"My tears are falling flawlessly now"

- Halsey she/her I make some shitty poetry sometimes. The 100 has ruined me forever, and no I won’t shut up about it. If I could I would grow lichen.

[modernbaseball]

2 am: bedtime were meant to be broken 😈

7 am: I hope i get in a car accident

[reluctant-woodwind]

i think death is a kind thing.

no pity, remorse, or guilt will be held for me ,for death does not bear the faults and fears of mortals

my blood will soak the floor with my sorrow, but it won’t pool around my corpse, death won’t let it cling, sticky and red, to my skin

she’ll be carrying me, cradling me, taking me far away from the pain, looking upon me with only softness, no fear. no concern.

death will gently lay me beside her hearth, embers burning low, stroke my hair and let me rest. in death, i will find solace. in death, i will find peace. death will not make me think, she will not make me be, for i think she is kind and has seen how tired i have become.

when she comes for me i will thank her for loving me more purely than i’ve ever been loved before

[reluctant-woodwind]

i would like everything to stop.

[reluctant-woodwind]

having feelings is weird

[storm-of-feathers]

a severe thunderstorm warning that doesnt follow through is worse than orgasm denial

[reluctant-woodwind]

have you ever wanted to scream until you bleed? not really because you’re mad, and definitely not at anyone, just. a release of sorts. let the skin in your throat peel away with the force of it, spit blood onto the floor as proof you’re actually hurting. that it’s real. proof that maybe, just maybe, you can’t actually take it anymore. i want to scream until i fall into pieces, until this stupid fucking pressure inside of me releases. i want to scream so loudly and viscerally that the synapses in my brain pause to listen. listen to me say without words that i have had enough. i don’t know if there’s enough blood in my body or enough air in my lungs to find the comfort i crave.

[reluctant-woodwind]

i hate it in my head i hate it in my head i hate it in my head i hate it in my head i hate it in my head i hate it in my head i need it to stop i would just like the thoughts to stop please i beg i will crawl on my knees and start praying to gods i dont believe in i would just like the thoughts and the brain and the everything to stop

[narcissene]

affirmations:

- it’s fun to be awake & in an upright position

- consciousness is a gift

- i CAN do this anymore

[reluctant-woodwind]

why is it that your hair looks fucking phenomenal either right before a shower or when you are having the worst time of your life?

[reluctant-woodwind]

thinking about how in the 100 in the first season when jaha was shot, abby said they needed A- blood meaning his blood type is A-but then later its established that everyone from the ark is a universal donor (O-)

we love a plot hole that never gets addressed

[reluctant-woodwind]

guess who’s back on her bullshit about the 100? me. of course.

This is so not a hot take, but i gotta get the words out somewhere. so im rewatching and just finished season 3 ep 2: Wanheda: Part Two. the end of that episode is when Clarke spits in Lexa’s face and is screaming about trying to kill her.

yknow… normal things that happen in wlw relationships.

anyway, the last scene is Lexa walking away from Clarke being dragged out of the throne room and she stands on the balcony looking pensive/concerned. this could be read as Lexa being deep in thought about the fact that her coalition might be breaking or that she’s on the brink of war.

i pose a different, gayer, reason.

i think that it can be interpreted as Lexa realizing how fucked up Clarke is about mount weather. because last time they saw each other was when Lexa abandoned her, and she didn’t see the fall out. she heard about what happened (mass murder via radiation) but it was obviously glorified bc Clarke became this symbol. and we know that Lexa didnt really understand the impact of her actions bc later in s3 she says that she didnt mean for Clarke to “turn into this”.

so the juxtaposition of Lexa thinking Clarke is the intelligent, emotional, kind person she knew from s2, to being faced with a screaming swearing feral woman who spat in Lexa’s face has gotta be jarring. past the initial anger we see on Lexa’s face after the spitting incident, she mostly just looks concerned if not confused. and because Lexa is so emotionally stunted (i love her but she learned that feeling anything is weak) she has no idea what happened to the girl she loved. and im dying on the hill that Lexa fell in love with Clarke in s2. i dont think she realized it necessarily but she definitely was in love with her. i think Lexa could have been contemplating how the Clarke she knew could have become what she just witnessed.

could Lexa just be contemplating how to win a war? sure. if you wanna be boring. but isnt it more fun to think that Lexa is having her first foray into understanding emotions and the impact of her actions?

[surprisinglynotsuicidal]

"Friends dont look at friends that way" COWARD. I look at my friends with awe in my eyes, my chest is filled with love, im glowing because i get to be near my friends. I look at my friends and i would give them my everything. SO SKILL ISSUE, look at your friends with all the love that you have

[flowers-jn-her-hair]

You know that ADHD experience where you’re really excited about something and you just want to talk about it with anyone who will listen but then they pull out the “if I hear you say that one more time I swear” and it’s just a kick to the stomach like come on man if someone wanted to talk to me about their interests you bet your ass id be asking questions and going uh huh yeah man that’s really cool damn and not “hey can you like not”

Anyway sending love to all the adhd friends out there who just want to talk about your interests but have nobody who will listen you folks are real ones and i love you you’re doing okay and one day you will find people who will listen I promise you

[reluctant-woodwind]

spontaneous hugs and compliments make me so happy

like do i exist in a big enough space in someones head for them to think about little things that nobody notices? and someone wanting a hug for the sake of a hug like you do, and like… initiating it?

gah

[ashestoashesjc]

me, a sensible boy, feeling a tickle: just your leg hair, calm down

caveman brain: it is so many spiders

[reluctant-woodwind]

a sea of spiders

or somehow its a fish. on land. swimming past ur leg.

[bl00mingm00nchild]

if she doesn't give you a lil squeeze, she ain't your gf

[daniikomtrikru]

💚💙

[reluctant-woodwind]

where the earth met the sky, both love and war were born.

a love so bright it threatened to outshine the sun, and so the war took the love as fuel and stoked the all consuming fire of rage.

fire that burns bright never lasts, crumbling what is left behind into ash.

the earth and the sky learned one biting truth that day,

fated as they are to be forever known together, they are destined for distance, never to touch for more than a breath.

the love that they share is too strong to hold on to, but too precious not to try.