LaffGaff

Really funny jokes and witty one liners from LaffGaff. Visit our website for even more hilarious short jokes and funny one liners! Check out our books on Amazon: Christmas Dad Jokes Funny Insults Halloween Jokes Jokes For Kids Short Jokes & One Liners

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My wife orders so much from Amazon that if I got a job as an Amazon driver they’d probably just let me work from home.

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My new job requires me to lift heavy boxes, but I’m not strong enough.

I’m gonna have to turn in my too-weak notice.

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I was expecting my new knife to work well with meats.

But it’s just not cutting it.

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In a freak orchestra accident, I was hit on the head by a xylophone.

I fear I may have percussion.

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I told my therapist, "I think I'm addicted to Instagram."

She said, "I'm sorry. I don't think I'm following you."

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I saw a group of pheasants and partridges dressed as clowns.

I thought, "They're game for a laugh".

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How can you tell if a treasure map was written by a pirate chicken?

Eggs marks the spot.

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I was in Bermuda recently, and I went to see their national orchestra playing.

The guy with the triangle mysteriously disappeared.

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I am trying to sell a gate for free on eBay.

There's no catch.

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It turns out my hospital gown matched my insurance.

I thought I was covered but I wasn't.

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Imagine being a vampire and losing your fangs so you can't bite.

That would just suck.

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I tried playing golf and all my tee shots went in a spiral.

Apparently I shouldn't have used a screwdriver.

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A group of cleaners I know have started a surf rock band.

The Bleach Boys.

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I took legal action once against someone who tried to copy my quantum luggage.

It was an open and shut case.

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I've bought a new eco-friendly suit made of desert cactus leaves.

I look really sharp in it.

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If you feel lonely, just start a small business.

Then at least you’ll have a little company.

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I’m a natural at weight lifting.

I picked it up quickly.