Relax, Portland

A Midwest transplant discovers that the Pacific Northwest can be a little intense sometimes.

[relaxpdx]

Due to recent events, I have no choice but to revive this blog.

[relaxpdx]

[thedailywhat]

The Hero Stumptown Needs of the Day: Reportedly spotted last night on the southeast side of Portland’s Justice Center, incidentally (?) adjacent to the Crime Stoppers of Oregon HQ.

[reddit / thanks jowo!]

[relaxpdx]

Relax, @GooglePDX

In HELL we'll still drink Tazo after those traitors cross state lines!

But seriously, relax, @GooglePDX.

[relaxpdx]

Relax Portland's Conundrum of the Day

There's a Starbucks on every corner, yet no one in Portland would DARE (admitting to) stepping inside one. How do they manage to stay in business?

[relaxpdx]

Your Relax, Portland Headline of the Day

[relaxpdx]

Do you have an overpriced-because-it's-ironic shitty plastic camera and access to trees? YOU could be the next unpaid art director for Portugal. The Man! Hell, cut the hassle and use Instagram.

By the way: I really enjoy the music of Portugal. The Man.

[relaxpdx]

Relax, Easygoing Drivers

Everyone knows that jaywalking is only OK when you're the pedestrian. Except Portlanders. Are you seriously stopping for me in the middle of a four-lane road so I can cross a half block closer to my destination? I'm not sure what compels drivers to smile and wave at the audacious low-lifes who cross wherever they please and add 30,000 milliseconds to everyone else's commute. I can only guess that these guardian angels of the choose-your-own crosswalks are aiming to build positive self-fulfillment, but isn't that what raising urban chickens is for? So just relax, easygoing Portland drivers, and tell me to "Use a fucking crosswalk dumbass!" like a normal person.

In related news, this person also needs to relax.

[dadsaretheoriginalhipster]

[relaxpdx]

Very good.

dadsaretheoriginalhipster:

Your dad lived in Portland before you did and he has the ironic t-shirt to prove it. So set down your fair trade, organic, soy, non-fat, vegan latte and give good old dad a call because he probably knows of a few bars that have been serving PBR since before he banged your mom.

[relaxpdx]

Relax, Portland Intruders

I guess the scum-bags of Portland should just stick to panhandling because it looks like they don't have the stones to pull off a big-time burglary.

[relaxpdx]

Relax, Bruce

"I bought a used bike at the community bike store on Alberta today!"

Congrats, here's a gluten-free gold star.

[relaxpdx]

"I'm gonna piss on that guys grave!"

- Adult dodge-ball poor sport

#RelaxPortland

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[relaxpdx]

This isn't even from The Onion

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Relax, Stumpy

I've never met a soul in Portland who hated Groupon. I was sure that a love for bargain hunting was the only thing I had in common with these people.

So confused by this, must research further.

[relaxpdx]

→☺←

[relaxpdx]

Relax, Trimet

The "Tuesday" this article is referring to is pictured below:

This post writes itself.  Relax, Trimet.