Stop being afraid
These images are from a recent artist showcase in Portland, Oregon. I was invited to be apart of RAWartist, something that a lot of people have to put in an application for. So to have someone who works there find my work and then personally invite me to be a part of this show was beyond amazing. But then, the anxiety hit me hard. Was I really good enough to be in an artist showcase? What if I can’t do this? What if it’s a total flop? What if people are offended because they think I’m making something bad? (I’ve had a few experiences with people being angry at me because of what I make)
I am a rather anxious person, even though it may not seem that way. I would consider myself as someone with high functioning anxiety. I may seem calm and collected, but most of the time there’s this internal battle going on. I get extremely drained when it comes with talking to people and being in an environment where there’s a lot of people. I am one who could probably be content with living like a hermit (but with modern technology) in the middle of no where with my family. Human interaction really isn’t my strong suit.
But I realized that this showcase was something that I had to do. This was an opportunity that I couldn’t miss, this was something that I could not let my anxiety admit defeat to before even trying. For about a month I worked on getting ready for this art show. As deadlines grew closer so did that awful voice in my head, telling me that I shouldn’t do this, that I always quit. But I pushed back, I was going to do this, no matter how much fear I had about something that hadn’t happened yet.
On the day of the show I had what I could only explain as numb anxiety. I don’t really know how to describe it, other than I felt like I had anxiety, but with no emotion. The doors opened at 7:00PM. There wasn’t that many people and I was wondering if this was going to be a flop. I had tried to have zero expectations, so that I couldn’t really be disappointed. But then the flood came.
I was near the entrance of the venue, so I was one of the first artists to be seen. The response I got from people was very positive. So many gasps, people taking the time to look at everything on my table. My anxiety turned into something much different, it was pride. I was so proud that I had done this. While I did get some people who were scared or didn’t really like what I had on display, I found myself not letting it get to me. I actually found it quite amusing.
This show gave me renewed inspiration. It helped give me confidence. I really couldn’t believe that I did it. I did something that gave me so much fear and anxiety. It may be hard to believe how amazing that is for me. This is life changing for me.
If this taught me anything, is that you cannot let your fear define you. You can’t use it as a crutch. Do not give up before you try! Most importantly, to fight for your dreams, to make them come true. In the wise words of Shia LaBeouf, “JUST DO IT. DON’T LET YOUR DREAMS BE DREAMS”.