Isn't It Nice To Know That The Lining Is Silver?

I was told when I get older all my fears would shrink, but now I'm insecure and I care what people think.

[thosefunnyones]

[daily-bad-jokes]

A quick guide to falling down the stairs:

Step 1

Step 4

Step 6, step 8, step 9, step 10….

[xdeewolfx]

dad jokes

[icons by @radioproxy]

[laffgaff]

It turns out my high school chemistry teacher was right.

Alcohol IS a solution.

[relientkatie1998]

French peasant: I'm starving

King Louis, Father of the French: hello starving I'm dad

[daily-bad-jokes]

A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.

Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there’s a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.

Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there’s a large limo line at the rental office, but he’s patient and gets the job done.

Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there’s no punchline.

[laffgaff]

I asked the librarian if they had any books on paranoia.

She whispered, “They’re right behind you.”

[ithelpstodream]

[daily-bad-jokes]

Thank you for teaching the meaning of the word “much”!

It means a lot!

[laffgaff]

What do you call a priest who becomes a lawyer?

A father in law.

[nimblenebula]

Hey @sixpenceee @sixpenceeeblog I thought you’d get a kick out of my town’s bicycle shop sign

[laffgaff]

I got pulled over by a traffic cop.

He walked up to my window and said, “Papers.”

I said, “Scissors, I win…” and I drove off.

He must be desperate for a re-match because he’s been chasing me for ages.

[laffgaff]

The oldest computer can be traced to Adam and Eve.

Yes, it was an Apple. 

But with an extremely limited memory. 

Just one byte. 

Then everything crashed.

[daily-bad-jokes]

So a lion stepped onto an escalator yesterday.

Man, you should’ve seen the uproar!

[join-the-kpop-army]

[daily-bad-jokes]

Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you…

You have my Word.

[relientkatie1998]

Morality: wanna hear a joke about paper?

Morality: ...

Morality: nevermind, it's tearable