This is Commander Renèe Minkowski speaking

I am the commander on the Hephaestus spacecraft, currently orbiting the star Wolf 359. Ask away! //This is an unofficial indi roleplay/ask blog for the character of the same name from the podcast Wolf 359. It is run by two friends who go by Toria and...

[bublog]

love your pet

[blessedeternal]

taht was fun. star radaition is tatsy and good for phtoosynethsis. @reneeminkowski @dougeiffel @hephaestushera @commanderlovelace can we do taht agian pelase he hehe he hehehe he.

[reneeminkowski]

No. No, definitely not.

[ziggythespaceroomba]

Where is everyone? Srsly, I’ve been cleaning all morning and everybody’s avoiding me or something…

[captainisabellelovelace]

I haven’t seen anyone for a while, not since @reneeminkowski and I got back from repairing the ship. Why do I get the feeling something’s going horribly wrong.

[dougeiffel]

I’m busy dying at the moment, please leave a message after the tone…beeeeep! 

[reneeminkowski]

TOO SOON EIFFEL.

[blessedeternal]

reneeminkowski fogret this star we shulod go to the restaurantattheendoftheuniverse.

[reneeminkowski]

Alright, Blessed Eternal. It's really cute how you really like the book, but... It isn't real. The improbability drive, the Heart of Gold, the Restaurant at the End of the Universe, they don't exist. It's a made up story. Alright? Do you understand this?

[reneeminkowski]

blessedeternal:

reneeminkowski we need a twoel. we wnat to be a froodwhoreallyknowswherehistowelis. 

You can have one towel. If you misplace it, or something happens to it, there will be no replacement. 

It is your responcibility. Is that understood?

[reneeminkowski]

waht is an aduiobook. we wuold like to read the one called foundationsofanaloganddigitalelectroniccircuits.

An audiobook is a recording of someone reading a story to you.

Unfortunately, I only brought one, so you don’t get much of a choice. So it’s Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy or nothing.

Although I have a couple Janet Evanovich books, so we could home cook up a few if you really want, and hephaestushera is willing.

[reneeminkowski]

commanderlovelace:

Holy shit, you have The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy?

WHERE IS THIS MAGNIFICENT PIECE OF LITERATURE IM SO BORED

I’ll loan it out to you after our resident blessedeternal is finished with it. Unless you wanna listen with them?

[reneeminkowski]

waht is an aduiobook. we wuold like to read the one called foundationsofanaloganddigitalelectroniccircuits.

An audiobook is a recording of someone reading a story to you.

Unfortunately, I only brought one, so you don’t get much of a choice. So it’s Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy or nothing.

Although I have a couple Janet Evanovich books, so we could home cook up a few if you really want, and hephaestushera is willing.

[reneeminkowski]

hvae you fuond us a blessedeternalfriend to yet. we are loenly and hera says we canont play meatpuppet even thoguh it is a fun game and we are bored.

Um, no. I have not found you a blessed eternal friend. I don’t think I need another blessed eternal in my crew. That would be like having another Eiffel...

I would very much appreciate it if you didn’t play meat puppet with the rest of the crew. That’s a new rule. No meat puppet.

Oh geez I can’t send you over to Eiffel that would only spell disaster, Lovelace and Hera aren’t that fond of you and Hilbert is on a no visitors policy...

Oh! I think I have an audiobook in my quarters! Maybe you can try that out?

[reneeminkowski]

How many stashes do you have? You don't need to specify, just give a number or something.

That information is need to know.No one needs to know.Especially not Eiffel.

[blessedeternal]

(reneeminkowski) Uh, hey, Commander Minkowski here. Do you have a gender? What sort of pronouns should I use to refer to you? I don't want to offend you by accident.

we have not spnet much time tihnknig abuot such tihngs. we jsut exist. we brorowed the comms room cnosole and looked it up on your inertnet and we thnik if our smlaler plnat cosuins on your earth are heramphorditic than we who are  so much greater and mroe eternal must be above such animal thnigs as gender. but we do not konw becuaes we have neevr met anohter blessedeternal to compare. perahps if yuo know of anohter one of us then we colud ansewr your qeustion. tehre is plnety of room in the veniltation sysetm for two of us. 

[reneeminkowski]

Alright then, no pronouns. Thanks for clearing that up.

And about another blessed eternal... I think one of you is enough. Like Eiffel. We do not need two Eiffels. You're both just so... wonderful. Yes, wonderful, and I don't know if I could handle another wonderful being on this station. So let’s stick to just one of you for now? That sound good?

[rachel-pryce]

What is your favourite tip in the D.S.S.P.P.M?

Definitely # 645.

“No matter what happens or desperate things might seem, you’re not a stranger to your space compatriots. You know the rules, and so do they. You have to commit fully to your goals - you won’t get any less from the rest of your crew. You have to tell them your feelings, and understand theirs. Never give them up. Never let them down. Never run around and desert them. Never make them cry. Never say goodbye. Never tell a lie and hurt them.”

