A lot of people think they know what it's like to be homeless. That it means sleeping on the street, or standing by the side of the road or on the sidewalk with a cardboard sign begging for what little you can get.
I have a job. It's not a lot. But it is a job. No one where I work (outside of two very close friends) know that I live in a tent. I show up, I do my job, and I go home just like everyone else. But when I go home, it's not to a cosy indoor dwelling, it's to a backyard tent.
I don't really have access to a kitchen frequently, so I almost never cook. I end up eating fast food a lot, so I've gained about 50 pounds in the last year. It's depressing, but it's also really difficult to find a way to prepare a satisfying meal without steady access to refrigeration and a cook surface.
In my area, the joblessness is around 45%. There are a lot of people on public assistance. I've never tried that. I have always been afraid of getting dependent on it, and I don't want to get stuck in this life. There are a lot of ill informed people who will sort of ruthlessly say that homeless people just need to get a job and get a life. It's not as simple as that. But things are rarely as simple as our trite platitudes.
Or they'll say, get an education. I did. I have a Bachelor's Degree from a very prestigious school with an excellent reputation. I have the debt to prove it: college loans I've never been able to make a payment on because I've been employed so little since I finished college, and never made enough to be able to make payments.
In the last year, I've returned to being a student with the hopes of career changing into something with better job prospects, even in this economy. I started pursuing one thing, and told a prof who honestly inquired about what I really wanted, that if I had my way (blue sky as they like to say at Disney), I would go to medical school and become a physician. She said, "the time is going to pass either way, why not do what you really want to? Why waste time on something that doesn't really suit you?"
So I've begun to focus on overcoming some of the more adverse chapters of my past and preparing to do a premed program. Sometimes it's intimidating. Especially since it will probably all mean living in a tent for another year..,
When it all first started I told a dear friend what was going on and why I was so stressed and emotional. I told him, I'm living in a tent. I explained and he sympathized without judgement and listened without trying to fix it. I said, "yes, it's hard... but if you've never walked in the dark, you have never really seen the stars. And man are they beautiful."
I have seen the stars, watched the moon, listened to the rain and the sounds of the birds (singing, calling, and flying). I've learned to tell the difference between them just from the sound of their wings (doves are the loudest things...). I hear the sounds of the world. The Dogs barking, the trains running past, the cars on a distant highway, the sound of the rain on a tent wall, the howling of the wind in the sky. I've slept outside at temperatures well below freezing, and during the summer, I can't be lazy or I'll get heat stroke. Simple pleasures are so sweet when they're so few...
