay guy. A gay guy doesn't want to get hit on by a straight woman. Young men typically don't want to get hit on by old people (some do). Men typically don't want to be hit on by women they consider ugly, or hateful, or whatever trait it is that is the opposite of a turn-on. The most pronounced one that I've noticed, though, is the straight guy getting hit on by a gay guy.

Stare at a woman. Look her up and down. Make it obvious. Eye-fuck her. Tell her she's gorgeous, that if you were her husband you'd REALLY take care of her, if she knows what you mean. Hit on her. Maybe even try to get a little physical. When she responds negatively or dismisses your advances, now YOU'RE the one who has the right to be mad. After all, you're giving her positive attention -- so what the fuck is her problem? Can she not just take a compliment, or does she have to be dramatic about EVERYTHING? What does she MEAN, this sexual attention and sexual objectification is "unwanted?"

A good litmus test for whether or not your advances might fall into the "potentially offensive" category is this: imagine that a guy were doing the same... exact... thing... to you. In prison. In the shower. Is it highly offensive now? Do you feel your blood beginning to boil?

Why can't you just take it for what it is -- a compliment? Bubba just wants you to know you're a very beautiful young man. He just wants to make sure you know that if you were HIS wife, he'd REALLY take care of you.

It amazes me. Men flip out. "WHAT!? THAT GAY GUY LOOKED AT ME!? I OUGHT TO KICK HIS FUCKING ASS! FUCKING HOMO! (I AM SO OFFENDED THAT HE GAVE ME UNWANTED ATTENTION -- I CAN'T JUST TAKE THAT AS A COMPLIMENT ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME)"

Of course, I'm not suggesting that men never hit on women, or even never check them out. I'm not going to pretend that if a woman is walking by with half her tits hanging out that I don't give a little sidelong glance. Sorry, ladies. I'm not going to check that. What we CAN hold back, however, is any continuation on that theme. Abject staring, eye-fucking, and the like. We can temper our flirtation until we're sure she's into it. We can hold back a little until we've been given some kind of "okay" to proceed. (After all, girls DO want to be hit on, just like men. The key point: everyone should be "hit on" on THEIR TERMS.)

Bubba wanders over in the shower, and gives you a smile... You feel uncomfortable, gather your soap and wander away. Bubba takes the hint, and steers clear of you. See how easy that was? Bubba gave a tiny little signal, you rejected it, and he moved on.

[relationshit-goals-blog]

FIRST POST (FUCK OFF)

Hi, and welcome to Relationshit Goals. This is a blog formed as a platform for me to expose and attack all of the bullshit between men and women, and all of the bullshit specific to men only or women only. This will include calling out all of the bullshit games we play, all the double standards we exhibit, all of the hypocrisy we employ, all of the lies we tell, and everything in between. Let's face it -- you can't get away from this shit. Even if you have the "perfect relationship," you and your partner pull bullshit moves on each other at one point or another. This isn't a "man problem," and it's not a "woman problem." It's an "everyone problem."

WHAT THIS BLOG IS NOT:

*A SOCIAL JUSTICE BLOG. I am NOT here to "stick up for marginalized groups." I may be all for women's equality, but nearly ALL of you piss me off sometimes (as I am CERTAIN that ALL men piss women off sometimes). (To be fair, nearly all of men piss me off from time to time, too, given their behavior.) Even though I recognize the fact that women have been marginalized by our patriarchal society for millenia, that doesn't mean they're "safe" or "off limits" here. Oh, no no no. If we're equal, we're equal. I will write about things that piss me off. I don't give one single, shriveled fuck what group those things belong to.

*A FREE SPEECH PLATFORM. Most of you don't even know what "free speech" is, what it entails, when it is limited, when it is applicable, or the consequences of it. Most people think that when they're told to kindly shut the fuck up, they're being "censored." Bob Smith disagrees with Suzie Brown's opinion (which Suzie posted on her own Facebook page), and firebombs her post with all kinds of hateful rhetoric. Not wanting to put up with all this shit, Suzie deletes his comments and blocks him. So Bob, using his freedom of speech to its fullest extent, gets on his own Facebook page and begins blubbering that he's being "censored" and that his "freedom of speech" is being violated. (To reiterate: he is using his uncensored freedom of speech to cry that he is being censored and his freedom of speech violated.) So, to remove any confusion, this is not a free speech platform. I'll argue with some people, but deal with morons as I see fit. Welcome to hell, bitches!

*A SEXUALLY AROUSING BLOG. I know a lot of "relationship goals" blogs are sexy GIFs and steamy lines about erotic encounters. The title, "Relationshit Goals," should be an indicator that this is not... that.

*MEANT TO BE TAKEN TOO SERIOUSLY. Like... fuck off. I'm pretty well sick of everyone in this world. If you're offended, please relocate yourself to the nearest street construction site and find a parking cone. Remove your pantaloons and undergarments. Do not apply lubricants to your anal sphincter; rather, we want penetration to accrue as much friction as possible. Begin to lower your buttocks, and allow the tip of the parking cone to penetrate your butthole. Then, with a series of back-and-forth twists, lower your body towards the ground until the cheeks of your posterior touch the concrete, resulting in full anal insertion of the parking cone. (Translation: Go fuck yourself.)

*A PLACE TO FUCK YOURSELF. If, as mentioned above, the "go fuck yourself" comment is applicable, kindly do so elsewhere.

*A TOMATO. This blog is literally NOT a tomato, so if you were looking for tomatoes or tomato products, go to Wal-Mart. There are no tomatoes here for you.

WHAT THIS BLOG IS:

*A BLOG. I write things and make things. I steal pictures off of the internet, make them into memes or meme-style cartoons, and then write about them. If I steal anything else that I feel needs credit, I'll either link back or mention it. The pictures with "#relationshit" are made by me (with stolen internet pictures) because I'm cool like that. ANYTHING written that does not have an otherwise listed source (even if source is "unknown" or "anonymous") that isn't OBVIOUSLY stolen (like a common quote or axiom) is written by me.

*A TOMTO. Ok, I lied. This blog is a tomato. Fuck off.

One general word of advice: just enjoy life. Don't take shit too seriously. That's why the world is the way that it is: too many fucktards taking things WAY too seriously. Go get laid. That might solve a thing or two.