Stan & Kyle. Kyle & Stan.
I’ve written a lot on their differences, but that’s mainly because I often write them paired up, so… I think about these differences a lot. About their dynamic. And when you write them together long enough, you start to notice just how different these two boys are. Not just in behavior, but in how they see the world.
There are plenty of episodes where they clash and argue, even some where they completely drift apart. And yet... there are even more moments where they come back together. Always.
Because despite everything, they choose each other to be super best friends. Again and again.
I’ve written about their differences between their neuroticism and how those are completely different (Kyle more internally chill yet externally anxious, yet Stan much more externally chill but internally more depressive and sensitive). And I keep meaning to make a post on here about their differences in Agreeableness when it comes to the Big 5 (something very interesting when comparing the two, which I’ll probably share later on).
But something I often ask myself is… why are they best friends despite seeing the world so differently? They are SO different in how they process the world, yet canonically they’re ride-or-die best friends, so… why?
When it comes down to it:
Stan is more internal, emotional, disillusioned, cynical. Not good at consistently tying general societal moral issues together, yet great at one-on-one empathizing. His emotions often overwhelm him to the point of inaction, though when he does act, it's from an impulsive and often deeply emotional standpoint.
Kyle is external, he brings the fire- he's morally intense and CONSISTENT about his morals - but he can be terrible at one on one empathizing. He tries to stay ultimately positive about future implications. He’s idealistic. He's organized and consistent about his actions. You can count on him to stand up for what he feels is wrong.
Despite this, it’s clear they both care deeply, just in wildly (and at times flawed) different ways. This causes their core friendship at its best to run heavily on mutual respect, honesty, and loyalty. And at its worst cause massive misunderstandings and dramatic breakdowns.
Kyle brings the fire. Stan brings the calm. Kyle can get Stan to finally fucking act. Stan can help Kyle to take a deep breath and pause.
When they clash the most:
Kyle fights the world. He wants justice and group harmony. And he can be selfish from a standpoint of getting preachy and self-righteous, turning things quite black and white and disregarding some perhaps more nuanced views. He’s positive there’s always a moral way forward. And he desperately wants to be seen as an believes he is correct, not just morally, but also logically. When Stan checks out emotionally or becomes nihilistic/selfish? This drives him fucking insane.
Stan withdraws from the world. He just wants authenticity and inner peace. And he can be selfish from a standpoint of just being… internally selfish lmao. Like he knows what he wants personally, and can zero in on just that, without thinking about, say, why Kyle may be so hurt about Cartman being anti semitic because Stan at times doesn’t care unless it impacts him personally. He doesn’t always show up for the moral crusade, and Kyle notices this.
Kyle externalizes stress. Stan internalizes it. That contrast causes rifts, but also shows how different kinds of emotional pain can look. Kyle can get pissed off at Stan because Stan doesn’t as consistently demonstrate the same group moral standpoint moral crusading he expects Stan to, and sometimes Stan is so inwardly focused that he doesn’t even consider the impact on the greater group. And Stan can get pissed at Kyle because sometimes Kyle completely misses individualistic points and can be a bit self-righteous while perhaps not being great at 1:1 empathy (at times even getting pissed at Stan’s depression, such as in Raisions and You’re Getting Old/Assburgers).
When they respect each other and just let each other be who they are, they both are at their very best. Kyle reminds Stan that the world is worth caring about and that he can get out of his microcosm of himself and focus on the greater group. And Stan reminds Kyle that he doesn’t have to carry it alone, and that sometimes there are some more individualistic factors at play. He shows Kyle what deep emotional empathy can feel like, both on the receiving and giving end.
They both are emotionally intense, just in different ways. They both are disgusted by injustice - Kyle from a more idealistic standpoint, Stan from a more individualistic/realistic standpoint. They both are quite pragmatic and feel disillusioned at times (often bonding over this feeling of disillusionment). They both can be fucking stupid and basically just be 10 year old kids. Yet they’re both wildly smart beyond their ages and often act as the adults in the wild situations they find themselves in. They both can be selfish, though in different ways.
And yet… they both get each other in ways most people dont; and they are at their best when they don’t ask each other to change themselves while still calling each other out when they need to. They have the same sense of humor; they can banter back and forth in both their immature ways and their more understanding ways; they share a similar wide array of hobbies and will both shred current media to pieces together.
They clash often and yet… they believe in each other. Not in a naive way. Not blindly. But in a ‘I’ve seen you at your worst and still want you around’ kind of way.
They’re equals. Even when they argue. Even when they don’t understand each other. They challenge each other constantly, and still trust each other to come back.
Their friendship is deep and tested, and when they work to keep it intact they’re at their happiest. It’s canon that they are most miserable without each other in their lives and feel the most complete when they have each other to lean on.
They fucking respect the hell out of each other. Kyle may yell at Stan for being too detached, and Stan may side-eye Kyle for moralizing too hard - but when push comes to shove, they instinctively turn to each other first. You can see it, this desperate need for validation from the other, like when Kyle practically begs Stan for moral absolution in crack baby athletic association, or when Stan goes to Kyle as his final lifeline in You’re getting old.
They care deeply about what the other thinks of them above anyone else. And not in a performative way. They want each others approval not because of ego, but because they respect and know the others standards actually means something to them. They want each others judgement not because it’s kind, but because it’s true.
When everything falls apart- when the town loses its mind, when things don’t make sense, when the adults become parodies of themselves- Stan and Kyle keep showing up for each other. they don’t always know how to help, but they try. They’re consistent in their inconsistency, in the way only flawed childhood best friends who’ve grown through chaos can be.
Kyle is the fire. Stan is the still water. Kyle will fight the system. Stan will wonder if the system is even fucking worth fighting for. They both argue, and they sometimes clash, and they are both STUBBORN AS FUCKING HELL.
And yet… they believe in each other. Not blindly. Not perfectly. But they always go back to trusting each other regardless.
They challenge each other. Call each other out. Clash hard.
But they also trust each other more than anyone else. Because…
They're equals. They highly depend on each other. They call bullshit on each other without hesitation. They fucking respect the hell out of each other, and they care highly what the other thinks of them. At the end of the day, they depend on each other, and when at their best, they balance each other out.
And that’s why, after everything…
They’re still super best friends. And they continually choose to be super best friends.