[reneeminkowski]

rachel-pryce:

dougeiffel:

hephaestushera:

you did NOT.

Did we just get Rick Rolled by a rule book??? OH HELL NAW.

Honestly, I’m surprised reneeminkowski didn’t notice it. I thought she’d memorized all the rules?

What? I must have suppressed it after the traumatic times in the first year. dougeiffel, you should definitely read it all very thoroughly and make sure I didn’t miss anymore of your stupid jokes.

[blessedeternal]

REQUEST FOR EXPERIMENTAL ASSISTANCE

Inhabitants of the Hephaestus Station and anyone finding this memo, we request that you assist in the further sentience testing of SPECIMEN 34 (“BLESSED ETERNAL”) by submitting questions for it to answer. Our hope is that with increased human contact, SPECIMEN 34 (“BLESSED ETERNAL”) can be further socialized and trained into a contributing member of the Hephaestus crew.

Thank you for your continued support and compliance.

GODDARD FUTURISTICS

@wolf359radio, reneeminkowski, askreneeminkowski, dougeiffel, hephaestushera, ziggythespaceroomba, iamzachvalenti, mewthril

[captainisabellelovelace]

Now what the everloving christfuck is this? reneeminkowski I though you told me this guy was taken care of.

[reneeminkowski]

This is a new one for us too. Look, I’ve tried to hunt this thing down, and it’s had plenty of opportunities to kill us if it wanted. Look, Lovelace. “Our hope is that with increased human contact, SPECIMEN 34 (“BLESSED ETERNAL”) can be further socialized and trained into a contributing member of the Hephaestus crew.” I think it wants to be friends.

[captainisabellelovelace]

Oh yes, because I’m so excited to have dinner with a Little Shop of Horrors reject.

[reneeminkowski]

Lovelace, you do understand that this thing is incredibly intelligent and taught itself how to create a blog for it’s self, and you just called it a reject.

[blessedeternal]

What does fertilizer taste like?

the fertliizer tastes like feritlizer. what else wolud it tatse like. of coruse we would not say no to the knid that tastes lkie chips or chcoloate like the ones that reneeminkowski hid in the air dutcs. but do not wrory we will not tell your secret as long as you laeve more snakcs. tehe he he hehe he he he. and coffee beans. we lieked the cruhncy coffee baens taht dralexanderhilbert was gonig to feed to dougeiffel. alomst as good as photosynethsis. curcnhy crunchy crucnhy.

[reneeminkowski]

Wait. That’s where my stash went? I figured they just floated off somewhere and Eiffel ate them...

[blessedeternal]

REQUEST FOR EXPERIMENTAL ASSISTANCE

[reneeminkowski]

commanderlovelace:

blessedeternal:

Inhabitants of the Hephaestus Station and anyone finding this memo, we request that you assist in the further sentience testing of SPECIMEN 34 (“BLESSED ETERNAL”) by submitting questions for it to answer. Our hope is that with increased human contact, SPECIMEN 34 (“BLESSED ETERNAL”) can be further socialized and trained into a contributing member of the Hephaestus crew.

Thank you for your continued support and compliance.

GODDARD FUTURISTICS

@wolf359radio, reneeminkowski, askreneeminkowski, dougeiffel, hephaestushera, ziggythespaceroomba, iamzachvalenti, mewthril

Now what the everloving christfuck is this? reneeminkowski I though you told me this guy was taken care of.

This is a new one for us too. Look, I’ve tried to hunt this thing down, and it’s had plenty of opportunities to kill us if it wanted. Look, Lovelace. “Our hope is that with increased human contact, SPECIMEN 34 (“BLESSED ETERNAL”) can be further socialized and trained into a contributing member of the Hephaestus crew.” I think it wants to be friends.

[blessedeternal]

REQUEST FOR EXPERIMENTAL ASSISTANCE

Inhabitants of the Hephaestus Station and anyone finding this memo, we request that you assist in the further sentience testing of SPECIMEN 34 (“BLESSED ETERNAL”) by submitting questions for it to answer. Our hope is that with increased human contact, SPECIMEN 34 (“BLESSED ETERNAL”) can be further socialized and trained into a contributing member of the Hephaestus crew.

Thank you for your continued support and compliance.

GODDARD FUTURISTICS

@wolf359radio, reneeminkowski, askreneeminkowski, dougeiffel, hephaestushera, ziggythespaceroomba, iamzachvalenti, mewthril

[dougeiffel]

Oh holy french bagels….ohno. OH NO.

[reneeminkowski]

Oh dear lord. Uhh... How are we going to handle this... situation?

[rachel-pryce]

petiton for the employees at goddard futuristics to start a union

please sign here:

[captainisabellelovelace]

technically still an employee so #deathto Cutter

[dougeiffel]

Signed #iwanttogohomenow

[reneeminkowski]

#GetMeOffThisShip #IMissHome

[dendenpassion]

I’m dog sitting and met a roomba for the first time. I hate it and it’s ruining my life

[reneeminkowski]

dougeiffel if you were a roomba, this would be you